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Manners are tricky: Gift for first overnite incall?

namchebaz

By namchebaz
in Questions About Hiring

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namchebaz Rookie

namchebaz

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Hi all.

First post -- I'm a newbie to the forum, don't have a ton of experience hiring, and would really appreciate your advice on something. I've scheduled an overnite incall with a well known man I've seen outcall once before (this is my first time to go back for round 2 with any escort but this guy is special). As a well-bred southern gentleman (or something close to that), it's hard for me to imagine showing up at someone's house for a party, let alone an overnight, without a gift of some sort in hand. I realize it's not a cocktail party, and I'm paying for his time, and will absolutely tip generously for an experience that makes me happy (and experiences like these always make me happy), but it still seems like he's going out of his way to host me in his home and that I should bring something to offer when I knock on the door. Is that nuts? Does anyone else do this? I don't know what he likes to drink, or eat, or do in his leisure time, so I'm at a bit of a loss. Any advice? Thank you!

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rvwnsd Grand Master

rvwnsd

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Hi all.

First post -- I'm a newbie to the forum, don't have a ton of experience hiring, and would really appreciate your advice on something. I've scheduled an overnite incall with a well known man I've seen outcall once before (this is my first time to go back for round 2 with any escort but this guy is special). As a well-bred southern gentleman (or something close to that), it's hard for me to imagine showing up at someone's house for a party, let alone an overnight, without a gift of some sort in hand. I realize it's not a cocktail party, and I'm paying for his time, and will absolutely tip generously for an experience that makes me happy (and experiences like these always make me happy), but it still seems like he's going out of his way to host me in his home and that I should bring something to offer when I knock on the door. Is that nuts? Does anyone else do this? I don't know what he likes to drink, or eat, or do in his leisure time, so I'm at a bit of a loss. Any advice? Thank you!

 

I would skip the gift. It is a nice gesture, but you are paying him for his time and you don't know his likes/dislikes.

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adriano46 Community Regular

adriano46

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I agree with what was said above about it not being necessary and unless you really know the guy well enough, it is hard to pick something he would like.

 

However, I have often given a small gift or two for guys I have met more than once, and especially when we spend an overnight together, but it is primarily because I learn something about their likes and dislikes, personality, and taste - and that leads to the gifts chosen.

 

In Europe this was quite common, especially among guys from Hungary and the Czech Republic but also from the Netherlands who I saw on-and-off for a few years. I knew not only clothes sizes, but also tastes so a nice Dolce & Gabbana wool sweater or stylish shirt, or Diesel jeans [great way to get the guy's pants off early on trying on the new jeans or the weather w/o a shirt], and had fun getting upscale underwear for a few on various occasions [and for one guy in Netherlands I purchased his first ever jock which really got him off]. I traveled extensively in those years and had a collection of objects d'arte that were quite eclectic and interesting, and when I was moving had to "rid myself" of some of these and they became also nice gifts - personal, and tasteful and yet not really costing me much as I had purchased them in the past [one escort who was/is an antiques dealer got quite a bit of objects that were deeply appreciated ;-) ].

 

If you are going to HIS place for the overnight, and if he drinks, a decent bottle of wine is helpful. But then again, I saw on occasion a guy who did not drink but loved caffeine and coffee (we often exchanged chat messages in the early hours of the morning) and I had gift points and so gave him a Keurig machine for his kitchen. Another was a student in nursing school and also a traveler who enjoyed reading and the arts as much as me -- he got a Kindle Firefox and tickets for a Met opera for him and a friend of his choice. It all depends on a) your own finances [remember what rvwnsd says above: you are ALREADY paying for his time and that is more than enough although a small tip above the price for a memorable evening would be a nice touch]; and b) it is something PERSONAL that you know the escort would appreciate and value [and not necessarily for the price-tag].

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SteveEscort Collaborator

SteveEscort

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It's always better to know the likes and dislikes first. Cologne is wasted on me because I find very few opportunities to wear it. I never wear deodorant or scents because I would hate for it to transfer onto bedding, or the person I am with and be discovered.

