In-call. Escort freaks out!

[Erid]

Long story short, I was going to meet an escort for an in-call. Since I am unfamiliar with the area he lives, I asked him to give me his address so I could look it up on google map (Don't we all love Street View?) and familiarize myself with the surrounding before our appointment later this week at night.

 

This escort freaks out!! Asking why I need his address now. He said I creeped him out that I wanted his address and questioned why I would even get lost with a smartphone GPS. (This is in Los Angeles near USC, where two Chinese students got shot and killed sitting in their BMW two years ago at night)

 

I explained it is just normally how I do things when I go to some place I am unfamiliar with particularly at night but he would not believe me. He thinks that I am some weirdos.

 

He then said he would give me his address the day of our appointment. I did not further pressure him to give me his address. I apologized that I made him feel uncomfortable with my request. I even offer to meet him in the public or even do it as an out-call. He then just ignored my msg and email. (May be he hasn't checked his email yet but so far no response 24 hours after my email was sent)

 

Am I really being unreasonable here given that there are so many flakes on escort websites in general? What do you think? For other escorts, would you freak out if clients asks for an in-call address several days before the meeting?

 

I really would like to make this work but I don't know how. I am afraid that the more I try to explain the more I make him feel uncomfortable with me. I would appreciate some advice here.

 

Thanks for hearing me out and letting me vent my frustration.

[+ azdr0710]

well, several days in advance seems a little unusual and could appear to be a set-up.....but the escort shouldn't have "freaked out" unless he was already getting creepy vibes about the meeting....obviously, he could've replied with, "I'll let you know on the day of the appointment."

 

I had a successful (outcall) first-time meet with a backpage guy in LA recently who wouldn't give me his phone number until the day of.....since he'd been recommended by another poster here and our earlier emails were efficient and friendly, it didn't bother me.....I just took it as discretion on his part......

 

lots of possibilities for why he has gone silent.....we may never know

[sincitymix]

no. not unreasonable. it was an incall. id want to know how to get there.. an address would be nice, and yes I would google map it for directions.

[tsgarp]

If that was his response, it should be a broader indication that he's probably not someone you want to meet up with...unless unstable / irrational men excite you...move on.

[caliguy]

"He said I creeped him out"

 

Why would you keep pressuring him after he told you that you personally creeped him out? I interpret that as to go the fuck away! No it's not an unreasonable request but me thinks there's more to this story.

[Erid]

"He said I creeped him out"

 

Why would you keep pressuring him after he told you that you personally creeped him out? I interpret that as to go the fuck away! No it's not an unreasonable request but me thinks there's more to this story.

 

 

I did not pressure him further for address. He said I creeped him out simply because I sent him a text message asking for his address several days before the meeting as I don't feel comfortable driving around at night in places that I am unfamiliar with. (The email exchanges we had the night before were perfectly normal, friendly and communicated in a respectful tone. I did not get the feeling (or he did not indicate) that anything was abnormal. I even asked him what he likes or doesn't like so I can be respectful)

 

I was just trying to assure him that I am not the weirdo he thinks I am (that is why I offered to meet him in public or do it as an out-call with me paying for a hotel room) or I would not have tried to explain myself further. I was just trying to make it work. I did not expect him reacting like the way he did.

[+ Keith30309]

In the handful of incalls I've gone to my experience is that some guys give me their address when we make the appointment and some wait until an hour or two before and text it to me. It doesn't really make any difference to me other than to know how much drive time to allow in traffic. When making the appointment I say "I'm coming from roughly X Street at Y Street - how long will it take me to get there in rush hour traffic?". That's really all I want to know. I do a quick Google lookup of the area when I get it and if it's sketchy or I wouldn't feel safe then I would let him know - fortunately this hasn't happened but I take my safety as seriously as anyone.

 

I can understand not wanting to give your home address out to a stranger several days in advance in an abundance of caution - maybe he's gotten burned in the past.

[+ Gar1eth]

In my experience I ususally haven't been given the address for an incall until shortly before the actual meeting. And if it's an apartment or condo, not the actual apartment or gate code until I actually get there. I've sometimes been given the broad general area beforehand when setting up the appointment but not the actual address unless maybe they were coming in town and telling me what hotel they were going to be staying at. I can see how that might freak either an escort or client out-wanting the address days ahead. It might seem stalker-ish.

 

Gman

[Scorpio]

This is the second escort you've "creeped out" or "scared off" in less than 10 days (or perhaps it's the same one). It might be time to reevaluate your approach.

[Erid]

This is the second escort you've "creeped out" or "scared off" in less than 10 days (or perhaps it's the same one). It might be time to reevaluate your approach.

 

Yes, you are right. It is the same escort who I accidentally sent a friend request to on Facebook while doing a google image search to make sure that he was legit.

