Husband for sale?

[VaHawk]

If I find a young boy, that is 20-30 years younger than me, financially support him, take him on fabulous vacations, and buy him expensive gifts, all the time letting him do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, does that mean I can call him my “husband”? Or should I refer to him, as to what he most likely is, which is a “bought and paid for boy toy du jour”, who will be replaced as soon as I grow tired of him, and want something new? What is the proper amount of time to know that boy before designating him "my husband"? Does referring to him as my “husband” just further cheapen the relationships of two men, regardless of age, who have loved and supported each other for years? Does it also give further ammunition to those who advocate the denial of rights to marriage between two such gay men?

[marc anthony]

Hawk: Not sure why you are asking these questions, but here is my attempt at some answers. First of all, I think some men call other men their "husbands" as terms of endearment, and have their tongue firmly planted in their cheek. I know I sometimes do to refer to boys who are "keepers" because they are not only cute, but also really easy to have around for long periods of time. Others, use the term literally to honor a long term relationship. And if you live in Massachusetts or Canada or some European countries, you might even be using the term legally. I think the answers to your questions are different depending on what subgroup you are referring to. But I am guessing you are referring to group 1, since you seem to imply some short term relationship that is based on money.

 

 

>If I find a young boy, that is 20-30 years younger than me,

>financially support him, take him on fabulous vacations, and

>buy him expensive gifts, all the time letting him do whatever

>he wants, whenever he wants, does that mean I can call him my

>“husband”?

 

I think you can call him whatever you want. Why not? Much of this jargon is tongue in cheek anyway, and more importantly....Who's listening? Should we be just as offended if the boy called the older man "daddy" in this situation even if he really isn't his father?

 

Or should I refer to him, as to what he most

>likely is, which is a “bought and paid for boy toy du jour”,

>who will be replaced as soon as I grow tired of him, and want

>something new?

 

Only you know your intentions and your feelings, so only you would know the answer to this question. Do you contend that it would be impossible for an older and younger man to ever intend to have a relationship for a longer period of time?

 

What is the proper amount of time to know that

>boy before designating him "my husband"?

 

What is the proper amount of time to know someone before designating them as "my friend"? Would you also argue it is wrong to introduce an escort at dinner as "This is my friend so and so"? I think we say things and use terms that make us happy and clarify a relationship to others. There is no right time, just a right feeling.

 

Does referring to

>him as my “husband” just further cheapen the relationships of

>two men, regardless of age, who have loved and supported each

>other for years?

 

No. Those people have a relationship that is valuable and worthwhile. Why would someone else's use of a word in a different context have any influence on that value? Using the "friend" analogy, does it cheapen long term child hood friendships that have stood the test of time to introduce people you have recently met and don't know very well as "my friend"?

 

Does it also give further ammunition to

>those who advocate the denial of rights to marriage between

>two such gay men?

 

Again, no. The people who advocate the denial of rights to marriage could care less what you call your young friend... they just aren't going to let you marry him. And they would likely be disgusted with the relationship no matter what you called it. Do you really think they would soften their stance just because you called such a person "my paid young same sex companion"?

[TotallyOz]

Very interesting topic. Thanks for bringing this up.

 

I refer to very few as my husband. I have a guy in Thailand that I refer to as my husband. I am not so stupid as to know why we are together. But, he spent over 8 weeks with me on a trip day in and day out. He is now with me on this trip for another 10 weeks. Anyone who can put up with me for that long I call husband. I do it more tongue and cheek than reality. I would not go with him or anyone to a court and get a marriage license. It is not what I want with him or anyone at this point in time.

 

I often only refer to him as husband on this board and with friends from here. If someone in Thailand asks me who he is, I say he is my "special friend". Not a total boyfriend as I don't like that label either but a very good, very close, special person for me.

 

I have a lesbian cousin. She is married in all ways. They have been together for many years and are monogamous with each other. I call them married. I think it is most appropriate.

 

So for me, when you hear me use the word, like many I use, it is not meant literal but more a term of affection for how much I care for the person I am with. I hope my perspective helps!

[+ Charlie]

I call the man with whom I have lived for 36 years various things, but never "husband". I am amused when people refer to him as my "boyfriend", since he is almost 70. When we were younger, I called him my "lover", but nowadays--with the increasingly legalistic emphasis on personal relationships--I usually call him my "partner." For the relationship you are describing, I still think the best term is "paramour."

[+ nycman]

When you sign an agreement that he gets 1/2 your stuff when you get tired of him and move on....THEN he's your husband.

[+ deej]

Photographer Tom Bianchi introduces his long-term fella as his boytoy.

 

Works for me. :9

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Works Wonders

 

>Photographer Tom Bianchi introduces his long-term fella as

>his boytoy.

>

 

I prefer introducing them as my man thing.

 

 

http://www.gaydar.co.uk/francodisantis