 

I prefer white wine, a very strong expensive blue stilton cheeseboard or a gin like Tanqueray or Sapphire. I mention this on my website. I also have a penchant for expensive clothes, as those following me will know. It was my birthday in late October and two of my very best clients bought me shirts, one brought one along at an appointment and one couriered a shirt to me. Both were expensive designer shirts in the 200 dollar bracket but both guys knew what style, size and the type of tailoring I liked. That was a lovely gift from two very distinctively different gentlemen.

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Steven_Draker Mentor

Steven_Draker

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... host me in his home and that I should bring something to offer when I knock on the door.

 

Namchebaz,

In case you don't know his personal taste, and don't wish to arrive empty-handed, you can opt for one of the classics:

 

http://www.gifts2thedoor.co.uk/user/products/thumbnails/Flowers-Wine-and-Chocolates-II-500.jpg

 

It's the intention and the thought that counts.

 

Here's what The Art of Manliness has to say: http://www.artofmanliness.com/2011/08/04/a-gentleman-never-arrives-empty-handed-2/

 

Welcome to the Forums :-)

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bigvalboy Grand Master

bigvalboy

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I have never brought a gift to an overnight, as several have mentioned, you simply do not know his taste. If you are feeling generous, or you feel that he indeed has gone out of his way for you, I would suggest a nice dinner before hand or in between playtime. I always do that, and that would most likely be appreciated, and it also relaxes both parties as they get to know each other. During all day appointments, I almost always take the escort shopping for clothes. Sexy shirts or underwear is fun to pick out, and as Steveescort mentions, it allows the escort to buy something that they would actually wear and enjoy. If none of these suggestions appeal to you or what has been mentioned above, then just tip very generously, since money is never a bad way to say "thank you"....good luck.

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poolboy48220 Grand Master

+ poolboy48220

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Love these threads. I have been a die-hard Miss Manners fan since the early 80's, and just got my copy of "Manners for Nice People who Sometimes Say F**k", by Amy Alcon, from the library. So far the library network and local bookstores are coming up dry on her other book, "I See Rude People".

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Steven_Draker Mentor

Steven_Draker

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Hi all.

First post -- I'm a newbie to the forum, don't have a ton of experience hiring, and would really appreciate your advice on something. I've scheduled an overnite incall with a well known man I've seen outcall once before (this is my first time to go back for round 2 with any escort but this guy is special). As a well-bred southern gentleman (or something close to that), it's hard for me to imagine showing up at someone's house for a party, let alone an overnight, without a gift of some sort in hand. I realize it's not a cocktail party, and I'm paying for his time, and will absolutely tip generously for an experience that makes me happy (and experiences like these always make me happy), but it still seems like he's going out of his way to host me in his home and that I should bring something to offer when I knock on the door. Is that nuts? Does anyone else do this? I don't know what he likes to drink, or eat, or do in his leisure time, so I'm at a bit of a loss. Any advice? Thank you!

 

 

Like thank you notes, the giving of gifts to your hosts is becoming a lost art. When we do remember to bring a nice little something, it’s invariably a bouquet of flowers or a bottle of wine from the corner liquor store. Really, can’t we do better than that?

 

Gone may be the days of bringing your hostess lavish crystal or a pair of mourning doves when you arrive at the manor for a weekend stay, but we haven’t become complete savages. Your hosts have expended a great deal of time, effort, and expense to provide you with an evening (or weekend) of food, drink, and entertainment. The least you can do is thank them with an appropriate gift.

 

Summer is here and with it a bevy of seasonal social obligations: barbeques, picnics, dinner parties, and weekends away. Never arrive at someone’s home without something more to contribute than your personality, as stunning as it might be. Take this opportunity to man up and accept this simple rule: no matter what the occasion, a gentleman never arrives empty-handed.

 

The Rules of Appropriate Gifting

 

A hostess gift doesn’t have to be expensive, but it should be thoughtful. Consider the types of activities your hosts enjoy, and gift accordingly. As a general rule, your budget should be around $15 to $30, depending upon the formality of the occasion.

 

An important rule to remember is that you should never bring anything that makes more work for your hosts. The best example is that of flowers: If you bring a cello-wrapped bouquet, your hostess must stop what she is doing, find a vase, trim the ends from the flowers and greenery, arrange the bouquet, and find a place for it. If you’re giving flowers, be sure to bring a bouquet that is already arranged in a vase.

