What's Your Earliest "I'm Queer" memory?

[tyro]

I remember taking one. I remember ignoring it, and I can't remember what it said.

 

At that point, my mind was TOTALLY made up. I was going to be a high school band director.

 

(I have never been a high school band director, of course.)

 

Those tests are useful for possibly steering kids who have no idea what they want to do in life. For kids who have an idea, or a plan, or a drive, they're useless.

Join the club, deej. Once upon a time, I was going to be the World's Best Band Director too.

T

[Tonyko]

The few florists I know well are very masculine straight guys. There goes the stereotype lol.

Yes. But I think 30 years ago (and the tests were probably TEN OR TWENTY years old at THAT point lol) there was a different connotation I'm sure there were "certain" fields disignated for boys who's answers somehow reflected a level of sensitivity (queer) or some artistic flair (queer). I DO remember listening to some of the other guys discussing it after and when someone asked me "what you get" I lied and said one of the careers the other guys got.

[+ Gar1eth]

Yes. But I think 30 years ago (and the tests were probably TEN OR TWENTY years old at THAT point lol) there was a different connotation I'm sure there were "certain" fields disignated for boys who's answers somehow reflected a level of sensitivity (queer) or some artistic flair (queer). I DO remember listening to some of the other guys discussing it after and when someone asked me "what you get" I lied and said one of the careers the other guys got.

 

 

One of the tests may very well have been the Kuder Interests Survey. I think took it in 9th grade. I remember they gave us these big pins (that's pIns not pEns) to mark the answer sheet with. Somehow they read the pinpricks to determine your answers. I also took another one later on in high school-maybe college too called the Strong-Campbell Interest Test (I can't believe I remember the name of these things). The results of that test were much prettier. I think I remember a printout with a multicolored diamond shape showing percent in it showing how similar my likes were to other people in specific fields. I have a vague memory that on the Strong Campbell it listed percent similarity for specific options for both males and females-possibly we didn't mark our gender on the test form-so that say it listed bookkeeper as the profession. So I think it meant that say the male percentage might be 56% and the female percentage might be 75% meaning that if I were male (which I am) my interests only correlated with the interests of male bookkeepers 56% of the time. But if I were female, my interests were the same as 76% of female bookkeepers. Because obviously there may be differences in the likes of males and females in the same profession.

 

But the tests were so obvious. I mean-would you prefer to be a sanitation engineer vs a rocket scientist? Not that there is anything wrong with rocket scientists-but obviously there's no comparison if you have the chance to be a sanitation engineer.

 

I remember the surveys matching me up to jobs I had no interest in at all and knew I never would. I might have gotten florist too, but I'm not sure. I also think I may have gotten teacher or college professor as well as nurse. At the time- and maybe just a bit still for which I'm sorry-but definitely when I was 17 I couldn't take being a nurse seriously. That was for women. I think subconsciously I didn't want a career that was considered feminine at the time when I already lacked what were seen as typical masculine traits where I grew up like being into sports.

 

Gman

[+ poolboy48220]

Monty Python's "Vocational Guidance Counselor" sketch.

 

 

"But I want to be a lion tamer!"

[+ Charlie]

My best friend from high school told me about his earliest realization that he was gay. When he was 12, Richard had a local paper delivery route, and once per month he collected his payment from the customers. One of them was a Polish woman with an 18 year old son, Philip, a big, blond athlete. One day when he went to collect his money, the woman wasn't home, and Philip invited him to come in and play around, which turned out to be masturbating one another. From then on, Philip often managed to be home alone when Richard came to collect, and over the next six years the playing around escalated into more homoerotic activity, even including a scene in which Richard tied Philip spreadeagled on a bed and fucked him. Richard liked to go to the movies by himself on Saturday afternoons, and Philip told him that if he sat in a certain place in the theater, older men might approach him and masturbate him or even suck his cock in the dark. Soon Richard's paper delivery money was being spent on movie tickets, and he was associating cowboy movies with orgasms. By the time he graduated from high school, he knew he was gay.