 

I was pleasantly surprised that he finally replied to my email earlier this week after his rentboy ad was pulled (I thought he pulled his ad because of me! But apparently he probably never saw his friend request on his Facebook notification before I cancelled it)

 

I did not tell him anything about me finding out his real name and Facebook profile. I just go with the info he provided on his rentboy ad (I think most people on this forum do a google image search before meeting an escort to verify that the ad is legit. I don't think I am doing something out of ordinary)

 

I am honestly seeking advice on how to make this work or remediate the situation. I am just frustrated having to defend myself as I honestly don't think that I've done anything abnormal for the sake of my own safety.

 

Gosh, I cannot believe finding an escort (and paying anywhere between $250 to $300 an hour) can be such a difficult task.

[+ azdr0710]

oh Erid....sorry you're having trouble here......maybe he'll still give you the address on the day of the meeting if he hasn't officially canceled with you.....you might try one more text saying simply you hope he is still up for a meeting and that you can wait for the address......and I'm sure you can navigate the mean streets of the USC neighborhood!!

[Erid]

oh Erid....sorry you're having trouble here......maybe he'll still give you the address on the day of the meeting if he hasn't officially canceled with you.....you might try one more text saying simply you hope he is still up for a meeting and that you can wait for the address......and I'm sure you can navigate the mean streets of the USC neighborhood!!

 

Thank you for your understanding. Yeah I can mostly likely make it there in one-piece. I just never thought something as simple as an address (which he will have to provide the day we meet anyway) can lead to something so complicated. (He said I was complicating things in his text message for asking his address, but yet he refuses to even hear me out or try to understand from my angle even after I said "ok, just text me your location the day of the appointment. "

 

I guess this is the maturity level of the twenty something nowaday. If he were a real grown up, just email or text me back and say he is not comfortable with the meeting and wants to cancel rather than just ignoring it.

[BabyBoomer]

Hey Erid, there's always Evan Lance.

 

~ Boomer ~

[Erid]

Hey Erid, there's always Evan Lance.

 

~ Boomer ~

 

I have not contacted him yet but I may consider. He looks great but I really prefer cut guys. (Just realized that he is uncut after reading the ad one more time)

[LookingAround]

I'm sorry but you searched his images then Facebook profile and "accidentally" sent him a friend request via Facebook. Forgive me but how does one accidentally send a friend request.

 

Now you're creeping me out.

[Erid]

I'm sorry but you searched his images then Facebook profile and "accidentally" sent him a friend request via Facebook. Forgive me but how does one accidentally send a friend request.

 

Now you're creeping me out.

 

It isn't hard to accidentally "friend" somebody on Facebook app for iphone when your smartphone is only 3" wide and the "Add Friend" button is right in the middle of profile page on the left! Try it when you're fumbling with your phone while laying on bed. If I had intentionally friended him I would not have later cancelled the request in the first place. Just do a google search "accidentally friended someone on facebook" and you'll see at least 5 web links related to this topic. It is not an uncommon occurrence. It certainly would help if Facebook could give us a pop up window confirming the add, but as far as I know it does not on either the web or mobile app version.

 

I'm sorry but I don't mean to be rude but I'm frustrated as to why should I have to keep defending myself for doing something that most people on the forum already do (ie. researching escorts who charge 200 to 300 an hour for legitimacy and own's safety sake).

[rguer]

I'm sorry but you searched his images then Facebook profile and "accidentally" sent him a friend request via Facebook. Forgive me but how does one accidentally send a friend request.

 

Now you're creeping me out.

 

It's not as easy as accidentally liking a picture on Instagram, but it's still fairly easy.

 

I am surprised, by the way, at the number of escorts who use the same pictures on their escort page as on their personal pages. Did the Google ads for image search not reach them?

[rguer]

If you want to creep him out even more, use the Facebook social graph search to see if you share any friends of friends.

[rvwnsd]

Long story short, I was going to meet an escort for an in-call. Since I am unfamiliar with the area he lives, I asked him to give me his address so I could look it up on google map (Don't we all love Street View?) and familiarize myself with the surrounding before our appointment later this week at night.

 

This escort freaks out!! Asking why I need his address now. He said I creeped him out that I wanted his address and questioned why I would even get lost with a smartphone GPS. (This is in Los Angeles near USC, where two Chinese students got shot and killed sitting in their BMW two years ago at night)...

 

Per your account of the conversation, he told you that asking for his address 5 days in advance so you could locate it on Google Maps creeped him out and questioned why you needed it so far in advance. This does not sound like freaking out to me. Would you give your address to an escort so far in advance of an appointment?

 

...He then said he would give me his address the day of our appointment....

 

Sounds reasonable to me. When I am hosting, I typically wait until the day of the appointment to provide my address.

 

...I did not further pressure him to give me his address.

I apologized that I made him feel uncomfortable with my request....

 

Good for you! This is a good time to just take a step back and stop taking.

 

...I even offer to meet him in the public or even do it as an out-call. ...

 

Unfortunately, you neither stepped back nor stopped talking.

 

...He then just ignored my msg and email....

 

Good for him! Better to stop a downwardly-spiraling conversation than to allow it to spiral further downward.

 

... Am I really being unreasonable here given that there are so many flakes on escort websites in general? What do you think?....

