"A Woman Fat-Shamed Me On The Subway — And I Fought Back"

[marylander1940]

The other night I had dinner with my youngest brother. It was a nice, mellow evening, and I stopped by Insomnia Cookies on my way home to get up some decadent, warm chocolate cookies to share with my roommate.

 

On the train clutching my box of tasty, I was bothering no one and reading my book when a woman tapped me on the shoulder.

 

I looked up and she said “You’re so lucky, just eating whatever you want and not caring. I’m a dancer so I can’t do that.”

 

Do I tell her that I first knew I was fat when I was 7?

 

Do I tell her I saw my first nutritionist, started counting calories and working out at the gym when I was twelve?

 

Do I tell her that even on my good days I don’t look in the mirror and automatically like what I see there?

 

Do I tell her that every day is a battle to love myself?

 

Do I tell her that I’m still half convinced the last guy I dated didn’t want me in the end because I was too fat?

 

Do I tell her that the fact I am on a subway carrying a box of cookies is one of the bravest things I’ve ever done?

 

Do I tell her that she has just made one of my biggest nightmares come true?

 

Do I get snotty and say I can tell that she doesn’t eat much because of her wrinkled skin?

 

https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/a-woman-fat-shamed-me-1526426553442358.html

[+ Eric Hassan]

You shove all the cookies in your mouth at the same time and say "Thank you!" while crumbs fly out all over the place. Then you smile.

[mike carey]

You shove all the cookies in your mouth at the same time and say "Thank you!" while crumbs fly out all over the place. Then you smile.

Shove what in your mouth?

[+ Eric Hassan]

Shove what in your mouth?

 

Exactly.

[Bearofdistinction]

The other night I had dinner with my youngest brother. It was a nice, mellow evening, and I stopped by Insomnia Cookies on my way home to get up some decadent, warm chocolate cookies to share with my roommate.

 

On the train clutching my box of tasty, I was bothering no one and reading my book when a woman tapped me on the shoulder.

 

I looked up and she said “You’re so lucky, just eating whatever you want and not caring. I’m a dancer so I can’t do that.”

 

Do I tell her that I first knew I was fat when I was 7?

 

Do I tell her I saw my first nutritionist, started counting calories and working out at the gym when I was twelve?

 

Do I tell her that even on my good days I don’t look in the mirror and automatically like what I see there?

 

Do I tell her that every day is a battle to love myself?

 

Do I tell her that I’m still half convinced the last guy I dated didn’t want me in the end because I was too fat?

 

Do I tell her that the fact I am on a subway carrying a box of cookies is one of the bravest things I’ve ever done?

 

Do I tell her that she has just made one of my biggest nightmares come true?

 

Do I get snotty and say I can tell that she doesn’t eat much because of her wrinkled skin?

 

https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/a-woman-fat-shamed-me-1526426553442358.html

 

 

You say -- Really? Thank you so much for your unsolicited comments - You said you are a dancer - Is that polka or stomp

 

for it certainly couldn't be ballet with that figure --- Now I have wasted enough time on you so please keep your

 

comments to yourself and so will I --- In the meantime -- Please feel free to fuckoff and die!

[+ nycman]

You smile....nod....and change cars at the next station.

 

Anything else gives her power over you that she doesn't deserve.

 

Seriously folks...do I have to teach you ALL how to be New Yorkers?

 

But I really wasn't THAT offended by what she said. It was stupid and

insensitive, but I doubt she was trying to intentionally hurt her.

 

Repeat after me...smile...nod...move.

[MikeyGMin]

You smile....nod....and change cars at the next station.

 

Seriously folks...do I have to teach you ALL how to be New Yorkers?

 

 

Really? Not even a single "Fuck off!?" You've completely burst my stereotype bubble about New Yorkers. That is something we would do down here in Texas. If we had trains and dancers and fat people that is.

[marylander1940]

You say -- Really? Thank you so much for your unsolicited comments - You said you are a dancer - Is that polka or stomp

 

 

Line dancing

 

http://66.media.tumblr.com/389ba2514947468a462e3020c9d2cdc4/tumblr_nr72b6brGJ1syxdmmo1_500.gif

[+ glennnn]

You say in a very loud voice, so everyone can hear, "You'll do WHAT for 25 dollars? No, thanks" and then you move as far away as possible.

