I Don't Know Where To Start

[tanman4u]

Where to start this post or where to start learning more about bondage and S&M fetishes. I guess the main problem is that due to my work my only time for male to male companionship is when I'm visiting the states and I usually only have time to hire a guy for an hour or two so there's no real time to get to know and trust someone to explore this further. But when I read some of the posts here and see the pics I find that I'm quite turned on by them. I read a lot of erotica on Nifty.org and the Authoritative category is one of my favorites.

 

I don't know if I would tend more towards a Dom or Submissive role. If I'm doing a non-paying hookup while traveling I tend more towards being a dominate top guy but when I hire I go for dominate types for whom I will eagerly bottom. I've told many that I want to try it a bit rougher but that seldom seems to work out other than maybe being face fucked or the guy fucking harder than usual. There's one guy in Chicago that I've seen once a year for a few years and he's awesome, definitely into the leather and bondage scene and we've had a good time but we still haven't gone very far. I did challenge him to try to take me down, tie me up, and make me submit and ultimately he did. Actually I was pretty amazed at how quickly he had me bound up and unable to move. But of course neither of us was trying as hard as we could. I could certainly have fought back much harder and I'm sure he could have been way rougher. One of the problems is that I like him and I ended up laughing at some of what we were doing. Even as he was tying me up (supposedly against my will) I was having a good time and enjoying myself and laughing it up. I'm guessing that's not the normal reaction he, or anyone else in his position, would expect. I've never been flogged other than the occasional ass slap while being fucked. It looks hot in the pics but I don't know how I'd react.

 

As far as being Dom, I have no problem with throwing a rough fuck at a willing bottom but again, other than some ass slapping, I've never really gone after the guy intending to inflict pain.

 

So should I just continue with what I've always done (and thoroughly enjoyed) or should I try to explore some new boundaries. Is that even a good or safe thing to do given my very limited time available and the likelihood that I wouldn't be able to see the same guy more than once a year to establish any sort of routine.

[bigvalboy]

Where to start this post or where to start learning more about bondage and S&M fetishes. I guess the main problem is that due to my work my only time for male to male companionship is when I'm visiting the states and I usually only have time to hire a guy for an hour or two so there's no real time to get to know and trust someone to explore this further. But when I read some of the posts here and see the pics I find that I'm quite turned on by them. I read a lot of erotica on Nifty.org and the Authoritative category is one of my favorites.

 

I don't know if I would tend more towards a Dom or Submissive role. If I'm doing a non-paying hookup while traveling I tend more towards being a dominate top guy but when I hire I go for dominate types for whom I will eagerly bottom. I've told many that I want to try it a bit rougher but that seldom seems to work out other than maybe being face fucked or the guy fucking harder than usual. There's one guy in Chicago that I've seen once a year for a few years and he's awesome, definitely into the leather and bondage scene and we've had a good time but we still haven't gone very far. I did challenge him to try to take me down, tie me up, and make me submit and ultimately he did. Actually I was pretty amazed at how quickly he had me bound up and unable to move. But of course neither of us was trying as hard as we could. I could certainly have fought back much harder and I'm sure he could have been way rougher. One of the problems is that I like him and I ended up laughing at some of what we were doing. Even as he was tying me up (supposedly against my will) I was having a good time and enjoying myself and laughing it up. I'm guessing that's not the normal reaction he, or anyone else in his position, would expect. I've never been flogged other than the occasional ass slap while being fucked. It looks hot in the pics but I don't know how I'd react.

 

As far as being Dom, I have no problem with throwing a rough fuck at a willing bottom but again, other than some ass slapping, I've never really gone after the guy intending to inflict pain.

 

So should I just continue with what I've always done (and thoroughly enjoyed) or should I try to explore some new boundaries. Is that even a good or safe thing to do given my very limited time available and the likelihood that I wouldn't be able to see the same guy more than once a year to establish any sort of routine.

