"It Gets Better...Unless You are Fat"

[Tonyko]

I AM ITALIAN AND JEWISH I am genetically pre-desposed to over eat on both sides. And at ANY given hour of ANY given day I am most likely HUNGRY because I've spent my life eating 1/2 of what I COULD and 1/3 of what I WANT. I gained over SIXTY pounds between pre-puberty and my early teens. It didn't last long because I refused to be a that cliche' chubby gay boy standing in the alley waiting to get Patti LuPone's autograph. (I wanted to be a hottie doing that ) Perhaps the ONLY thing stronger than my desire for food was my desire for sex, and cute boys don't fuk fat boys. Thazzz the truth. So I changed, told my parents I was keeping seperate food in the fridge that my Mom would get for me, I started running and biking, not bringing excuse notes to gym class, and I lost the weight by Sophomore year. BUT I FIRMLY BELIEVE in fat cells and when you get heavy you wind up with more of them, and once you got 'em you got 'em for life. When you lose weight they DON'T go away, they just shrink, starved, sitting dormant waiting to be fed. And from THAT point on EVERYTHING you put in your mouth goes STR8 to them. So I DO believe heavier guys when they say how much easier they gain weight than others, and how easily it comes back once they've lost it. It's an Albatross carried for life. *But I also believe heavier people tend to eat more I was a waiter I could look at a table and tell you who was gonna order blue cheese and who was gonna order vineagerette Trust me I'D prefer the cheese. And when the desert cart came around well, same thang re the chocolate mousse cake or the tiny little fruit tarts. It can be overcome but at a very unfair price, not going thru life eating the SAME as your skinny buds which would be hard enough, but eating LESS . It SUX. And as we all know the pressure in our culture to be trim is TWICE what it is for women. For me I've just gotten so used to denying myself all these years that passing things up is second nature now, like an ex drinker or smoker who can just walk away. *and of course LIKE an ex ANYTHING the DESIRE is still strong as fuk and never goes away and now I want to walk over to Magnolia Bakery and wait for someone to buy the chocolate banana pudding and ask if I can stick my spoon in.

[+ OliverSaks]

1. I enjoy eating omnivorously.

2. Anyone who wants me to eat vegan can pay for and prepare it.

3. I love swimming, but not only is there a time element involved (getting ready and getting dry can take as much time as I can swim without rest), it's not free. It also has downsides like stinging eyes due to chlorine and water in the ears that will bother me for days. (Among other things, I have Meniere's.)

 

I realize this is meant well, but each one of us knows our own bodies and medical condition better than others on the forum do.

I acknowledge how hard it is to lose weight, and accept that people are overweight and it is fucked up that people treat overweight people with such disdain, and at the same time, eating a plant-based diet is a change but it is absolutely NOT rocket science and it leads to better health outcomes and lower costs in the long run.

 

there is a time component of every form of exercise, but as the 5 minute video I posted above explains, exercise is hardly a blip on weight compared to diet. Saltwater pools don't have the sting of chlorine, if you can find them, but goggles can prevent chlorine in the eye to some degree too. Earplugs are an option, but I am familiar with your condition and understand if they might not be adequate or(but just treading water is pretty mild and not likely to disrupt earplugs, but of course, you know your limitations)

 

Pools are not free, but maybe you know someone with a pool? Additionally, my health insurance plan subsidizes a gym membership for me (preventative health!) which makes it 25$ per month - quite a good long-term investment with pool access, recumbent bikes, and many other aerobic options that are catered to a wide range of ability levels.

 

I don't love all the exercise I do, but it's an investment. Short term discomfort for the increased likelihood that I don't live a life of debility and illness later in life. There are costs and benefits to the decisions we make, but for instance, with plant-based living, the benefits for me and the planet and the animals far outweigh the costs of not eating a piece of steak. Factory farms are a plague on our country.

[Mo Mason]

I hate the "It Gets Better" campaign. I'm living proof that, no, it really doesn't.

 

And lying to bullied kids about it is a terrible thing to do.

[corymonroe]

Much like smoking, the longer you live an obese life, the more vulnerable you are to the health problems associated with obesity. The list is quite long. If you drop the weight, some of those problems can disappear.

