Any good experiences with a houseboy?

[Guest]

I finished a 3rd unsatisfactory houseboy relationship in March and am wondering if any of you have ever had one that worked out well. I mean, I understand that men who would be interested in such a situation might come from some dysfunctional families, but each of these 3 men were real disasters no matter how nicely I treated him. The first would take off not only without telling me, but not even answering his phone or texts, all the while getting F's in college, getting in trouble with the law, and so on. The second was a bit of the same (without the legal problems), and also had an eating disorder (couldn't sit for a meal without going to throw up at least 2 or 3 times) and a lying problem. The third was the rudest, even insulting my mother for having dementia, and accused me of treating him like a "slave" because I asked him to cook one meal a day most days, and do laundry once a week or so--while spending thousands each month on him. After being invited over for dinner at the home of a relative of mine, he sent this relative a note asking for a job favor! I was so embarrassed, I don't know if I'll ever live that one down.

Meanwhile, I recently re-established contact with a man I had a relationship with for a year, about 15 years ago. He behaved strangely towards the end of the relationship, and it broke up for reasons I didn't quite understand. Well, when he contacted me, he told me that the reasons things ended up the way they did was that he was doing drugs (amphetamines), which I didn't know about, and he's been clean and sober for a year now. He sent me an e-mail out of the blue, and we've talked on the phone. He told me he cherished our time together, and that he felt that my family and I were "wonderful." He's studying music in college and apparently getting A's now.

I must confess that I've looked back on that relationship fondly, and have kept pictures of our time together (which I shared with him). He lives in Texas now, and I've arranged for us to spend a week together in June visiting Colorado. That being said, he was a personal trainer when we were together, and he looked great, and now he's quite out of shape (although he says he's getting back into shape). I like him, but the way he looks now, I could only imagine a platonic relationship at this time. Of course, at least there would be romance, which probably wouldn't exist in a houseboy relationship.

So have any of you had a satisfactory houseboy situation? Or should I just let go of the idea of living someone I have the hots for, and accept a caring, but non-physical relationship?

[+ bigjoey]

I finished a 3rd unsatisfactory houseboy relationship in March and am wondering if any of you have ever had one that worked out well. I mean, I understand that men who would be interested in such a situation might come from some dysfunctional families, but each of these 3 men were real disasters no matter how nicely I treated him. The first would take off not only without telling me, but not even answering his phone or texts, all the while getting F's in college, getting in trouble with the law, and so on. The second was a bit of the same (without the legal problems), and also had an eating disorder (couldn't sit for a meal without going to throw up at least 2 or 3 times) and a lying problem. The third was the rudest, even insulting my mother for having dementia, and accused me of treating him like a "slave" because I asked him to cook one meal a day most days, and do laundry once a week or so--while spending thousands each month on him. After being invited over for dinner at the home of a relative of mine, he sent this relative a note asking for a job favor! I was so embarrassed, I don't know if I'll ever live that one down.

Meanwhile, I recently re-established contact with a man I had a relationship with for a year, about 15 years ago. He behaved strangely towards the end of the relationship, and it broke up for reasons I didn't quite understand. Well, when he contacted me, he told me that the reasons things ended up the way they did was that he was doing drugs (amphetamines), which I didn't know about, and he's been clean and sober for a year now. He sent me an e-mail out of the blue, and we've talked on the phone. He told me he cherished our time together, and that he felt that my family and I were "wonderful." He's studying music in college and apparently getting A's now.

I must confess that I've looked back on that relationship fondly, and have kept pictures of our time together (which I shared with him). He lives in Texas now, and I've arranged for us to spend a week together in June visiting Colorado. That being said, he was a personal trainer when we were together, and he looked great, and now he's quite out of shape (although he says he's getting back into shape). I like him, but the way he looks now, I could only imagine a platonic relationship at this time. Of course, at least there would be romance, which probably wouldn't exist in a houseboy relationship.

So have any of you had a satisfactory houseboy situation? Or should I just let go of the idea of living someone I have the hots for, and accept a caring, but non-physical relationship?

 

You need to decide if you want someone to cook, clean and do laundry or you want a "partner" with whom you can have sex. Do not confuse the two. They may be the same person or you could find two different people.

 

My suggestion is to find a maid and separately find a partner.

[+ nycman]

I agree.

 

Hire one to fuck and one to clean.

 

I've never seen a "beautiful" person...who could clean worth a damn.

 

Or as my longtime 70 year old housekeeper said about my newest 30 year old housekeeper....."with THOSE nails....you KNOW she's not doing SHIT around here!".

[MikeyGMin]

First of all, welcome back. I may have missed some posts, but I don't recall seeing any since you were discussing the young man in New York (Possible New Jersey bridge & tunnel rat.) I don't suppose he was number three?

