an empty closet......

[+ glennnn]

Oh by the way Nate in LA, very nice selection Glennn. Sweet man. Had a great "conversation" with him at last year's Palm Springs dinner and post dinner festivities. Though most of dinner I sat there wondering just how does not get to be that handsome.

 

It is a mystery! He is the perfect escort, and I'm so grateful to have spent time with him. He was sooooooooooo caring and patient with me giving me one of the premiere evenings of my life. I pray I will see him again..... Maybe in Palm Springs?

[+ purplekow]

It is a mystery! He is the perfect escort, and I'm so grateful to have spent time with him. He was sooooooooooo caring and patient with me giving me one of the premiere evenings of my life. I pray I will see him again..... Maybe in Palm Springs?

He was there last year and if you ask him he will probably be there this year.

[MFLV]

Glennn's post hit home for me. I'm also married with kids. My wife is my best friend. Love my life but I do have this desire. I've been with a couple escorts on here , all great guys. I'm in the closet and it's where I will stay. I found another married guy in my area that has the same desires as I do. We both agree that family comes first , work second as that pays the bills and our relationship 3rd. Neither of us wants to jeapordize what we have. I love this man and he loves me. Our situation works for us. I am happy to hear that your wife was so understanding , she sounds like a very special lady. I'm sure she treasures you as much as you treasure her. Be well.

[+ Charlie]

Not so much this time. Charlie's cautionary tale has at its core, a couple who separated because the wife was unwilling to support the husband in this aspect of his life and the desire of a man, at a low point in his life, to return to a time which in retrospect seemed better but which was untenable when he was living it. In this situation, the couple wishes to stay together and live out there lives honestly with one another. It seems both of them are willing to sacrifice to stay together and while that is not assured to any of us for any time, I believe after more than 50 years, they have had stresses which have tested the marriage and came out on the other side. This is just another of those tests and I would expect the same result.

PK, you may have more inside information than I do about the amount of understanding that has been achieved between Glenn and his wife. I was going only by what he said in his first post, which seemed to be rather vague as an assurance of agreement with what he had suggested as a working arrangement. It may be that she will be completely supportive of whatever he decides he wants to do, but his response to my post makes me suspect that he is not completely sure about that level of support. I hope, for his sake, that he gets the future that he wishes for.

[+ Charlie]

Strangely, my three escort encounters and expressing my sexual thoughts about men on this forum has tended to curb my libido in regards to men rather than increase it. Although I appreciate the purpose of your cautionary tale, Charlie, it made me very afraid. Continuing my life with my best friend, my wife, is more important than any gay sex. This is important and new info! If I find joining you all in Palm Springs could rupture my marriage, I will cancel out. This does not mean I think I can go back into the closet. I can't. But what I do now that I'm out is in my control. I very much enjoyed the education I have received since September, but if the end of my marriage is the price of gaining more gay experience, then I will stop here and withdraw. After all, I am 72 and my physical prowess is bound to decline soon. I wanted a taste of "gay life" and I'm grateful for what I've had.

 

Charlie,

Your anecdote has left me frightened and shaken, and made me doubly aware of how precious my wife is to me. Thank you.

Glennn, my post was not intended to frighten you, but to caution you to be sure of what it is you want, and of where you stand. It is fun for us to welcome newcomers to the club, but not everyone arrives with the same baggage or prospects, and their anticipation of what they will find may be affected by rose-colored glasses. I just want you to come to PS with clear vision.

[+ glennnn]

Glennn's post hit home for me. I'm also married with kids. My wife is my best friend. Love my life but I do have this desire. I've been with a couple escorts on here , all great guys. I'm in the closet and it's where I will stay. I found another married guy in my area that has the same desires as I do. We both agree that family comes first , work second as that pays the bills and our relationship 3rd. Neither of us wants to jeapordize what we have. I love this man and he loves me. Our situation works for us. I am happy to hear that your wife was so understanding , she sounds like a very special lady. I'm sure she treasures you as much as you treasure her. Be well.

 

IM glad you have found a guy to be with safely when you need him. Its so hard to ignore the desires for male physical contact that form a central part of us. I know how lucky I am and that leaving the closet isn't for everyone. I wish you well and thank you for your good wishes, too.

[+ bashful]

Glennn.

My eyes have read many things you have written. My heart has heard many things you have said. My best to you.

[+ glennnn]

Glennn, my post was not intended to frighten you, but to caution you to be sure of what it is you want, and of where you stand. It is fun for us to welcome newcomers to the club, but not everyone arrives with the same baggage or prospects, and their anticipation of what they will find may be affected by rose-colored glasses. I just want you to come to PS with clear vision.