 

If you eat as a coping mechanism, a way to make yourself feel better about your life, therapy may be required to lose weight and sustain a desired goal. Therapy can be an amazing tool in the fight for weight change.

 

For someone who is middle-aged and excessively obese (60 to 100+ pounds over where they should be), losing weight will not be easy or fast. There is no magic pill. It takes a long time to lose weight in a healthy manner, and it requires a serious, committed revamping of nutrition and portion size. It took me well over a year to drop 100 pounds each time I did it. Losing weight properly with the intent to make it stick requires a ton of patience.

 

The sad truth is most people fail at it. Ask any doctor. Look at the profits from the diet industry. In addition, people who have never experienced obesity rarely know what a fat person's experience feels like. It's not easy to find productive support (although I did find success at Weight Watchers at one point, but it depends on the group you attend).

 

If you allow your hatred of exercise to rule and override your will, you will add another thick, psychological barrier to any weight loss desire. If you find it impossible to completely change your diet and eating habits, and sustain that change for months, any attempt to lose weight will fail.

 

If you're over 50, and you're dreaming of dropping the 60 extra pounds you've been carrying for more than a decade, consider what happens to older, stretched skin when the fat is no longer there to make it smooth. There's nothing about my body that I love anymore, and I'm not vain or wealthy enough to spend thousands on surgery. Thankfully, I don't care what other people think of me naked. I've found a way to accept my truth, and I finally realize that I enjoy life more being 100 pounds thinner.

 

By default, I empathize with anyone who struggles to lose weight.

[YoungAD]

I empathize with anyone who struggles...

 

I empathize with those who struggle because this implies an effort is being made on the part of the person. I do not empathize with those who wallow in self-pity and focus only on personal failures or denials. Acceptance starts with self-acceptance, and crying about a five-inch endowment accomplishes nothing whatsoever.

 

Much of this thread, like many of the similar threads posted before it, is an exercise in self-indulgence that borders on pathological.

[marylander1940]

I empathize with those who struggle because this implies an effort is being made on the part of the person. I do not empathize with those who wallow in self-pity and focus only on personal failures or denials. Acceptance starts with self-acceptance, and crying about a five-inch endowment accomplishes nothing whatsoever.

 

Much of this thread, like many of the similar threads posted before it, is an exercise in self-indulgence that borders on pathological.

 

Damn, I think the same way about most of your posts.

[Zman]

This thread is unusual. It's really really rare for vegetarians to admit it. You almost never find out unless you really pry. They never seem to want to talk about it.

[Lookin]

All good advice here and the only two things I haven't seen mentioned in detail, and that have worked for me, are making lifetime changes and getting rid of guilt.

 

I tried yoyo diets three times and all three times I ended up feeling deprived and celebrated my 'success' with a pint of Häagen-Dazs and a return to all my old bad habits. Of course, the weight came back, plus a little extra. This last go-round, I focused on modest lifetime changes and it took me five years to lose fifty pounds. The two permanent changes were making my 'food treats' something I do once or twice a week and not every day, and making modest increases in exercise something I do five days a week or more. I've learned that a diet that leaves me feeling deprived or exercise that feels burdensome won't last, and the yoyo process will get repeated. If I can't commit to something for the rest of my life without bitching, I don't do it. I just keep my eyes open for something that feels less deprived or less onerous, and then I stick with it.

 

When I do eat a pint of ice cream at one sitting, or lounge around all day without exercising, I make sure I enjoy the hell out of it. Attaching guilt or 'shoulds' to lifestyle changes is a sure way for me to fail. It drapes positive changes with a negative shroud and it gives the whole process more emotional power than it deserves.

 

Anyhoo, those two approaches have worked for me. My weight has been in the normal range for five years, it's likely to stay that way, and I don't think about it any more.

 

Of course, this process has taken so long that I'm now really old so I still ain't gettin' any. But that's another thread. http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

[+ OliverSaks]

This thread is unusual. It's really really rare for vegetarians to admit it. You almost never find out unless you really pry. They never seem to want to talk about it.

