New Rule: Civility & e*Communications?

[Bayman4Fun]

Did I miss something? Did one element of progress or evolution pass me by?

 

When did it become ok to convey disinterest by simply ceasing communications? Its clearly a development related to email and texting, etc.

 

While it's happened to me a lot in escort and other m4m communications, it's occurring with equal frequency in my work life, arranging home repair services, other personal activites, etc.

 

I don't like it, but I sort of understand the m4m context.... they're thinking with their crotch, and don't want to offend, or maybe even playing games. But in all other matters?????????

 

I'm selling some items on e*Bay, CL, stubhub, other apps. People ask a ton of questions, which makes sense. But thats it... I list my NFL tickets, and the most common correspondence goes something like "Are they still available?" And then, after I answer "yes," nothing. Often there is more, even a message they want them.... but they never complete or cancel.

 

I ordered a pair of boots, retailer shipped, then shipped duplicate, and told me to just keep em. No friends wear my size, so I'm selling them. The inquiries, even pestering, followed by nothing, is staggering.

 

I posted a gig..... legitimate, paid gig, to help spring clean my yard. Tons of respondents, promoting their skills and interests. I've said yes to 5 or 6, answered more questions, and then when it's time to schedule.... black hole.

 

I do some property management.... same experience with contractors and service providers who just drift away after initial interest in work.

 

When did it become ok to simply stop answering? How about... a simple "no thanks" or "never mind." I don't need some explanation. At this point, I'd prefer a "Fuck off"

 

I blame ADCD - Attention Deficit Cellphone Disorder!

 

I'll rephrase my question. "Should I just change my expectations relative to common communications courtesies?"

[+ José Soplanucas]

Did I miss something? Did one element of progress or evolution pass me by?

 

When did it become ok to convey disinterest by simply ceasing communications? Its clearly a development related to email and texting, etc.

 

While it's happened to me a lot in escort and other m4m communications, it's occurring with equal frequency in my work life, arranging home repair services, other personal activites, etc.

 

I don't like it, but I sort of understand the m4m context.... they're thinking with their crotch, and don't want to offend, or maybe even playing games. But in all other matters?????????

 

I'm selling some items on e*Bay, CL, stubhub, other apps. People ask a ton of questions, which makes sense. But thats it... I list my NFL tickets, and the most common correspondence goes something like "Are they still available?" And then, after I answer "yes," nothing. Often there is more, even a message they want them.... but they never complete or cancel.

 

I ordered a pair of boots, retailer shipped, then shipped duplicate, and told me to just keep em. No friends wear my size, so I'm selling them. The inquiries, even pestering, followed by nothing, is staggering.

 

I posted a gig..... legitimate, paid gig, to help spring clean my yard. Tons of respondents, promoting their skills and interests. I've said yes to 5 or 6, answered more questions, and then when it's time to schedule.... black hole.

 

I do some property management.... same experience with contractors and service providers who just drift away after initial interest in work.

 

When did it become ok to simply stop answering? How about... a simple "no thanks" or "never mind." I don't need some explanation. At this point, I'd prefer a "Fuck off"

 

I blame ADCD - Attention Deficit Cellphone Disorder!

 

I'll rephrase my question. "Should I just change my expectations relative to common communications courtesies?"

 

That or be ready to cope with living in permanent frustration.

[Bayman4Fun]

Maybe I asked the wrong questions

 

Do others think it's ok? Or are others equally frustrated and annoyed, but just not complaining about it?

[DiscoveringMe]

Interesting topic. It drives me equally as crazy as it drives you; yet; I find myself being as guilty as the next guy. When there's no face to the name, it's easy to ignore.

 

That said it's not ok. For my business, if potential customers (physicians who are the worst culprits) would simply give an honest answer or respond to communication, I could cut my customer acquisition costs in half.

[+ Travis69]

My friend tries to sell stuff on those apps too. Same thing happens to him. He also gets frustrated. Don't let it get to you. Unfortunately it is becoming a part of life.