 

I recently did a trial run (one month) of living with someone platonically. An attractive young man who I have great affection for but not a huge unbearable attraction. He feels the same and we have discussed him living here. I have no need to charge him room or board, but I wouldn't be supporting him more than that.

 

Long story short. I think platonic might work with someone you have been together with many years and are used to living with. I found that without the sex to make up for the little annoyances, I'm far too used to living alone to have a roommate. I need my heart to race a little bit when he enters the room in order to put up with dishes left out or towels not hung up or the dozen other stupid little things that add up. Without that sexual connection to smooth it all over, it was obvious it wasn't going to work.

 

That was my experience, but you might be more flexible and easy to live with than I am.

[+ beethoven]

You might consider renting a video of "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to The Forum," and checking out the song, "Everybody Ought To Have A Maid."

Seriously, I think the advice here, to separate the two functions, makes a lot of sense.

[+ bigjoey]

You might consider renting a video of "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to The Forum," and checking out the song, "Everybody Ought To Have A Maid."

Seriously, I think the advice here, to separate the two functions, makes a lot of sense.

 

[Guest]

First of all, welcome back. I may have missed some posts, but I don't recall seeing any since you were discussing the young man in New York (Possible New Jersey bridge & tunnel rat.) I don't suppose he was number three?

 

No, he wasn't #3. I did go to NYC, he did pick me up from JFK, and he did, indeed, have NJ plates (but continued to insist he lived in lower Manhattan). We did meet once during my stay, and I took him to a restaurant, but he had excuses for not being able to meet me at any other time, so there were too many yellow flags for him, and I didn't pursue that avenue. He was good-looking, though. I've been spending most of my time at http://www.boytoy.com/forums/ which is more user-friendly, although, being the new kid on the block, they don't have as large an audience.

[Guest]

You need to decide if you want someone to cook, clean and do laundry or you want a "partner" with whom you can have sex. Do not confuse the two. They may be the same person or you could find two different people.

 

My suggestion is to find a maid and separately find a partner.

 

The cleaning and laundry aren't such a big deal. The laundry is once a week, takes a couple of hours, and I can do that. And I can hire someone to come in twice a month for cleaning. But I like to go to the gym after work, and I really would prefer not to cook every day. It doesn't take that long, but that's the one thing I'd like to have done. I don't think it's that much to ask, but if it is, I guess I can do without. It just makes for later evenings, and maybe not going to the gym as often. I guess the basic problem is feelings of entitlement on the part of the houseboy. #3 was particularly bad. I mean he wasn't even that good-looking, and he wasn't even going to college. He was just sitting around most of the time playing video games and complaining how he had it so rough. But it sounds as if no one has had a good houseboy experience, so I should probably give up on that thought. I mean, it sounds like a good deal for the right man, but maybe it just can't work out in real life...

[MikeBiDude]

time at http://www.boytoy.com/forums/ which is more user-friendly, although, being the new kid on the block, they don't have as large an audience.

They are *hardly* the new kid on the block? And first click to their forum and of course our original founder "HooBoy" name is front and center in the first forum area..

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

They are *hardly* the new kid on the block? And first click to their forum and of course our original founder "HooBoy" name is front and center in the first forum area..

 

Agreed.

 

Using the Hooboy moniker was a bit much. If you weren't in line to use it, leave it be and do your own thing.

[bigvalboy]

I finished a 3rd unsatisfactory houseboy relationship in March and am wondering if any of you have ever had one that worked out well. I mean, I understand that men who would be interested in such a situation might come from some dysfunctional families, but each of these 3 men were real disasters no matter how nicely I treated him. The first would take off not only without telling me, but not even answering his phone or texts, all the while getting F's in college, getting in trouble with the law, and so on. The second was a bit of the same (without the legal problems), and also had an eating disorder (couldn't sit for a meal without going to throw up at least 2 or 3 times) and a lying problem. The third was the rudest, even insulting my mother for having dementia, and accused me of treating him like a "slave" because I asked him to cook one meal a day most days, and do laundry once a week or so--while spending thousands each month on him. After being invited over for dinner at the home of a relative of mine, he sent this relative a note asking for a job favor! I was so embarrassed, I don't know if I'll ever live that one down.

Meanwhile, I recently re-established contact with a man I had a relationship with for a year, about 15 years ago. He behaved strangely towards the end of the relationship, and it broke up for reasons I didn't quite understand. Well, when he contacted me, he told me that the reasons things ended up the way they did was that he was doing drugs (amphetamines), which I didn't know about, and he's been clean and sober for a year now. He sent me an e-mail out of the blue, and we've talked on the phone. He told me he cherished our time together, and that he felt that my family and I were "wonderful." He's studying music in college and apparently getting A's now.