If you felt the same way about the tens of billions of animals a year that needlessly suffer horrific lives for our pleasure, you would probably have something to say.

 

If you had to take care of sick patients every day that got that way because of a host of poor lifestyle decisions, including cigarettes / alcohol / shitty diets / sedentary lifestyles, you might have something to say.

 

If you saw the horrific damage that raising livestock caused the planet...

 

I'm younger than most of you on this board, and I am terrified of what is happening to this planet and the health of our nation. I'm doing my best to live a long and productive life, but I need a viable planet to do so.

[marylander1940]

This thread is unusual. It's really really rare for vegetarians to admit it. You almost never find out unless you really pry. They never seem to want to talk about it.

 

good point, LOL

 

http://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/e35/14730465_1768109613407338_969926747854209024_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=MTM2ODI2NTgzODY5MTQ0ODI5NQ%3D%3D.2

[BasketBaller]

I'm pretty much an ectomorph, lean verging on skinniness when I was a kid. And I hated being skinny, and got teased about it some. When I got into sports I desperately tried to pack on some muscle but while I got stronger, I never could gain much mass. But in school, practices and games were enough to keep me fit. Once I stopped playing on a team, I didn't gain weight but quickly would turn soft, so I started exercising, swimming (and we live near a great public pool in DC so it is free for me) and a combo of cardio and weights (with a family gym membership, and three competitive boys who try to out-do each other and me). That keeps me in decent shape but I long ago had to accept I'd never have the bulging arms and broad shoulders I like so much in other men.

 

I do get an endorphin rush after a hard workout and that keeps me at it. But in the last couple of years nothing I do will make my belly as flat as it used to be, and my waist size has crept up. I'm not eating more or exercising less, it's just the effects of age.

 

One change in my fitness regimen is something I regret but I doubt it matters much to my health. I used to love to bake in the sauna after a long swim or a hard workout, alternating with ice cold showers. I would get a rush like nothing else gave me (I never did drugs so I can't claim any comparison to that). But a few years ago I developed mild rosacea, easily managed if I avoided the triggers, one of which turned out to be excessive heat. Even a hot shower turns my face red as a lobster for the day, I think a sauna would make me look like a burn victim for a week. So no sauna and lukewarm showers for me.

[+ Gar1eth]

I hate the "It Gets Better" campaign. I'm living proof that, no, it really doesn't.

 

And lying to bullied kids about it is a terrible thing to do.

 

I definitely understand where you are coming from. I have a tendency to agree. That was actually one of my reasons for staying totally closeted-that coming out wasn't going to fix everything. But I have to assume that coming out does relieve some tension. I'm not totally out now-my immediate family and multiple long term acquaintances know. But I'm not all the way in the closet either. I wouldn't totally freak out if someone new found out the way I would have when I was younger.

 

I can tell you I don't stand in front of a mirror pejoratively saying 'you're gay, you're gay, you're gay...' as I used to. Also I used to have great trouble going to non-gay medical providers for gay related problems such as STD evaluations. Eighteen to twenty years ago when I went to counseling I seriously wanted to give the office a false name and pay in cash because I didn't want my name on record with statements saying that I was gay. So in at least these ways, things are better for me. It's not as much better as I would have wished. But knowing me and knowing my life, I knew beforehand that coming out was not going to be anywhere near a panacea for me.

 

 

I do get an endorphin rush after a hard workout and that keeps me at it. But in the last couple of years nothing I do will make my belly as flat as it used to be, and my waist size has crept up. I'm not eating more or exercising less, it's just the effects of age.

 

I wish I could experience that. Exercise either makes me feel sick or as if I haven't done enough to really be counted as exercise because it's at such a low level.

 

Gman

[MikeyGMin]

I hate the "It Gets Better" campaign. I'm living proof that, no, it really doesn't.

 

And lying to bullied kids about it is a terrible thing to do.

Not to minimize your experience, but you're living proof that nothing is 100%, not that anyone is lying to kids. For the majority of people it does indeed get much much better when you have community, adult coping skills, economic independence, and the other things that most people gain with age.

