Not Gay Men: New Sexual Identity?

[MsGuy]

Dan Savage on "Not Gay Men Who Have Not Gay Sex With Other Not Gay Men."

 

I hate to admit it but I just can't take seriously this notion of straight guys seeking each other out for 'not gay sex.'

 

I mean I get it that the young uns (or some of them at least) think differently about sex stuff than the guys I grew up with. Remember the junior high kids a decade back that were firmly of the opinion that blow jobs didn't constitute 'sex'? I kinda managed to get my head around that concept. And fluid sexual identity, I was ok with that; it even even made some intuitive sense to me.

 

But the idea of straight men actively hunting for butt sex with other straight men but they're not Gay or even Bi? So you're not gay unless your fuck buddy is gay?

 

Now I know the human brain is marvelously flexible at constructing identities for itself but come on, this one is just too much.

 

Or maybe I should just quit shouting at the kids to stop fucking on my lawn and enjoy the show.

[gallahadesquire]

Dan Savage on "Not Gay Men Who Have Not Gay Sex With Other Not Gay Men."

 

But the idea of straight men actively hunting for butt sex with other straight men but they're not Gay or even Bi? So you're not gay unless your fuck buddy is gay?

 

Now I know the human brain is marvelously flexible at constructing identities for itself but come on, this one is just too much.

 

Or maybe I should just quit shouting at the kids to stop fucking on my lawn and enjoy the show.

 

Now THAT'S just plain sensible. Why can't I live in a neighborhood like that? It would probably upset the cat.

[big-n-tall]

Do as the Romans do... Or did.

[TruHart1]

Do as the Romans do... Or did.

 

So, big-n-tall, are you intimating that "not gay" sex between heterosexual men is a cultural construct?

 

TruHart1

[big-n-tall]

So, big-n-tall, are you intimating that "not gay" sex between heterosexual men is a cultural construct?

 

TruHart1

 

Maybe.

[AdamSmith]

I prefer to do as the Grecians did.

 

As George W. called them.

[+ Gar1eth]

I'm willing to believe that some people's sexuality is more fluid than others or depending on situation. I could maybe even see a guy-so horny for sex-if denied being able to find a women-searching for men. Or there is the whole prison scenario for both sexes seeking out same sex partners but being totally heterosexual on the outside.

 

There is even an article today in LGBTQ Nation about a Missouri state Congressman who says due to child abuse he was confused about his sexuality for 5 years as a teenager.

 

The more that being gay is acceptable-I can easily envision people with 'minor' gay urges or fantasies experimenting more when before because of the social stigma and shame they never would have attempted trying to have gay sex.

 

Now on the other hand I know my being gay is pretty rigidly fixed. I'd be a 5.9 on the 6 point Kinsey Scale.

 

Gman

 

 

I prefer to do as the Grecians did.

 

As George W. called them.

 

What did George call what?

 

Gman

[AdamSmith]

He called the Greeks 'Grecians.'

[+ Gar1eth]

He called the Greeks 'Grecians.'

 

Oh, he wasn't referring to the ancient Greeks when did it?

 

I just found this.

 

 

'What's a Grecian urn?' 'Just a few drachmas a week!!'

 

Gman

[bostonman]

Remember the junior high kids a decade back that were firmly of the opinion that blow jobs didn't constitute 'sex'?

 

One of those "kids" being then-president Bill Clinton, lol.

 

Though it goes back farther than that. It was somewhere around 1983 or so, and I had started college, but had a female friend back home that never quite became a girlfriend, though I know she wanted to be. (We did flirt a lot, and came close to getting physical a few times. More importantly, we really enjoyed each other's company lol. And she was definitely sexy, and I was attracted.) I decided to come out to her, knowing it might not be something she wanted to hear. She took it better than I thought, but yes, she was a bit rattled by it. But the oddest thing was this bit of conversation I remember.

 

She: So, you really have sex with guys?

Me: (thinking "duh") Yes.

She: But you could get AIDS from that. [Keep the time period in mind - this was early in the days of the virus]

Me; Well, I don't like anal sex much so I really don't do that.

She; But...that IS sex. Everything else is foreplay.

Me: (silence, as I never really even considered that point of view before.)

[Lookin]

So, big-n-tall, are you intimating that "not gay" sex between heterosexual men is a cultural construct?

