Life Changing Experiences

[DiscoveringMe]

Hi all. I want to first say how appreciative I am for this forum. I'm in my mid 30's and have primarily lived a "hetero" lifestyle; though I've always found some guys to be physically attractive. As the years have gone on, I've become more and more curious, but it was something more of a fantasy and something I didn't think I'd have the nerves to act on.

 

A couple months ago I found this forum, which has provided a wealth of information. I genuinely appreciate the sense of community and how non-judgemental everyone is. Reading these discussions is what, as the subject says, finally gave me the courage to discover.

 

Over the past few months I've been traveling to South Florida fairly regularly, so I decided to dip my toe in the water at one of the frequently discussed clubs. I was fortunate enough to spend some time with someone I found exceptionally attractive and who was willing to see me outside of the club. So, I hired him on my most recent trip.

 

Here's my problem... I went into this expecting it to be mostly physical. What I didn't expect was to feel such a strong emotional connection. I genuinely care for him. It is really messing with my head right now, to a point where I'm questioning the last 30 years of my life while pondering the next 30. Has anyone been in a similar position as me when you first hired and had a similar experience? Is this simply a product of a first time experience?

[+ sniper]

Only you can know if you're actually interested in men romantically as opposed to just physically, but do keep in mind that a lot of these guys are, well, charmers, and some are much better at that part of "the job" than others. It probably was a combination of your first time and it going so well. And the fact he gave you something you'd been wanting for a long time.

But you know there's nothing stopping you from going to a gay bar/venue and looking for someone to date noncommercially. Just be upfront that you are dipping your toe in the water so the other guy doesn't have unrealistic expectations.

While anything can happen, I would strongly advise against pursuing your very first hire for "something more."

[Mydavid]

I have never fallen for an escort, but when I recall the time when I was young, I was exactly like you. I didn't look for a serious relationship, but after having sex with guys, I always felt I fell in love with them, it seemed that they caught my heart by catching my body.

[+ Funguy]

You can easily fall in love while you are in the bedroom with the gentleman, but remember, it is an artificial feeling. That being said, and realized, they are human beings also and there is no reason whatsoever not to have "friend" feelings and to treat them well outside of the bedroom if you have contact.

[DiscoveringMe]

Only you can know if you're actually interested in men romantically as opposed to just physically, but do keep in mind that a lot of these guys are, well, charmers, and some are much better at that part of "the job" than others. It probably was a combination of your first time and it going so well. And the fact he gave you something you'd been wanting for a long time.

But you know there's nothing stopping you from going to a gay bar/venue and looking for someone to date noncommercially. Just be upfront that you are dipping your toe in the water so the other guy doesn't have unrealistic expectations.

While anything can happen, I would strongly advise against pursuing your very first hire for "something more."

Thanks for this! I should probably clarify my "genuinely care for him" comment... I would not pursue more with a first hire. I'm generally a pretty skeptical person. It was more an acknowledgement that there was more than just the physical aspect which caught me off guard.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I am sure there are guys who do not care about the person they are having sex with, but I am dare to say it is a minority.

Most of us cannot separate physical from emotional because they are intimately interrelated. I do care for every single guy I have hired. I deeply care for my favorite ones. In order to avoid getting confused on the nature of the relationship it is necessary to remember that it is a contract, and the relationship would not exist or continue without that contract. Usually there is no difficulty on keeping feelings and ideas clean and clear, but it is not impossible to fall. When we do fall, many times it is because we are having some kind of emotional misbalance, something is not going that well in our emotional lives, and that moment of wonderful intimacy becomes an escape.

You will gain clarity with experience. Embrace the emotional side of the experience, and enjoy it. Sometimes, when the relationship client/customer lasts, a friendship develops.

[liubit]

Welcome to the wonderful world of hiring, @DiscoveringMe. My advice: fall in love....one escort at a time

[+ Keith30309]

Some completely irresponsible advice that only a fool would listen to:

 

Let yourself fall in love. Allow yourself to be hurt.