 

Richard never revealed any of this to me until the week we graduated, when we finally came out to one another. He told me that Philip, now 24, was about to get married, and he suggested that I should have a shot at him while he was still available. He arranged for the three of us to go out one night in a car and park in an isolated spot for some fun. Philip turned out to be at least 6'4" with sinewy muscles and silky blond body hair, not handsome but with a harshly masculine face and very butch in demeanor. He was obviously tense about the situation, but there was a hard bulge in his trousers. Richard encouraged me to take Philip's cock out and suck it, and I was stunned: it was the biggest one I had ever seen, and even more than a half century later, I don't think I have ever handled anything bigger. I could barely get my mouth over the head, and I couldn't imagine how Richard at 12 could have done anything with it. No wonder Richard had usually been the top in their activities.

 

Philip got married a few weeks later, and Richard had only one further experience with him; about two years later, when his wife was out of town, Philip called Richard and invited him to come over for some fun. It was a repeat of the bondage and fucking scene. Richard had some poppers with him, and gave them to Philip, who reacted with much wilder abandon that Richard had even seen from him before. But he never heard from him again.

[+ Gar1eth]

Am I one of the only ones who never played around with relatives or people from school? I don't even think I hardly ever stroked myself. I had wet dreams around age 12 or 13 of course. But the first time I masturbated I was either 15 or 16. I was in the shower. I had heard of masturbating. But I wasn't quite sure how to do it. I just kept stroking. And when the moment came, my legs almost buckled. I continued masturbating on a routine basis until my late 40's. Now it's rare.

 

The first time anyone ever saw me cum was my first time as with an escort at 41.

 

 

As for people I thought might actually be gay in high school but never knew for sure (aside from my fears about me of course) -there were only about 3. And I went to a school of about 1500 students. One was an effeminate guy who as far as I know was the only male flautist in the school band.

 

 

 

 

 

Gman

Edited August 3, 2015 by Gar1eth

[+ Charlie]

Nowadays, Gman, everyone over the age of 10 seems to know all about sexual diversity, but back in olden times, it was assumed that everyone was heterosexual except the rare screaming queen. I was aware of only one other person in my high school, and that was because everyone said he was queer; in retrospect, I'm not sure that he was more than sensitive and "artistic." Amazingly, I never suspected my best friend, although as soon as he came out to me in response to me coming out to him, I realized we both had missed a lot of clues. Shortly thereafter, we discovered through someone else in a neighboring town that two of the most popular and attractive guys in the class ahead of ours were boyfriends who were well known in the larger gay community (which we also didn't know existed).

 

So, in a school the size of yours, there were undoubtedly others whom, unfortunately, you just never recognized. Obviously, there are drawbacks to everyone now knowing or suspecting everyone else's sexual orientation from the onset of puberty (like having it bandied about on social media), but it does make it easier to find a like-minded circle of friends much sooner in life. I was fairly quiet and shy in high school, and if I hadn't had the amazing luck to have bonded with the one classmate who could draw me out, I might have stayed in the closet for much longer than I did.

[+ Gar1eth]

So, in a school the size of yours, there were undoubtedly others whom, unfortunately, you just never recognized. Obviously, there are drawbacks to everyone now knowing or suspecting everyone else's sexual orientation from the onset of puberty (like having it bandied about on social media), but it does make it easier to find a like-minded circle of friends much sooner in life. I was fairly quiet and shy in high school, and if I hadn't had the amazing luck to have bonded with the one classmate who could draw me out, I might have stayed in the closet for much longer than I did.

 

The problem is of course that with having graduated high school 36 years ago-I can't remember for sure if I wondered about anyone else. The only one I can remember for sure wondering about, I think, was the flautist. And maybe it was only in retrospect when I thought about them once I was in college.

 

I don't know if it was me being naive or not. I'm sure it is possible others in my high school were more attuned to people being gay than I was. And I was most likely called gay at some point-Texas boy-not into sports and took drama. But I wasn't sure I was gay at the time. (I most likely knew but was too afraid to acknowledge it) I never acted on it at all publicly-never hung around the boy's locker room unless I had to, never really made calf-eyes at any guy (although I did think to myself certain guys were handsome), never hung out around a guy's home hoping to see him.

 

Actions I do remember taking-

 

1. What I do remember is once riding my bike to the park down the street-I might have been in junior high. I saw either a high school or college age guy shooting baskets. He was really cute and muscular. I went back to the park several times hoping he would show up again but he never did.

