Removed By Order Of The Fire Marshall

[rvwnsd]

Gar1eth I wish I was there to smack you in the back of the head. You need a very severe "snap out of it" slap to the back of the head. Kind of like Cher did to Nicholas Cage but never in the face, one could leave a mark. Don't wait. Don't hold your breath. Get on the phone and find out.

Either you get rejected and move on at a snail's pace for the next 5 years waiting to cash in on one of these sites or surprise surprise, he joins you for a second session. You bring your A game and things go from there.

You already having him saying no, so what have you got to lose? Do not overthink this. Start thinking with your little head. It will get you laid faster than your big head every time.

 

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

I did tell him. He said next time he'd have a bed. But I'm not going to hold my breath. The guy is really cute. I'm betting he's not going to have any trouble getting more well-endowed guys to fulfill him.

 

 

Gman

 

Oh, for crying out freakin' loud - stop it! Call the guy, make a date, and have some fun. You truly are your own worst enemy!

[+ quoththeraven]

Uncalled for. I wasn't asking for suggestions on how to get back with this guy. I was describing an event that happened. It was the latest occurrence of a problem I've had multiple times before over my 13 year experience of having sex. I brought it up on the Forum to find out if anyone else had similar limitations.

 

Gman

 

Almost certainly yes. If not them, then my ex. He didn't have sex with guys, but he managed to have sex with me and knock me up while being woefully underendowed. So what? Did you post to feel less alone?

 

While I'm more willing to cut you some slack in this regard than most if you don't want advice, why bother posting at all? Take it from me, someone somewhere has experienced the very same thing. But that hasn't stopped them from making adjustments instead of viewing the result as a fait accompli. Your unwillingness to entertain suggestions to that end suggests all you want is comisseration. You may have already rung that string out.

[+ azdr0710]

every time I see this thread title in the list of threads, I think "no bed-bug problem".....anybody else?.....I think the hyphen is doing it

[Moondance]

Oh, for crying out freakin' loud - stop it! Call the guy, make a date, and have some fun. You truly are your own worst enemy!

 

Uncalled for. I wasn't asking for suggestions on how to get back with this guy. I was describing an event that happened. It was the latest occurrence of a problem I've had multiple times before over my 13 year experience of having sex. I brought it up on the Forum to find out if anyone else had similar limitations.

 

Gman, you've been posting on this Forum a lot longer than me, but I already know it's a pie-in-the-sky notion to think that almost any thread isn't going to wander far and wide. Comparatively speaking, this one stayed relatively on topic, even though the replies covered more ground than the question.

 

As to rvwnsd's post that you found "uncalled for," it's up to you how you want to take it, but I interpret it as a little bit of "tough love" from a fellow poster who wishes the best for you--as do I.

[+ buddy12]

Gman, you've been posting on this Forum a lot longer than me, but I already know it's a pie-in-the-sky notion to think that almost any thread isn't going to wander far and wide. Comparatively speaking, this one stayed relatively on topic, even though the replies covered more ground than the question.

 

As to rvwnsd's post that you found "uncalled for," it's up to you how you want to take it, but I interpret it as a little bit of "tough love" from a fellow poster who wishes the best for you--as do I.

 

Sorry Gman, but here comes some more "tough love". I wholeheartedly agree with QTR, PK, RW and others. What exactly is the purpose of this post?

Gman, you've been posting on this Forum a lot longer than me, but I already know it's a pie-in-the-sky notion to think that almost any thread isn't going to wander far and wide. Comparatively speaking, this one stayed relatively on topic, even though the replies covered more ground than the question.

 

As to rvwnsd's post that you found "uncalled for," it's up to you how you want to take it, but I interpret it as a little bit of "tough love" from a fellow poster who wishes the best for you--as do I.

