BFE Question

[Kuriousity]

This is primarily for the escorts here.....but if Renters want to pipe in, go ahead....

 

Do you ever find if difficult/awkward/mentally taxing to put yourself in the proper headspace for a "Boyfriend Experience"? To me, it seems as though you are turning things on and off like you would a light switch. Please forgive me if I really do not understand the whole BFE concept......

[big-n-tall]

I'll answer that being a non-escort...

 

As posted on another thread it depends on the person and the chemistry the working guy has with the client. They can switch on the sexy at a moments notice. I'm sure some escorts are excellent actors, but some also have the ability to find something amazing about most of the guys/gals they encounter, and then there are some who are actually attracted to the guys they meet... even if the client isn't consider an adonis.

 

Of course they're are circumstances a working guy has a hard time being with a client for whatever reason. However, I also know some escorts who aren't attracted to people who resemble them physically at all. They are attracted to opposites like I am.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

I interpret the boyfriend experience to mean that it's connected, nurturing, caring and that it feels natural. In that light, I would say that most all of my sessions fit that category. Even for sessions with elements of bondage, domination or role-playing, I still bring those feeling into it. If we are being genuine with ourselves and with our clients, and we really enjoy what we are doing, it's not a matter of "turning things on and off", because there is no "switch".

[AndreFuture]

I've only have one client so far (note, I'm only 2 weeks into this), but it wasn't difficult for me at all. I'm a very empathetic person and I naturally try to make people feel comfortable and cared for. It makes me feel good knowing that I'm making someone else feel good, so providing a BFE is not like a switch but a period of time in which I'm connecting with someone.

[RussJohnson]

I interpret the boyfriend experience to mean that it's connected, nurturing, caring and that it feels natural. In that light, I would say that most all of my sessions fit that category. Even for sessions with elements of bondage, domination or role-playing, I still bring those feeling into it. If we are being genuine with ourselves and with our clients, and we really enjoy what we are doing, it's not a matter of "turning things on and off", because there is no "switch".

 

I agree with Lance here. Any escort can say they provide a BFE (whatever that truly means...), but I think at the end of the day escorts who are outgoing, engaging, caring, empathetic, interesting people are going to naturally provide the best BFE, those are not really things you can turn on or off.

[ChrisWydeman]

This is primarily for the escorts here.....but if Renters want to pipe in, go ahead....

 

Do you ever find if difficult/awkward/mentally taxing to put yourself in the proper headspace for a "Boyfriend Experience"? To me, it seems as though you are turning things on and off like you would a light switch. Please forgive me if I really do not understand the whole BFE concept......

I think there are some factors that play into it that often times people don't think about that can either make it incredibly easy to be with someone or very difficult. To me the boyfriend experience is about intimacy and ease of being with someone.

 

How easily can you communicate? There are some clients that you can gab with for hours and it feels like you have known each other for years. Other times it can be difficult if they aren't very talkative. One of the things I enjoy most about escorting is talking to people because not only do I get to learn about my clients but I also get to learn about new things. Tell your escort about your passions because we want to know what interests you!

 

Sexual compatibility can also be another factor, obviously there can be some awkwardness when your with someone new because you don't know each others bodies and likes yet. I would encourage every escort and client to be honest about what feels good and if something isn't pleasurable say so. If you don't like the way someone jerks you off say so. If someone sucks on your balls to hard, or bites your nipple to hard, or gives you toothy blow jobs speak up and say something about it and show someone how you want to be touched. If I get a blow job that doesn't feel good I stop someone and say, "I really like to be blown this way" and go from there.

 

To answer your question, yes the BFE can be taxing but being open about yourself and passions can make all the difference

[Kuriousity]

I thank all of you for the responses--I didn't think anyone would say diddly.

[Tigger]

I'm not quite sure why the total concept should be so difficult to understand. But I'll answer as a 'renter'. The first thing is while individual situations can vary somewhat depending on how the escort and client view things. A BFE is the kind of interaction you'd like if you were out on a date. BFEs can also vary depending on the circumstance. Are we supposing a one or two hour visit or an overnight or longer?

 

But in any case it's really not that difficult a concept. I'd say for the majority of us no matter what the specifics are it involves being friendly and personable with the client which often includes deep passionate kissing and a lot of body contact. On an overnight or longer hire, it might involve the escort showing some type of affection while out in public. I'm not necessarily talking about a heavy make-out session. It might be no more than holding hands or his putting his arm around your shoulder while at a movie or play. I remember being at a musicals once (Wicked), and the escort would from time to time touch and caress my leg/thigh.

 

As to saying what the BFE isn't-probably an escort who only thinks of clients as an ATM (and shows it), one who is very abrupt or doesn't kiss. Other examples of a non BFE might be muscle worship or a BDSM scene (although I'm sure there are more than a few on here who would love having a date do this to themo_O).

[Kuriousity]

I'm not quite sure why the total concept should be so difficult to understand. But I'll answer as a 'renter'. The first thing is while individual situations can vary somewhat depending on how the escort and client view things. A BFE is the kind of interaction you'd like if you were out on a date. BFEs can also vary depending on the circumstance. Are we supposing a one or two hour visit or an overnight or longer?