Step out onto the trapeze ledge... lean forward.. and fall.

 

When I die I want to go out covered with scars - physical, emotional and spiritual... beaten to hell, wadded up and wrung out.

That's how I'll know that I lived.

 

"There's allot of mountain climbers trapped inside of bodies of people behind the counter at Kinko's

"

 

Or maybe I'll just buy savings bonds.

[LADoug1]

Thanks for this! I should probably clarify my "genuinely care for him" comment... I would not pursue more with a first hire. I'm generally a pretty skeptical person. It was more an acknowledgement that there was more than just the physical aspect which caught me off guard.

 

That shows that you had more than just a physical connection to your escort. You'll learn from future sexual encounters that this is a sign of a great escort or any kind of encounter. I would call this first encounter "puppy love ".

[+ othermanc]

I fell in love with an escort. When the convincing BFE he created for me fell apart (he changed our scheduled date so he could meet with a second client on the same day; this after I'd spent extra money to extended my stay in his town so we could spend this time together). We emailed each other almost daily and it seemed quite like a real relationship was formed outside of the usual escort/client genre. I was very hurt. It took a long time to get over that, but it taught me it's not the escort's fault if you fall for him. I'll never forget that as convincing as the relationship appears, the chances are very high that it evaporates when you're not together. I still enjoy my encounters with escorts but I protect my heart while doing so.

[+ OliverSaks]

"Protecting one's heart" is a dangerous recipe for not feeling the full extent of human connection and intimacy.

 

We can't selectively numb.

 

-Armchair Psychologist

[+ othermanc]

I've been successful at enjoying my experiences with hires and not fooling myself that the BFE he provides means he may really become my boyfriend. But thanks for caring.

[+ José Soplanucas]

"Protecting one's heart" is a dangerous recipe for not feeling the full extent of human connection and intimacy.

 

We can't selectively numb.

 

-Armchair Psychologist

 

I am with you. The thing is not avoiding falling in love. If you are emotionally healthy you would never fell in love with an escort. The thing is keeping your emotional life in good shape and not looking for compensations with a professional.

When I am with my best guys, I absolutely love them, and enjoy getting lost in our locked eyes when fucking. Sex with deep feelings is better, that is the way I like it (please, I am not advocating for my way as a fit for everyone). I love them, I am just not in love with them. Right now I am longing for my beautiful Ron.

[+ othermanc]

Right, latbear4blk. I absolutely love "the one you're with" if you're not "with the one you love..." just keep 'em straight!

[MassageDrew]

Get to know him first before you make it official. You don't make decisions based on one night of fling. Most do that amd it always blows up on their faces. How do you exactly fall for someone so easily and fast? From one meeting? I mean I've done it myself back when I was 18 or 19 and wanted someone to take care of me. Don't look for affection where mone exists. He may not share the same feeling.

[+ Just Sayin]

@DiscoveringMe wow! I remember how intense my feelings were when I was just coming out; in fact, I am almost embarrassed to remember how intense they were! I believe this is all a part of the process of discovering who you are, though; enjoy all of your experiences, but be armed with the knowledge that you are experiencing a whole new world and that you need to attempt to keep it in perspective!

[+ José Soplanucas]

Get to know him first before you make it official. You don't make decisions based on one night of fling. Most do that amd it always blows up on their faces. How do you exactly fall for someone so easily and fast? From one meeting? I mean I've done it myself back when I was 18 or 19 and wanted someone to take care of me. Don't look for affection where mone exists. He may not share the same feeling.

 

Maybe my many years of being a slut for free have trained and prepared me to cope better with this difficulty. I was very promiscuous, and lived sex up to its full intensity. While I was having intercourse with a good lover there was no difference between being in love or not out of bed. During those hours we were functionally in love. Of course, many times it was just a one night stand. I remember how hurtful it was when the other guy did not want to see me again, I remember how heartless I was when I was the one walking away from the chance for another time. I did a lot of exercise to be in this good shape.