 

I accept your comments in the spirit they were given with thanks for your concern. My discussion with my wife covered many hours and topics and we agreed that ending our marriage isn't an option. I'm grateful that we have many months to go 'til April in P S to make sure she is OK with me meeting you reprobates. If not, I will have had some moments,_and that will be enough. One doesn't easily dismiss 50 years.

[gallahadesquire]

God Bless You, glennnn, and God Bless us all. [i can't say more right now, I'm too choked up]

[+ purplekow]

PK, you may have more inside information than I do about the amount of understanding that has been achieved between Glenn and his wife. I was going only by what he said in his first post, which seemed to be rather vague as an assurance of agreement with what he had suggested as a working arrangement. It may be that she will be completely supportive of whatever he decides he wants to do, but his response to my post makes me suspect that he is not completely sure about that level of support. I hope, for his sake, that he gets the future that he wishes for.

As I wrote to Glenn in a PM, he has stepped out of the closet and the room is dark and when someone yells "Boo" it is indeed frightening. Running back to the closet is untenable, that door is definitely closed. My choice would be for him to turn on the lights and honestly appraise where he is. Charlie, I believe your post was intended to caution not frighten. Glenn does need to consider his actions carefully. After such a big step, a moment of triumphant celebration is warranted as there will be time to get back to the cold harsh light of day and living out the daily tribulations and successes of life.

 

Glenn, it seems, has the support of his wife as he embarks on this leg of his life's journey, and this one definitely is not one for the faint of heart. He has cast off and he seems to have a solid crew and a loving first mate. He needs to get his bearings and strengthen his sea legs for the rest of his voyage, which hopefully will include a port of call in Palm Springs. This forum will be one of many safe harbors for him. I think I have beaten this particular analogy into submission, so I will bid a fond "Bon Voyage" to this particular posting.

[+ sf westcoaster]

Glen, Your story is very much like mine and from my experience I would echo the caution expressed by Charlie and Purple. Take a deep breath, sit back and evaluate what is most important to you and your future life. As an aside, your pick of Dane and Nate must have had some sort of "divine intervention" - having spent time with both of those gentlemen I know that you experienced two of the best in the profession.

[+ Charlie]

When a younger man leaves an unsatisfying straight marriage and comes out as gay, it usually feels quite liberating. When an older man in a longtime, mostly happy straight marriage decides to come out, it is generally more complicated. He probably stayed in the marriage because he did love his wife and had built up a whole social structure around his family. Unless his wife has understood his sexual nature and accepted it for years, she is probably going to be stunned and upset, because her world is being turned upside down through no act of her own, and there may also be children in the same position. If he is still employed, there may also be serious occupational and financial effects to deal with. I have known a couple of men who waited until after they were retired to come out, but their angry wives stripped them financially, and their children cut off relations with them. On the other hand, I have also known cases in which the husbands and wives parted amicably and the children were understanding. My friend Harold's wife was supportive of his desire to actualize his identity as a gay man, but she also felt that she had a right, as an attractive, dynamic straight woman, to pursue her needs as well; after divorcing him, she started dating again, and eventually moved into a new romantic relationship. Ironically, she may have gained more satisfaction as a result of his coming out than he did. His relations with his younger son were never really mended, but he became even closer than he had been to his daughter.

 

Probably the most successful transitions among my acquaintances have been of men who came out of the closet after their marriages had already ended, usually because of a wife's death. The transition seems more natural when one is moving into a different status anyway because of new circumstances. (Strangely enough, one of my old friends in his 70s, whose longtime male partner died a few years ago, is now dating a woman. People can never be permanently confined to labelled boxes.) Men in this situation often seem most comfortable being selectively "out": they are openly gay with some family members and friends, but not with all.

 

I told the story of my friend Harold not because I think it is a paradigm, but because it is an example of how difficult it can be to predict all the consequences of one's accumulated choices.

[+ FreshFluff]

Glenn, your post threw me back to one of my early experiences on this site, when I became good friends with someone with a similar history to yours. [...] After a couple of years, in one of his darker moments, he confided to me that he often wished he had not come out at all, because he desperately missed what he had given up for the freedom to be gay. Eventually, he seemed to be settling into an uneasy relationship with a difficult man his own age whom most of his friends and family didn't like very much, but unfortunately, he also developed health problems, and after only four years in Palm Springs, he died suddenly. He was a lovable man, and I still miss him often.

 

There are a lot of Harolds around, of all genders, orientations, and ages. They get too confident at the wrong time and make a series of irrevocable mistakes or even just one.

 

He could have suffered alone or in some unsatisfying relationship for a long time. Instead, he had a few happy years, full of hope and excitement. It sounds like his dark time only lasted a year or two before he found permanent peace.