 

First of all I just have to say, that I am envious of your career. Boating is a passion of mine, and working a charter out of PR and the USVI seems like a dream. Good luck to you. NOW, to your question. Definitely I would encourage you to explore new boundaries. I am in a similar position, in that I want to go further, but crossing into new territory has been met with surprises and some disappointments. Things that I thought I would love, have proven less erotic.

 

My suggestion would be to contact Whipped Guy (he's a member here) and probably one of the most knowledgeable guys you will find anywhere on bondage and S&M fetishes. He is full of concrete information, and can give you some solid advice, as well as being an extremely nice individual. He can definitely steer you in the right direction, as well as answer all of your questions.

 

Good luck....

[+ Funguy]

I whole-heartedly agree that you should contact Whipped Guy.

 

Also, see my PM.

[tom1980]

I'm with you on being a fan of the authoritarian section of Nifty. I read selections from there often. I've also had limited experience with trying the things I read about. Because of my family situation, I have trouble hiring for more than a couple hours at a time or when I'm on business trips as well. Still, I had a really fantastic "bondage light" session with Mike Masters in NYC last month (review submitted). It was the first time I've ever had my hands bound or engaged in some other things. I asked Mike to push my limits (but not too much since I want to ease into things), and he delivered. Based on my (admittedly limited) experience, I definitely encourage you to continue exploring with well reviewed guys.

 

Talking to forum members who have experience and can guide you or provide references is also a great plan. I don't know Whipped Guy, but I've been a fan of his posts for a couple of years now. I'm sure he would be a terrific resource if he has time/inclination to share his knowledge.

[+ purplekow]

Limits are interesting things. You never know what is beyond them if you do not look.

Sex is an interesting thing. If you do not try it, you do not know that you do not enjoy it. I mean, getting a dick up the ass can be fun, who knew? Well lots of people did but until you have had one up your own ass you have no idea as to whether you will enjoy it or not. So try to expand those limits. You like slapping a man's ass? Slap it until it is red and he is whimpering and see what that does for you. Like a rough fuck? Have your trusted top guy add a bit of pressure to neck and see if a gasping orgasm is a step beyond for you. Like a bit of whipped cream on a hard dick? Try an entire chocolate cake smeared in ever crevice and then eat it and share it. High calorie yes, good dirty fun...well you decide. Just make sure that there are safety precaustions and that you trust the person with whom you are sharing.

Do not wait until you are 70 to find out that you like to be led around on a leash with a studded dog collar around your neck. Think of all the time you would have wasted (about 10 dog years).

 

So, to be succinct. Do it. Be bold. No regrets. No shame. And next time you want to dock your boat in a hot leather clad harbor, i say full speed ahead.

[+ purplekow]

By the way, there are plenty of people out there who will take every fantasy you have and turn it on end and feed it back to you like a 7 course meal. Just keep an open mind.

[Guest ChrisW]

How heavy are you looking for a BDSM scene? I would ask yourself what your hard limits are, what your soft limtis are, and what makes your dick really hard when you jerk off. Working around those 3 things should give you an idea of how far your willing to go. Exploring your boundaries can be incredibly satisfying and I have found that not only do I learn something about my sexual interests in a scene but something about my personality as a whole.

 

One of my issues with a bdsm is that its hard for me to take most people seriously as tops or rather few inspire the kind of submission we would hope for. I have only ever met one man that inspires complete submission and its some of the hottest sex I have ever had but that kind of chemistry is very rare. Breaking out laughing can happen which can defiantly shift the mood in scene but its perfectly okay to be able to giggle.

 

My suggestion would be if you find someone you have a good scene with continue to play with him but I would defiantly put your feelers out there for escorts with heavy bdsm experience. You may just have to try a few people out and see if your a match.

 

Best of luck on your search

[whipped guy]

First... A sincere thanks you for the kind comments as I am really not the last word on the subject... Far from it! In fact you have already gotten some great advice here.

Limits are interesting things. You never know what is beyond them if you do not look.

Sex is an interesting thing. If you do not try it, you do not know that you do not enjoy it... Just make sure that there are safety precaustions and that you trust the person with whom you are sharing.

