Is it OK to ask potential hires of their HIV status?

[jon1265]

I was discussing this issue with a good friend of mine and he feels it is perfectly OK to ask and expect an answer. I told him many may lie and you should approach ANY sexual partner as if they are HIV+.

 

He still thinks it is a legitimate question, and escorts should answer truthfully. Many escorts include their status in their ads, and demand the same (not sure how you guarantee that).

 

Curious as to where many of you stand.

[Rudynate]

Of course it's a fair question. Of course they should answer truthfully. Just because they should, doesn't mean they will. The fact that you can't count on a truthful answer doesn't mean you shouldn't ask the question.

[Guest]

Pretty silly question. If the guy says yes, you know he's a pretty honest guy. If he says no, you know nothing. Not much else. If it affects what you'll do, then you're being foolish. If you're really interested in knowing, a more clever way is to find out if the escort will bareback. If yes, he's probably positive. Anyone who puts "sometimes" under the safe sex category probably has HIV (and God knows what else). I just assume every man with whom I have sex could have HIV.

[seaboy4hire]

In an ideal world the escort would be truthful. But sadly some aren't or they only disclose on a needto know basis, which is fine. I've been honest with my status since day one. Shortly after finding out Iasked daddy to add it to my review page and he was kind enough to do so. But in my experience over the years, many, almost most do not fully read the profile. I've learned to make sure to always mention it in the intiaial email to receive confirmation they know about my status to cover my butt.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[+ Travis69]

If you are really concerned you should also ask when their last HIV test was. They could be saying HIV negative based on a test done 3 years ago. I personally never ask either question and just play by the guidelines I feel will keep me safe.

[Floyd_Taylor]

There are several HIV+ escorts I hire and I trust that they are +/undetectable. I know that being undetectable is virtual assurance that they cannot transmit the virus so that is good enough for me. It is my experience that the +/undetectable guys are among the most forthright with their status. Most don't hide it at all. Most of the guys I play with on the apps are +/undetectable. Why would it make a difference in who I hire?

[seaboy4hire]

If you are really concerned you should also ask when their last HIV test was. They could be saying HIV negative based on a test done 3 years ago. I personally never ask either question and just play by the guidelines I feel will keep me safe.

 

But it goes back are they being honest? A test done 9 or 12 months ago at least to me is null and void. This goes for any std, not just hiv.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[BtmBearDad]

Isn't the general rule of thumb for engaging gents or the causal one night stand, just to assume your partner is positive and/or has an STI and play accordingly/however safely you're comfortable with? As Greg notes - while some like him are honest in their profiles and when asked, others either are not or answer with what they believe to be a truthful response, but with a 6 month or older result, they very well may not be.

[ChrisWydeman]

If you are concerned about HIV status there are precautions you can take, Prep being the biggest and you can use barrier methods.

[+ sf westcoaster]

Ask if you wish, but no matter what the answer, you still must insist on "safe" sex only!

[OneFinger]

I generally don't ask the question because I don't expect an honest answer. I totally agree that the best option is taking the necessary precautions.

 

I did hire a very cute guy that only disclosed he was HIV+ after arriving at my hotel room for the session. I was taken aback and initially wished he had told me that sooner. But, both he and I were prepared to play safe and the session was not cancelled. I really appreciated his honesty and disclosure. And, we did have a wonderful time.

 

You just have to assume everyone is positive and make sure you're protected.

[ChrisWydeman]

I generally don't ask the question because I don't expect an honest answer. I totally agree that the best option is taking the necessary precautions.

 

I did hire a very cute guy that only disclosed he was HIV+ after arriving at my hotel room for the session. I was taken aback and initially wished he had told me that sooner. But, both he and I were prepared to play safe and the session was not cancelled. I really appreciated his honesty and disclosure. And, we did have a wonderful time.

 

You just have to assume everyone is positive and make sure you're protected.

 

Why were you taken aback if you don't mind me asking?

[Juan Vancouver]

I believe you are in your right to ask escorts (And lovers) pretty much anything. Some things will be happily answered, some won't. Some of these answers will be true, some won't. Some of these answers could have consequences, some won't.

 

Should people answer this question truthfully? Sure! I seriously doubt everyone does.

 

If you are going to practice unprotected sex and your partner is positive, depending on where you are, he might be legally bound to disclose before the fact.

 

In a perfect world, it would be obvious to assume you would get an honest answer, but even if he honestly told you that he is HIV negative, this would not be a true answer.

 

Read that again. Even if you received an honest response as to what the results of his last tests were, that doesn't mean you (or him) would know his status is still negative. Unless he was thrown in a dungeon with no access to human fluids, then a couple weeks later got tested and then got in a cab to meet you, those test results are just a snapshot of his health at the time of the tests. Nothing else.

