Forum Reality vs Personal Reality

[AdamSmith]

What's MF?

The Mother-Fucking Message Forum.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I am glad sync was so direct. I apologize for the indirect route I took. Instead I should have sent you a PM immediately.

 

I am at fault, and very sorry, labear4blk.

 

No drama, Obama! I did misuse your language! The good thing is I will never make the same mistake!

[+ José Soplanucas]

My point intended to be that often what we call "discretion " is just our own insecurity, lack of confidence, subconscious guilt, or any other alternative interpretation more related to ourselves.

I remember the 80s back in Argentina, just coming from the dark years of a bloody military dictatorship. I was a federal employee, and almost every friend advised me to be discrete in my job and not to come out there. I was young, in my early 20s, irresponsible and brave, and totally ignored my friends advice. I came out in my job, and I have zero negative repercussions, other than light clashes with homophobic individuals. My career had no bumps, I was quickly promoted and became one of the youngest department chairs in the federal administration.

Clearly "discretion" was a necessity, and still is in some places. But it is also clear that we reach a point where it becomes an obstacle for visibility, debate, and progress.

We should push a little our own boundaries, come out and defend promiscuity, pornography, prostitution, and sex in general.

[+ purplekow]

My point intended to be that often what we call "discretion " is just our own insecurity, lack of confidence, subconscious guilt, or any other alternative interpretation more related to ourselves.

I remember the 80s back in Argentina, just coming from the dark years of a bloody military dictatorship. I was a federal employee, and almost every friend advised me to be discrete in my job and not to come out there. I was young, in my early 20s, irresponsible and brave, and totally ignored my friends advice. I came out in my job, and I have zero negative repercussions, other than light clashes with homophobic individuals. My career had no bumps, I was quickly promoted and became one of the youngest department chairs in the federal administration.

Clearly "discretion" was a necessity, and still is in some places. But it is also clear that we reach a point where it becomes an obstacle for visibility, debate, and progress.

We should push a little our own boundaries, come out and defend promiscuity, pornography, prostitution, and sex in general.

 

Here is the thing, discretion is often the polite term for: it is none of your fucking business. If there is insecurity it is the people who are poking around in areas which in reality are none of their concern. Perhaps in a Kardashian world, discretion would seem an old fashioned notion, for me it means, why the fuck is anything I do any of your fucking concern unless I decide to make it public fodder. I own my life and I understand that my control over knowledge of my day to day existence is no longer mine alone. I do have some choice as to what I address publiclhy

When you misspoke, or misused the term young boy, I though that was indiscreet. I did not think that was brave, or an opening for debate or a sign of progress. Sometimes, the world just does not need to know our business, Now it is not an indiscretion but a language confusion, still not my business. Some people like to be bold and beautiful all the time, others prefer a more introverted persona. I like having some say in what is generally known and what is on a need to know basis. Everybody does not need to know everything and most things, as you little side road on this thread proves, are not nearly as interesting when you know the details.

[+ WilliamM]

To clarify, he wasn't speaking about illegal acts, but he was indeed very comfortable with a very public persona about his orientation, his clubbing, partying (not drugs), etc. To your point, with experience and hard knocks, he may change his perspective, but I do feel there is a social/cultural trend towards greater flexibility on what we (older guys) woulda considered to be an indiscretion.

 

When you misspoke, or misused the term young boy, I though that was indiscreet. I did not think that was brave, or an opening for debate or a sign of progress. Sometimes, the world just does not need to know our business, Now it is not an indiscretion but a language confusion, still not my business. Some people like to be bold and beautiful all the time, others prefer a more introverted persona. I like having some say in what is generally known and what is on a need to know basis. Everybody does not need to know everything and most things, as you little side road on this thread proves, are not nearly as interesting when you know the details.

 

Three years ago a college senior & close friend invited his dad and me to his temporary apartment to dinner he prepared. It was obvious he was sharing the apartment with someone else, most likely female. I have see him many times since; I did not ask any questions because I did not care. Not sure about his dad.

 

I few days ago his best friend told me he was dating the woman whose apartment he was sharing for a few weeks. His best friend also said his parents did not know about the long-time girlfriend (me either).

 

Truereview, I am sure most of us here had experiences that agree or disagree with what you wrote.

 

Purplekow: agree completely

[+ José Soplanucas]

Here is the thing, discretion is often the polite term for: it is none of your fucking business. If there is insecurity it is the people who are poking around in areas which in reality are none of their concern. Perhaps in a Kardashian world, discretion would seem an old fashioned notion, for me it means, why the fuck is anything I do any of your fucking concern unless I decide to make it public fodder. I own my life and I understand that my control over knowledge of my day to day existence is no longer mine alone. I do have some choice as to what I address publiclhy

When you misspoke, or misused the term young boy, I though that was indiscreet. I did not think that was brave, or an opening for debate or a sign of progress. Sometimes, the world just does not need to know our business, Now it is not an indiscretion but a language confusion, still not my business. Some people like to be bold and beautiful all the time, others prefer a more introverted persona. I like having some say in what is generally known and what is on a need to know basis. Everybody does not need to know everything and most things, as you little side road on this thread proves, are not nearly as interesting when you know the details.