 

2. There was also a cute guy from school (junior high) whom I didn't really know. He was a year or two older. I noticed him when he ran for Student Council President. I found out by chance he was a stocker at a convenience store that I routinely used to ride my bike to to buy comics. I remember riding my bike around the store occasionally to try to see him. I think I was once rewarded with seeing him in a tank top.

 

3. Oh and the neighbors who lived across the alley from us. The hubby was a Physical Science teacher at the junior high. He used to do yard work in his backyard shirtless occasionally, and I liked to watch.

 

I may have done other things. But I really can't remember much of I did.

 

Of the three guys I mentioned in my last post-two of them I have no idea what happened to. So I don't actually know if they are gay. One I do know is gay due to Facebook now.

 

So thinking of people that I now know to be gay from my (non college) school years there are 11 I know to be gay (actually only 9. There are two that I'm fairly sure of-but I'll get to that).

 

Of these 11-

 

1. Was my best friend whom I didn't know anything about him being gay in high school and college. I began to suspect years after college. (Funny thing-my mother said a couple of years ago she had wondered at some point whether he was gay. But never said a word to me. I'd wonder if she was alerted because of the way I acted. But D and I were very different, so that probably wasn't it. )

 

2. T hasn't said anything to me. We aren't really friends anymore. We were best friends in elementary school. He occasionally posts on Facebook, but hasn't marked that he's interested in men on Facebook or posted rainbows or equality pictures. He's an unmarried actor -his best friend from high school is gay.

 

3. Another guy M we haven't seen each other in years. We were friends as children but not in high school. I found him on FB but he's not very active. He hasn't marked liking men on FB. But as far as I can tell, he's single, has a fairly nice muscular physique when he was on the thin side in high school. He has no pictures that I can identify for sure as being of him and a girlfriend.

 

Also one of the places he indicates on FB that he's been-no pictures-is Provincetown, MA. Now M works for an airline-no he's not a flight attendant. He works in management. I'm sure he gets discount travel.

 

So I guess I could be wrong about him. I mean straight, muscular, single guys can go to Provincetown too-right?

 

Of the remaining 8-in most cases I know from Facebook that they are gay.

 

Of these 9 that I know definitely are gay-two of them know I'm gay. Of these guys, I'm the only one not really out in my life or on Facebook-not unless my recent postings about 'marriage' on Facebook have thrown my closet door wide.

 

So of most of these guys, I don't think I ever considered back in high school that they were gay. I might have wondered years later when reminiscing about them.

 

Funny I'm sure there must have been some lesbians in high school. But who they are, I have no idea. No one of my FB 'friends' as far as I know is openly lesbian*. And I need to make a point. While I've known the majority of my non-related Facebook 'friends' for years-most are not really friends-only people I share somewhat of a similar background with having grown up in the same conservative town.

 

* I forgot. There is one girl from my high school, D. D did a bit of soft core porn after college. Someone told me at either our 10th or 30th high school reunion that her former husband had a sex change -and they had done sex shows/films after his operation. I don't know if that's true or not. I don't know if true whether that means she is a lesbian or bisexual. She might just love her ex.

 

Gman

[+ Charlie]

 

So I guess I could be wrong about him. I mean straight, muscular, single guys can go to Provincetown too-right?

 

Gman

Ri-i-i-i-ght! (snicker)

 

Even today, when people have much more information about sex, and more incentive to know themselves, teenagers can be confused about their orientation, so it is not unusual to look back to high school or college days many years ago and see classmates whose orientation wasn't obvious, even to themselves, at that time. I still dated girls until I was 21, just in case my gay feelings were a phase that I might grow out of. My best friend was engaged to be married at 24, until he was outed by a witch-hunt in the military. It was a traumatic experience, but it may have saved him much more grief later in life if he had gone through with the wedding.

[fedssocr1]

Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought it would happen to me....

 

I never really got to do anything with anyone either until I got to college and met this guy in a quiet restroom. I feel like I really missed out on a lot too. I've discovered after the fact that a couple of guys I had pegged in HS were gay after all. One of my best friends also turned out to be gay but I didn't find that out until a couple of years ago.

 

I think I had one really good chance my senior year in HS. This kid that I had chemistry class with and I got together to work on a project. He was totally hot. If I had made a move I think everything would have worked out. But I was too scared. He wasn't well liked because he thought he was smarter than everyone else, but for some reason he respected me. I often wonder "what if?" Unfortunately he died a couple of years later on a stolen motorcycle. He was a troubled soul.