 

But in any case it's really not that difficult a concept. I'd say for the majority of us no matter what the specifics are it involves being friendly and personable with the client which often includes deep passionate kissing and a lot of body contact. On an overnight or longer hire, it might involve the escort showing some type of affection while out in public. I'm not necessarily talking about a heavy make-out session. It might be no more than holding hands or his putting his arm around your shoulder while at a movie or play. I remember being at a musicals once (Wicked), and the escort would from time to time touch and caress my leg/thigh.

 

As to saying what the BFE isn't-probably an escort who only thinks of clients as an ATM (and shows it), one who is very abrupt or doesn't kiss. Other examples of a non BFE might be muscle worship or a BDSM scene (although I'm sure there are more than a few on here who would love having a date do this to themo_O).

 

 

In response to Tigger, the mental disconnect is trying to piece the word "boyfriend" up with the idea of a financial transaction. My brain doesn't work that way.

[Tigger]

In response to Tigger, the mental disconnect is trying to piece the word "boyfriend" up with the idea of a financial transaction. My brain doesn't work that way.

 

Well obviously there are limits. But boyfriends aren't totally fee free either. There are presents on special occasions, paying for food, paying for movies, and the like.

 

 

It also depends on the reason you hire. If you are a bottom and just want to be pounded hard by a skilled top without the top showing any affection, or maybe you are the skilled top and want to pound a great bottom, or a great flip-flopper and you want both, then unless these scenarios describe all your dates, you may not be into the BFE.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

In response to Tigger, the mental disconnect is trying to piece the word "boyfriend" up with the idea of a financial transaction. My brain doesn't work that way.

 

Like Tigger said, EVERYONE pays for sex, either with their time, money or a combination of the two. There's nothing less authentic about the experience just because there's a financial agreement. Some would rather spend hours online for a random hookup, some would rather plan and get exactly what they want.

[Kuriousity]

Like Tigger said, EVERYONE pays for sex, either with their time, money or a combination of the two. There's nothing less authentic about the experience just because there's a financial agreement. Some would rather spend hours online for a random hookup, some would rather plan and get exactly what they want.

 

Fair enough...

[LADoug1]

As a client I always want the BFE but do find it difficult when I know I'm paying for the experience. I do hope that the escort tries to put the money out of his mind when we are together.

[MikeyGMin]

As a client I always want the BFE but do find it difficult when I know I'm paying for the experience. I do hope that the escort tries to put the money out of his mind when we are together.

 

For me, 80% of a good BFE is the kissing. I don't need false endearments, romance or the trappings of a real date. If the guy is present, playful, non-mechanical and responsive when kissing, I'm getting what I need from a "BFE." The single biggest turn on is if HE initiates some of the kissing during the session. That's what convinces me we're good,

[+ Keith30309]

For me, 80% of a good BFE is the kissing. I don't need false endearments, romance or the trappings of a real date. If the guy is present, playful, non-mechanical and responsive when kissing, I'm getting what I need from a "BFE." The single biggest turn on is if HE initiates some of the kissing during the session. That's what convinces me we're good,

 

+1. Well said.

[Tigger]

Like Tigger said, EVERYONE pays for sex, either with their time, money or a combination of the two. There's nothing less authentic about the experience just because there's a financial agreement. Some would rather spend hours online for a random hookup, some would rather plan and get exactly what they want.

 

Lance-I appreciate you agreeing with me. But I don't know that I would go as far as saying " there's nothing less authentic..." There are a lot of differences. Not keeping the differences in mind can cause a client to believe the escort has fallen in love with him. And then we get back to Mr. Gaite's thread on how to respond if a client says he loves you. I was only trying to point out that even the most committed relationships aren't totally cost free. I hope though in a BF relationship that costs are more reciprocal than in the escort client one.

 

For me, 80% of a good BFE is the kissing. I don't need false endearments, romance or the trappings of a real date. If the guy is present, playful, non-mechanical and responsive when kissing, I'm getting what I need from a "BFE." The single biggest turn on is if HE initiates some of the kissing during the session. That's what convinces me we're good,

 

I agree with this. I've had a few escorts who kissed me immediately after entering my hotel room. Another one kissed me quite thoroughly when we were on an elevator alone after the doors closed.

 

And while I know some people are 'noisier' during sex than others, if the escort goes overboard on the noise during sex I can't help but think it's fake. This is especially troublesome if I've hired a porn star, and they make the exact same sounds I hear them make in their videos.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

Lance-I appreciate you agreeing with me. But I don't know that I would go as far as saying " there's nothing less authentic..." There are a lot of differences. Not keeping the differences in mind can cause a client to believe the escort has fallen in love with him. And then we get back to Mr. Gaite's thread on how to respond if a client says he loves you. I was only trying to point out that even the most committed relationships aren't totally cost free. I hope though in a BF relationship that costs are more reciprocal than in the escort client one.

