Escorts and overweight clients

[craigville beach]

I tell them my real age which is 66 y/o. I tell them my weight and height. If they respond with an indication of an acceptable appointment time, I never revisit the issue.

[MassageDrew]

I'm sorry if this is a stupid comment, but 5'9" 170 lbs on one man can look completely different that 5'9" 170 lbs on another. Isn't it easier to just exchange current photos than judge yourself as too fat (or too anything) for an appointment?

 

So true. I think it has a lot to do with your bone structure. My friend and I are practically the same height and weight but side-by-side he looks much bigger. I'm Asian and he's white.

[TopTierTop]

I know every escort is different as is every client, but wondering if a few of you on here have the time and would mind sharing your views.

 

Say you have a client who is 25-75 pounds overweight but obviously comfortable with their body and themselves. Does the weight seem like not much of an issue? I guess the real question is, is it the weight of the client (within reason) or how the client feels about his body that affects how you see him?

 

Thanks

For me how comfortable they are with their bodies would have very little to do with it. Either we both think it is a match that will work or one or the other doesn't. Because of the type of style I have with a client, sometimes the size of the client can make a difference. I know a lot of guys don't get that and think that the only thing that matters is how green their money is, but if I am going to go into it with an attitude of "ok, let's just get this over with so I can get my money," that is not fair to the client and not a business I am willing to be in. This doesn't apply specifically or only to weight though. If a potential client is a foot taller than me, it also becomes a lot less likely that we are going to be able to work something out. I would say the same thing about a foot shorter than me, but at my height of 5'8", that has never happened yet.

 

My advice to the client community is the same as it has always been... Do whatever you can to be sure the escort you are meeting is enthusiastic about meeting you, not that he is a terrific actor. If he is relying on putting on an act, he won't be worth the good money you are paying him.

[Strafe13]

I admire your discretion. Names would be great, if you can share any. By PM if more comfortable.

 

I am curious about the age, physical profile, etc of the guys you hired with such excellent results.

 

I dont think any profiling is right, and yet it makes me wonder about more targeted hiring. Like everyone, I have a few "types" I won't hire, but I've had excellent experiences with younger and older, slender, bearish, average (what is average anymore?), and fitness-magazine shredded.

 

Might I enhance the odds of a fantastic experience if I am a little more targeted in hiring?

 

I've asked the guys if they're okay with being identified in this thread. If they give me the okay, I'd be happy to provide their names and links to their ads.

[LaffingBear]

There are subleties to this issue. My posts have been about societal acceptance of the bigotry, not the actual discrimination.

 

Here are some hypotheticals:

 

Should an escort be judged for declining to bottom for a 350 lb man? Not in my opinion.

 

Should an escort be judged for declining services if he's offering some kind of wrestling experience, or his sexual techniques mean a large person simply wont be able to participate? Not in my opinion.

 

Should an escort offering services where body size shouldnt be a factor (muscle worship, oral only, water sports, etc...) be judged for declining to serve a fat guy? Anyone has the right to say no to anything, but this example makes me judge the escort unfavorably.

 

Should a masseur be judged for refusing an obese client, saying "my table only holds 250 lbs." when his ad says he works on a table or bed or mat? Again, anybody can say no... but to me, that's pretty good evidence he just doesn't want to interact with a fat guy.

 

I am not of the opinion that an escort or masseur are under obligation to see every client. But sometimes, its based on preference and bigotry, not objective performance.

 

Sometimes a dramatic parallel can bring perspective. If there were posts on these boards, where a user tried to be funny or sarcastic, using stereotypical slurs about asians, or blacks, or jews.... everyone would be outraged. But its routine to see posts like "being a millionaire makes even a huge fat guy attractive..." or "I'd rather fuck an old fat guy than...." Its socially acceptable to openly equate fat with undesirable.

 

Maybe it's all derived from European history... the French adjective for fat is GROS.

[mike carey]

the French adjective for fat is GROS.

Any similarity with an English word is irrelevant. Yes, gros may mean fat, but it should not be equated with the far more loaded English word 'gross'.

 

To me the wrinkle in your argument is that you posited whether an escort should deliver a particular experience. If the question was limited to that, fair enough. But I think the discussion should be about whether they are prepared to meet, and only then what they will do.

