Help! I may have given/received an STD to long time BF

[Happy]

Hi Everyone!

I am a long time reader of this site so I know that some of you may be able to offer advice. I got home from work on Monday to find my BF of 10 years sitting on the sofa looking very concerned. He had just returned for his MD who told him he probably had an STD based on symptoms. Since we are both in a monogamous relationship this means one of us screwed up. Most likely I am the one because once in a while I like to give an anonymous BJ. I went for testing today and my MD told me it was possible to be a carrier for years and not know it. I love this guy so I am prepared to give everything up, escorts, anonymous sex partners etc. My question is do you think it is viable to claim that I may have been infected before our relationship? Is this even medically possible? Would it be best to lie about the whole thing? I know that I am about to get scorched, and I deserve it, but I would appreciate advice as to how I may be able to talk my way through this.

 

Thanks in advance!

Not so........

[+ Charlie]

Since you haven't indicated what STD has been transmitted, it's hard to know whether the claim is viable or not. You need to be more specific about the details.

[Happy]

WE have not received the test results back yet. My BF's symptoms were so bad that his MD started medication right away. The worst symptom was burning when urinating. MD thought that he had an infection in his prostrate.

[HotdadENYC]

Absent specific medical details about the STD(s) in question, its hard to comment further on that. I think once YOUR doctor finds out exactly what's going on, you need to have a conversation with him (or her) before you face the much more difficult conversation with your boyfriend.

 

Since each of your doctors (assuming that they're different) will eventually come to a diagnosis and tell you more info about the disease, it may not make sense to say anything until you're sure, but I don't think you should lie about it. That goes against everything I believe in regarding open communication and certainly smacks of a certain lack of integrity, particularly when someone else's health has been adversely affected.

 

Now, it is not my intention to scorch you, but I am a little confused about how you can claim to be in a monogamous relationship and yet engage and indulge in anonymous sex with others? Surely you were aware of the risks involved, including the very real one that someday your BF might find out?

 

And, if your bf has indeed contracted an STD through you, are there others out there who might have suffered the same fate? I shudder to think that that might be the case.

 

I don't envy the position you are in.

 

hd NYC

[HotdadENYC]

Sorry, I neglected to add, that I don't envy the position you're in, even if it turns out that its your boyfriend who is the culprit.

 

OR, worse, that you're both guilty.

 

 

 

hd NYC

[AaronScottDC]

If he has an infection of the prostate, it may not be STD related at all. It may just be an infection, period.

 

I have two close friends who have been in a monogamous relationship for many years. Recently, one of them ended up with an infection in his prostate and it wasn't caused by any STD's. It was caused by him not using a condom when he topped his bf and fecal matter entered his urethra and caused an infection. Sorta like a urinary tract infection that women often get, but worse.

 

Even though they are both negative and only have sex with each other, the doctor still recommended using condoms during anal sex in order to avoid a similar infection in the future.

 

So, if your bf is a top, and you guys don't use protection when playing hide the little soldier, then I wouldn't be so sure that the infection was caused by any particular STD's.

 

Of course, your doctor should be able to shed a lot more light on the subject than any of us arm chair physicians possibly could. I hope everything works out the best for you both!

 

Aaron Scott DC

http://www.erados.com/AaronScottDC

http://www.male4malescorts.com/reviews/aaronscottdc.html

[Spida]

Wow what a tough situation, I would hate to be in the situation. This response is probably pie in the sky, but I think that if you love him, and want a real relationship then honestly is the only option.

 

Just know I am not jaded yet and think people who love each other even in a gay relationship should be honest, if there isn't trust then is it really a relationship. Of course if you hit me up in about 5 years I may be at a different place and understand it more, so please don't think this is a moral judgement just my opinion.

[mattgunther]

You can be infected with Chalmydia for years without knowing it. But Chalmydia does not cause pain on urination.

 

Pain with urination sounds like gonerrhea. Its highly unlikely you would be infected with gonerrhea for years without knowing it or passing it on to your boyfriend. Its even more unlikely that, years after you were infected, you would suddenly give it to him. The more likely explanation is that your throat got infected during one of your anonymous BJs and then you infected your boyfriend's penis when giving him a BJ. Either that or your boyfriend is also sleeping around.

 

If you're lucky your boyfriend's doctor won't know this and will tell you boyfriend you might have had Chalmydia.

[HotdadENYC]

>If you're lucky your boyfriend's doctor won't know this and

>will tell you boyfriend you might have had Chalmydia.

>

 

 

In my opinion, whatever the diagnosis (and I am NOT medically qualified to offer an opinion on that), I think it would have been more appropriate to say "If you're lucky your boyfriend's doctor WILL know this..." and advise your boyfriend as to the most effective course of treatment.

 

Further, hopefully your doctor WILL also know the same and advise you in a similar vein.

 

I don't believe that deception, on anyone's part, helps this situation one bit.

 

hd NYC

[guptasa1]

Pretty sure (and I'm not a doctor either) the treatment for both is the same - a strong dose of antibiotics. Though I agree that honesty is probably the best policy in this situation. That, I'm sure, is easier said than done, though.

[Luv2play]

I had a boyfriend back in the early 70's who had a chronic case of NSU (non-specific urethritus(sp)) and I remember having to go with him to our doctor a few times for treatment when I came down with the symptoms, which were similar to ghonorrea (sp). In fact, it was eventually one of the things that drove us apart, as I came to dread having sex with him (these were the precondom days). I understand from my reading that this is what JFK had as well (among his many ailments, all hidden from the press in those pre-Watergate days). Just a theory, but a doctor's test should reveal what is really the cause of the symptoms.

[Happy]

Thank you all for your comments. We will have the test results next week. I know that it is not good to speculate until we know what we are dealing with. He did fuck me deeper than he ever has, he is a good 8", so perhaps it was a fecal infection. This may very well be the wake up call I need to clean my act up so to speak. I may have to risk telling him that it was I who caught something from a dick stuck through an ABS glory hole. This info will revolt him and could end everything. The kick in the ass is that we do love each other. Stay tuned I will keep you posted.

[Guest baba]

Good luck man. I too joing the crowd who believe in telling the whole truth - especially if there's love involved. Wait and find out the results, let things calm down a bit and then sit down and have a good heart to heart. Hopefully it'll draw you two closer together. It may not. But it's important to be honest with each other. We'll be suppportive!

[Happy]

Baba,

Thanks for the advise. Things have cooled off a little. He gets his test results tomorrow so we have decided not to speculate or torture ourselves. As for me, a major change in habits and lifestyle is in order.