[YoungAD]

I wish I could experience that. Exercise either makes me feel sick or as if I haven't done enough to really be counted as exercise because it's at such a low level.

 

Gman

 

Gman, I do not believe that for an instant. I believe you derive a great deal of pleasure painting yourself, your life and your situation using a palette of the gloomiest colors possible. Is there an example where I would be proven wrong?

[BigK]

I would be more than happy to live with someone for a week or two in March or late February and be in charge of meals (vegan plant-based) and fitness (at your level) and see what happens to LDL/Triglycerides/weight/fasting blood glucose in that time - I would do this for a super reasonable rate, if anyone is interested in something like this, PM me - it would be a part of a research project for my professional degree.

 

 

@FreshFluff Leptin is rarely low in obese individuals. Generally, they may acquire a decreased sensitivity to it over time with greater than normal levels.

 

"Plant-Pure Nation" on Netflix:

It could change your life! Check out the China Study also (google it)

 

Swimming is an excellent aerobic exercise that is zero impact. I suggest it to a lot of my patients with a number of comorbid conditions that limit more traditional exercise methods (recumbent bikes are great too)

 

I assume this would include a lot of aerobic activity in bed!

[Rudynate]

I'm pretty much an ectomorph, lean verging on skinniness when I was a kid. And I hated being skinny, and got teased about it some. When I got into sports I desperately try to pack on some muscle but while I got stronger, I never could gain much mass. But in school, practices and games were enough to keep me fit. Once I stopped playing on a team, I didn't gain weight but quickly would turn soft, so I started exercising, swimming (and we live near a great public pool in DC so it is free for me) and a combo of cardio and weights (with a family gym membership, and three competitive boys who try to out-do each other and me). That keeps me in decent shape but I long ago had to accept I'd never have the bulging arms and broad shoulders I like so much in other men.

 

I do get an endorphin rush after a hard workout and that keeps me at it. But in the last couple of years nothing I do will make my belly as flat as it used to be, and my waist size has crept up. I'm not eating more or exercising less, it's just the effects of age.

 

One change in my fitness regimen is something I regret but I doubt it matters much to my health. I used to love to bake in the sauna after a long swim or a hard workout, alternating with ice cold showers. I would get a rush like nothing else gave me (I never did drugs so I can't claim any comparison to that). But a few years ago I developed mild rosacea, easily managed if I avoided the triggers, one of which turned out to be excessive heat. Even a hot shower turns my face red as a lobster for the day, I think a sauna would make me look like a burn victim for a week. So no sauna and lukewarm showers for me.

 

You have to eat more. I'm sort of an ectomorph/mesomorph. I tried and tried to build muscle - with the result that I got stronger and more cut, but never bigger. Finally, a trainer told me, "You have to eat more, a lot more." It is difficult. I have to discipline myself to eat more in the very same way that most people who weigh too much have to discipline themselves to eat less. But I have put on weight since I have been following this program. My weight has gone from 154 to 170. In order to do that, I have to eat in the neighborhood of 3300 calories/day.

[+ Gar1eth]

 

 

 

 

I wish I could experience that. Exercise either makes me feel sick or as if I haven't done enough to really be counted as exercise because it's at such a low level.

 

Gman

 

Gman, I do not believe that for an instant. I believe you derive a great deal of pleasure painting yourself, your life and your situation using a palette of the gloomiest colors possible. Is there an example where I would be proven wrong?

 

You are definitely entitled to your opinion.

 

Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

And as we all know the pressure in our culture to be trim is TWICE what it is for women.

 

The pressure on men is twice what it is for women?

[+ Gar1eth]

The pressure on men is twice what it is for women?

 

I think he means-twice as much for women as for men. That's the way I interpreted it. I'm almost 100% positive he meant 'that' instead of 'what'. Being the strict 'textualist' that I am;), I'm glad @Tonyko is still with us and can explain exactly what he meant.

