Responding to clients who say I love you

[+ Lance_Navarro]

 

And then there was that sweet piece of poetry from Lance Navarro (post #

 

 

I don't think for minute that either Mike or Lance would be incapable of managing a situation with a client who had unrealistic expectations. On the contrary, I think their willingness to be emotionally generous is testimony to their advanced skills and professional confidence. Maybe it also reflects an expectation, realized over time, that the majority of the people they agree to meet are going to be reasonably well-balanced, with a working sense of reality.

 

Thank you so much for saying and acknowledging that! I do believe that I attract people that are balanced with high emotional intelligence. Of course, every once in a while I am sent someone that might challenge me a bit, but that's always good for growth.

[robberbaron4u]

Your line should be "Always, babe!", delivered with a smile that glitters like the sun in tropic isles, and then exit stage right. . .

[+ Gar1eth]

I don't think for minute that either Mike or Lance would be incapable of managing a situation with a client who had unrealistic expectations. On the contrary, I think their willingness to be emotionally generous is testimony to their advanced skills and professional confidence. Maybe it also reflects an expectation, realized over time, that the majority of the people they agree to meet are going to be reasonably well-balanced, with a working sense of reality.

 

It's often impossible to totally control our feelings. Even Mr. Spock couldn't do it. And the rest of us are only human. With that in mind, I could certainly see a client falling into what he thinks is love to a nice handsome guy. After all the escort will normally be the type of guy the client is attracted to-otherwise why hire him? And this guy to whom the client is attracted to is making the client feel good physically-and possibly mentally. Who wouldn't fall in love with such a guy? But the escort is providing a paid service. I'm not saying the escort can't like the client or feel warmly towards him, but for way over the vast majority of clients it ain't going to happen. The escort is not going to fall in love with the client. If a client actually expressed his love and the belief that the escort would love him back, things are way out of control. Even if the client doesn't tell the escort, but the escort can tell by what the client does, things are still out of control. While there isn't an AMA or a Bar Association for escorts, in most cases it's immoral for an escort to continue seeing a client who is in love with him. It would be like a psychiatrist or lawyer taking advantage of a patient/client.

 

Gman

[+ quoththeraven]

It's often impossible to totally control our feelings. Even Mr. Spock couldn't do it. And the rest of us are only human. With that in mind, I could certainly see a client falling into what he thinks is love to a nice handsome guy. After all the escort will normally be the type of guy the client is attracted to-otherwise why hire him? And this guy to whom the client is attracted to is making the client feel good physically-and possibly mentally. Who wouldn't fall in love with such a guy? But the escort is providing a paid service. I'm not saying the escort can't like the client or feel warmly towards him, but for way over the vast majority of clients it ain't going to happen. The escort is not going to fall in love with the client. If a client actually expressed his love and the belief that the escort would love him back, things are way out of control. Even if the client doesn't tell the escort, but the escort can tell by what the client does, things are still out of control. While there isn't an AMA or a Bar Association for escorts, in most cases it's immoral for an escort to continue seeing a client who is in love with him. It would be like a psychiatrist or lawyer taking advantage of a patient/client.

 

Gman

 

This depends on what definition of love you are using. If it's more abstract, all is fine. If it is "I am obsessed with you, want to be your boyfriend and live in your pocket" (metaphorically or otherwise) "and will spend any amount to see you and let you bleed me dry of money if you feel so inclined," yes, there's a problem.

[+ Gar1eth]

This depends on what definition of love you are using. If it's more abstract, all is fine. If it is "I am obsessed with you, want to be your boyfriend and live in your pocket" (metaphorically or otherwise) "and will spend any amount to see you and let you bleed me dry of money if you feel so inclined," yes, there's a problem.

 

When I say love-I'm talking about being 'in love' of the type the minstrels praise-or in Greek 'erotas. The kind of love you'd want in a boy/girlfriend/partner. The kind of love where there ain't no mount...

I believe in the words of Mary Katherine Gallagher that I can best explain in the words of a song.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uD99c3otHDA

Other types of love can still put the client at a disadvantage but probably not as much.

Gman

[Kuriousity]

Each situation is different and context matters, but what are your strategies for dealing with this issue? I always feel my response is an epic fail and unable to strike the right combination of compassion and sincerity.

 

I must be a cold hearted shit....because I know I would never say that to anyone. I look at the escorting business with a very gimlet-ed eye--in my mind, you are a contractor I am hiring to perform a technical service I cannot do for myself for whatever reason. I can enjoy your work, and compliment you on doing the task above expectations, but in my mind, you'll always be just a temporary employee. I have an obligation to provide a safe environment & to treat you with basic human respect, but I know we are not two guys who would just hang out and schmooze if money was not the foundation of our interaction. Once I were to hand over money, you go from "attractive guy" to "technician". Like I said, I can enjoy the task, but once I pay for it, to me it becomes not much different from a radiator repair or a cable modem installation.