 

You may use harsh language if that makes you feel stronger, but the fact remains that not always but often, discretion has to do with shame, with fear, with stigma. There would be no change without the indiscreet ones who come out and fight against discrimination.

[+ WilliamM]

You may use harsh language if that makes you feel stronger, but the fact remains that not always but often, discretion has to do with shame, with fear, with stigma. There would be no change without the indiscreet ones who come out and fight against discrimination.

 

I am far more interested in building personal relationships and friendships than publicly fighting against discrimination, which I do every day in my private life.

 

In personal relationships and friendships, there is a time for discretion and time for speaking out. It's a very difficult balance that often has nothing to do with shame, with fear, with stigma.

[+ WilliamM]

We should push a little our own boundaries, come out and defend promiscuity, pornography, prostitution, and sex in general.

 

Are you saying we need to push our boundaries by defending all types of pornography and prostitution?

 

The same question applies with promiscuity, although female sex slaves and children are less likely to be be part of promiscuity than prostitution.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Are you saying we need to push our boundaries by defending all types of pornography and prostitution?

 

The same question applies with promiscuity, although female sex slaves and children are less likely to be be part of promiscuity than prostitution.

 

I did not say all kind. What kinds of prostitution and pornography should be protected is something to discuss democratically. Both are activities that should be legalized to protect the rights of everyone involved. The abuses against women and children come mostly from the illegal, marginalized, semi clandestine nature of the activities.

And I hope it is clear that I am always talking about activities involving consenting adults.

[dcguy20]

I happened to come across the following today, which I feel is very appropriate to this discussion (and more or less the way I am with others):

 

The older I get, the more I realize,

the value of privacy, of cultivating your circle

and only letting certain people in, you can be open,

honest and real, while still understanding not

everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life.

[+ WilliamM]

did not say all kind. What kinds of prostitution and pornography should be protected is something to discuss democratically. Both are activities that should be legalized to protect the rights of everyone involved. The abuses against women and children come mostly from the illegal, marginalized, semi clandestine nature of the activities.

And I hope it is clear that I am always talking about activities involving consenting adults.

 

I was hoping to read a lot more about promiscuity. Surely, you must have more to say on that subject.

[+ WilliamM]

The older I get, the more I realize,

the value of privacy, of cultivating your circle

and only letting certain people in, you can be open,

honest and real, while still understanding not

everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life.

 

People who follow the above completely miss way too much of life. An extremely interesting person is potentially a valued friend, whether or not, you can be totally, 100% honest and real. I'll gladly take 85%-90%, depending on the person.

[BgMstr4u]

I just came upon this thread, so please forgive me if I return to the original subject.

 

I have participated in this forum for a long time -- my profile page says Dec. 31, 1969, which was just after I started graduate school! I'm not too sure about that date. But if so, more than half my life. (I'm 69 now). I honestly don't remember when it was, but it is a very long time.

 

This forum has been so important to me in so many ways.

 

First, with great information about sex and escorting. I probably should have joined SCA as a younger adult. Some of my early activities got me into difficult situations -- one in which I was seriously physically threatened by a street escort I picked up in LA, another when my checking account was emptied out by a charming overnighter. The forum helped me come to terms with my desires, to see I was neither a pathetic loser nor a monster for feeling as I did and occasionally acting on it. It gave me what I needed to do what I wanted to do in safety. I think it helped save my life.

 

Second, in discovering this community. What a fascinating lot we are. So many backgrounds, so many experiences. Much of my life has been spent working with people who are profoundly different from myself, and reading and absorbing so many points of view has helped me with that beyond what almost any other social experience has given me.

 

Third, it has allowed me to write my mini-essays on politics and culture and get some feedback about them. I'm in the minority about a lot of those subjects, and I am fine with that. I like the pushback -- not the rudeness so much -- that calls me on things that may need calling or at least seem so to others. They help me form my thinking.

 

Fourth, it's just plain fun. The beautiful pictures. The windows other members open up on aspects of the world I had no idea of. The occasionally actual laughing out loud. The opera discussions that make even McCourt's "Mawrdew Czgowchwz" look uninformed (they know who they are and what M.C. is, I'm sure!).

 

And, of course, the lads. So many wonderful escorts. So many beautiful, thoughtful, desirable, sexy, brave lads who put it all out for us.

 

This forum is another reality for me and I am thankful for it. Long may it run!

[dcguy20]

People who follow the above completely miss way too much of life. An extremely interesting person is potentially a valued friend, whether or not, you can be totally, 100% honest and real. I'll gladly take 85%-90%, depending on the person.

I'm an introvert. It works for me, and I don't feel like I'm missing way too much of life.

[+ WilliamM]

I'm an introvert. It works for me, and I don't feel like I'm missing way too much of life.

