Have any of you ever had an escort/client service turn into a relationship

[joselowe]

As in have any if you or anyone you ever known actually had a relationship with one of the escorts whose derive they used. I've used an escort before and am currently in my 20s fairly attractive, thin, stylish but I'm developing feelings for an escort who wants to take me on a date (a non paying situation) but I don't know if these situations can turn into something. Any advice?

[AdamSmith]

Yes. Do it.

[+ purplekow]

He is a human being. You are a human being. it can turn into a date, a disaster, a friendship or a lifetime. Go and find out.

[Becket]

Yup. Been in love with one for years. It's wonderful and it's heartbreaking. But it's so much better than being alone and feeling nothing for anyone. cheers.

[+ Gar1eth]

As in have any if you or anyone you ever known actually had a relationship with one of the escorts whose derive they used. I've used an escort before and am currently in my 20s fairly attractive, thin, stylish but I'm developing feelings for an escort who wants to take me on a date (a non paying situation) but I don't know if these situations can turn into something. Any advice?

 

If he asks you, and you think you like him, I'd say go for it. But I also have to say that if it does turn into something, it may not be an easy road for either of you. You because he's having sex with other people. The escort because he may not have enough 'energy' left over to perform with you. Plus being an escort-is not just physically draining but at least for the good ones-emotionally draining as well.

 

But if you really like him, and he's a good guy and he likes you-you are lucky. I only wish I could be that lucky. I fell into deep like with an escort once . But he had a serious boyfriend. And I don't even know how much he really even liked me-or if I was just bearable because I was a client. So I envy you (not in a hurtful way-just would have hoped it could have worked for me), and I wish you the best whatever you decide to do.

 

Gman

[BaronArtz]

Yes. I have done it. Twice. The question you need to ask him though is: will he keep escorting while he is in a relationship with you? What happens when a client calls to set up an appointment, while you are having dinner together? Can YOU live with that? It could be a real heart break and a continuous source of stress.

[joselowe]

Yup. Been in love with one for years. It's wonderful and it's heartbreaking. But it's so much better than being alone and feeling nothing for anyone. cheers.

 

How was it heartbreaking?

[joselowe]

Yes. I have done it. Twice. The question you need to ask him though is: will he keep escorting while he is in a relationship with you? What happens when a client calls to set up an appointment, while you are having dinner together? Can YOU live with that? It could be a real heart break and a continuous source of stress.

Yeah that's what I'm thinking. I couldn't let him stay doing that with me and I would be scared of introducing him to others if they ask his profession

[AdamSmith]

Yeah that's what I'm thinking. I couldn't let him stay doing that with me and I would be scared of introducing him to others if they ask his profession

 

In that case, I take back my original advice.

 

Requiring the other person to change his life and livelihood to suit you seems not the best basis for a new relationship.

[BaronArtz]

Yeah that's what I'm thinking. I couldn't let him stay doing that with me and I would be scared of introducing him to others if they ask his profession

 

Well, this would just be a first date, right? I think you should go on a date with him and have some fun. You could ask him what he wants to do. Maybe he is tired of escorting and wants to make a change. But if that is not the case, sharing your boyfriend with numerous clients can be stressful on you, in the first place, and on your relationship. Even when you think you are open-minded about it, it can be source of real anguish and emotional pain. You are a young, stylish guy. You have your entire life ahead of you. Do you want to put yourself through all that?

[jimboivyo]

In that case, I take back my original advice.

 

Requiring the other person to change his life and livelihood to suit you seems not the best basis for a new relationship.

 

I second this

 

Most folks aren't cut out to date someone who escorts.

[Daverwr]

I'm sure there are many escorts on the board who have boyfriends. Perhaps they could ask their bf's how they cope and report back...

[rguer]

Yeah that's what I'm thinking. I couldn't let him stay doing that with me

 

I'd like to think I could handle it, but who knows? It might even help the relationship - he probably wouldn't get enough sex out of me, and his job would make up for it.

 

 

and I would be scared of introducing him to others if they ask his profession

 

I used to know someone who introduced himself as a professional voluptuary. Use of such an unusual word often stopped that line of conversation.

[BaronArtz]

I'm sure there are many escorts on the board who have boyfriends. Perhaps they could ask their bf's how they cope and report back...

 

I asked Zach Brown, an escort in NY. He said that he could only date other escorts. Potential boyfriends - mostly college students - would be horrified when he disclosed to them that he escorted. Remember, we are a group of people who are open-minded about hiring escorts and about escorts in general. Not everybody shares our views.

[needbodywork]

Careful. I'm sure there is legitimate mutual attraction and chemistry. But here's one big problem. The guy makes his living escorting. If he's with you, would he have to quit escorting? Probably so, unless you're really cool with a (very) open relationship. Then how is he gonna make his money? You'll have to support him.

 

Also, even if everything works out wonderfully, you'll have to deal with the fact that the guy has slept with half the town. Literally.

[+ DickyF]

There was a book from the 90s I believe called something like "How to Have an Escort as a Boyfriend." It covered what to expect and how to make it work. It was kind of sweet I recall. Anyone familiar with this?