 

I think you ought to do two things. One, re-read the phrase you typed right after "Am I really being unreasonable here." Two, practice a little empathy. There are flakes and weirdos on both sides of rentboy ads. You don't know him and he doesn't know you. For all he knows, you are replying to his ad and asking for his address so you can burglarize his home or so you can stalk him. As I asked above, would you not be cautious if you were hosting and he asked you for your address in advance of the play date?

 

...I really would like to make this work but I don't know how. I am afraid that the more I try to explain the more I make him feel uncomfortable with me. I would appreciate some advice here....

 

I am going to give you the following two pieces of advice:

 

1) Do not contact this escort until the morning of your date. When you contact him (on the morning of your date) tell him you are confirming your date. If he confirms, ask for his address.

 

2) When you hire in the future, practice the golden rule when communicating. If something would put you off or make you uncomfortable, then don't do that thing.

[needbodywork]

If you add somebody on Facebook accidently, which I've done as well, you can immediately cancel the request and the individual will never see it (unless they were online right that second and caught it)

 

If you're concerned the general vicinity of where he is hosting, ask "What neighborhood are you located in? What major intersections?" You don't need an actual address until the day of and you are on your way. If the actual specific address is that troublesome, you can always cancel.

[rvwnsd]

...If you're concerned the general vicinity of where he is hosting, ask "What neighborhood are you located in? What major intersections?" You don't need an actual address until the day of and you are on your way. If the actual specific address is that troublesome, you can always cancel.

 

That's a good point, needbodywork.

[Erid]

Per your account of the conversation, he told you that asking for his address 5 days in advance so you could locate it on Google Maps creeped him out and questioned why you needed it so far in advance. This does not sound like freaking out to me. Would you give your address to an escort so far in advance of an appointment?

 

 

 

Sounds reasonable to me. When I am hosting, I typically wait until the day of the appointment to provide my address.

 

 

 

Good for you! This is a good time to just take a step back and stop taking.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, you neither stepped back nor stopped talking.

 

 

 

Good for him! Better to stop a downwardly-spiraling conversation than to allow it to spiral further downward.

 

 

 

I think you ought to do two things. One, re-read the phrase you typed right after "Am I really being unreasonable here." Two, practice a little empathy. There are flakes and weirdos on both sides of rentboy ads. You don't know him and he doesn't know you. For all he knows, you are replying to his ad and asking for his address so you can burglarize his home or so you can stalk him. As I asked above, would you not be cautious if you were hosting and he asked you for your address in advance of the play date?

 

 

 

I am going to give you the following two pieces of advice:

 

1) Do not contact this escort until the morning of your date. When you contact him (on the morning of your date) tell him you are confirming your date. If he confirms, ask for his address.

 

2) When you hire in the future, practice the golden rule when communicating. If something would put you off or make you uncomfortable, then don't do that thing.

 

 

Well. Thanks for your insight. I never thought it that way because it's not like he's telling me that he'll be away from home in the next 5 days (making him a target for burglary), but I totally understand your thought process (never really thought about stalking either because well.. i'm not a stalker...so I really don't understand the psychology behind it). Also, I never asked for his full address, all I wanted to know was the street and check out the surrounding so I don't end up missing it at night (I've gotten lost before even with GPS especially when there is a cluster of buildings sharing the same street number), but I guess he took it as if I wanted the full address so he freaked out.

 

I texted him one more time tonight asking him to either give me a yes or no answer but I've received no response. (I think the likelihood that he'll respond now is slim to none).

 

In my whole life I only hired 2 times (this first time was OK but I would not repeat, but the 2nd time in Las Vegas was total disaster) This escort is my third time but I guess I blew the opportunity. I only wish that he is man enough to just text me back and say no instead of running away from it. But I guess everyone has their own way of dealing with issues. *shrug*

[Erid]

That's a good point, needbodywork.

 

The thing is that as soon as he reacted to my initial address request he freaked out and started getting paranoid about everything I said. My intention for address is just to scope out the area. He could have given me the street name (without number). But the more I tried to explain myself the more I make the situation worse. From now on I will keep conversation with potential hires to minimal (except for what he likes/doesn't like to do during an appointment and his rates etc.) until the day of the meeting. I guess I learned my lesson.

[+ poolboy48220]

I can't help but think of a Miss Manners letter from a guy staying in an older hotel in Europe that had shared bathrooms, and he accidentally walked into a woman on the toilet. She yelled and shut the door, and he opened it again to explain his mistake and apologize again.

 

I think him "freaking out" over this is a bit over-reacting, but that far in advance of the appointment is unusual. All the suggestions here are good - ask for a general area (major cross streets) first just to estimate travel time, then get the full address when the appointment was closer.

[LookingAround]

Not to harp on the Facebook thing but I still think it's odd. I use an iPhone for fb and I've still never accidentally friended someone.

 

When this happened did you immediately cancel friend request which is an option displayed by fb?

 

Sorry to be skeptical but I concur with a poster above who said there's more here than we are hearing.