Leaving other behing on your Journey

[Spida]

In the recent year or so I have been on a journey of self discovery. It has been enlightening and very positive.

 

However, in the past week I have become quite aware that not everyone that is in my life now, even the ones that I love so very much will accompany me on this journey. And it is very sad to me, however, I realizedthat I will have to leave some of my family and good friends behind in order to continue.

 

Last week I was with family out of town, and I was able to share some of my discoveries with my family, in particular one of my sisters who I am very close to. I told her during the week that I was gay and I was finally embracing this aspect of my life. Unfortunately, it didn't go over well! Due to some of her religious beliefs, that part of my family will not be able to spend time or really even speak to me soon! They believe that if someone turns their back on this religion (Cult in my opinion!) then that person is dead to you, and they must treat me that way or they will also be shunned from the religion.

 

Anyhow the point of the post is that I have come to a point in my life where it is actually harder to pretend to be straight, as I have for so many years than be who I am. Even though there will be sad at points, I will be disapointed, and will have to continue to deal with many different challenges for my decisions it has been the greatest and most enlightening time of my life!

 

BTW - Sorry Bigguy and Jackhammer didn't get to meet up when I was on the left coast. Had to deal with some stuff I didn't want to!

[OneFinger]

RE: Leaving other behind on your Journey

 

Several years ago I was in the same situation and couldn't continue living a lie to the family. It took almost 5 years for things to get back on an even keel.

 

Before the death of both parents we re-established an honest relationship where I didn't have to play "I've Got a Secret". While they couldn't fully embrace my lifestyle, they did come to realize that my gay lifestyle met my needs and actually added to the quality of my life.

 

My sister and her husband (who is also a Bishop) have a very close relationship with me. My lifestyle has been an education for them and I've seen start to question the policies of their religion.

 

In short, while you think you may be leaving others behind, it's been my experience that they'll come back into your life. In the mean time, develop a strong extended family within the gay community and live your life to the fullest.

[Boston Guy]

I'm sorry you're in a difficult spot right now. Family problems can be so difficult to handle because of the strong ties that we have to our families.

 

My only advice is this: it took you a long time to accept that you are gay and to learn how to be happy as a gay man. Don't expect them to make the same trip in a split-second.

 

Let them know that you love them and that you'll be available whenever they do want to talk. Then give them time and hope that they'll find their way past the shackles of their religion to a place where they can be happy to have you in their lives again.

 

And if that never happens, at least you will know that you lived an honest life and loved your family.

 

My best to you.

BG

[FourAces]

I continue to live my life as a gay man but without the need to announce this to any specific group of people. I never could understand why some people must go out of their way to let family or friends know that they are gay. Not one member of my family and not one friend has ever sat down with me and explained he/she is straight.

 

With that said I do feel bad that you're going through the emotional pain of your announcement. The seperation from family can be very harsh.

 

For a completely different reason from your situation, I did not speak to one of my brothers and he did not speak to me; for nearly 6 years. It was a very difficult time for me because I felt hurt and very angry. Through a series of events we met last November for dinner and without dwelling on the issues that seperated us all those years ago have moved forward. We remain very close nearly one year later.

 

So BG advice is correct. Give it time and hopefully all will work out.

 

RT

[Rick Munroe]

>Not one member

>of my family and not one friend has ever sat down with me and

>explained he/she is straight.

 

They didn't have to because straight people don't hide the fact that they are straight and have never had to hide it. Do you know their spouses and girlfriends/boyfriends? Or do they live in secret and make you wonder and guess?

[Luv2play]

You say you live your life as a gay man and see no need to announce it. This begs the question, what do your family and straight friends say when they see you with your gay friends (and lovers?). People are naturally curious, and especially those close to you, and they are bound to ask questions.

 

What do you reply? Do you find yourself engaged in deceptions and lies? Most gay men who live their lives in the closet do. It becomes soul-destroying to many and, unfortunately, there are other consequences as well, such as turning to alcohol and drugs to soothe the psychic pain.

 

I came out to family and friends when I knew that I was set on living my life as a gay man. I told my sister first and then others and while difficult, I also felt a great sense of relief.