 

Gman, the posters giving you advice are solid. They are trying to get you "over the hump". But I agree wholeheartedly with QTR, PK, RW, MOON and others. So here's some more tough love...and it's gonna be long. I really don't think you want to know if anyone has the same "physical limitations" you have...you're looking for a pity party. I for the life of me can't understand your interpretation of your "physical limitations". Really??!! Physical limitations?? Physical limitations are those who are paralyzed, or who have any other number of "physical limitations" that are actual. You have a barrier in your mind...nothing more...nothing less. The ones you describe in this thread are you're shorter by an inch or two of the normal guy, and your endowment is 5 inches. You yourself cited a study that the average dude is 5.6 inches erect...so you're about a half inch off. Ok, so you're in the ballpark. Plenty of guys out there in your range. And I really, really don't understand what your height has to do with anything. When you're having sex with a dude that's 6'5" or 5"2" (and I've had both)...I don't understand what your issue is. And if you're having sex on a bed, I'm awfully confused of why you would post that the bed has to be an inch or two higher? Are you having sex at the side of the bed and need the height? The height of the bed, if you're in bed, isn't important. And if it is at the side of a bed...and that isn't high enough for you...find an alternative that's been suggested.

 

Now you've already counted yourself out from seeing this guy again...it's not him...according to you he told you he'd have a bed the next time...THE NEXT TIME...doesn't sound to me that he's counting you out...but you've already counted yourself out...and why? Because you think you didn't perform and he's really cute so he'll never give you another look. Oh Christ please...

 

Now Gman, here's where the really, really tough love comes. I won't dwell on your posts in this thread...with all the emoticons with the unhappy faces you post about yourself. But in the past, you've posted a whole crap load of negative things about yourself. You've posted that your ugly, you're out of shape, your bald, your dick is small, no one will ever look at me on a dating app...and on and on and on. And I've read all those and just cringed. You definitely have self esteem issues. What you need to do is reevaluate yourself, and look at all the positive things you are. Do we all have shit that we think are negatives about ourselves...good God yes! But you need to start looking at the positives about yourself. If you go through life thinking all the negatives about yourself, you're going nowhere. If you can at least look at yourself in the mirror and see your worth as a human being, you'll be much better off.

 

One more thing and I'm sure it's happened to you. I've buried a lot of friends in the relatively short time I've been here on earth. My boyfriend died of a massive heart attack at the age of 33. The guy had the body of a God and worked out everyday. You only go on this merry go round of life once. I would bet, with all your perceived "physical limitations", he would trade your "physical limitations" for another shot at life in a New York minute.

 

You're still breathing and your heart is beating...think about it.

[bigvalboy]

OK...what the Hell just happened? ....

[+ Truereview]

Same here BVB. Hmmm...Doesn't tough love require affection? I'm not hearing nor feeling much affection.

 

Maybe it's pizza time?

[bigvalboy]

Same here BVB. Hmmm...Doesn't tough love require affection? I'm not hearing nor feeling much affection.

Maybe it's pizza time?

 

And beer, don't forget the beer.

[sincitymix]

And beer, don't forget the beer.

 

Mozzarella sticks with buckets of marinara sauce

[AdamSmith]

And beer, don't forget the beer.

[Tigger]

http://oddstuffmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/c7cda04e1462a6c4e1763a2b3ef0e5a9.jpg

[+ buddy12]

Same here BVB. Hmmm...Doesn't tough love require affection? I'm not hearing nor feeling much affection.

 

Maybe it's pizza time?

 

 

No, that's exactly what "tough love" is...telling someone what they don't want to hear.

[+ Truereview]

No, that's exactly what "tough love" is...telling someone what they don't want to hear.

Yes, buddy, you are 100% correct. You win.

[Wolfer]

The thing about tough love is that it rarely actually helps the recepient in a positive way. Giving tough love is like puching someone on the arm when their arm is already bruised. It hurts like hell and makes the recepient more often than not just recoil and avoid the giver. Even if the message was something they needed to hear... How is them retreating without hearing the message helped them at all?

 

Going through an enormously challenging time myself in life, I have friends lining up wanting to give me tough love, just because I'm not working through my challenges fast enough (apparently) or according to their schedule. What most often results from tough love is that the recipient will stop reaching out for help, retreating further into isolation, while their challenges continue. Only now they will have to face them alone.