[TopTierTop]

There are subleties to this issue. My posts have been about societal acceptance of the bigotry, not the actual discrimination.

 

Here are some hypotheticals:

 

Should an escort be judged for declining to bottom for a 350 lb man? Not in my opinion.

 

Should an escort be judged for declining services if he's offering some kind of wrestling experience, or his sexual techniques mean a large person simply wont be able to participate? Not in my opinion.

 

Should an escort offering services where body size shouldnt be a factor (muscle worship, oral only, water sports, etc...) be judged for declining to serve a fat guy? Anyone has the right to say no to anything, but this example makes me judge the escort unfavorably.

 

Should a masseur be judged for refusing an obese client, saying "my table only holds 250 lbs." when his ad says he works on a table or bed or mat? Again, anybody can say no... but to me, that's pretty good evidence he just doesn't want to interact with a fat guy.

 

I am not of the opinion that an escort or masseur are under obligation to see every client. But sometimes, its based on preference and bigotry, not objective performance.

 

Sometimes a dramatic parallel can bring perspective. If there were posts on these boards, where a user tried to be funny or sarcastic, using stereotypical slurs about asians, or blacks, or jews.... everyone would be outraged. But its routine to see posts like "being a millionaire makes even a huge fat guy attractive..." or "I'd rather fuck an old fat guy than...." Its socially acceptable to openly equate fat with undesirable.

 

Maybe it's all derived from European history... the French adjective for fat is GROS.

Other than the last sentence, which I don't understand, I agree completely. But any time I say anything at all on this forum, I brace myself for the trolls that inevitably come after me. It's the only thing I don't like about this forum... the inevitable rudeness and personal attacks by a small minority. But I keep at it, cuz it's good for business and there are a lot of nice guys here.

[Strafe13]

Figured I'd add my two cents on this thread, just to relay a positive story. I'm a large mixed bottom bear, and throughout my life I've variously faced sexual and romantic rejections on the basis of both race and weight/size. That's the main reason I started hiring escorts, but I found that I received rejections on both bases from the professional community as well, although far less frequently than from the non-pro guys. I've shared some of these rejection stories on various threads on this forum over the years.

 

Well, this past weekend I was in L.A. and Dallas, and had amazing experiences with 3 new escorts (new to me at least), where my size was a potential issue, but in a good way. My rent.men handle identifies me as a bear of color, and I usually lead with that when I contact new escorts. The first new guy in L.A. asked for my stats, which always triggers bad experiences for me, but I got over it and gave him accurate numbers. He was candid that he'd never been with a client of my size, but that he was willing to take on the challenge. Oh my goodness, was he incredible! Perhaps one of the best, most intense, and reaffirming sexual and personally fulfilling experiences of my entire life.

 

The 2nd new guy, also based in L.A., is a forum participant, from whom I have not gotten permission to share our experience, so I won't identify him. But he was also phenomenal in a way that I, frankly, didn't expect. During the afterglow, I expressed to him my concern that I hadn't known in advance whether my size would've been an issue for him, but he said that he had a pretty good idea about me from my RM name and our prior discussions, but he never gave the issue of my size a second thought. He was such a gentleman, and I had such a good time with him despite our 10-year age difference, that I invited him to brunch, although he couldn't make it.

 

The 3rd guy was in Dallas, and I had no idea that he actually loves big guys until he arrived and made it really obvious! That was another amazing, and life-affirming experience, which was only heightened by the great dinner and conversation we shared at a local restaurant afterwards. Just phenomenal (although he did leave me a bit sore, for which he refused to apologize ).

 

So, the moral of the story is that for every escort who may be uneasy with a client's weight or race/ethnicity, there are others for whom that either won't be an issue, or they'll love that about you. I'm literally still glowing about this weekend! I really, really, really appreciate the value that sex workers bring into our lives. You guys are life savers, and truly exceptional human beings.

 

For those of you who've asked me on this forum and via private message, I can only reveal 2 of the 3 escorts from my weekend. Guy #1 (in Los Angeles) has requested that I keep him my little secret for now, so I'm respecting that. Guy #2 (also in LA) is @nategrimes who I'm totally smitten with (www.rent.men/NateGrimes). Guy #3 is HungMule, whom I met in Dallas, although he's based in Waco, TX (www.rent.men/HungMule). We worked out a multi-hour arrangement that made it worth his while to drive up to Dallas.