 

Likewise, never bring food to add to the menu unless your hostess has specifically requested you do so. If you’d like to bring food or drink as your gift, make sure your hosts understand that the gift is for their enjoyment, and you don’t expect them to share it with their guests.

 

Give Thoughtfully

 

Although wine and flowers are traditional hostess gifts and will always be appreciated, why not challenge yourself and come up with something a little more creative? Try one of these suggestions:

 

Gourmet coffee. Always opt for whole bean coffee (if they’re the kind of people who will enjoy coffee as a gift, they’re likely to have their own grinder). Skip the fancy flavors and select a medium brew from a recognized brand, not the mystery bag you find on the shelf at Ross.

 

Fine chocolate. For a gift of chocolate to be a hit, it must be unusual and special. Visit an upscale department store or chocolatier for a small box of exquisite truffles.

 

Posh spices. If you know your hosts enjoy cooking, visit an upscale market or boutique for a selection of interesting peppercorns, cinnamon, or other often-used spices. A set of sea salts will likely be a big hit. You might also consider a small assortment of spices for ethnic food, such as turmeric, saffron, or coriander.

 

Scented candles. Yes, these are overdone, but there’s a reason for that—most everyone enjoys them. Opt for something well-crafted, not a Glade candle from the supermarket. For a host, try a candle with a uniquely masculine scent–like one that smells like a barbershop.

 

Kitchen gadgets. Hosts that frequently entertain will always enjoy adding another tool to their party arsenal, like retro metal cocktail skewers, linen kitchen cloths, or a set of unique coasters.

 

Fresh produce. If you happen to garden, bring a small box of your garden’s bounty, packaged so that it can go straight into the refrigerator. Even if your hosts are carnivores, they’ll delight in your interesting gift. Skip this option if you don’t garden or settle for something simple, like a large basket of succulent road-stand strawberries.

Avoid overly personal gifts, such as perfume, bath products, or articles of clothing. Although etiquette guides disagree, skip the houseplant unless your hostess has a renowned green thumb; otherwise, you put her at risk of worrying if she’ll kill it.

 

Although it may seem terribly clever, resist the urge to develop a “signature” gift, such as a particular bottle of wine you bring each time you visit. You might think your hosts delight in receiving your special brand of manliness, but in reality, they’re probably chuckling about the fact that you’ve brought the same bottle of poor quality chardonnay to their last three dinner parties.

 

Let the Gift Match the Occasion

 

Your hostess gift should reflect the occasion. An elaborate flower arrangement isn’t appropriate for a pool party, just as a six-pack won’t do for a formal dinner. Consider the tone and nature of the party, and gift accordingly.

 

Occasions that demand hostess gifts include dinner parties, pool parties, weekend visits, extended stays…basically anytime you’re foisting your presence on someone in their home.

 

Although Peggy Post, descendent of etiquette doyenne Emily Post, says that it isn’t necessary to bring a gift to a cocktail party or open house, what could it hurt? Who doesn’t want another bottle of premium vodka for their bar? Who would be offended by a simple flower arrangement? It’s far better to err on the side of graciousness and bring a little something, regardless of the occasion.

 

Wine, Beer, & Spirits

 

All this talk of flowers and scented candles aside, most men prefer to bring liquor to events they attend. Yes, as we’ve mentioned it’s not very unique, but it’s well-received, it’s easier, and it’s something many men feel more comfortable buying and giving. Appropriate to nearly every occasion—except if you’re visiting a “dry” house—alcohol can be a thoughtful hostess gift if you think a little before you purchase it.

 

Take wine, for example. If your hosts are oenologists, don’t insult them with a bottle of two-buck Chuck. Visit a real liquor store and purchase something in the $20 range, like a nice chardonnay or cabernet sauvignon. Or you could exercise a little creativity and select an interesting sauvignon blanc, viognier, zinfandel (red only, please), muscat, or shiraz from a more unusual wine region, like Alexander Valley or Chile. If you are helpless around wine, ask the proprietor for help.