[bostonman]

I thought I had posted this yesterday, but I guess I didn't...

 

I was casual friends with a high school classmate who went to the same college I did, and he became friends with my roommate, so we would hang every now and then. I remember him telling me one night that one of the jocks in our high school class (very cute baseball player) had come out. He was one of those guys you'd just never expect to be gay, if one can say that about anyone, lol. I was, of course, intrigued, though I was sure I'd never have a change with the guy. And I never did get in touch with him.

 

I was curious one day recently and wanted to see if I could find him on facebook - which I did. He's married (to a woman) and I think they have 3 kids. Go figure...

 

I have no reason to doubt that my friend was telling the truth at the time. So I would assume that the jockboy was at very least experimenting. Or maybe he would now say that he's bisexual - who knows. But it's funny that I was actually just a little disappointed to see that he had swung back the other way, lol. But I also should assume that he has the life he wants, as I certainly have no reason to think otherwise. What I'd love to know is what his sexual journey was. But we were never close enough even in high school for me to feel like I can really contact him out of the blue to talk about it, lol.

[bostonman]

This kid that I had chemistry class with and I got together to work on a project. He was totally hot. If I had made a move I think everything would have worked out. But I was too scared..

 

I had a science class partner in 9th grade that was a nice kid but more of a classic "nerd" type (well, who was I kidding, so was I in a way) - I remember a few times he made this quip about experimenting together to make a test tube baby (this was the late 70's when this was first in the news). I don't think he was really attempting to make a pass at me - I think he was just joking in his own way. But I remember thinking that we could have had some fun with that lol.

[+ Gar1eth]

I was a fat kid-slimmed up with puberty-but am now fat again for the last 20 years. But I was never any girl's dream (or guy's unfortunately) . And when I learned about sex when I was about 12 (my Dad couldn't bring himself to talk about it with me. He bought me a thin paperback to read. He told me to ask him if I had any questions.), the idea terrified me. (My pardon to the ladies but) the thought of Vaginas scared me silly. And I was supposed to put my tallywacker in that. Actually I may still feel that way (pardon ladies).

 

I remember talking with my brother who was around 19 at the time. I told him it sounded weird. He told me it was supposed to feel good if you moved your tallywacker around once you were inside (he may or may not have used the term 'wiggle').

 

So on top of being horrified by sex and vaginas-a feeling which persisted-I also felt no attraction for girls. I mean there were girls I thought were pretty or cute. But they never affected my tallywacker. On the other hand handsome guys did affect me. I probably knew I was gay deep down. But I kept hoping I'd develop feelings for women. That never happened. But the idea of gay sex terrified me too. I think it would have still terrified me whether AIDS had occurred or not-and the first cases were reported when I was 19. My fears may very well have prevented me from getting infected.

 

But I'm not sure I really knew much about gay sex even though the thought of it terrified me. I read a fiction story in a gay magazine when I was 21 (wasn't mine-it was a roommate's hidden stash that I found -he told me he wasn't gay-someone had given them to him-I think I might have believed him at the time). I still wasn't really admitting to myself I was gay, but I had suspicions. But the description of bottoming in the story was something else that turned me off . I knew I never wanted to do that.

 

So over the years my fear of sex increased. That was added to by not wanting to be gay. Finally I was afraid I was never going to experience sex. That fear slightly overcame my fear of having sex and led to my 1st hire at age 41.

 

Gman

[+ poolboy48220]

And when I learned about sex when I was about 12 (my Dad couldn't bring himself to talk about it with me. He bought me a thin paperback to read. He told me to ask him if I had any questions.), the idea terrified me.

Gman

Same for me. My parents never discussed it. They sent me to an evening program at school where they talked about it to the boys in one room, the girls in another. I think there might have been a filmstrip. On the drive home, my Dad asked if I had any questions. I did not.

 

We also had a four-volume set for teens called "The Life Cycle Library" discussing sex. I fantasized to a few of the drawings in there, one of a naked teen boy toweling off, showing how the genitals and pubic hair grew during adolescence. My younger sister sent me a notebook a few years ago that's made from the cover and selected pages from that set.

[+ Gar1eth]

My younger sister sent me a notebook a few years ago that's made from the cover and selected pages from that set.

 

She destroyed a book?

 

Gman

[bostonman]

She destroyed a book?