 

Empathy does not equal enabling. Kind, affectionate words do not equal enabling. Pushing someone with blunt speech is one of the worst and least effective ways to snap someone out of it. In my experience, whenever someone gives tough love, the only positive result it has is to stroke the giver's ego. I have literally had a friend say "BAYM" (like in Rupaul's drag race) after he gave me tough love. I often feel givers also do an emotional equivalent of "drop the mic" after such a speech. It actually feels like it's more about the cleverness of the giver than the appropriateness of their words in the situation.

 

Invalidating someone's feelings by saying they aren't the worst off, or they shouldn't be complaining, ... is just piling on shame and guilt on top of the already existing negative feelings. These feelings are very real for the person who's having them, even if they may look ludicrous from your perspective. The first step in letting go and working through something is acceptance. Invalidation directly opposes this type of acceptance.

 

So Gman, I hear you. Being 5 inches in the gay community fucking sucks because it seems that the predominant behaviour is obsession over dick sizes. I'm a young, fit and attractive guy and I could not for the life of me get a guy to hook up with me the minute dick size was mentioned. Dick size is curreny in the gay world. The more inches you have, the more you're worth. It's sad and ultimately destructive, but the behaviour is overwhelmingly present in younger gays. (Disclaimer: of course there are exceptions to the rule, personal anecdotes will vary, but the big trend is there.)

 

Having said that, I do always ask myself the question, when feeling down or bad: "Is this serving me in the best way?" And I look for ways to change my perspective in a positive way. Sometimes you have to look for a positive spin as if your life depends on it, because sometimes, it does.

[+ glennnn]

A five inch cock is perfect as a mouthful or an assful. All the sensitive parts stimulated in comfort without the overstuffing! Heaven for guys with smaller apertures! Somebody is just waiting for your tallywacker.

[rvwnsd]

A five inch cock is perfect as a mouthful or an assful. All the sensitive parts stimulated in comfort without the overstuffing! Heaven for guys with smaller apertures! Somebody is just waiting for your tallywacker.

It sounds like the bedless guy wanted it again.

[sincitymix]

A five inch cock is perfect as a mouthful or an assful. All the sensitive parts stimulated in comfort without the overstuffing! Heaven for guys with smaller apertures! Somebody is just waiting for your tallywacker.

I was with a guy who was less then average endowed.. boy did he rock my world. it was like freaking acrobatic gymnastic thrown around the room animalistic primal marathon of sex.

so.. size does not always matter.

[rvwnsd]

I was with a guy who was less then average endowed.. boy did he rock my world. it was like freaking acrobatic gymnastic thrown around the room animalistic primal marathon of sex.

so.. size does not always matter.

Two of my favorite escorts, one of whom gave me the best fuck of my life, are in the 5 - 5.5 inch range.

[AdamSmith]

One of my favorite escorts was a little Vietnamese guy in Portland, OR. Now retired alas. His 4.5 inches could go all night -- sending me to places well worth visiting.

 

He said people always hired him to bottom, and my wanting him to top me really turned him on. It showed in his performance!

 

For Gman -- another thing not to forget is that your wanting him can be a good part of the turn-on for him. As for anybody.

[+ Truereview]

The thing about tough love is that it rarely actually helps the recepient in a positive way. Giving tough love is like puching someone on the arm when their arm is already bruised. It hurts like hell and makes the recepient more often than not just recoil and avoid the giver. Even if the message was something they needed to hear... How is them retreating without hearing the message helped them at all?

 

Going through an enormously challenging time myself in life, I have friends lining up wanting to give me tough love, just because I'm not working through my challenges fast enough (apparently) or according to their schedule. What most often results from tough love is that the recipient will stop reaching out for help, retreating further into isolation, while their challenges continue. Only now they will have to face them alone.

 

Empathy does not equal enabling. Kind, affectionate words do not equal enabling. Pushing someone with blunt speech is one of the worst and least effective ways to snap someone out of it. In my experience, whenever someone gives tough love, the only positive result it has is to stroke the giver's ego. I have literally had a friend say "BAYM" (like in Rupaul's drag race) after he gave me tough love. I often feel givers also do an emotional equivalent of "drop the mic" after such a speech. It actually feels like it's more about the cleverness of the giver than the appropriateness of their words in the situation.