[+ Funguy]

Right, latbear4blk. I absolutely love "the one you're with" if you're not "with the one you love..." just keep 'em straight!

 

Yep . . . Keep them straight. Just like (sorry, very senior moment - southern Gov) just did when trying to send a text to his girlfriend and instead sent it to his wife. Oops - instant divorce!

[LADoug1]

There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. Two people must share emotional intimacy to be in love. Sexual connection isn't enough. I've been having a long term affair with a guy who's in an open 15 year relationship. He has no intention of leaving his partner. When we're together we don't talk much about personal issues and I know only a little about him even after over a year. He also will only see me every three or so as he doesn't want to feel too connected. But our connection sexually is out of this world.

 

I suppose I love him but because there is so little emotional intimacy I'm not in love with him. I find it difficult to keep this in mind as I really want to be in a relationship. I'll have to look elsewhere for that.

[+ Just Sayin]

@LADoug1 I think it's difficult to find the whole package in one person; once I realized this, then outsourcing the sexual component became the logical option; and I am completely comfortable with that

[LADoug1]

@LADoug1 I think it's difficult to find the whole package in one person; once I realized this, then outsourcing the sexual component became the logical option; and I am completely comfortable with that

 

I'm glad for you. I just hope your partners are as comfortable as you are.

[+ oldNbusted]

Here's my problem... I went into this expecting it to be mostly physical. What I didn't expect was to feel such a strong emotional connection. I genuinely care for him. It is really messing with my head right now, to a point where I'm questioning the last 30 years of my life while pondering the next 30. Has anyone been in a similar position as me when you first hired and had a similar experience? Is this simply a product of a first time experience?

 

I'd say the answers are yes and most likely. I also only started hiring earlier this year, and thanks to this forum, I decided that I would force myself to wait from the first session to the second, just in case. Well, that was a good thing because I had a very strong emotional reaction the first time. Fortunately, it died down after a few weeks, so I was able to go back the second time and act like a normal person. I think that's a good thing, because it allows me to enjoy the experience for what it is.

[Beancounter]

@DiscoveringMe said: A couple months ago I found this forum, which has provided a wealth of information. I genuinely appreciate the sense of community and how non-judgemental everyone is. Reading these discussions is what, as the subject says, finally gave me the courage to discover.

 

@DiscoveringMe....like you I've enjoyed this Forum very much and have learned a lot about the escorting business from its contributing members. However if you hang around here long enough you'll discover that not everyone is non-judgmental.

 

Good luck to you in you future male encounters and endeavors.

[DiscoveringMe]

Well think about it - here's a gorgeous guy (let me guess met him at Twist? Lol) who gave you the time of day, attention and affection...it's near impossible to resist but the reality is the escort I guess is being an escort aka professional charmer. As I've learned long ago "don't chase rainbows." If you're looking for "real" love search elsewhere. I think you're setting yourself up for a one sided heart break - just my 2 cents

I appreciate the 2 cents... more than I had coming into this! I guess my original post gave the impression that I was in love because a couple people have made similar comments. However, my statements were intended to be a reflection on my own awareness and not about a future with the guy. I walked into a club (not Twist) as a first step in self exploration, and what I discovered was somewhat unexpected. The experience has made me believe I can have more than a physical connection, not that I want it with this particular guy.

 

As an aside, isn't the implication that I would fall in love with anyone who gave me "the time of day, attention and affection" a bit presumptive? It's kind of like I was the awkward kid in school who fell in love with any boy/girl that would talk to me.

[+ HornyRetiree]

"Protecting one's heart" is a dangerous recipe for not feeling the full extent of human connection and intimacy.

 

We can't selectively numb.

 

-Armchair Psychologist

 

SO TRUE!!!!