 

If certain family members or so-called friends shun you as a result of this new knowledge, it is better than avoiding the truth about yourself. It is best to continue on your true path but leave the door open for reconciliation with those people, for they may come back.

 

Good luck!

[jackhammer91406]

New places, new faces

 

My good friend,

I am sorry that you had a bad time with some of you family. Boston Guy gives you good counsel tho. What took years for you, they had minutes to deal with. In time, I think they will come around, but if not, that's OK.

 

You have chosen to live who you are, not who they want you to be.

As you continue, your life will have new "family" to replace those who cannot come along with you.

 

I told my brothers last year. They were totally cool, but somewhat surprised, as are most when they find out. I have told other members and they seem fine. BUT, there are some whom I will never open up to. I will not put them in a position of having to choose between their faith and me. I can be who they have always known (which in substance is not all that different from who I am) and never put them through the challenge of having to examine a faith that has no room for me. Who I sleep with has nothing to do with how I have always treated them and been treated by them.

 

I know that some view this as cowardly since I should be able to be "out" to all of the family. but honestly, my 92 year old aunt doesn't need to have that conversation with me. She loves the me she knows and it is enough for the time she has left.

 

I completely understand about us not getting together on your last trip and it's fine. Let me hear from you the next time you come.

 

Blessings

[FourAces]

>You say you live your life as a gay man and see no need to

>announce it. This begs the question, what do your family and

>straight friends say when they see you with your gay friends

>(and lovers?).

 

Good question, if someone asks me I acknowledge I'm gay whether that be a friend or family member. Most do not ask and as I mentioned I do not feel the need to make some grand announcement.

 

In any event I did not mean to intentionally hijack this thread, so within this space I will not comment further. If a more appropriate thread opens I will do so there.

 

Sorry Spida.

 

RT

[bigguyinpasadena]

RE: New places, new faces

 

Spida,I was keeping a stud warm for you!I guess i can let him out of his box now.

One of the "right"decissions I made in my life was coming out reallllly early(15)-it saved a lot of grief in that the taunts and slurs tossed at me lost their edge quickly.I was a VERY strange boy and this answered a lot of questions for all invloved!

My family has HAD to deal with it AND accept me as is-or I do not associate with them.I am close to only 1 sibling(out of three)because of our different lifestyle"choices"My brother is a mess and is starting to come around(he is as much of a slut as I am-loves strippers and #### and travelling to sleaze palaces-only his stuff is with girls)and since no one in my family can keep a confidence I just do nont comunicate with them very much.But when I do I do not pull any punches(i.e gender of who I went out with last night,participation in "gay"events etc....)

Spida-good for you for opening your life up-it is one more step in your evolution towards becoming FABULOUS!!!!

BTW-since your SoCal trip sucked you MUST join me in NEW ORLEANS for Halloween!

[Spida]

RE: New places, new faces

 

hmmm.. Bigguy did you ever get airline tickets? Maybe I can somehow finagle it! I will have to start looking of course that is me last minute all the time!

 

Thanks for the advice, and listening everyone.

[Spida]

Thanks for the responses, they have all been great. Four aces if I could possibly not tell anyone in my family that I gay and continue to live the way I want to, I would! I can't though, it would be impossible to do this, no girlfriend and I would have to pretend when I was around them. I am finished with that, I don't feel that I have to tell everyone that I am gay, however, these are people that I speak to on a weekly even sometimes daily basis I can't honsestly answer their questions and feel okay with myself, that is why I needed to tell some of my family.

[bigguyinpasadena]

RE: New places, new faces

 

Yes I got tix on AA-1st time flying them.I have a red eye ariving sat.Morning-leavung late mon.$185 all in.

[BigK]

RE: New places, new faces

 

>Yes I got tix on AA-1st time flying them.I have a red eye

>ariving sat.Morning-leavung late mon.$185 all in.

 

 

Great fare, although a red eye sucks...Let me know if you used priceline for hotel room. Still a possibility I may go. :-)

[Spida]

RE: New places, new faces

 

Checked Hotwire and there is a 4 star hotel in the french quarter for 109.00 without taxes. It looks almost too good to be true, or is that norm for NO? It has a pool, high speed internet workout, rest, ect.