[+ GregM]

I'm having this issue with a couple of really good friends that I have known for years. It's gotten to the point where with the friend that I have known for about 15 years I hadn't texted in almost a week. He texts me the other day asking if everything was ok with me. This particular friend and I have been texting just about daily or every other day for months now. I told him I was fine just giving him space cause I know that he has a lot on his plate with basically being single father and a crazy wife (no joke she is crazy and I've told him to divorce her) living on the west coast, he lives in NYC. He didn't like my response and was honestly hurt. But I am not going to continue to text someone who isn't going to respond. I might send off a text from time to time checking in on him making sure he is still alive cause I do care a lot about him (bros before hoes). But I am not going to push someone into communicating if they do not want to.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[marylander1940]

Did I miss something? Did one element of progress or evolution pass me by?

 

When did it become ok to convey disinterest by simply ceasing communications? Its clearly a development related to email and texting, etc.

 

Without any doubt, being flaky is easier, just at the tip of the fingers, a click away.

 

While it's happened to me a lot in escort and other m4m communications, it's occurring with equal frequency in my work life, arranging home repair services, other personal activites, etc.

 

It's contagious, unfortunately.

 

I don't like it, but I sort of understand the m4m context.... they're thinking with their crotch, and don't want to offend, or maybe even playing games. But in all other matters?????????

 

They're shopping around, but sooner or later most of them hire.

 

I'm selling some items on e*Bay, CL, stubhub, other apps. People ask a ton of questions, which makes sense. But thats it... I list my NFL tickets, and the most common correspondence goes something like "Are they still available?" And then, after I answer "yes," nothing. Often there is more, even a message they want them.... but they never complete or cancel.

 

don't try letgo, it's a buyers app, not good for sellers, you'll get nothing but no-shows and guys offering a worthless price.

 

I ordered a pair of boots, retailer shipped, then shipped duplicate, and told me to just keep em. No friends wear my size, so I'm selling them. The inquiries, even pestering, followed by nothing, is staggering.

 

don't blame them, they're at home, in a bus/metro, at dinner with friends, and they get bored and they try to kill time using their iPhones. Nothing else to do but becoming a pain in your ass, they don't even want to buy your boots.

 

I posted a gig..... legitimate, paid gig, to help spring clean my yard. Tons of respondents, promoting their skills and interests. I've said yes to 5 or 6, answered more questions, and then when it's time to schedule.... black hole.

 

I do some property management.... same experience with contractors and service providers who just drift away after initial interest in work.

 

we need more immigrants in this country!

 

When did it become ok to simply stop answering? How about... a simple "no thanks" or "never mind." I don't need some explanation. At this point, I'd prefer a "Fuck off"

 

I blame ADCD - Attention Deficit Cellphone Disorder!

 

They have nothing else to do but to check their iPhones and bother you and others. They don't want your job or buying your boots, they just need to avoid reality.

 

I'll rephrase my question. "Should I just change my expectations relative to common communications courtesies?"

 

They teased you because others have teased them. Karma!

[Chuckball]

No reason to change rules of common courtesy. Except in unusual circumstances there should be a reply or at least an acknowledgement of receipt. The only exception to that rule is someone who emails or texts as an annoyance. I occasionally receive a text from one guy who texts me in the early morning hours with the single word "Hi". No question or reason for the communication. I have replied but any follow up is a waste of time. So I have set this as my exception to the rule. Texts or messages that prove to be just bothersome need no reply.

[Bayman4Fun]

don't try letgo, it's a buyers app, not good for sellers, you'll get nothing but no-shows and guys offering a worthless price.

 

While the communications sucks, and there are mostly questioner "drift-aways" the one person who agreed to meet me from LETGO for a purchase, showed and paid

[Bayman4Fun]

don't blame them, they're at home, in a bus/metro, at dinner with friends, and they get bored and they try to kill time using their iPhones. Nothing else to do but becoming a pain in your ass, they don't even want to buy your boots.

 

They have nothing else to do but to check their iPhones and bother you and others. They don't want your job or buying your boots, they just need to avoid reality.

 

Topic of another rant, but same global issue.