 

Maybe she copied the pages?

[+ Charlie]

I had no idea how two men had sex--I thought they probably rubbed against one another while kissing--until my first experience when I was 17, when the guy explained that we were supposed to insert our cocks into each other's assholes. I thought it was a bizarre concept, until I tried it.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Up to my first high school years, I would find the image of dicks and balls disgusting. I would get horny over any other part of the male body, and just kiss and j.o. together in my masturbatory fantasies. What a silly girl.

[+ Tygerscent]

Queer moment... Ugh~ what does that mean~?

I've always been attracted to guys and girls asses, (and the other parts of them)~ As far back as I can remember~ I've never identified with the labels "straight" or "gay" or "bi"... Just "sexual"~

I briefly sucked an older school mates dick when I was seven... He came up behind me while riding the bus to school a few days after that and put a vibrating dildo up against my cheek and called me a "fag"~ I went home and asked my parents what he meant... They explained that it was a discriminating word that some people use to call people of the same sex having sexual relations together~ There was no stigma against people attached to their explaination but, rather the point that the intension of the use of the word was to hurt someone out of fear... They explained that the word was discriminatory and inappropriate.

I went away from the conversation thinking that the boy who called me a fag must be full of fear and afraid of his gift to love other people~

I felt sorry that he was so afraid he felt it necessary to call me a fag~

I guess that was my first "queer moment"~?

I've had sensual and sexual relations with both males and females all of my life but it was never "wrong" or "bad"... It was always natural sexual exploration and expression of human affection and/or hormonally aspects of being~

I grew up thinking what was important is identifying as a human being, male, lakotah, good person, hard worker, good friend, intelligent and helpful compassionate being and somewhere way down the line, I relate sexually towards men and women~

Though I self identify as a Male Geisha... My sexuality isn't my main core of identity~

My "queer moment" has always been the crossing out of the word "queer", "fag", "homo", from others modern day language, (that depicts the expression of fear about their understanding of their own sexuality and fear of sexuality in general), when they try to label me like that...

What's been queer moments for me has been how others define some of my general human being~ A sort of political jargon and label placing that I never seem to give weight to personally~

At the foundation of sexuality is the concept of beauty~

I've had many "beautiful moments" with the same sex as early as age three or earlier~ they didn't become queer until some one said they were~

Before that, I was just a regular person~

 

Tyger

971.400.2633

tygerkink@yahoo.com

 

 

QUOTE="Tonyko, post: 983564, member: 11218"AS IF YESTERDAY, the Nun stopping the class and saying Mr. Baldini WHAT is so fascinating outside that window??? I had NO idea what I was feeling or why but "something" inside me told me I shouldn't tell the Sister I was looking at this guy. Something told me it was "wrong?" . I can't remember what I said or IF I said anything. BUT I remember the feeling crystal clear!

[AdamSmith]

Just retrieved this memory. When I was eight and this Star Trek episode aired, I was distinctly conscious of ogling the guy, not the girl...

 

 

...Vaal was not the only one hungering that day!

 

http://tos.trekcore.com/gallery/albums/behindthescenes/publicity-vaal.jpg

[bigvalboy]

Just retrieved this memory. When I was eight and this Star Trek episode aired, I was distinctly conscious of ogling the guy, not the girl...

 

 

 

 

 

http://tos.trekcore.com/gallery/albums/behindthescenes/publicity-vaal.jpg

 

Is that paper mache? ......sorry, back to Adam Smith's memory.

[AdamSmith]

I'm sorry, but is that paper mache?

 

What else? The hallmark of Star Trek The Original Series.

 

What they could get away with, broadcasting to '60s TV sets with rabbit ear antennas!

[AdamSmith]

Almost as funny are those Kannon Mills beach towels the natives are wearing.

[+ poolboy48220]

She destroyed a book?

 

Gman

 

Maybe she copied the pages?

It looks professionally done, spiral-bound. I suspect she found it in some quirky gift store repurposing old books as notebooks.

[Eddie Morales]

Just discovered this thread. Maybe it can be revived?

This isn’t too original, but When I was young and my house was being renovated, several of the construction guys were young and in amazing shape. They weren’t shy about working shirtless. I remember being just mesmerized by their happy trails. Didn’t hurt that they were also super friendly and let me hammer in a nail once haha