[+ Funguy]

I am glad that @Marylander put in the link for the Yahoo article.

Near the end, the author/subject/victim wrote something that I believe to be very true:

 

"Like it or not, most people today view weight as being a choice. “Eat right and exercise and you won’t be fat,” is the common thinking. I work out, I eat mindfully, and I’m going to remain at a stolid 210 pounds. I’m strong, I’m fast, I’m healthy, but because I am significantly overweight, I do not have the same basic rights to putter around existing that naturally thin people have."

 

As a physician I deal (or try to) with my patients' weight issues as soon as they pop up. Not as adults but as children but I have had to learn how to do this in a gentle, tactful way. It is unfortunate that adults treat other adults so poorly when it comes to this subject.

 

There actually are people who gain and gain no matter what they try to do to lose or at least stay in shape. I have a number of patients on the adult side of my practice who are easily 100 pounds overweight BUT they are far more healthy than a whole lot of average weight individuals!! Trying to lose weight they get a whole lot of good exercise, including cardio, their diets actually happen to be a lot more healthy than mine (I live for cheeseburgers and ice cream), their BP is in the normal range, their cholesterol panels are terrific, their numbers do not reflect pre-diabetes, and they have a lot more stamina than I do!

 

So, what do I do with them? I say "Hi, good to see you?" Simply encourage them to continue the good habits they have developed but I do want them to visit me a bit more often so I can keep tabs on things early on. Some will benefit from medication which fights what has been called "metabolic syndrome," a condition which does make it difficult/impossible to lose weight - they really don't want to take it. All they need is someone to give them some positive feedback that they are, indeed, good people.

[Kippy]

The best quiver in your arsenal is a one word answer which I have used only a few times when I have been blindsided by the most obnoxious statement, comment or actions. Muster up a tinge of contempt in your voice, look them directly in the eye and respond with a rather drawn out pronunciation of "Yooouuuu CUNT!" They literally go running away speechless every time!

 

Peace,

 

Kipp

[topinla]

You say in a very loud voice, so everyone can hear, "You'll do WHAT for 25 dollars? No, thanks" and then you move as far away as possible.

 

"You'll do WHAT for these cookies? No, thanks"

[jjkrkwood]

For me the comment was more about her than about you. Often people on public transportation just want to make conversation or a connection, and sometimes they say stupid things.

 

It doesnt really deserve a comment, I would have just smiled and nodded. Not sure why you felt it was attack on you ? Perhaps you may oversensitive because you have been dealing with weight issues, as I have, all my life, and it is only now that I have come to the realization that I am more critical of myself than others are !

[marylander1940]

You smile....nod....and change cars at the next station.

 

Anything else gives her power over you that she doesn't deserve.

 

Seriously folks...do I have to teach you ALL how to be New Yorkers?

 

But I really wasn't THAT offended by what she said. It was stupid and

insensitive, but I doubt she was trying to intentionally hurt her.

 

Repeat after me...smile...nod...move.

 

I agree, for a New Yorker the author does have very thin skin.

 

 

For me the comment was more about her than about you. Often people on public transportation just want to make conversation or a connection, and sometimes they say stupid things.

 

It doesnt really deserve a comment, I would have just smiled and nodded. Not sure why you felt it was attack on you ? Perhaps you may oversensitive because you have been dealing with weight issues, as I have, all my life, and it is only now that I have come to the realization that I am more critical of myself than others are !

 

Miss JJ:

 

I'm disappointed with you... I was expecting something like this: "This must be a publicity stunt by the folks of Insomnia Cookies" or "she should have been arrested for eating in the subway and not following the law" or just a picture of a hot guy eating a cookie or covered by some...

 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--mZIdVo2KjU/UeNFlYcRuXI/AAAAAAAAJjo/AL9zklZSzrY/s1600/insomnia+cookies+1.jpg

 

[NowOrNever]

It amazes me how rude people allow themselves to be.

 

I was at a cafe once, sitting near a woman who was perhaps 20 pounds overweight but not much more. She was committing the grievous sin of Eating Cake While Pudgy. Another customer walked by and made an unsolicited, derogatory comment: "You're lucky you can eat cake. If I let myself go like that, my boyfriend would dump my fat ass!"

