Follow-up, learning experience, debriefing

[Courage]

Thanks for all the advice received in the earlier thread!

 

Today I had my first experience. In the main I'm glad I did it. The guy was well reviewed, very nice, attractive, and answered a lot of questions. I experienced some things I hadn't before. For most of our time I enjoyed the exploration.

 

Then I expressed interest in topping--something I'm sure I expressed a desire to do beforehand. It was like the needle skipped on the record. We attempted it twice, but it was mutually agreed on a need to stop--he wasn't comfortable and that was that. By that point the mood had passed and I wasn't able to get off despite our mutual attempts.

 

I'm still processing what happened--I didn't expect to emerge a fully-formed sexual being after two hours but I did feel frustrated about how it ended. Lessons to be learned I'm sure.

 

Time to ponder. :-D.

[MassageDrew]

The only way to get some kind of closure is by going back to your texts (if it exists) and see if you guys did discussed that part. And yes, you'll be more specific and direct about your expectations next time

[Courage]

The only way to get some kind of closure is by going back to your texts (if it exists) and see if you guys did discussed that part. And yes, you'll be more specific and direct about your expectations next time

 

That's fair.

[Courage]

Lessons to be learned I'm sure.

 

To clarify, I meant I had lessons to learn. The fellow did his job and I'm very thankful for his efforts.

[+ oldNbusted]

I'm glad you are taking time to be thoughtful about this, don't be discouraged!

[LivingnLA]

[uSER=14922]@Courage![/uSER], cheers to you for moving ahead and most importantly doing this reassessment. The best way to learn is to make mistakes and learn from them. Definitely take a look at your communications with him and see how clear y'all were about your desire to also top. My limited experience suggests to me that the escort wasn't truly prepared or comfortable with bottoming for you which is why he was unable to relax and the mood was ruined.

 

I'm sorry it wasn't a perfect experience, but I bet you've learned alot and will be able to have an even better experience the next time you hire. Good luck!

[+ saminseattle]

Even if both parties intend to try a particular thing during their time together and there is a clear understanding about it beforehand, sometimes it just doesn’t end up happening, and that’s just the way it goes. It is not as though one party has the right to insist that the other party do something he is literally uncomfortable doing, as I'm sure you appreciate. Even if he had planned on doing it and prepared for it (which is perhaps doubtful here), sometimes there are unexpected physical issues that prevent matters from proceeding as anticipated. This might be disappointing, but occasional disappointments come with the territory. As far as the lesson to be learned, I am reminded of this little poem by T.H. Palmer:

 

'Tis a lesson you should heed,

If at first you don't succeed,

Try, try again;

 

Then your courage should appear,

For if you will persevere,

You will conquer, never fear

Try, try again;

 

Once or twice, though you should fail,

If you would at last prevail,

Try, try again;

 

If we strive, 'tis no disgrace

Though we do not win the race;

What should you do in the case?

Try, try again

 

If you find your task is hard,

Time will bring you your reward,

Try, try again

 

All that other folks can do,

Why, with patience, should not you?

Only keep this rule in view:

Try, try again.

[Courage]

I'm sorry it wasn't a perfect experience, but I bet you've learned alot and will be able to have an even better experience the next time you hire. Good luck!

 

Ty. I was happy my equipment worked and I took a big step outside my comfort zone--which I wasn't sure I ever would. I have some confirmation of who I am, what I want, and how to function. Obviously all that needs a lot of work, but it's a start.

 

To paraphrase Bill Clinton, I'm not going to let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

[+ purplekow]

After hiring excorts for some time, I decided I wanted to try bottoming. I discussed it with a very sexy and well reviewed porn star escort now retired, Parker Williams. He was very patient with me but I became impatient and finally told him in a firm voice: "Just stick it in already" Well I am sure he knew what was going to happen but I had no idea. He did just as I asked and plunged his more than ample cock into me and it hurt like hell. I screamed out and then after what seemed like an eternity but which was probably less than thirty seconds later, I was begging him to take it out, which he did. I collapsed in a sweaty heap and he said, seemingly with some satisfaction: "I love my job" Needless to say, the rest of the night did not involve a repeat of that, but it was still a great experience.

After that, my bottoming career went on hiatus for about 2 years and then after a less than stellar second time, it took another 2 years and 2 attempts finally to get to a comfortable situation. I then realized, after that first comfortable fuck, that I really did not enjoy bottoming even when I thought I wanted it and so, that experiment ended.

So, first, just because you want it, doesn't mean that you are going to get it.

Second, if you do get what you ask for, you may not get what you expected.

Third, even after an initial down turn, there are other chances to try again. In my case, again and again and again.

Fourth, everything isn't for everybody.

So, take the lessons you learned this time. Make it better next time.

By the way, Parker Williams was great and I wish him well with his post escort and post porn career.

[+ purplekow]

Picture of the very sexy Parker Williams. He looks great here but was traffic stoppingly beautiful in person.

[+ purplekow]

http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1730432230

 

Just one of many videos of Parker, should you want to see the goods.

[Cliff]

Try again. That's it.

[+ nycman]

The good news is....you get to try again.

 

And again.....

 

And again...

 

And again!

 

Don't worry, eventually you'll figure it out.

[+ Funguy]

Thanks for all the advice received in the earlier thread!

 

Today I had my first experience. In the main I'm glad I did it. The guy was well reviewed, very nice, attractive, and answered a lot of questions. I experienced some things I hadn't before. For most of our time I enjoyed the exploration.