Do not wait until you are 70 to find out that you like to be led around on a leash with a studded dog collar around your neck. Think of all the time you would have wasted (about 10 dog years).

 

So, to be succinct. Do it. Be bold. No regrets. No shame. And next time you want to dock your boat in a hot leather clad harbor, i say full speed ahead.

Definitely try everything that you have dreamed about at least once. As BVB mentioned you might not quite like it, but then again it might just knock your socks off. When it came to my exploration of things S&M I decided that I wanted to try everything at least once... well everything within reason that is... sounds, mummification, piercings, etc. were out... Regarding things that I did try... well the dog leash thing didn't set well with me. I got rug burn on my knees and that bothered and affected me in a negative way me for some strange reason... yet the lingering pain from other activities brought pleasure... I also discovered that being gagged was not among my favorite things either. However, most everything else proved to be quite a turn on. This steadfast anti smoker who normally can't stand being around anything tobacco related surprisingly even enjoyed cigar action with hot ash more than I thought I would... Go figure?!? So the bottom line is to keep an open mind, and unless it is in the realm of what a reasonable person would not consider to be safe, don't necessarily rule any activity out.

 

How heavy are you looking for a BDSM scene? I would ask yourself what your hard limits are, what your soft limtis are, and what makes your dick really hard when you jerk off. Working around those 3 things should give you an idea of how far your willing to go. Exploring your boundaries can be incredibly satisfying and I have found that not only do I learn something about my sexual interests in a scene but something about my personality as a whole.

 

One of my issues with a bdsm is that its hard for me to take most people seriously as tops or rather few inspire the kind of submission we would hope for. I have only ever met one man that inspires complete submission and its some of the hottest sex I have ever had but that kind of chemistry is very rare. Breaking out laughing can happen which can defiantly shift the mood in scene but its perfectly okay to be able to giggle.

 

My suggestion would be if you find someone you have a good scene with continue to play with him but I would defiantly put your feelers out there for escorts with heavy bdsm experience. You may just have to try a few people out and see if your a match.

 

Best of luck on your search

As Stated, if it makes you hard then it's worthy of exploration. As for limits, I had no clue what they were at first... All I remember is that I had a smile on my face the first time that I was flogged. The dom told me to count off only the "really good as in right on the edge of my limits" hard swats and I remember remaining silent. The plan was for me to endure 10 high intensity blows. Consequently he got more intense and when I was approaching the breaking point I began counting. However, I didn't want the pleasure to stop so after nine high intensity hits I yelled out 9 1/4, 9 1/2, 9 7/8 etc. Of course that elicited some laughter, and that is something that often happens. It's not what usually occurs in a professionally made Boundgods video, but heck if it happens naturally as part of the scene there is nothing wrong with it. It may break the mood, but it means that the parties involved are enjoying themselves and that ain't exactly a bad thing!

 

Still, even though an escort is adept at BDSM, that does not make him a trained actor who can be taken seriously. As I have morphed into playing the dom, I find that the most difficult part is trying to sound menacing and domineering. It sounds unnatural as it goes against my normal persona, but it is something that I am working on. Still, that is an asset. If the sub perceives you as sincerely being a nice guy it inspires trust and confidence... and that is one of the keys to success. Still, some subs don't need or want the threatening aspect... or even the demeaning aspect. That makes things analogous to a more "traditional" sexual encounter with the partners being equals looking for mutual satisfaction.

 

Therefore, it is always a good thing for the dom and the sub to spend a bit of time talking things over to feel each other out and especially when meeting for the first time. It is important for the dom to get into the sub's headspace and then attempt to satisfy his needs and wants. A really good dom might just know what the sub needs even before he knows it himself... and most first time subs really have no clue and are more than a bit intimidated with the thought of crossing over into a "realm of darkness". With a bit of luck you will find a person who can guide you on that incredible journey.

 

So that's it in a nutshell. If you check out my profile here I discuss a few other import and issues regarding this wonderful hobby. In any event, this just scratches the surface. Sex in its various guises is perhaps the most complex of all activities. Still, one can enjoy trying to figure out all of that complexity. Best of luck in doing so!