 

While the poor "overweight" cake-eater looked mortified, as if SHE had done something wrong, I smiled sweetly and said to the critic, "Most people are restricted in their commentary by sensitivity, good manners, and intelligence. How lucky are YOU not to be so burdened."

 

For some unknown reason, she took offense and told me off for gratuitously denigrating a stranger.

 

The irony amused me.

[Bearofdistinction]

You smile....nod....and change cars at the next station.

 

Anything else gives her power over you that she doesn't deserve.

 

Seriously folks...do I have to teach you ALL how to be New Yorkers?

 

But I really wasn't THAT offended by what she said. It was stupid and

insensitive, but I doubt she was trying to intentionally hurt her.

 

Repeat after me...smile...nod...move.

 

No Teach her what an insensitive inappropriate bitch she is ---- then move to another car -

[+ pdxleo]

Pole dancer or donkey?

[Bearofdistinction]

For me the comment was more about her than about you. Often people on public transportation just want to make conversation or a connection, and sometimes they say stupid things.

 

It doesnt really deserve a comment, I would have just smiled and nodded. Not sure why you felt it was attack on you ? Perhaps you may oversensitive because you have been dealing with weight issues, as I have, all my life, and it is only now that I have come to the realization that I am more critical of myself than others are !

 

NO it was an attack -- Being Fat and Sassy I have expd it in all sorts of venues from all sorts of people -- I don't take shit

from anybody unless they are paying my bills and buying me a new beachhouse and a new Mercedes convertible every year

otherwise ---

 

Mind your Ps and Qs and

manners and you don't need no other tools -- cause everyone who works here know Miss Mona's NoNo Rules!

 

Then kick em in the cunt!

[Zman]

This isn't directly relevant to the OP but one the subject of how hard it is for some to lose weight

 

New York Times Article After ‘The Biggest Loser,’ Their

Bodies Fought to Regain Weight

 

A quote:

What shocked the researchers was what happened next: As the years went by and the numbers on the scale climbed, the contestants’ metabolisms did not recover. They became even slower, and the pounds kept piling on. It was as if their bodies were intensifying their effort to pull the contestants back to their original weight.

 

Mr. Cahill was one of the worst off. As he regained more than 100 pounds, his metabolism slowed so much that, just to maintain his current weight of 295 pounds, he now has to eat 800 calories a day less than a typical man his size. Anything more turns to fat.

[marylander1940]

I'm sorry she embarrassed herself by what she said to you. I cannot imagine ever saying what she did, even to someone I know. Have I made unsolicited comments to strangers, yes but only compliments. It is your life and your money. Unless I'm mistaken we get one shot at life. I'm not a doctor or nutritionist. I've been both underweight and overweight. What I eventually learned is some form of exercise every day and eating in moderation. I wouldn't deny myself an Insomnia Cookie if I lived near one. I'd just eat them in moderation. Same with ice cream and chocolate. Didn't I hear that one piece of chocolate per day is a good idea and releases the same chemicals in us that a hug does - who doesn't like a hug?

 

Only you, someone you absolutely know loves you unconditionally or your personal physician can pass judgment on your body (the latter two do care about you). You absolutely need to live (or continue living) the f*ing life that makes YOU happy.

 

hold on... thanks for your kind thoughts but it didn't happen to me... I just posted this from yahoo news.

[Newly]

Rudeness is never OK, but I see a bit of a disconnect here. About 20 years or so ago this was happening to smokers. Everyone felt entitled to treat them like pariahs and bitch about how their smoking was increasing health care costs, causing problems with second hand smoke, and had no problem shaming smokers. Of course some people are probably more genetically prone to addiction and quitting smoking is incredibly hard, but that never really came up as an excuse. Our new epidemic is obesity. I have no doubt there are genetic components and it is harder for some people to loose weight, but human genetics don't change that quickly and whereas seeing obese people was relatively rare a few decades ago now it is everywhere. Obesity increases health costs for society (some studies say it is just as expensive as smoking) and although putting up with second-hand smoking hurts your health having to try to squeeze into an airplane seat next to someone who is seriously overweight isn't a picnic either. At work we raised insurance rates for smokers AND for people with a higher BMI index because in both cases they increase our costs. The same people who were supportive of higher rates for smokers suddenly started hollering when their rates went up for being overweight. Funny how that works.