 

Nate's versatile, but handled me (a big ole bottom bear) quite well. I tend to not hire versatile guys because I'm 99.5% bottom, but he and @andrewjustice have rather amazingly served to dispel my personal prejudice that vers guys won't be awesome tops. Hung Mule's closer to a total top (he advertises as vers/top), but he truly lived up to his moniker. Like I said before, he left me a bit sore, and not only didn't apologize, but promised to do so again the next time we meet. Love, love, love a guy like that! Can't wait to see both of these guys again!

[MikeyGMin]

Other than the last sentence, which I don't understand, I agree completely. But any time I say anything at all on this forum, I brace myself for the trolls that inevitably come after me. It's the only thing I don't like about this forum... the inevitable rudeness and personal attacks by a small minority. But I keep at it, cuz it's good for business and there are a lot of nice guys here.

I think your frankness and your ability to keep it professional even in the face of those attacks has won you many more admirers than detractors on this forum. The difference between the way you handle disagreement and criticism verses that dust-up in that "college boy" thread is just remarkable. You just keep doing you because it's hot as hell.

[LaffingBear]

Any similarity with an English word is irrelevant. Yes, gros may mean fat, but it should not be equated with the far more loaded English word 'gross'.

 

To me the wrinkle in your argument is that you posited whether an escort should deliver a particular experience. If the question was limited to that, fair enough. But

 

Facetious really doesnt work well in the absence of voice inflection - I should know better.

[TopTierTop]

I think your frankness and your ability to keep it professional even in the face of those attacks has won you many more admirers than detractors on this forum. The difference between the way you handle disagreement and criticism verses that dust-up in that "college boy" thread is just remarkable. You just keep doing you because it's hot as hell.

http://i.imgur.com/5xE11jv.jpg

[+ WmClarke]

You rang?

 

http://www.addamsfamily.com/addams/lurch7.jpg

Lurch was always my favorite.

[mike carey]

Facetious really doesnt work well in the absence of voice inflection - I should know better.

No, I should have known better.

[julius]

Lurch was always my favorite

 

Ted "Lurch" Cassidy in his younger days as a blond beach boy lifeguard in Volusia County, Florida.

 

[+ WmClarke]

Ted "Lurch" Cassidy in his younger days as a blond beach boy lifeguard in Volusia County, Florida.

 

Nice!

[Deadlift1]

What a cool photo

[MikeBannacheck]

Everyone has something attractive about them. A heavier guy may have an enormous ball sack and eyes that you can melt in.

[+ Hoover42]

Lurch was always my favorite.

 

He plays the harpsichord for G*ds sake! That alone makes him interesting.

[+ quoththeraven]

I haven't read the entire thread, but I suspect this perspective hasn't been offered: being fat is biology, not choice, other than for the 5% of people who diet below their set point and stay there, albeit with a lot of effort. The yoyo dieting typical of the other 95% is less healthy than if they'd stayed at the same weight as they were when they went on their first diet.

 

This is what the research says, but many physicians and the public in general have not caught up.

 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/05/04/why-diets-dont-actually-work-according-to-a-researcher-who-has-studied-them-for-decades/?utm_term=.16db78c7ac29

 

http://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2016/06/07/481094825/a-neuroscientist-tackles-why-diets-make-us-fat

 

People diet because fat is considered unattractive. While it is better for escorts who can't give an overweight client a good experience decline to see them, it's even better if those who escort can find something attractive about clients irrespective of their size or shape.

[BaronArtz]

being fat is biology, not choice.

 

The research that is being quoted here is questionable, as is the false premise that 'fat is biology, not choice'. Human biology has not changed during the last 20,000 years. How then to explain the dramatic increase in obesity rates during the last 50 years? It can't be 'biology'.

 

Changes in lifestyle and food intake DID change, however. For example: since WWII, BMI rates in the USA increased at the same pace of increase of average refridgerator size! That is not biology, that is a change in behavior patterns. It is a huge disservice to fat/obese people to say that their condition is OK. It is not. They are at a high risk of suffering from diabetes, cardio vascular diseases, various cancers and an overall shortened life expectancy - in addition to creating a burden on an already overstretched medical insurance system.