[wisconsinguy]

First... A sincere thanks you for the kind comments as I am really not the last word on the subject... Far from it! In fact you have already gotten some great advice here.

Definitely try everything that you have dreamed about at least once. As BVB mentioned you might not quite like it, but then again it might just knock your socks off. When it came to my exploration of things S&M I decided that I wanted to try everything at least once... well everything within reason that is... sounds, mummification, piercings, etc. were out... Regarding things that I did try... well the dog leash thing didn't set well with me. I got rug burn on my knees and that bothered and affected me in a negative way me for some strange reason... yet the lingering pain from other activities brought pleasure... I also discovered that being gagged was not among my favorite things either. However, most everything else proved to be quite a turn on. This steadfast anti smoker who normally can't stand being around anything tobacco related surprisingly even enjoyed cigar action with hot ash more than I thought I would... Go figure?!? So the bottom line is to keep an open mind, and unless it is in the realm of what a reasonable person would not consider to be safe, don't necessarily rule any activity out.

 

As Stated, if it makes you hard then it's worthy of exploration. As for limits, I had no clue what they were at first... All I remember is that I had a smile on my face the first time that I was flogged. The dom told me to count off only the "really good as in right on the edge of my limits" hard swats and I remember remaining silent. The plan was for me to endure 10 high intensity blows. Consequently he got more intense and when I was approaching the breaking point I began counting. However, I didn't want the pleasure to stop so after nine high intensity hits I yelled out 9 1/4, 9 1/2, 9 7/8 etc. Of course that elicited some laughter, and that is something that often happens. It's not what usually occurs in a professionally made Boundgods video, but heck if it happens naturally as part of the scene there is nothing wrong with it. It may break the mood, but it means that the parties involved are enjoying themselves and that ain't exactly a bad thing!

 

Still, even though an escort is adept at BDSM, that does not make him a trained actor who can be taken seriously. As I have morphed into playing the dom, I find that the most difficult part is trying to sound menacing and domineering. It sounds unnatural as it goes against my normal persona, but it is something that I am working on. Still, that is an asset. If the sub perceives you as sincerely being a nice guy it inspires trust and confidence... and that is one of the keys to success. Still, some subs don't need or want the threatening aspect... or even the demeaning aspect. That makes things analogous to a more "traditional" sexual encounter with the partners being equals looking for mutual satisfaction.

 

Therefore, it is always a good thing for the dom and the sub to spend a bit of time talking things over to feel each other out and especially when meeting for the first time. It is important for the dom to get into the sub's headspace and then attempt to satisfy his needs and wants. A really good dom might just know what the sub needs even before he knows it himself... and most first time subs really have no clue and are more than a bit intimidated with the thought of crossing over into a "realm of darkness". With a bit of luck you will find a person who can guide you on that incredible journey.

 

So that's it in a nutshell. If you check out my profile here I discuss a few other import and issues regarding this wonderful hobby. In any event, this just scratches the surface. Sex in its various guises is perhaps the most complex of all activities. Still, one can enjoy trying to figure out all of that complexity. Best of luck in doing so!

Whipped Guy offers some outstanding advice! It seems like the gentleman u see in Chicago on an annual basis would be a great resource person as well. Having someone to contact with questions is invaluable. Between WG and your Chicago person, you would have a couple of great individuals to bounce your ideas off of. AND, simply don't forget to have fun!!!

[Guest borger1582]

I have found that an escort who is actually 'into' bondage himself is preferable to someone who lists it merely as a 'fetish' or 'skill'. I'm sure that seems obvious, but I was hunting for what physically turned me on in a top, AND the ability to do a good job on the tying and the teasing I like to have go with the tying. I also learned stuff I didn't like (as an example, for me, flogging has been merely annoying, and not arousing or satisfying in any way).

 

I'm looking forward to sampling the work of some of the well-reviewed escorts who seem to focus on bondage; unfortunately many of the best seem to be on the east coast!

