Defining BISEXUALITY

[Guest Starbuck]

Is someone bisexual simply because s/he has sex with both men and women? In other words, does what someone DOES, or CAN DO, define what they ARE? (And if so ... damn ... what does that say about the time you were powerfully attracted to the crevice between two pillows of a supple leather couch?)

 

Or is one bisexual because s/he is equally attracted to both men and women? And, I mean, really EQUALLY. Because if, for example, you're a man who PREFERS men, doesn't that make you gay? Or can you still identify as bisexual if the preference is only slight, something like a 55/45 split versus, say, 90/10?

 

Or is it all just a matter of personal opinion and self-definition ... perhaps even a pointless exercise in labeling?

[gallahadesquire]

Is someone bisexual simply because s/he has sex with both men and women? In other words, does what someone DOES, or CAN DO, define what they ARE? (And if so ... damn ... what does that say about the time you were powerfully attracted to the crevice between two pillows of a supple leather couch?)

 

Or is one bisexual because s/he is equally attracted to both men and women? And, I mean, really EQUALLY. Because if, for example, you're a man who PREFERS men, doesn't that make you gay? Or can you still identify as bisexual if the preference is only slight, something like a 55/45 split versus, say, 90/10?

 

Or is it all just a matter of personal opinion and self-definition ... perhaps even a pointless exercise in labeling?

 

Let's go with that last bit: Exercise in labeling.

[Rudynate]

I define it behaviorally. And, mostly, I don't quibble with a persons's self identification. If someone says they're bisexual, then, as far as I'm concerned, they're bisexual. The only time I question is if somebody's behavior is incongruent with what they say. Is a man REALLY bisexual who has sex more or less exclusively with other men.

 

I have a tiny bisexual streak. At odd times I find myself attracted to a woman or something about a woman. Nonetheless, I identify as gay because I have sex only with other men. I'm willing to be surprised, I suppose, but I don't imagine myself ever wanting to gratify the stray bisexual urge.

[Guest countryboywny]

I have always believed that we all fall somewhere in the sexual spectrum. Some are completely, exclusively and happily straight, some are completely, exclusively and happily gay, and the rest of us fall somewhere in between.

[wisconsinguy]

I have always believed that we all fall somewhere in the sexual spectrum. Some are completely, exclusively and happily straight, some are completely, exclusively and happily gay, and the rest of us fall somewhere in between.

I agree completely. I also believe it becomes of honesty, with ourselves. So, if I we were married, had children, enjoyed sex, we are labeled bi, gay, or straight. Ummm, I always felt I was slowly slipping over to the the "otherside." That decision was one of my best. Vagina's now scare me. I can't regret anything in my personal life. Job, wife, and children. Just start out with being honest with yourself. I worked all night, sleep tight...well maybe not so tight. WG2

[TruHart1]

I have always believed that we all fall somewhere in the sexual spectrum. Some are completely, exclusively and happily straight, some are completely, exclusively and happily gay, and the rest of us fall somewhere in between.

 

I have always believed the same...some of us choose to ignore the other part of ourselves if we have desires that we don't want to satisfy because of social or family pressures but indeed it is a wide spectrum sexually!

 

TruHart1

[namchebaz]

You can google the Kinsey Scale, which arrays sexual preference on a continuum of 0 (totally straight) to 6 (totally gay). 3 = bisexual, and on either side of 3 is "kinda straight" or "kinda gay" in varying degrees. There is also the Klein sexual orientation grid which, as best I understand, is a refinement of Kinsey because it considers a wider range of variables to determine preference and allows for dynamic change over time. Apologies if I don't have all that exactly right because I'm not a gender studies major, and as a TOTAL SIX, I don't have a bisexual bone in my body.

 

On second thought, I actually have had a bisexual bone in my body recently and repeatedly, but that's another story.

[Electra225]

Out-of-the-box Definition:

 

Bisexuality: If you are buying, I'm sexual....

 

(Old joke and I couldn't resist...

[+ quoththeraven]

I suspect there might be as many definitions of bisexuality as there are people who identify that way. See the Bisexual Resource Center's page "What is Bisexuality?" http://www.biresource.net/whatis.shtml

 

But limiting bisexuality to those who have sexual experience with more than one gender would mean no one has a sexual orientation or identity until they engage in sex. Like "gay," "bisexuality" is a tricky enough category to apply to oneself; if someone choose to apply it, it only seems respectful to give that some credence.

 

Limiting the term to those who like men and women equally is also overly confining. Sexuality is a spectrum; I see bisexuality as any orientation or identity that isn't strictly monosexual (only attracted to one gender) -- i.e., anyone who's not a Kinsey 0 or 6. It can, although doesn't always, encompass those who are capable of being attracted to people of various gender expressions (intersex, trans, and genderqueer).

[+ Gar1eth]

...some are completely, exclusively and happily gay....

 

Of course there are those not particularly happy with being gay too.

 

As for bisexuality-I wouldn't include all gay for pay porn actors/escorts just because of their physical actions. I wouldn't necessarily not include them either. It would depend on how they actually feel inwardly about having gay sex as opposed to any pleasurable feelings from gay sex. And also I believe some non scam escorts are probably basically straight even if they advertise as gay or bisexual- even if they are able to perform and feel pleasure from the sex act(s) itself.