[jjkrkwood]

Rudeness is never OK, but I see a bit of a disconnect here. About 20 years or so ago this was happening to smokers. Everyone felt entitled to treat them like pariahs and bitch about how their smoking was increasing health care costs, causing problems with second hand smoke, and had no problem shaming smokers. Of course some people are probably more genetically prone to addiction and quitting smoking is incredibly hard, but that never really came up as an excuse. Our new epidemic is obesity. I have no doubt there are genetic components and it is harder for some people to loose weight, but human genetics don't change that quickly and whereas seeing obese people was relatively rare a few decades ago now it is everywhere. Obesity increases health costs for society (some studies say it is just as expensive as smoking) and although putting up with second-hand smoking hurts your health having to try to squeeze into an airplane seat next to someone who is seriously overweight isn't a picnic either. At work we raised insurance rates for smokers AND for people with a higher BMI index because in both cases they increase our costs. The same people who were supportive of higher rates for smokers suddenly started hollering when their rates went up for being overweight. Funny how that works.

 

I think life's rule should be "Mind your own fucking business"..... If I'm fat, ugly, poor, uneducated, disabled.... What the hell does it have to do with YOU ? So people, worry about yourselves and your own lives. If somebody wants your opinion, they will ASK for it !

[bigvalboy]

I think life's rule should be "Mind your own fucking business"..... If I'm fat, ugly, poor, uneducated, disabled.... What the hell does it have to do with YOU ? So people, worry about yourselves and your own lives. If somebody wants your opinion, they will ASK for it !

 

+1000

[+ quoththeraven]

Rudeness is never OK, but I see a bit of a disconnect here. About 20 years or so ago this was happening to smokers. Everyone felt entitled to treat them like pariahs and bitch about how their smoking was increasing health care costs, causing problems with second hand smoke, and had no problem shaming smokers. Of course some people are probably more genetically prone to addiction and quitting smoking is incredibly hard, but that never really came up as an excuse. Our new epidemic is obesity. I have no doubt there are genetic components and it is harder for some people to loose weight, but human genetics don't change that quickly and whereas seeing obese people was relatively rare a few decades ago now it is everywhere. Obesity increases health costs for society (some studies say it is just as expensive as smoking) and although putting up with second-hand smoking hurts your health having to try to squeeze into an airplane seat next to someone who is seriously overweight isn't a picnic either. At work we raised insurance rates for smokers AND for people with a higher BMI index because in both cases they increase our costs. The same people who were supportive of higher rates for smokers suddenly started hollering when their rates went up for being overweight. Funny how that works.

 

Smokers pollute my air. In fact, I can tell if someone is smoking whether or not I can see their cigarette, it's that bad.

 

If I am around a smoker for any length of time, I get a sinus infection. This happened every time I was staying in the same place as my mother-in-law when she smoked. (She eventually quit.) I had to put my foot down about not traveling with her and not staying where she stayed (not a hotel, a relative's home) to avoid getting sick.

 

Smokers are free to invade my space if they're wearing impermeable helmets that keep me from being exposed to the fumes. Otherwise, I need them to stay the hell away, as their smoke literally makes me sick.

[jjkrkwood]

Smokers pollute my air. In fact, I can tell if someone is smoking whether or not I can see their cigarette, it's that bad.

 

If I am around a smoker for any length of time, I get a sinus infection. This happened every time I was staying in the same place as my mother-in-law when she smoked. (She eventually quit.) I had to put my foot down about not traveling with her and not staying where she stayed (not a hotel, a relative's home) to avoid getting sick.

 

Smokers are free to invade my space if they're wearing impermeable helmets that keep me from being exposed to the fumes. Otherwise, I need them to stay the hell away, as their smoke literally makes me sick.

 

I totally agree quoth.... I hate smoking, never smoked in my life, and hated my parents for their bad habit.. It makes me physically sick. luckily smoking has been banned in restaurants, bars, theatres etc, but people are still free to smoke in open spaces, and are often inconsiderate. Sometimes, I could be sitting on a bench waiting for a bus, or just taking in some sunshine when a "smoker" will sit down next to me, light up and blow the smoke towards me. It doesn't pay to say anything because they know full well what they are doing, but don't care. Therefore I am forced to get up and move. It's just the way it is...