[Bargara Leatherboy]

It is also impacted by GMO and how the food we eat has even adapted, plus the amount of sugar added in processed foods

[MikeyGMin]

The research that is being quoted here is questionable, as is the false premise that 'fat is biology, not choice'. Human biology has not changed during the last 20,000 years. How then to explain the dramatic increase in obesity rates during the last 50 years? It can't be 'biology

I agree with you almost 100%. Of course there are exceptions, but I think they really are exceptions and not the rule. I've never seen a profile on a severely obese person that didn't show them eating massive amounts of food. That's why weight loss surgery works -- because they aren't able to control their intake. I would love to be able to eat french fries every single day (they are my biggest weakness), but I know what will happen if I do, so I don't. I would love to sleep later in the morning and not go to the gym, but I know what will happen if I do, so I don't.

 

I see this in my own family. I have seven brothers and sisters who have been fruitful and multiplied. I see it in them and I see it in their children. It's especially evident at holiday gatherings. Almost everyone overeats at these affairs but you can see a big difference on what the large members of our family consider overeating.

 

I think where you have to acknowledge biology is the fact that we are programmed to store fat for a rainy day. A very useful adaptation when times were just generally tough. I think that explains the abundance of "dad bods" and that stubborn 10 pounds. Even with decent diet and exercise your body is going to fight to keep a buffer. Everyone I know who is truly ripped has taken their diet and/or exercise to another level.

[LaffingBear]

Wow

 

This post has gone far down the tangential road.

 

As a healthcare professional, I can tell you this.

1. I've seen and know many people for whom weight loss surgery does not work. I've seen them come into surgical practices and hospitals, after immediate, phenomenal success, only to gain it back over following years. I had a co-worker who had her stomach reduced to a fraction of its size.... its more than possible to eventually eat your way to stretching the remaining portion out.
   
2. I've met people who are gigantic, but who do not eat massive quantities of food. The yo-yo of dieting can reset your base metabolic rate. Lifelong dieters can and will maintain their size with daily caloric intake of 1000 calories or even less. The body's natural response to very little food is to trigger a protective reaction to starving, and preserve energy.... hence fewer calories burned. Especially in the absence of activity. I think many would be surprised to meet a 400 lb person, and find that they only eat 1200 calories a day. That may not be how they got there.... but now, because they can't do much more than sit around, the fat cells are not shrinking.
   
3. There are tons of theories, attitudes, etc. regarding causes of obesity. There are societal pressures on the biology discussed above. Such as portion size. Food at the root of social interaction. And a whole host of behavioral issues. We socialize in restaurants and at others' homes over meals. Going to a movie is an automatic, unconscious stop for popcorn and candy. Food is everywhere. Other's want recognition for their great cooking. Food is a common gift. And, for many, parents and grandparents were poor enough to be hungry, so food consumption by children is/was promoted as love and caring.
   
4. Compulsive overeating is an addiction. And its compounded by the societal attitude that sends the message fat is lazy and unattractive. Unlike other addictions, you cannot stop consuming nutrition altogether.
   
5. At its root, there is one truth that food energy in, minus food energy expended by existing, minus food energy expended by exercise/activity are at the root of almost all outcomes. There are all kinds of reasons and causes that this simple formula can work well, be tougher, or in rare situation, not work very well at all.
   

 

But the original post was about attitude escorts have regarding fat folks. Not the cause of obesity.

[Cyd_StVincent]

Heavy guys are hot I love a big belly and it's really only thick guys who can make me feel small during sex in a way that I love.

[MikeyGMin]

But the original post was about attitude escorts have regarding fat folks. Not the cause of obesity.

Threads wander. It's the nature of the beast and not a bad thing. Annoying if you are trying to get the 411 on a specific person, but still the nature of the beast.

 

I will admit I'm not the most sympathetic person on this topic. I have one of those annoying reformed addict kind of attitudes. I spent a decade of my life significantly overweight. I never hit 300 lbs but I did need a seat belt extension on an airplane. Maybe because I never yo-yo dieted I didn't mess up my metabolism. I was fat because I didn't care, when I started caring, I didn't go extreme. I made permanent changes to keep my diet under 2000 calories a day, started exercising again, and the weight came off.