I must confess that I've looked back on that relationship fondly, and have kept pictures of our time together (which I shared with him). He lives in Texas now, and I've arranged for us to spend a week together in June visiting Colorado. That being said, he was a personal trainer when we were together, and he looked great, and now he's quite out of shape (although he says he's getting back into shape). I like him, but the way he looks now, I could only imagine a platonic relationship at this time. Of course, at least there would be romance, which probably wouldn't exist in a houseboy relationship.

So have any of you had a satisfactory houseboy situation? Or should I just let go of the idea of living someone I have the hots for, and accept a caring, but non-physical relationship?

 

No personal experience, but friends have had houseboys. Some successful, some not. One of my friends employed a stunning young man as a houseboy, but he had him sign a very detailed contract. How much cleaning and cooking he expected, a detailed description of all the household duties he wanted done, (Dusting, vacuuming, dishes, laundry) that sort of thing, and how often they were to be performed. He was provided a car and insurance, but he was expected to keep the car clean and maintained at all times. He was allowed friends over, but only when my friend was at home. They even discussed how often my friend would require intimacy. He was allowed days off, but was not allowed to bring anyone he was sleeping with on the outside, into the home. It sounded over the top for my taste, but the upside was that both parties knew up front exactly what was expected. Everything was clearly stated in the contract. Violate the contract, and it would be terminated, so there wasn't any misunderstandings. The "arrangement" ended up being most agreeable for all concerned, and they would often travel extensively together. He actually stayed for several years until my friends untimely death at a rather early age. While he wasn't left any money in the will, when the family came from back east to settle the estate, they were so impressed with his handling of my friends affairs, that they gave him one of my friends businesses as a token of their appreciation. In this case...communication was everything.

[MscleLovr]

No personal experience, but friends have had houseboys. Some successful, some not. One of my friends employed a stunning young man as a houseboy, but he had him sign a very detailed contract. How much cleaning and cooking he expected, a detailed description of all the household duties he wanted done, (Dusting, vacuuming, dishes, laundry) that sort of thing, and how often they were to be performed. He was provided a car and insurance, but he was expected to keep the car clean and maintained at all times. He was allowed friends over, but only when my friend was at home. They even discussed how often my friend would require intimacy. He was allowed days off, but was not allowed to bring anyone he was sleeping with on the outside, into the home. It sounded over the top for my taste, but the upside was that both parties knew up front exactly what was expected. Everything was clearly stated in the contract. Violate the contract, and it would be terminated, so there wasn't any misunderstandings. The "arrangement" ended up being most agreeable for all concerned, and they would often travel extensively together. He actually stayed for several years until my friends untimely death at a rather early age. While he wasn't left any money in the will, when the family came from back east to settle the estate, they were so impressed with his handling of my friends affairs, that they gave him one of my friends businesses as a token of their appreciation. In this case...communication was everything.

 

+1 Communication is key, as Bigvalboy states. And IMO the setting of boundaries, being very clear about what is desired and being explicit about what is forbidden are equally important.

 

I'm sorry to hear of your travails, Unicorn, but I also wonder if you chose unwisely. Younger men generally do have some problems, especially making a life for themselves in a large, expensive city, but that is why the "houseboy" role can be very attractive to them.

 

I've mentioned in another thread that I had 3 very good experiences over the years. I'm a generous host but maybe I was lucky in my selection. I always choose young men who are not only attractive physically but also polite and well-educated and either employed or graduate students. I do tend to be extremely direct and clear in setting out my expectations. I also state at the outset the matters for which I have zero-tolerance (eg no keeping or use of drugs in the house) and that the penalty is instant termination as my houseboy.

[Racketjock]

I had one such "houseboy" experience a few years ago and it ruined me on doing another ever again. Providing room, board, access to car, a weekly stipend, gym membership, and paying for all shared activities (shows, travel, etc.) at first felt like I was engaging a lover/ boyfriend except this one did minimal household related activities (picking up after himself, making the bed after he slept in, letting the dog out, etc.). The other issue is we didn't intermingle with my friends or his and he had time and days away for personal time. I was shafted and not in a good way. Dealt with damaged property, stolen property, attempted black mail, and emotional abuse all born out of his depression and insecurity. We initially had great sex but that ended. He couldn't articulate what he wanted from the relationship and commit to work on what I verbalized were my needs and expectations. So, communication failed and I learned a very valuable lesson.

[+ José Soplanucas]

A house boy sounds like a great role play scene for a few hours. More than that?

http://31.media.tumblr.com/57ceb74aa5a905fdea730e42d8f8f8e1/tumblr_mevi3p6g2a1rmcgo1o1_250.gif