 

Not particularly romantic, but that's how I roll...so Mike you would be free to bang me knowing that attachment is not something I really do....just saying....

[Harrison Maine]

I have a regular client who says "I love you" during our get togethers. He also says it a lot in text conversations. He is a lovely older gentleman and I really enjoy our sessions. I happen to know an escort who met his partner through a business arrangement and they're very happy together, so I figure it's up to each individual escort how seriously they let themselves take the phrase. I did ask for advice about how to respond at first and it was advised that I not say it back, so I don't. I just tell him he's sweet and I can't wait to see him again, which is the truth. If he ever comes out and asks to take me on an actual not-escort date, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

[+ Gar1eth]

I have a regular client who says "I love you" during our get togethers. He also says it a lot in text conversations. He is a lovely older gentleman and I really enjoy our sessions. I happen to know an escort who met his partner through a business arrangement and they're very happy together, so I figure it's up to each individual escort how seriously they let themselves take the phrase. I did ask for advice about how to respond at first and it was advised that I not say it back, so I don't. I just tell him he's sweet and I can't wait to see him again, which is the truth. If he ever comes out and asks to take me on an actual not-escort date, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

 

But in general it's not the escort at risk for falling for the client. Unless the client is one of those types that uses the term 'love' very freely and uses it where many of us would instead use 'like', 'affection,' or even 'friendship,' then it very likely is a sign that the client is in too deep.

 

Gman

[curiousnomore]

Politely pause. Make sure no boundaries are being crossed.

[phraughy]

If you are fucking me and I say I love you, then dont say anything back, just kiss me. Dont break the fantasy.

[phraughy]

Politely pause. Make sure no boundaries are being crossed.

Pausing breaks the fantasy. I know it is not real but if you are fucking me into utter submission I am going to say I love you. Now if you say I love you after the session has ended then boundaries have been crossed. If I wanted a passionless fuck I would just use grinder or go to the bathhouse.

[+ Gar1eth]

Pausing breaks the fantasy. I know it is not real but if you are fucking me into utter submission I am going to say I love you. Now if you say I love you after the session has ended then boundaries have been crossed. If I wanted a passionless fuck I would just use grinder or go to the bathhouse.

 

I realize all of us are different. I’m a lonely guy. But I don’t need that type of fantasy. That’s treading into a dangerous area for me. What I want from an escort is more like a friend with benefits type of relationship. And even the friend part might be asking too much. I’ve had escorts I’ve saw for several years. They always said I was pretty easy to get along with. I hope they were telling the truth. But now that I don’t hire, the only one I hear from occasionally is @Tygerscent. I thought at least one specifically (maybe a few others) actually liked me enough to occasionally check in with me. But he really hasn’t.

 

Gman

[Cannon]

Every situation is different but I would just treat it as I would any other compliment. I would smile and say "that's very sweet" but I wouldn't over-do it or over-think it, or give it any more extra weight than that. A sincere acknowledgment of the compliment will suffice.

[phraughy]

I realize all of us are different. I’m a lonely guy. But I don’t need that type of fantasy. That’s treading into a dangerous area for me. What I want from an escort is more like a friend with benefits type of relationship. And even the friend part might be asking too much. I’ve had escorts I’ve saw for several years. They always said I was pretty easy to get along with. I hope they were telling the truth. But now that I don’t hire, the only one I hear from occasionally is @Tygerscent. I thought at least one specifically (maybe a few others) actually liked me enough to occasionally check in with me. But he really hasn’t.

 

Gman

Yeah, it can be a dangerous area. I love the psychological aspects of fantasy. I can not get off unless I am mentally stimulated. Fantasies that evoke love and passion are my weakness and greatest satisfaction. I am an ugly man and have never been loved so these type of fantasies are most fulfilling.

[phraughy]

Every situation is different but I would just treat it as I would any other compliment. I would smile and say "that's very sweet" but I wouldn't over-do it or over-think it, or give it any more extra weight than that. A sincere acknowledgment of the compliment will suffice.

 

That is lovely. I like how you would handle that.

[phraughy]

I must be a cold hearted shit....because I know I would never say that to anyone. I look at the escorting business with a very gimlet-ed eye--in my mind, you are a contractor I am hiring to perform a technical service I cannot do for myself for whatever reason. I can enjoy your work, and compliment you on doing the task above expectations, but in my mind, you'll always be just a temporary employee. I have an obligation to provide a safe environment & to treat you with basic human respect, but I know we are not two guys who would just hang out and schmooze if money was not the foundation of our interaction. Once I were to hand over money, you go from "attractive guy" to "technician". Like I said, I can enjoy the task, but once I pay for it, to me it becomes not much different from a radiator repair or a cable modem installation.