 

Then I expressed interest in topping--something I'm sure I expressed a desire to do beforehand. It was like the needle skipped on the record. We attempted it twice, but it was mutually agreed on a need to stop--he wasn't comfortable and that was that. By that point the mood had passed and I wasn't able to get off despite our mutual attempts.

 

I'm still processing what happened--I didn't expect to emerge a fully-formed sexual being after two hours but I did feel frustrated about how it ended. Lessons to be learned I'm sure.

 

Time to ponder. :-D.

 

Being about 80+% bottom, I have found that if I am in a mood to top without effort (occasional back problems), while on my back I simply ask the escort to sit on my dick. Hardly any effort needed or lessons required on my part and a wonderful time is had by both.

 

THEN try other positions where the effort on your part is needed.

[Eight by Six]

I'm not a top, but I AM a bottom, and I usually simply tell the escort what I'm into so it's "on the table". But here's the important thing... I don't expect him to corroborate it by saying "Yes I'll fuck you for money" LOL! That wouldn't be safe for him to do. And the smart ones won't for legality reasons. But the guy might say something benign in his next email... like "we will have a good time" - and that is usually enough for me to assume a YES. The times a highly reviewed escort wouldn't do that, he simply either went cold on me or said straight out that he wouldn't. I've hired guys for years, and like to try the newbies, but have only a small handful that I go back to over and over again, The good ones are truly hard to find!

[Courage]

Just one of many videos of Parker, should you want to see the goods.

 

Brave man you are! When I was younger and in the hospital, I was given a suppository and it hurt--more cramping than the actual intrusion, which was merely uncomfortable. I dread the idea of someday needing a scope.

 

In response to some other folks, I felt I was understanding of his situation and he was comforting about my own inability to get off. My mom (and my grandmother) loved the song "Que Sera, Sera"--standards frustrated me, being a rock guy--but it still has meaning.

[rvwnsd]

...Then I expressed interest in topping--something I'm sure I expressed a desire to do beforehand. It was like the needle skipped on the record. We attempted it twice, but it was mutually agreed on a need to stop--he wasn't comfortable and that was that... Time to ponder. :-D.

I'm sure you know this, but it is worth saying. Escorts, like the rest of us, are not machines who can turn themselves on and off. There will be times that a guy can't bottom. Maybe he had an upset stomach the day before or ate something spicy that is causing irritation. Or maybe your lack of experience having sex with other men caused your technique to be "off." Regardless the reason, sex is supposed to be fun. Go with the flow and it will be. Go against the flow and it won't be.

[jawjateck]

You are off to a good start.......now........

practice

practice

practice

[MartyB]

Rule of thumb the bottom is always in control. A very sexy and wise escort taught me that early on when hiring escorts. The body will react if the mind is also in tune. Plus find out the position that works best for you do plenty of foreplay foreplay and foreplay and get plenty of lube. I don't care if your an escort or client when you bottom it all has to be right or it doesn't work. I never thought I could bottom but with the right man it is awesome.

[Courage]

Responding to several comments:

 

In retrospect, there were signs I might've understood better. Had I received any form of "no," I wouldn't have argued. I get that the bottom is in control and I was compliant in all instructions (i.e., I laid on my back and didn't move as he attempted to sit). We were in full agreement when we did cease.

 

We left on good terms.

 

[Edit: he might've found my jokes silly, but was polite enough to laugh :-) ]

[MartyB]

Responding to several comments:

 

In retrospect, there were signs I might've understood better. Had I received any form of "no," I wouldn't have argued. I get that the bottom is in control and I was compliant in all instructions (i.e., I laid on my back and didn't move as he attempted to sit). We were in full agreement when we did cease.

 

We left on good terms.

 

[Edit: he might've found my jokes silly, but was polite enough to laugh ]

I'll never forget my first time when an escort I met with who I became a regular with and is pretty well known turned around doggy style this was about 10 years ago. I passed I wasn't ready to top or bottom. Next time didn't hesitate with the same escort. Keep at it. In my experience with the great escorts I've been with where we are both versatile is the best. I've been lucky.

[Spencer L]

"the fees required, or money exchanged for legal adult personal services is simply for time and companionship only. Anything else that may or may not occur is a matter of personal choice and personal preferences between two or more consenting adults of legal age and is not contracted for, nor is it requested to be contracted for in any manner. This is not an offer of, and or for solicitation or prostitution. Fees charged are for time spent only."

 

use this?

[Courage]

use this?

 

I dunno...prolly. To me people *always* have the right to control their own bodies. Disclaimer or no.

 

In any event, it might've been a mistake to post while experiencing a lot of emotion--ranging from "Wow, I was with a guy!," to "Drat, still a virgin!," to "Ugh, was I lame!," to "I really need to pee..."

[+ OliverSaks]

"the fees required, or money exchanged for legal adult personal services is simply for time and companionship only. Anything else that may or may not occur is a matter of personal choice and personal preferences between two or more consenting adults of legal age and is not contracted for, nor is it requested to be contracted for in any manner. This is not an offer of, and or for solicitation or prostitution. Fees charged are for time spent only."

 

use this?

Pretty much this is a meaningless quotation, from a legal perspective anyway (according to a well-established escort who posts on the board)

[LivingnLA]

I dunno...prolly. To me people *always* have the right to control their own bodies. Disclaimer or no.

 

In any event, it might've been a mistake to post while experiencing a lot of emotion--ranging from "Wow, I was with a guy!," to "Drat, still a virgin!," to "Ugh, was I lame!," to "I really need to pee..."

 

It's all good. Live, learn, and grow.