 

Good luck and be careful, too - use the review system here.

[whipped guy]

I have found that an escort who is actually 'into' bondage himself is preferable to someone who lists it merely as a 'fetish' or 'skill'. I'm sure that seems obvious...

Borger... That is so true!!!! The best guys actually practice it in their own sex lives... and have had experiences on both sides of the equation! Most of the guys who list it as a skill have simply checked on box on their Rentboy profile. It is almost impossible to find a really true professional. That's why when on the rare occasions that I have had the opportunity to see a total pro in action (such as at a club or fair demo) I try to observe and pick their brain for as much info as possible. Fortunately my first escort (long retired) was the then gold standard in NYC. I learned a lot, but was still somewhat in the fledgling and exploratory stages when he retired and still not sure in which direction I really needed to go. How I wish I could have had a few more additional sessions with him! Things would have made better sense and I'm quite sure coalesced a bit sooner.

 

The OP notes a Chicago escort, as does the "other WG"... Wisconsinguy... Something tells me that It might be the same individual. Unfortunately your work situation makes things a bit tough... Well that's the same for most of us... That's why in the next lifetime I plan to rectify that situation!!!!

[tanman4u]

Well it's been a long time since I started this thread and I'm sorry it's taken so long to comment back and to thank everyone for the insights and recommendations.

 

{BigValBoy} First of all I just have to say, that I am envious of your career.

It's absolutely great. It's a wonderful boat (yacht to be specific but I think it makes me sound pretentious) in one of the most beautiful parts of the world. The only drawback is the inability to hookup (with guys) while I'm aboard. I'm not going into the reasoning here but it works for me.

 

{BigValBoy} My suggestion would be to contact Whipped Guy

I actually wrote the OP expecting that I would hear from and receive great advice from him. That did happen. I would have just IM'd him but I felt like there were probably others in my shoes that could gain from the answers I would (and did) get here.

 

{PurpleKow} So, to be succinct. Do it. Be bold. No regrets. No shame. And next time you want to dock your boat in a hot leather clad harbor, i say full speed ahead.

Great advice. Thank you. A trip to Las Vegas is coming up so that chance might be nearer than I thought.

 

{ChrisW} How heavy are you looking for a BDSM scene? I would ask yourself what your hard limits are, what your soft limtis are, and what makes your dick really hard when you jerk off.

I honestly don't know my limits. I think one of the things I wouldn't like about being bound up would be my inability to touch and feel the guy. I don't think I'd have a problem giving up control and there's nothing that scares me about it (well most of it) but I do like body contact. Maybe I'd be better doing the tieing up then I could take my time and really enjoy the body of the guy. I guess the fact that I don't really jerk off thinking about either might be the true answer here.

 

{whipped guy} Definitely try everything that you have dreamed about at least once.

That's where my time limits really limit me. I only get to the states a few times a year, always with a tight schedule, so I try to hire a guy for a couple of hours. If I visiting the same city often I could probably find an escort to hire on a regular basis and get to know and see where it would go. But when it's only a yearly visit, I just go with what I know.

 

{whipped guy} sounds, mummification, piercings, etc. were out....being gagged was not among my favorite things.....

I would agree that none of that would work for me.

 

{whipped guy} I find that the most difficult part is trying to sound menacing and domineering.

Despite part of my job being issuing orders and expecting that they'll be obeyed immediately and explicitly, I find that I start laughing even if I'm just trying to do some simple name calling. I know it's not serious so I just don't take it seriously.

 

So thank you to all who commented here. I do appreciate you taking the time to give me some things to think about. I have more time in Las Vegas that usual coming up in a couple of months so maybe I'll have some extra time for exploration.

[wisconsinguy]

Where to start this post or where to start learning more about bondage and S&M fetishes. I guess the main problem is that due to my work my only time for male to male companionship is when I'm visiting the states and I usually only have time to hire a guy for an hour or two so there's no real time to get to know and trust someone to explore this further. But when I read some of the posts here and see the pics I find that I'm quite turned on by them. I read a lot of erotica on Nifty.org and the Authoritative category is one of my favorites.