 

Some people believe "knowing" their partner's status makes them safer. It doesn't. Following the right practices makes you safer. Everything else just gives you unnecessary information and could possibly put you at risk.

 

Many people ask status and when they receive an honest "I am negative" response sometimes lower their guard and disregard safety. It is a clinical fact that someone who just converted and is unaware that he is positive has an incredibly high viral count and is at his most contagious. That is the guy you are most likely to get it from. On the other hand, someone who has been positive but undetectable for at least six months has such a low viral concentration on his blood that many specialists are certain it is impossible to transmit it.

 

Funnily enough, most people who ask are more likely to then lower their guard with the "negative ones" and reject the undetectables.

 

So, of course, the important question is: Why are you asking?

 

Knowing the answer will not give you any correct assurances. If you wish to remain negative, it is then important that you follow carefully the necessary precautions. We know all the facts.

 

If it is because you are looking for an illusory "piece of mind", then you are better off not asking. Asking your partners' status is pretty similar to going to a church to tell a priest your wrongdoings just to hope he will "absolve" you. Nothing else than a magical act. Some are fond of rituals. However rituals won't make you safer.

 

Pretty silly question. If the guy says yes, you know he's a pretty honest guy. If he says no, you know nothing. Not much else. If it affects what you'll do, then you're being foolish. If you're really interested in knowing, a more clever way is to find out if the escort will bareback. If yes, he's probably positive. Anyone who puts "sometimes" under the safe sex category probably has HIV (and God knows what else). I just assume every man with whom I have sex could have HIV.

 

I was going to agree completely with your post, except it is untrue that anyone who puts "sometimes" under safe sex category is positive. Many men on Truvada are now not adhering to condom use and remaining negative. In this case I would be concerned about all the other STI's, but I am perfectly open to believing that some people who routinely bareback are HIV negative.

 

However, again, I encounter every partner with the certainty he is positive and I take all the necessary precautions.

[LADoug1]

I believe you are in your right to ask escorts (And lovers) pretty much anything. Some things will be happily answered, some won't. Some of these answers will be true, some won't. Some of these answers could have consequences, some won't.

 

Should people answer this question truthfully? Sure! I seriously doubt everyone does.

 

If you are going to practice unprotected sex and your partner is positive, depending on where you are, he might be legally bound to disclose before the fact.

 

In a perfect world, it would be obvious to assume you would get an honest answer, but even if he honestly told you that he is HIV negative, this would not be a true answer.

 

Read that again. Even if you received an honest response as to what the results of his last tests were, that doesn't mean you (or him) would know his status is still negative. Unless he was thrown in a dungeon with no access to human fluids, then a couple weeks later got tested and then got in a cab to meet you, those test results are just a snapshot of his health at the time of the tests. Nothing else.

 

Some people believe "knowing" their partner's status makes them safer. It doesn't. Following the right practices makes you safer. Everything else just gives you unnecessary information and could possibly put you at risk.

 

Many people ask status and when they receive an honest "I am negative" response sometimes lower their guard and disregard safety. It is a clinical fact that someone who just converted and is unaware that he is positive has an incredibly high viral count and is at his most contagious. That is the guy you are most likely to get it from. On the other hand, someone who has been positive but undetectable for at least six months has such a low viral concentration on his blood that many specialists are certain it is impossible to transmit it.

 

Funnily enough, most people who ask are more likely to then lower their guard with the "negative ones" and reject the undetectables.

 

So, of course, the important question is: Why are you asking?

 

Knowing the answer will not give you any correct assurances. If you wish to remain negative, it is then important that you follow carefully the necessary precautions. We know all the facts.

 

If it is because you are looking for an illusory "piece of mind", then you are better off not asking. Asking your partners' status is pretty similar to going to a church to tell a priest your wrongdoings just to hope he will "absolve" you. Nothing else than a magical act. Some are fond of rituals. However rituals won't make you safer.

 

 

 

I was going to agree completely with your post, except it is untrue that anyone who puts "sometimes" under safe sex category is positive. Many men on Truvada are now not adhering to condom use and remaining negative. In this case I would be concerned about all the other STI's, but I am perfectly open to believing that some people who routinely bareback are HIV negative.

 

However, again, I encounter every partner with the certainty he is positive and I take all the necessary precautions.

A FANTASTIC response!!

[Moondance]

Just to re-emphasize what Juan emphasized ...

Even if you received an honest response as to what the results of his last tests were, that doesn't mean you (or him) would know his status is still negative.

 

That!

 

And also ...

Some people believe "knowing" their partner's status makes them safer. It doesn't. Following the right practices makes you safer. Everything else just gives you unnecessary information and could possibly put you at risk.

 

That!

[Moondance]

Anyone who puts "sometimes" under the safe sex category probably has HIV (and God knows what else).