 

The greatest marketing success of my time is the cell & data industry. They've exploited human aversion to inactivity, and convinced people to fill their time, and NEED to be looking at their phone. Like magpies who can't help wanting bright shiny objects, must engage through the phone. http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7kiCE-AZNtY/SsN0BJ8Er5I/AAAAAAAAD3Y/G1_EZEKIvp8/w1200-h630-p-k-no-nu/i-love-shiny-things.png

[marylander1940]

While the communications sucks, and there are mostly questioner "drift-aways" the one person who agreed to meet me from LETGO for a purchase, showed and paid

 

you're the first guy I know who sold something n Letgo.

[+ quoththeraven]

Maybe I asked the wrong questions

 

Do others think it's ok? Or are others equally frustrated and annoyed, but just not complaining about it?

This also happens with employment applications, where only receipt is acknowledged but only those interviewed are contacted and even they may not hear anything unless they're offered a job.

 

The ability to communicate with a lot of people in a short period of time also means that more communication is compressed into a shorter period of time. People and businesses are conducting triage. If a communication is not necessary to achieving their objective, it isn't likely to occur because they must move onto the next thing on their todo list.

 

It is also possible that they don't follow up because too many people use it as an occasion to argue with or vilify them over their decision.

 

Is that unsettling and not respectful of the person who's left hanging? Probably, but insisting people trying to balance many demands need to prioritize making it clear that not following up wasn't accidental isn't respectful of their time. As a sidenote, it is absolutely essential on dating websites because it is a waste to let people whom one isn't interested in know about it. All it does is give them the opportunity to argue. Just delete their messages.

 

Don't take the lack of response personally.

[+ quoththeraven]

I'm having this issue with a couple of really good friends that I have known for years. It's gotten to the point where with the friend that I have known for about 15 years I hadn't texted in almost a week. He texts me the other day asking if everything was ok with me. This particular friend and I have been texting just about daily or every other day for months now. I told him I was fine just giving him space cause I know that he has a lot on his plate with basically being single father and a crazy wife (no joke she is crazy and I've told him to divorce her) living on the west coast, he lives in NYC. He didn't like my response and was honestly hurt. But I am not going to continue to text someone who isn't going to respond. I might send off a text from time to time checking in on him making sure he is still alive cause I do care a lot about him (bros before hoes). But I am not going to push someone into communicating if they do not want to.

 

Hugs,

Greg

Did you also tell him you were texting him less often because he doesn't respond? If you haven't, I suggest you point that out and commit to texting him once without prompting. If he doesn't reply, then proceed to touch base every once in awhile as you indicated. That will put the ball in his court and he will know that it's his lack of response, not your disinterest, that is driving things.

 

It's amazing what we can be oblivious to, and maybe that will change his behavior.

 

Sidenote: I'm glad you're feeling better, Greg.

[+ Eric Hassan]

[+ SundayZip]

I'll rephrase my question. "Should I just change my expectations relative to common communications courtesies?"

 

The short answer is, Yes.

[+ GregM]

Did you also tell him you were texting him less often because he doesn't respond? If you haven't, I suggest you point that out and commit to texting him once without prompting. If he doesn't reply, then proceed to touch base every once in awhile as you indicated. That will put the ball in his court and he will know that it's his lack of response, not your disinterest, that is driving things.

 

It's amazing what we can be oblivious to, and maybe that will change his behavior.

 

Sidenote: I'm glad you're feeling better, Greg.

 

I did not tell him that. I probably should have but he does have a lot on his plate between being being a special ed teacher, being an awesome fatger and trying to figure out what to do with his crazy wife. I figure thats why he hasnt been replying. As for me feeling better, thank you. My boss at work mentioned tge other day that I am even more sassy than before lol.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[MikeBiDude]

Hmmmmm, well in the "interested in meeting young men" world (vs. Letgo etc), I've mentioned elsewhere I'm having sustainable results from Seeking Arrangements.

 

But, I've lately encountered a run of these young men going silent? I'm ok being stood up for a first time Starbucks meet-n-great - ok - goes with the territory.

 

But I'm talking about guys I've met already, maybe played with maybe not - they are texting "let's meet again", "that was great last time", etc. - then - *nothing*. No reply to my text replies, radio silence.

 

I text these guys that go silent "what happened" or some other kind/curious query....silence?