 

I don't know if I would tend more towards a Dom or Submissive role. If I'm doing a non-paying hookup while traveling I tend more towards being a dominate top guy but when I hire I go for dominate types for whom I will eagerly bottom. I've told many that I want to try it a bit rougher but that seldom seems to work out other than maybe being face fucked or the guy fucking harder than usual. There's one guy in Chicago that I've seen once a year for a few years and he's awesome, definitely into the leather and bondage scene and we've had a good time but we still haven't gone very far. I did challenge him to try to take me down, tie me up, and make me submit and ultimately he did. Actually I was pretty amazed at how quickly he had me bound up and unable to move. But of course neither of us was trying as hard as we could. I could certainly have fought back much harder and I'm sure he could have been way rougher. One of the problems is that I like him and I ended up laughing at some of what we were doing. Even as he was tying me up (supposedly against my will) I was having a good time and enjoying myself and laughing it up. I'm guessing that's not the normal reaction he, or anyone else in his position, would expect. I've never been flogged other than the occasional ass slap while being fucked. It looks hot in the pics but I don't know how I'd react.

 

As far as being Dom, I have no problem with throwing a rough fuck at a willing bottom but again, other than some ass slapping, I've never really gone after the guy intending to inflict pain.

 

So should I just continue with what I've always done (and thoroughly enjoyed) or should I try to explore some new boundaries. Is that even a good or safe thing to do given my very limited time available and the likelihood that I wouldn't be able to see the same guy more than once a year to establish any sort of routine.

I believe we are talking about the same gentleman in Chicago. If you enjoy your time together, and he is a great mentor in what you looking for, I think you may have it all? How lucky r u? If we r talking about the same person, UR sooo lucky. The hardest part for me was trying to figure out what I wanted to convey to the person. I still have trouble with that. PM anytime!

[wisconsinguy]

Once you find a great teacher or two, u r on ur way to a entire different whelm of pleasure. Both receiving and giving. I have only entered this world. Outstanding. I personally like the giving part. Does that make me a DOM WG? I will have to practice a little harder the next time. I think I found a new career. Can't wait!!!

[+ Funguy]

Once you find a great teacher or two, u r on ur way to a entire different whelm of pleasure. Both receiving and giving. I have only entered this world. Outstanding. I personally like the giving part. Does that make me a DOM WG? I will have to practice a little harder the next time. I think I found a new career. Can't wait!!!

 

A monster has been unleashed!

[wisconsinguy]

A monster has been unleashed!

Tanman4u. Have fun, and let go!!! Like I said, can't wait to make my guy cry "uncle or SOB." I think I have progressed to DOM 102. If I did, you will too.

[whipped guy]

Once you find a great teacher or two, u r on ur way to a entire different whelm of pleasure. Both receiving and giving. I have only entered this world. Outstanding. I personally like the giving part. Does that make me a DOM WG? I will have to practice a little harder the next time. I think I found a new career. Can't wait!!!

 

A monster has been unleashed!

 

Tanman4u. Have fun, and let go!!! Like I said, can't wait to make my guy cry "uncle or SOB." I think I have progressed to DOM 102. If I did, you will too.

 

OMG!!! What indeed has been unleashed!!!!! Who was responsible for this????!!!! Our sweet WG2 on his way to being "The Dominator"!

 

Damn!!! WG2... You SOB!!!!!

[wisconsinguy]

OMG!!! What indeed has been unleashed!!!!! Who was responsible for this????!!!! Our sweet WG2 on his way to being "The Dominator"!

 

Damn!!! WG2... You SOB!!!!!

Hahaha. Like I said. Can't wait to show my friends my new stuff. I do believe I found my next favorite fetish.

[whipped guy]

Hahaha. Like I said. Can't wait to show my friends my new stuff. I do believe I found my next favorite fetish.

Welcome to the club... I knew that you had it in you!!! No more Cheetos for you... SIR!