 

Gman

 

PS @Tonyko -I'm lot sure I really like the stereotype of Jewish women pushing food on people. My mother is a lovely woman and a great cook (when she was in her prime I'd put her chicken soup and matzah balls up against anyone's (her matzo balls are the light kind not the cannon balls)) . She certainly didn't want a guest to go hungry. But if you are thinking she was the zaftig white-haired lady in an apron continually urging family and friends to 'eat, eat-you're much too skinny," you obviously don't know my mother. )

[Tonyko]

I think he means-twice as much for women as for men. That's the way I interpreted it. I'm almost 100% positive he meant 'that' instead of 'what'. Being the strict 'textualist' that I am;), I'm glad @Tonyko is still with us and can explain exactly what he meant.

 

Gman

 

PS @Tonyko -I'm lot sure I really like the stereotype of Jewish women pushing food on people. My mother is a lovely woman and a great cook (when she was in her prime I'd put her chicken soup and matzah balls up against anyone's (her matzo balls are the light kind not the cannon balls)) . She certainly didn't want a guest to go hungry. But if you are thinking she was the zaftig white-haired lady in an apron continually urging family and friends to 'eat, eat-you're much too skinny," you obviously don't know my mother. )

1) No, I DID MEAN the pressure to be within a certain socially "hot" body type IS worse for gay men than it is even for women. I've never heard a female friend say she's "girl fat" as opposed to what a man would consider fat in regard to himself. But I HAVE heard many buds say they're "gay" fat (meaning in the str8 world they'd be considered ok but in OUR world they need to lose a few

2) And what I said had NADA to do with a stereotypical physical "image" of Bubbi's or Italian moms etc (FYI my DAD was Italian and my MOM Jewish My mom was never heavy NOR were my Dad's SEVEN sisters etc but ca'monnnnnnnn lol JEWS AND ITALIANS ESP THAT GENERATION LOVE TO EAT AND LOVE FOR EVERYONE TO ENJOY EATING. Life centers around food. (and illness ) Few other peoples when, hearing someone will be late, eat just to hold you over UNTIL you eat. *you'll notice re pre-desposed I didn't say "FAT"on both sides I said EAT on both sides. And I said nothing re pushing food on you, just pushing it in an endless stream in FRONT of you. And if you don't have a good off switch (I didn't) you get fat. (I did). The end.

[+ FreshFluff]

Gman, I do not believe that for an instant. I believe you derive a great deal of pleasure painting yourself, your life and your situation using a palette of the gloomiest colors possible. Is there an example where I would be proven wrong?

 

I get where he's coming from. It's easy to push yourself too hard. I walk a lot and I tried to ease back into higher-intensity activity by doing easy intervals--2 mins walking flat, 2 mins walking 4 mph on a 8-9 degree incline. After only a few days of this, my hip flexors were really sore with something called bursitis. I stopped a couple of weeks ago but I'm still sore sometimes.

 

I used to run 15 miles a week with no problems.

[BasketBaller]

You have to eat more. I'm sort of an ectomorph/mesomorph. I tried and tried to build muscle - with the result that I got stronger and more cut, but never bigger. Finally, a trainer told me, "You have to eat more, a lot more." It is difficult. I have to discipline myself to eat more in the very same way that most people who weigh too much have to discipline themselves to eat less. But I have put on weight since I have been following this program. My weight has gone from 154 to 170. In order to do that, I have to eat in the neighborhood of 3300 calories/day.

Back in college I stuffed myself trying to gain mass, but it didn't make much difference. Probably I needed some kind of caloric supplement that didn't fill me up, I never could eat enough to gain bulk. Now, I am comfortable with my basically lean-but-not-skinny build.

[Mo Mason]

Not to minimize your experience, but you're living proof that nothing is 100%, not that anyone is lying to kids. For the majority of people it does indeed get much much better when you have community, adult coping skills, economic independence, and the other things that most people gain with age.

 

I guess that's true. For normal people it does get better. For a hot mess like me.... I should have just died in high school.

[N13]

I guess that's true. For normal people it does get better. For a hot mess like me.... I should have just died in high school.

 

I hope you are just in a temporary funk and not serious. If you are truly serious, please go for help before you become a statistic! I know it can sometimes be black, but the alternative solves nothing!

[YoungAD]

I guess that's true. For normal people it does get better. For a hot mess like me.... I should have just died in high school.

 

What are the issues contributing to your unhappiness?