 

Gman

[Daverwr]

I was going to agree with the thought that everyone deserves respect for their own personal label. But, being the highly judge mental person that I am, I got to thinking... And my father came to mind. He classifies himself as Gay, though he doesn't like that term. I, on the other hand, would consider him Bisexual. Come on now, he's been married for 60+ years to my mother. And, they had sex at least three times. (I have a brother and a sister!)

 

As far as myself goes - I can tell if a woman is pretty, takes care of herself, looks nice in clothing or applies make-up appropriately. But I am in NO WAY bisexual. The mere thought of being sexual with a woman dosen't interest me. In fact, it repulses me! (No hard feelings intended, Fresh Fluff.) That doesn't mean that some of my best friends aren't women. Just sayin'...

[+ FreshFluff]

As far as myself goes - I can tell if a woman is pretty, takes care of herself, looks nice in clothing or applies make-up appropriately. But I am in NO WAY bisexual. The mere thought of being sexual with a woman dosen't interest me. In fact, it repulses me! (No hard feelings intended, Fresh Fluff.)

 

Hehe, no problem, Dave. As long as you recognize that I'm looking hot and have my eyeliner applied correctly, there's no need to have sex.

 

Has anyone ever wondered what it would be like to make out with/have sex with yourself--from the POV of another person?

[Daverwr]

Hehe, no problem, Dave. As long as you recognize that I'm looking hot and have my eyeliner applied correctly, there's no need to have sex.

 

Oh, you know I'll recognize all that. And, if necessary, I could probably give a few pointers or even apply the eyeliner for you! Then, I know we would have a hell of a good time out on the town!!!

 

Has anyone ever wondered what it would be like to make out with/have sex with yourself--from the POV of another person?

 

Gosh, NO! I actually feel sorry for the guys I pay because they HAVE to have sex with me! On the other hand, I think watching twin porn is incredibly hot!!!

[+ Gar1eth]

Hehe, no problem, Dave. As long as you recognize that I'm looking hot and have my eyeliner applied correctly, there's no need to have sex.

 

Well I can recognize female beauty--but the only time I remember being aroused at the thought of a female was once when I was probably in my teens when I woke up slightly aroused from a dream of a woman. I was hoping that meant I was finally going to be 'normal'. No such luck. On the other hand these days it's getting harder and harder to get aroused by pictures of males too, Maybe I'm just a latent asexual?

 

Has anyone ever wondered what it would be like to make out with/have sex with yourself--from the POV of another person?

 

That sounds gross to me--I barely want to take normal pictures of myself. I was once with an escort years ago who liked to camcord--he initially kept the computer on the bed while we were making making out. I put a stop to that quickly and made sure he had turned stopped recording and erased anything he had already recorded of us.

 

Gman

[+ Robster]

I actually feel sorry for the guys I pay because they HAVE to have sex with me! On the other hand, I think watching twin porn is incredibly hot!!!

 

I know you weren't fishing for compliments, but I have to say, having met you in Palm Springs last year, I think you're very hot.

 

And I definitely agree with you about twin porn!!

 

Rob

[+ FreshFluff]

Gosh, NO! I actually feel sorry for the guys I pay because they HAVE to have sex with me!

 

That sounds gross to me--I barely want to take normal pictures of myself.

 

And people are always telling me I'M hard on myself! I think you guys are seeing a warped version of yourselves. I've been there, but it's very difficult for me to believe you're near as bad as you think. Otherwise, the the escorts would consistently turn away at the door, $X hundred bucks or no.

[Rudynate]

Hehe, no problem, Dave. As long as you recognize that I'm looking hot and have my eyeliner applied correctly, there's no need to have sex.

 

Has anyone ever wondered what it would be like to make out with/have sex with yourself--from the POV of another person?

 

I think a lot of people do, maybe not consciously. I'm always struck, at the gym, when I see couples working out together, at how common it is that people seem attracted to people that resemble themselves. Sometimes the resemblance between two guys in a couple is startling.

 

People say that my partner and I look like brothers. I don't see it though. He's 6'3", dark blond with green eyes. I'm 5'10", dark brown hair and brown eyes.

[Zapped]

When I was younger, I used to fantasize about meeting someone just like me, and I, too, enjoy a little twin fantasy from time to time. While I currently identify as gay, I have enjoyed sexual relationships with women. The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid is considerably more nuanced than the Kinsey scale, and I found it quite useful when I was considering whether or not to label myself as bisexual.

[+ FreshFluff]

I think a lot of people do, maybe not consciously. I'm always struck, at the gym, when I see couples working out together, at how common it is that people seem attracted to people that resemble themselves. Sometimes the resemblance between two guys in a couple is startling.

 

 

FYI, this isn't a fantasy. I'm just curious about how I actually come across to the other person, and how things look from a third party perspective. I guess that's why people put mirrors on the ceiling.

 

People say that my partner and I look like brothers. I don't see it though. He's 6'3", dark blond with green eyes. I'm 5'10", dark brown hair and brown eyes.

 

Aw, you guys sound cute.

[Daverwr]

I know you weren't fishing for compliments, but I have to say, having met you in Palm Springs last year, I think you're very hot.

Rob

 

Both you and Fluff are sweet, but you haven't seen me naked!

[+ Robster]

Both you and Fluff are sweet, but you haven't seen me naked!

 

Not yet. ;-)

 

Rob