I was going to agree completely with your post, except it is untrue that anyone who puts "sometimes" under safe sex category is positive. Many men on Truvada are now not adhering to condom use and remaining negative. In this case I would be concerned about all the other STI's, but I am perfectly open to believing that some people who routinely bareback are HIV negative.

 

The key word in Unicorn's statement is probably, so I'm not sure how much daylight actually exists between these two points of view. I agree with Juan that not everyone who will bareback is HIV+ ... probably. But do I suspect that Unicorn is right that most who will, are? ...

 

In the final analysis, it doesn't really matter what I suspect about what I can't know for sure ... what can matter, what does matter, is what I do.

[rvwnsd]

This is not a facetious question: Why do we have to assume someone is HIV+ in order to take precautions that protect us? Can we simply protect ourselves without making assumptions about other people?

[+ Truereview]

This is not a facetious question: Why do we have to assume someone is HIV+ in order to take precautions that protect us? Can we simply protect ourselves without making assumptions about other people?

+1. Also, in chatting with some of my companions, I find that the overwhelming majority are meticulous about their testing for all sorts of diseases. This doesn't mean I lower my guard. Actually, I believe that forces me to be equally or more conscientious. I feel this thread, unintentionally, focuses on escorts being most responsible for disclosure and potential risks - almost as if escorts are more likely to be carriers. I don't know the statistics, but the way I approach my hobby is that we are equally capable of being carriers, and that I need to not just protect myself but also escorts and our future bed partners. From my POV, it is just as much his responsibility as it is mine to take protective measures and to be open and candid about status and risks.

[Tonyko]

Tristan B was the FIRST one who (being the Prince among men that he is:rolleyes:) tried to show me his (recent within days) test results. I pushed them away. I loved him for that All scorts should be as meticulous but THE ONLY WAY TO STAY SAFE IS TO TREAT EVERYONE SCORTS N CLIENTS ALIKE like we're ALL poz. Asking means nothing to me paperwork means nothing to me. My life does

[Guest]

I was going to agree completely with your post, except it is untrue that anyone who puts "sometimes" under safe sex category is positive. Many men on Truvada are now not adhering to condom use and remaining negative. In this case I would be concerned about all the other STI's, but I am perfectly open to believing that some people who routinely bareback are HIV negative.

 

I agree with most of your detailed posting, but I would like to point out that I never said that anyone who puts "sometimes" under safe sex category is positive. I said that male escorts who state that they only have safer sex sometimes are probably HIV +. I appreciate your posting, but would ask that you avoid mis-quoting my statements.

[Guest]

This is not a facetious question: Why do we have to assume someone is HIV+ in order to take precautions that protect us? Can we simply protect ourselves without making assumptions about other people?

 

Let's be honest. Few gay men would be using condoms unless it were to protect themselves from HIV, that's why. If you want to get technical, what I said was " I just assume every man with whom I have sex could have HIV," not that they did have HIV. That being said, I believe that it would have been grammatically correct and equally well understood had I used the word "did" instead of "could." We have some astute grammarians who could correct me if I wrong on that hypothetical question.

[jimboivyo]

a lot of good info here. take into account that 2 in 3 folks with HIV are not in treatment. they know, but aren't on meds or being cared for by a doc. that's scary.

 

http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/30/health/hiv-treatment-disparity-us/

 

you're allowed to ask but that means nothing if the guy just wants your money. up to you to protect yourself. the number of fools advertising themselves bare back is amazing. just cause someone says they're on prep doesn't mean they are. buyer be careful.

[seaboy4hire]

a lot of good info here. take into account that 2 in 3 folks with HIV are not in treatment. they know, but aren't on meds or being cared for by a doc. that's scary.

 

http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/30/health/hiv-treatment-disparity-us/

 

you're allowed to ask but that means nothing if the guy just wants your money. up to you to protect yourself. the number of fools advertising themselves bare back is amazing. just cause someone says they're on prep doesn't mean they are. buyer be careful.

 

I'm getting the feeling this is getti g to be a lets beat the hookers thread. Guess what guys, clients lie about their status and whether they bb or not. This whole hooker client game is a two way street.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[seaboy4hire]

Moral is take responsibility for your own health, trust no one grow a pair and ask your dr questions.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[nynakedtop]

I'm getting the feeling this is getti g to be a lets beat the hookers thread. Guess what guys, clients lie about their status and whether they bb or not. This whole hooker client game is a two way street.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

I worship Greg, even though we have (not yet) met...

 

And:

I go ballistic when guys ask me if I am "clean", as if carrying a virus makes a person dirty - and I respond with all the vigor and wrath that I can muster from my place on a high horse.

 

There are not unsafe people (sexually speaking), there are behaviors that are risky. Engaging in consensual unprotected sex is in itself an act of knowing consent.