[+ José Soplanucas]

Hmmmmm, well in the "interested in meeting young men" world (vs. Letgo etc), I've mentioned elsewhere I'm having sustainable results from Seeking Arrangements.

 

But, I've lately encountered a run of these young men going silent? I'm ok being stood up for a first time Starbucks meet-n-great - ok - goes with the territory.

 

But I'm talking about guys I've met already, maybe played with maybe not - they are texting "let's meet again", "that was great last time", etc. - then - *nothing*. No reply to my text replies, radio silence.

 

I text these guys that go silent "what happened" or some other kind/curious query....silence?

 

Yes, that is my experience in Seeking Arrangement also. I must confess I am doing the same, vanishing and stop responding. Although not to people I met.

[Bayman4Fun]

This also happens with employment applications, where only receipt is acknowledged but only those interviewed are contacted and even they may not hear anything unless they're offered a job.

 

Don't take the lack of response personally.

 

I hadn't thought of it in the context of these boards, but I do a lot of recruiting for my work. I have an autoreply that says "thanks for responding, you'll be contacted if your skills & background match the job"

 

These days, applicants reply casually, or set up auto-submissions based on keywords. I'd say about 1/4th of the People whose resume looks good, who I call and say "interested, want to speak" never respond. And when I do reach them, people don't even know they've applied.

 

If we spoke, even a quick phone screen, I always follow up and let them known if they didn't make the cut.

 

I don't take any of the situations personally. Just find it annoying, related to shortened attention spans, and an indicator of "the shallowing of America"

[+ sync]

I'm old enough to have seen, heard and experienced common courtesy's odyssey towards endangered species status. For we thin-of-skin "don't take it personally," or "get used to it" are small comforts.

[Rudynate]

I hadn't thought of it in the context of these boards, but I do a lot of recruiting for my work. I have an autoreply that says "thanks for responding, you'll be contacted if your skills & background match the job"

 

These days, applicants reply casually, or set up auto-submissions based on keywords. I'd say about 1/4th of the People whose resume looks good, who I call and say "interested, want to speak" never respond. And when I do reach them, people don't even know they've applied.

 

If we spoke, even a quick phone screen, I always follow up and let them known if they didn't make the cut.

 

I don't take any of the situations personally. Just find it annoying, related to shortened attention spans, and an indicator of "the shallowing of America"

 

 

It is also an indicator of the democratization of the hiring process. It's always been a one-sided process, slanted in the employer's favor, with candidates and employees being treated by employers like commodities and being expected to act as though they liked being treated that way. The very name "Human Resources" is an implicit description of the actual HR function - helping people feel good about being exploited.

 

Now the infrastructure exists for candidates to interact with potential employers in the same way.

[Bayman4Fun]

I started this thread yesterday. I guess I jinxed myself.

 

Started with one outreach last night, three more since this morning. ..

 

Recap: I asked if avail. They said yes. I asked a question or two. They answered to my satisfaction. I said I'm interested. Three never answered. One said he's booked, I asked when we could schedule, he disappeared.

 

All started on email, three progressed to text.

 

One scort M4RN. One masseurfinder. One CL masseur. One CL non $$$.

[+ José Soplanucas]

You are in San Francisco. You should try @TimarrieBaker . Although I do not know what you are looking for.

https://rent.men/TimarrieBaker

[+ Keith30309]

I admit that I've ignored greetings and even abandoned ongoing note exchanges on SeekingArrangement - mainly greetings of "sup" or "HMU" or a request after an initial Hello of "So, tell me something about yourself."

 

A couple of times I've responded "Most of your questions are answered in the 5 paragraphs of profile text I've written" but that has never ended well.

[Bayman4Fun]

I admit that I've ignored greetings and even abandoned ongoing note exchanges on SeekingArrangement - mainly greetings of "sup" or "HMU" or a request after an initial Hello of "So, tell me something about yourself."

 

A couple of times I've responded "Most of your questions are answered in the 5 paragraphs of profile text I've written" but that has never ended well.

I get that. Today's experience isn't that, though. All questions were past, I was satisfied. Most had my phone # They all stopped responding when I sent something like "sounds good, when can we do this?" Or "what time can you be here?"