 

Invalidating someone's feelings by saying they aren't the worst off, or they shouldn't be complaining, ... is just piling on shame and guilt on top of the already existing negative feelings. These feelings are very real for the person who's having them, even if they may look ludicrous from your perspective. The first step in letting go and working through something is acceptance. Invalidation directly opposes this type of acceptance.

Well said, Wolfer. The interesting thing about tough love (which I have studied, given and being a recipient of) is that it needs to be given by someone who actually gives a sh!t about the recipient. IMHO, giving tough love when you are a stranger to the recipient is just trying to veil your own disagreement to make you feel better about being tough.

 

Gman, again, I will thank you for posting what you did, and I'm personally sorry you felt you needed to remove your posts. Someone out there may not have your balls to post what you did, but they may have benefited from reading your story. The best part of this forum is that we can discuss any topic without fear of reprisal or judgement. It is good to have conflict and disagree. It isn't good when the disagreement turns into judgment...for that, we might as well just turn back into our own judgmental society.

 

@AdamSmith, @sincitymix, @rvwnsd : thanks for leading the thread into a more positive direction. Your examples focus on possibilities and on emphasizing that there are more folks out there with similar stats/situations.

[+ quoththeraven]

Same here BVB. Hmmm...Doesn't tough love require affection? I'm not hearing nor feeling much affection.

 

Maybe it's pizza time?

 

OK, here's the positive side to G-man.

 

1. He's helpful. Anytime he knows something about an escort, he'll pass it along. Back when Rentboy was still around, he had figured out all the ways to make a Rentboy link work so people could more easily tell who was being discussed. It was so helpful Daddy made it a sticky in the Deli forum. (Half the users of the Deli ignored or never saw it, but that was out of G-man's control.)

 

2. He's kind to others. He doesn't make hateful or confrontational posts.

 

3. He apologizes when he thinks he's wronged someone else or made a misstatement.

 

4. He's not full of himself.

 

5. He's intelligent and thoughtful. He isn't apt to fly off the handle.

 

JFC, G-man, don't you see that these are qualities that might appeal even to a casual hookup?

 

For the record, I don't see how going on about the sexual prowess of other underendowed men is taking the thread in a more positive direction vis-a-vis G-man. Let's focus on the qualities he can empathize with more easily. This amounts to shaming him for his unrealistic views of his potential. Unless there's some traumatizing event in his past he hasn't spoken of, my armchair therapist's view is it's a manifestation of his discomfort with being gay.

 

Since I'm not a trained therapist, I could be entirely wrong about that! Even if I were a trained therapist, I could be wrong about it.

[+ Truereview]

OK, here's the positive side to G-man.

 

1. He's helpful. Anytime he knows something about an escort, he'll pass it along. Back when Rentboy was still around, he had figured out all the ways to make a Rentboy link work so people could more easily tell who was being discussed. It was so helpful Daddy made it a sticky in the Deli forum. (Half the users of the Deli ignored or never saw it, but that was out of G-man's control.)

 

2. He's kind to others. He doesn't make hateful or confrontational posts.

 

3. He apologizes when he thinks he's wronged someone else or made a misstatement.

 

4. He's not full of himself.

 

5. He's intelligent and thoughtful. He isn't apt to fly off the handle.

 

JFC, G-man, don't you see that these are qualities that might appeal even to a casual hookup?

actually...forget the cute bottom hookup in the story. Gman, what are you doing Friday night, Papito?

[+ VeryHappyCustomer]

A good point! Gman, where do you live?

[geminibear]

actually...forget the cute bottom hookup in the story. Gman, what are you doing Friday night, Papito?

A good point! Gman, where do you live?

 

Gman good news I think your "Getting Laid on Leap Year" Party for February 29 is back on kid. I might have some Italian relative which may be able get some discounted party favors. (not that kind, this isn't the French Connection )

TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

 

[+ FreshFluff]

Your unwillingness to entertain suggestions to that end suggests all you want is comisseration. You may have already rung that string out.

 

We all have the right to commiserate here. Self-pity feels good. I joined a pity party on Quora, and it felt great.

 

I also don't see it as having anything to do with being gay. Gman is similar to me in many ways. He's also like most people I know in that they all have some major insecurity.