 

Very interesting. I'm an introvert as well. Yet, I have traveled all over the world (about half by myself) and talk to everyone. Making new friends is never easy, because there inevitably comes a time when you have to guess what to say or do next. Even if the friendship is ended and I screwed up, I least I tried and learned something new.

[mike carey]

I'm an introvert as well. Yet, I have traveled all over the world (about half by myself) and talk to everyone.

Me too. When I travelled around Europe staying in YHAs, I would tend to take a deep breath before I went into the kitchen or common room, but I would usually loosen up* and chat with the others. Preparing or eating a meal can be a good ice breaker.

 

(*No, that is NOT what I meant. Keep it nice!)

[rogerG]

I don't have a compelling need to talk about my sex life with anyone other than with whom I'm having sex.

[+ WilliamM]

Me too. When I travelled around Europe staying in YHAs, I would tend to take a deep breath before I went into the kitchen or common room, but I would usually loosen up* and chat with the others. Preparing or eating a meal can be a good ice breaker.

 

(*No, that is NOT what I meant. Keep it nice!)

 

Within several years, i was able to transfer those skills to home in the U.S. But, I am lucky to live in a large city with some tourists and many university students.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I was hoping to read a lot more about promiscuity. Surely, you must have more to say on that subject.

 

At this point I'm wondering if I'm misusing English again, because I do not not understand why promiscuity seems to be an issue. By promiscuity I mean the choice for a lifestyle where you have multiple sexual partners, some may be in the context of relationships, some maybe just sex. That is my choice and I think many in this forum.

 

Also, some friends seem very concern about their privacy, but that is not the point here. Of course who I go to bed with is no one business and belongs to the private sphere. But my right to go to bed with anyone I want to belongs to the public sphere, as my right to not be ashamed, stigmatized, etc. because of my lifestyle choices.

I'm now older, too tired, too skeptical, too cynical, too selfish, to be willing to publicly fight for those rights. Besides, I am also an introverted AND shy. That's why I recall myself as brave when I was younger and willing to confront prejudice by exposing myself and educating others.

[+ WilliamM]

At this point I'm wondering if I'm misusing English again, because I do not not understand why promiscuity seems to be an issue. By promiscuity I mean the choice for a lifestyle where you have multiple sexual partners, some may be in the context of relationships, some maybe just sex. That is my choice and I think many in this forum.

 

Promiscuity may, ot may not, be an issue on this site because some male members are still married to women. Others have come out and are enjoying their new freedom. Many people have been out for years and enjoy hiring escorts, without regret.

 

In other words, some people have not reached the point where promiscuity is even something to ponder.

 

You may be correct when writing, "That is my choice and I think many in this forum." However, you have never demonstrated that you understand the diversity of the members of the site, including some very smart women.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Promiscuity may, ot may not, be an issue on this site because some male members are still married to women. Others have come out and are enjoying their new freedom. Many people have been out for years and enjoy hiring escorts, without regret.

 

In other words, some people have not reached the point where promiscuity is even something to ponder.

 

You may be correct when writing, "That is my choice and I think many in this forum." However, you have never demonstrated that you understand the diversity of the members of the site, including some very smart women.

Why should I need to demonstrate that understanding? I know and appreciate some of those women, I've corresponded privately with a couple of them, precisely because we are allies in our celebration of diversity. If you research my participation you will notice that. When I advocate for promiscuity, pornography, and prostitution I am not selling it like a lifestyle everyone must follow. The same way that I have consistently advocated for an inclusion and an understanding of the countless lifestyles living together here, I also advocate for my own. If you don't like it, don't eat it.

[+ WilliamM]

We should push a little our own boundaries, come out and defend promiscuity, pornography, prostitution, and sex in general.

 

When I advocate for promiscuity, pornography, and prostitution I am not selling it like a lifestyle everyone must follow

 

The same way that I have consistently advocated for an inclusion and an understanding of the countless lifestyles living together here, I also advocate for my own. If you don't like it, don't eat it.

 

latbear, I give up. Perhaps it's a language problem.

 

The first statement (above) can not be read any other way than advocating a lifestyle. That's fine, but I am at a lose as to how promiscuity fits in unless you have rejected gay marriage or life partners.

[+ José Soplanucas]

latbear, I give up. Perhaps it's a language problem.

 

The first statement (above) can not be read any other way than advocating a lifestyle. That's fine, but I am at a lose as to how promiscuity fits in unless you have rejected gay marriage or life partners.

What I mean is that promiscuity should be as legitimate and accepted as monogamy. I have no interest in gay marriage or life partners, but that is my choice. If you are into it good for you.

[+ José Soplanucas]

latbear, I give up. Perhaps it's a language problem.

 

The first statement (above) can not be read any other way than advocating a lifestyle. That's fine, but I am at a lose as to how promiscuity fits in unless you have rejected gay marriage or life partners.

don't give up on me.

[Brian Kevin]

I am who I say I am, If I wasn't then why would I say I am?