[Juan Vancouver]

I couldn't let him stay doing that with me and I would be scared of introducing him to others if they ask his profession

 

The most loving advise that I can offer you is this:

 

Don't. Just don't.

 

You might have a wonderful connection and you might even have a few great dates and really hit it off. However, it is clear that you only like (not even love) some parts of him and that is a recipe for disaster. Loving someone means knowing as much as the other person wants to share with you and not only tolerating, not accepting, but loving, celebrating each and every little detail about this person.

 

I know it might seem at the moment that this might be a real thing, but if you are already starting from a shame inducing lack of respect for his choices and his profession, you will only end up in a painful entanglement of resentment and wishing the other was different.

 

It's not up to you to "let" your partner do anything. You have absolutely no say in his choices. You might have an opinion if you express it lovingly, but that's just that, an opinion. When you say that you wouldn't let him continue escorting it makes it sound to me as if you still see him as somewhat of an employee, an inferior, someone over whose life you can make important decisions. You would never think about "not letting your partner _____" if you saw him as your equal.

 

This is not love. This is codependency and it's very, very painful and unhealthy.

 

You are a young lad, intelligent, you sound kind and fun. You deserve to mate with someone that you can feel proud about. You have to be with someone whose choices you celebrate and understand. Otherwise you will only make him feel ashamed of who he is and angry about your desire to change him.

 

Go on a date, for god's sake! Have fun! Just know that entering a partnership with him sadly will never be a healthy choice.

 

There's many fish in the sea! Many sexy, fun, intelligent, respectable fish in the sea with jobs that will make you feel proud of them. Keep a fishin'!

 

I'm sure there are many escorts on the board who have boyfriends. Perhaps they could ask their bf's how they cope and report back...

 

I have had a few long term relationships with men who were not escorts. Some of them had actually really top tier "respectability" based professions when I met them. None of them had to "cope" with me escorting, with me loving my job, with me being the sexually liberated man that I am. The random schedule was more difficult to work around, but as one of them pointed out at me once, a lawyer or a doctor or any other "on call" professional would have to leave a romantic dinner to go work. It's not that uncommon.

 

If a potential partner has to "cope" with my choices I know right away he is not and will never be a potential partner.

 

A potential partner sounds like this:

 

"What do you do?"

"I am an escort"

"Oh, that's interesting! How did you get into that? Do you like it?"

"yes, it's great! What do you do?"

"oh. I am a ____"

 

End of story.

[+ DickyF]

There was a book from the 90s I believe called something like "How to Have an Escort as a Boyfriend." It covered what to expect and how to make it work. It was kind of sweet I recall. Anyone familiar with this?

 

I believe I found it: Sex Workers as Virtual Boyfriends by Joseph Itiel. From 2002.

[joselowe]

Thanks guys!

[Rudynate]

One of my hottest sexual experiences of all time was with an off-duty escort.

[TruHart1]

Hi Jose,

I'd say that's an easy one...

 

I learned that, when escorting, it's best to prepare for "life aster escorting" right away. That means having another part-time job next to escorting, or being self-employed with another service next to escorting.

 

Problem solved?

...

Sincerely, Anton.

 

An escort I hired a number of times set up an S Corporation for a "consultant" business into which he deposited his earnings. He paid himself a check bi-weekly from that corporation as the only employee. He also contributed to an IRA (or maybe a Roth IRA) through the corporation to save for when he retired from the business. He filed taxes every year and basically set up a paper trail that would legitimately show he was a good taxpaying citizen who worked as a consultant. He had a background in finance and IT so it was a natural for him.

 

TruHart1

[gallahadesquire]

I met a young fellow and we dated / whatevered ["happy ever-aftering here in Camelot"] for a couple of years. He got involved with another fellow his age. I met the boyfriend and the three of us went out for dinner a couple of times.

 

I sensed things were perhaps not all well in Camelot. I offered said escort a place to stay, should he ever need it.

 

In March, they lost the apartment, and I got the [now missing and presumed dead] Cat. In June, I got the erstwhile escort as a Housemate.

 

It's coming up on two years. We have no sex, we bicker, we laugh, we take Trips together. It works out. He pays no rent, and can deal with his student loans and creating a career for himself. I have someone at home to check on me on a near daily basis, so I'm not found dead after a week of a broken leg.

 

And we're looking for a new cat.

 

I know this isn't what this thread is about, but I have a safe haven, he has a safe haven, and it's fun to watch each of us develop in our own timeschemes - me, reviewing Symmetries in lattice point groups, and his analysis of Shakespeare.

[+ peterhung85]

I think you should definitely tried it. I happened to end up in a relationship twice with clients... If it happened to me, it definitely could happen to you

 

Good luck!

[+ Gar1eth]

I think you should definitely tried it. I happened to end up in a relationship twice with clients... If it happened to me, it definitely could happen to you

 

Good luck!

 

Two lucky former clients.

 

Gman

[TruHart1]

Two lucky former clients.

 

Gman

 

+1

 

TruHart1