 

Probably the most successful transitions among my acquaintances have been of men who came out of the closet after their marriages had already ended, usually because of a wife's death. The transition seems more natural when one is moving into a different status anyway because of new circumstances. (Strangely enough, one of my old friends in his 70s, whose longtime male partner died a few years ago, is now dating a woman. People can never be permanently confined to labelled boxes.) Men in this situation often seem most comfortable being selectively "out": they are openly gay with some family members and friends, but not with all.

 

That doesn't surprise me. A guy in his 70s will have his pic of female partners, both his age and younger. It may be more challenging to find a male partner, as Harold found. For a man in that situation who has any bi in him at all, dating a woman is a good move.

[+ WilliamM]

While you present the voice of caution and reflection Charlie, allow me to add my voice to those who believe he can have it all, or at least all he needs.

I believe Glenn's wife is willing to try and Glenn is willing to try, so they can construct a new normal for them after more than 50 years of being together. I strongly relate to Glenn's statement that his wife will always be his love. I feel the same way 15 years after my wife's passing. There is nothing standing in the way of my having an ongoing relationship with a man or a woman, but my heart and soul do not need that, they remain in the tender embrace of my loving wife

 

A childhood friend's wife died much longer than fifteen years ago. He went though the grief process and then decided to live the rest of his life with male sexual partners. There is no one way to live a life. Like Glennn, I am 72-years old. I can completely relate to Charlie's wise comments. But, PK's words may hit home with Glennn more. Finally, I am confused as to why a choice has to be made in time for the P.S. weekend.

[+ glennnn]

• I want to give my wife plenty of time to see that I am still the same man, the man she lved, married and lived with for nearly 50 years, the man she has a warm loving physical relationship with, before venturing off for a weekend with gay men. As I've said, if the PS weekend makes her feel threatened, I will gladly forego it. I DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN.
  
• I wanted to stop lying and to be loved for everything I am..... A bisexual. I've accomplished that I think. And in spite of the many cautionary tales here, I am hopeful that I can keep my wife and life. Has anyone ever heard of this happening?
  

[+ Charlie]

Of course it happens, probably more often than we realize, because the people who have that kind of relationship usually don't publicize the fact. I have been on this MB long enough to be aware that there are a number of men who hire escorts for sex alone, not as a way of segueing into a gay lifestyle.

[Mikegaite]

Glenn, there are also a bunch of guys out there who lurk and read your threads but don't post on the forum because they are concerned about discretion. Your posts are especially relevant to them because many of them are in situations somewhat similar to your own, so I applaud you for sharing your experiences with the community. Good luck with whatever decisions you make about your relationship going forward.

[+ purplekow]

• I want to give my wife plenty of time to see that I am still the same man, the man she lved, married and lived with for nearly 50 years, the man she has a warm loving physical relationship with, before venturing off for a weekend with gay men. As I've said, if the PS weekend makes her feel threatened, I will gladly forego it. I DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN.
  
• I wanted to stop lying and to be loved for everything I am..... A bisexual. I've accomplished that I think. And in spite of the many cautionary tales here, I am hopeful that I can keep my wife and life. Has anyone ever heard of this happening?
  

While difficult, you actually can come to Palm Springs and not have sex. Eye candy and comradery are good enough reasons to show up. The chance to see Vin Marco live in a bathing suit might be as breath taking a sight as the Taj Mahal and with a lot less travel.

[+ glennnn]

Vin Marco in a swim suit (Live!!!!!!) is quite an inducement, and, at this point, my wife thinks I should attend. I probably will. Not meeting you all would be so disappointing.

[+ glennnn]

You are just suc

Glen, this post just made me smile. One doesn't start living till they love and are true to themselves. It looks like you happily on your way! I hope the rest of the journey is full of love and laughter. Just remember folk, your never too old to come out, so long as its done on your terms.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

You are just such a sweet guy! My wife and I have never been closer,_and I believe her when she says she wants me to be happy. I hear by promise to dedicate myself to her happiness, too. I cannot begin to describe the relief and reduction of anxiety I feel. Secrets are poisonous. Thank you for the attaboy, Greg.

[rocky]

Rocky,

Thanks for the happy thoughts. I'm kind of dazed and wondering what happens next vis a vis my love and sex lives. My wife is my love and always will be, but now I can add some guy sex in. I must be careful and take it slow. The ex-closet world is full of possibilities, but also bright and scary.

 

I'm concerned about you! I don't know your age, health status, sexual preferences, etc.. But I do I Know that you are not getting the joy out of life that you should. I don't wish to butt in and I am no expert, but I offer my heart, wisdom?, and ears to you! We can chat here, via PM or on the telephone if you wish. I want to be a positive part of Daddy's Forum, and maybe pay back a little of the help I received. check your conversations. I'm available.

Glenn, how very much appreciated, particularly this time of year, it's needed..