 

I understand your point, but I still stand behind the idea that the feelings are no less authentic, meaning that the feelings of being cared for and nurtured are real and genuine. One doesn't need to compare and contrast the relationship between boyfriends or partners and escort/client and determine the legitity of one over the other.

 

Our emotions and experiences are valid and utensil regardless of the motivator. Everything in life is a matter of motivation and reward, including sex between partners, which is why friction between partner and a lack of communication can often result in a lack of intimacy and sex.

[Tigger]

I understand your point, but I still stand behind the idea that the feelings are no less authentic, meaning that the feelings of being cared for and nurtured are real and genuine. One doesn't need to compare and contrast the relationship between boyfriends or partners and escort/client and determine the legibility of one over the other.

 

Our emotions and experiences are valid and utensil regardless of the motivator. Everything in life is a matter of motivation and reward, including sex between partners, which is why friction between partner and a lack of communication can often result in a lack of intimacy and sex.

 

 

Actually I think you do have to compare and contrast. I'm not saying an escort can't actually like a client or look forward to seeing him. But friends don't charge friends for 'time spent together'. As long as that is happening, it's a business relationship. It may be a pleasant business relationship with someone you are fond of and are glad to see from time to time. But it's still a business arrangement.

 

Maybe escorts can classify things differently in their minds. But it's very dangerous for a client to do so. It can lead to inappropriate assumptions and to the client being hurt by those assumptions.

[Mikegaite]

I absolutely turn it on and off like a light switch with ease, a la Book of Mormon. Really, I do.

 

To cite a mundane example, I make different vowel sounds when having sex as an escort than I make when filming porn. I vary the cadence, pitch, and even the language of my sex sounds, all in an effort to create the best boyfriend experience possible, which in all likelihood won't be ideal for a porn flick.

 

More importantly, I treat you far better than I treat my actual boyfriend. If you were my real boyfriend, I would be a demanding taskmaster who read a magazine while you rimmed me.

 

The switch goes on, and you become my world. You become my Christopher Meloni. I try my best to develop arousal based on things about you that I find attractive, but I absolutely turn on the Christopher Meloni switch to take things up a notch. I consciously switch gears all the time when escorting bc I'm making an extra effort to give (or receive) 110 percent. There's subtle and understated acting going on in the Mike Gaite experience, but that's only because I'm trying to put my best foot forward.

[Rudynate]

As a client I always want the BFE but do find it difficult when I know I'm paying for the experience. I do hope that the escort tries to put the money out of his mind when we are together.

 

If you're going to play in this sandbox and enjoy it, then you have to reconcile yourself to the money.

[Tigger]

I absolutely turn it on and off like a light switch with ease, a la Book of Mormon. Really, I do.

 

To cite a mundane example, I make different vowel sounds when having sex as an escort than I make when filming porn. I vary the cadence, pitch, and even the language of my sex sounds, all in an effort to create the best boyfriend experience possible, which in all likelihood won't be ideal for a porn flick.

 

More importantly, I treat you far better than I treat my actual boyfriend. If you were my real boyfriend, I would be a demanding taskmaster who read a magazine while you rimmed me.

 

The switch goes on, and you become my world. You become my Christopher Meloni. I try my best to develop arousal based on things about you that I find attractive, but I absolutely turn on the Christopher Meloni switch to take things up a notch. I consciously switch gears all the time when escorting bc I'm making an extra effort to give (or receive) 110 percent. There's subtle and understated acting going on in the Mike Gaite experience, but that's only because I'm trying to put my best foot forward.

 

And who wouldn't want to be someone's Christopher Meloni?

 

PS May I say that's a great new avatar, Mike!!

[mattr]

This whole thread confuses me. When I look for the BoyFriend EXPERIENCE, it is just that, an experience, a fantasy. Both the escort and I know that he is not my boyfriend when I arrive and when I leave. However, while we are together I want to feel attractive and desirable in an open, lusty, intimate way. This includes looking me in the eye, touching and holding me with passion and need, talking (both clean and dirty), smiling, laughing, encouraging me to grow both sexually and non-sexually in a caring safe environment, and sharing with me. That is the experience I have contracted for and is achieved if the experience is successful.

[mattr]

Mike I want to meet you but I'm sensible enough to realise that won't happen unless I make a serious effort to seek you out, and in doing so I could appear to be a fool. In the mean time I'll watch you with interest.

 

Why would seeking Mike out make you look like a fool?????

[mattr]

I understand what you are saying, to me an unrealsitic expectation paints me as a fool. I'm happy to be disabused of this. Mike is a lovely guy. I'd love to meet hin 'in the field' wherever that maybe.

 

An unrealistic expectation might paint you as a dreamer, but not necessarily a fool. If you dream of winning the lottery and base all your financial plans on that happening, then you are a fool. If you dream of meeting Mike, even if it is highly unlikely, you are not a fool. Just someone with a dream and very good taste.

[Rudynate]

You become my Christopher Meloni.

 

Christopher Meloni is your archetype? Very good taste. I had sort of forgotten about him.