 

TruHart1

 

Personally, I like to imagine a world where cultural constructs around sex would sort of fade into the background, and let the sex itself take front and center.http://www.coloradoevo.com/forums/images/smilies/sex018.gif

 

One of the oddest things about the human species, at least in my opinion, is all the energy we put into worrying about other folks' sexual activities rather than our own. There must be some payoff for doing it, or we wouldn't, but I haven't got it figured out yet.

 

Truth to tell, I think bonobos have the right idea. They interact sexually pretty much wherever and whenever the fancy strikes, and aren't too fussy about the whomever either. Other than avoiding sexual contact between mothers and their adult sons, they don't seem to discriminate by sex or age. They are also among the most peaceful species on earth and show 'altruism, compassion, empathy, kindness, patience, and sensitivity'. And, when they run into outsiders, they much prefer intimate contact to violence.

 

 

Honestly, if I could find a good termite recipe, I'd seriously consider heading off to the Congo and hanging out for the summer. http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

 

[dcguy20]

Every once in a while when I read the missed connections on Craigslist, I'll come across a post that more or less says, "Dude, I'm not into guys, but I thought you were hot. Hit me up."

[MsGuy]

Great anecdote, Bostonman.

 

You ought to submit it to Reader's Digest, "Life in the United States." (They pay about $500 bucks for true life stories now-a-days.)

[MsGuy]

Here you go, lookin:

 

Three recipes for termites, boiled, baked or toasted.

[AdamSmith]

You ought to submit it to Reader's Digest, "Life in the United States." (They pay about $500 bucks for true life stories now-a-days.)

 

Life in These United States.

 

Please. When I was little the Reader's Digest was the only printed matter in the house to respite oneself on, apart from the daily rag and Holy Scripture.

 

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41QIRVun1RL._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

[Kenny]

Dan Savage on "Not Gay Men Who Have Not Gay Sex With Other Not Gay Men."

 

I hate to admit it but I just can't take seriously this notion of straight guys seeking each other out for 'not gay sex.'

 

I mean I get it that the young uns (or some of them at least) think differently about sex stuff than the guys I grew up with. Remember the junior high kids a decade back that were firmly of the opinion that blow jobs didn't constitute 'sex'? I kinda managed to get my head around that concept. And fluid sexual identity, I was ok with that; it even even made some intuitive sense to me.

 

But the idea of straight men actively hunting for butt sex with other straight men but they're not Gay or even Bi? So you're not gay unless your fuck buddy is gay?

 

Now I know the human brain is marvelously flexible at constructing identities for itself but come on, this one is just too much.

 

Or maybe I should just quit shouting at the kids to stop fucking on my lawn and enjoy the show.

 

I think the appropriate term for them is "bisexual."

[Lookin]

Here you go, lookin:

 

Three recipes for termites, boiled, baked or toasted.

 

Thanks, MsGuy! http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/thumbsup.png

 

Anybody needs me, I'll be winnowing my termites. http://www.en.kolobok.us/smiles/artists/big/Connie_twiddle-thumbs.gif

[Diverdan]

Hey MSGuy... I hope you are taking good videos of the activity on your lawn. It is probably worth a lot !!!

[body2body]

Way back when during my distant youth, I asked friend about his trick from the night before. He said it was ok but that the guy was one of those "fuck me, suck me, but don't kiss me because I'm not gay" guys. Times really haven't changed that much.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

My nephew, a college senior, has told me his friends don't like labels for sexual identity. The only terms they use are "virgin," "non-virgin," and "slut."

[+ Gar1eth]

My nephew, a college senior, has told me his friends don't like labels for sexual identity. The only terms they use are "virgin," "non-virgin," and "slut."

 

Can I bet it's not a university or college in the South? I'm sure where I went those are equally valid labels. But I'm sure 'gay' and 'straight' are are still equally valid.

 

Gman

[+ José Soplanucas]

I like "slut".

[+ Gar1eth]

I like "slut".

Ouch!!

 

I had a discussion in college with a guy who lived in my dorm. We were talking about another guy-strong/muscular guy who had played football in high school. Marvin was a guy who could have killed either of us without working up a sweat. We were talking about Marvin's active social life. The consensus between us was that no one who wanted to keep on living should call Marvin a slut to his face-even if he was one. :D

 

 

Gman

[+ sync]

Dan Savage on "Not Gay Men Who Have Not Gay Sex With Other Not Gay Men."

 

How many straight men does it take to put lipstick on a pig?

[+ SundayZip]

I think the appropriate term for them is "bisexual."

 

I think the appropriate term for them is "sexual."