 

Fine liquor makes for another excellent hostess gift. Unless you know your host has specific tastes in spirits, stick to the basics, like brandy, fine gin, flavored vodka, or top-shelf tequila. Jagermeister, Goldschlager, and flavored schnapps are never acceptable.

 

You might think that beer isn’t an appropriate hostess gift, but you would be wrong—provided you give it at the right occasion. As previously mentioned, a formal dinner is not the right event for beer, unless, of course, your host is a microbrewery aficionado. In that case, opt for something unique and interesting, like something you’d order from a beer club. For more casual occasions, pick up a six-pack of good beer, like a stout or an IPA.

 

Giving the Gift with Style

 

Although it isn’t necessary to stick a bow on your sixer or your wine in a fancy bag, you should take care to present your gift with style. Non-alcohol-related gifts should be wrapped or otherwise artfully presented, with the price tags removed and the store bag left in the car.

 

When you arrive, don’t thrust the package at your host the moment she opens the door. Say hello, walk inside, and only then present your host with your thoughtful gift. Make certain she knows that she is under no obligation to share; the gift is purely for her amusement and enjoyment.

 

source: http://www.artofmanliness.com/2011/08/04/a-gentleman-never-arrives-empty-handed-2/

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Juan Vancouver Collaborator

Juan Vancouver

Posted
Posted
Hi all.

First post -- I'm a newbie to the forum, don't have a ton of experience hiring, and would really appreciate your advice on something. I've scheduled an overnite incall with a well known man I've seen outcall once before (this is my first time to go back for round 2 with any escort but this guy is special). As a well-bred southern gentleman (or something close to that), it's hard for me to imagine showing up at someone's house for a party, let alone an overnight, without a gift of some sort in hand. I realize it's not a cocktail party, and I'm paying for his time, and will absolutely tip generously for an experience that makes me happy (and experiences like these always make me happy), but it still seems like he's going out of his way to host me in his home and that I should bring something to offer when I knock on the door. Is that nuts? Does anyone else do this? I don't know what he likes to drink, or eat, or do in his leisure time, so I'm at a bit of a loss. Any advice? Thank you!

 

Hi,

 

I totally understand your predicament. I know many are vehement in saying that a gift is not necessary, but personally, when I am visiting someone who is extending their hospitality to me, because of the culture in which I was raised, because of the way I see human interactions the fact that I bring a gift that shows my appreciation to my host is very damn necessary. If I don't bring something I feel somehow naked.

 

There is nothing that lubricates a visit better than "Thank you for having me, I picked this up for you". It shows thoughtfulness and it shows that you see your host as a valuable human being. Some clients regard escorts purely as service providers and that's perfectly fine, but I am convinced that in every situation, the more of yourself you give, the richer an experience you will have.

 

As to what to bring, as a few have said, what counts is the gesture. Stick to the classics, wine, preferably white (Red wine will give you both bad breath and might make you sleepy), fine chocolate or flowers. In the eventuality that he is in recovery, make sure that you keep the bottle with you, it's kinder that way, but even if he doesn't really like wine, he can share it with whomever he wants and you will be remembered fondly.

 

Tip, don't tip. Bring gifts, don't bring gifts. Those are details that really don't matter much, what matters is that we treat one another with care, consideration and respect.

 

And yes, it's very common that clients and guests bring little tokens with them to sessions, even hourly sessions. You are not crazy, don't edit yourself. Follow your instinct and have fun.

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purplekow Grand Master

+ purplekow

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I usually bring a little gift to each encounter. I try to make it individualized, if I know the person and if not, a generic gift. A small decorative box in a nice wood or enamel or even stone is relatively inexpensive and it is useful for almost all. One can place the fee in the box to avoid the awkward transfer of funds. I agree that a gift is not necessary but it is nice way to say "thank you for letting me fuck your ass".

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robberbaron4u Veteran

robberbaron4u

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It is my custom to "tip" with some item or items of clothing of the escort's choice. And, in the past, I have picked up the tab for travel expenses "home" to visit ma and pa on holidays, business cards and website development, textbooks for school, and, on two occasions, yearly gym fees. Nothing, however, extraordinary.

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