 

Not particularly romantic, but that's how I roll...so Mike you would be free to bang me knowing that attachment is not something I really do....just saying....

 

Gosh, man. It seems like you treat them like human dildos. If an escort is willing to fuck me, I give as much passion and respect as I can. The escorts that are good at their jobs will sense that and will respond in kind. Money is the sacrifice I make so that I can be touched and feel desired. If I was just interested in a technician I would just use a dildo.

[escortrod]

My response has been “thank you”. Or in one case “I know”, but that was appropriate in context.

[+ Gar1eth]

Gosh, man. It seems like you treat them like human dildos. If an escort is willing to fuck me, I give as much passion and respect as I can. The escorts that are good at their jobs will sense that and will respond in kind. Money is the sacrifice I make so that I can be touched and feel desired. If I was just interested in a technician I would just use a dildo.

 

Just some FYIs here-this thread was started in 2015 by @Mikegaite-an escort who hasn’t posted on here in a long while. The last post before yours on here was 11 months ago.

 

I’m always curious how new members find these old threads. Care to tell us how you found it, @phraughy?

 

Also unless he has an alternate Forum identity, @Kuriousity hasn’t posted on here in at least a year. Of course it’s always possible he checks the Forum without logging in. The other interesting thing about him is that I think he said his avatar was a true picture of him. If I looked like that, I doubt I would have ever needed to have hired-or at least not needed to very often.

 

Gman

[phraughy]

Just some FYIs here-this thread was started in 2015 by @Mikegaite-an escort who hasn’t posted on here in a long while. The last post before yours on here was 11 months ago.

 

I’m always curious how new members find these old threads. Care to tell us how you found it, @phraughy?

 

Also unless he has an alternate Forum identity, @Kuriousity hasn’t posted on here in at least a year. Of course it’s always possible he checks the Forum without logging in. The other interesting thing about him is that I think he said his avatar was a true picture of him. If I looked like that, I doubt I would have ever needed to have hired-or at least not needed to very often.

 

Gman

I tend to search deep pages when I visit forums. This topic was under ask and escort and was on like page 4.

[phraughy]

Just some FYIs here-this thread was started in 2015 by @Mikegaite-an escort who hasn’t posted on here in a long while. The last post before yours on here was 11 months ago.

 

I’m always curious how new members find these old threads. Care to tell us how you found it, @phraughy?

 

Also unless he has an alternate Forum identity, @Kuriousity hasn’t posted on here in at least a year. Of course it’s always possible he checks the Forum without logging in. The other interesting thing about him is that I think he said his avatar was a true picture of him. If I looked like that, I doubt I would have ever needed to have hired-or at least not needed to very often.

 

Gman

If that picture is really him you are right, he would not need an escort. Maybe he just prefers the convenience.

[+ quoththeraven]

If that picture is really him you are right, he would not need an escort. Maybe he just prefers the convenience.

@Kuriousity was because of the discussions, not because he hires. He also seems to no longer be a member of the forum. His handle can no longer be found through a search.

[+ Gar1eth]

@Kuriousity was because of the discussions, not because he hires. He also seems to no longer be a member of the forum. His handle can no longer be found through a search.

 

I’m not sure how not being a member works exactly. I would have thought if they had actually deleted their accounts then you wouldn’t still be able to use the @ function with their Forum ID. If you click on his name in one of his posts, however, he has chosen the option to have his profile not reachable.

 

Gman

[+ quoththeraven]

I’m not sure how not being a member works exactly. I would have thought if they had actually deleted their accounts then you wouldn’t still be able to use the @ function with their Forum ID. If you click on his name in one of his posts, however, he has chosen the option to have his profile not reachable.

 

Gman

Yes, I know. But that shouldn't affect the ability to find him on the dropdown menu.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

I have quite a few clients with whom we say "I love you". Our work should be drawing from the energy of love, compassion and acceptance, so making someone feel loved, for me, is the hope. Therefore it's only natural that one would want to reciprocate and acknowledge that love. I understand the desire to maintain an emotional distance and to keep the relationship of client/provider defined, but we need to be less afraid of love. Its unfortunate that we can be so quick to anger and rage toward someone we barely know, or really don't know at all, yet so cautious at expressing love for someone we do.

Two years later I still feel exactly the same way. Incredibly blessed to hear the "L" word so much