Hard to Understand

[Guest mondo]

It's hard for me to understand how attraction works most of the times. For example I would never be attracted to me. I am an old guy overweight and have thinning hair. But the strangest thing happened to me recently.

 

During all of my relocation frenzy I met a young guy, he is 19 I am 50. He is thin, cute, smooth twink, everything I am attracted to. I met him under different situation not nec. as an escort but I know he does escort. I know he has limitations too.

 

But what has happened twice now blows me away. We have slept together without pay or for any reason I can think of though I feel as if there is a different reason than him being attracted to me. He calls me babe (maybe he thinks of me as that pig from the movie then says hey babe :0) he deep kisses me, does about everything (yes safer sex) but I know that he isn't into most of this stuff.

 

In the midst of a mind blowing 10 minute suck your tounge out kiss he asked if I liked that. Well prior to that night I really wasn't much for kissing but I did like it and told him and he said good that he only kisses people he likes and I said you like me an old, fat, man who has lost most of his hair and he said you're a cool guy.

 

I know for a fact that he likes guys near his age a little beefier than him but not anything like me.

 

Well guys I don't even know if there is a question in any of this. I am just really confused. I don't even know if I will ever see him again but I do know that I had a great time with him twice now and I get a feeling there will be a third time if I want it. But I don't know if I want it because I feel as if there is another motive however I have nothing and he knows this so...

[Guest random]

You lost me at the part about the movie Babe and being called a pig or was that a movie about a pig and being called babe? }(

[marc anthony]

>

>Well guys I don't even know if there is a question in any of

>this. I am just really confused. I don't even know if I will

>ever see him again but I do know that I had a great time with

>him twice now and I get a feeling there will be a third time

>if I want it. But I don't know if I want it because I feel as

>if there is another motive however I have nothing and he knows

>this so...

 

Not sure I understand why you would want to analyze this instead of enjoying it!

 

Life is too short, my friend.

[JamesK840]

I think it proves that humans inherently have a bad self-image. Even a mega-hottie like Brent Everrett/Young ( http://babydb.male4malescorts.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=4&topic_id=56673&mesg_id=&page=&mode=full ) most likely hates several things about his body and is probably self-conscious and nervous. I'd assumed my body-type would require me to pay to play, just came from a three-way with two guys off the *free* section on Craigslist, about the 5th or 6th good session I've had in less then a month of trying on the Men Seeking Men section.

 

It's never as bad as we think it is, and there are always people either into what you dislike about yourself or able to look past, into what they find attractive about you.

 

Don't let a good thing go because you're afraid to let it succeed!

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

>It's hard for me to understand how attraction works most of

>the times. For example I would never be attracted to me. I am

>an old guy overweight and have thinning hair.

 

Hey Mondo, I'm right there with you guy... I ain't my type at all!! REALLY!!

 

But the

>strangest thing happened to me recently.

>

 

Yes truth is often stranger than fiction. Take comfort in knowing that you are not the Lone Ranger here.

 

>During all of my relocation frenzy I met a young guy, he is 19

>I am 50. He is thin, cute, smooth twink, everything I am

>attracted to....

>

 

Mondo, it has happened to me. A young guy has fallen in love with me -- I mean head over heels. He is average weight for his height 6'3", cute, very smooth twink type... It was all his initiative and he is intense in his pursuit. What he sees in me I can't fathom but he does and he verbalizes it. This has gone on for almost a year with a 3 month hiatus he spent down south. I know his motivation is earnest.

 

>

>Well guys I don't even know if there is a question in any of

>this. I am just really confused. I don't even know if I will

>ever see him again but I do know that I had a great time with

>him twice now and I get a feeling there will be a third time

>if I want it. But I don't know if I want it because I feel as

>if there is another motive however I have nothing and he knows

>this so...

 

I hope that knowing you are not the Lone Ranger here will help you cope with the 'unusualness' of this circumstance. It really does happen in a blue moon. Only you can decide if you continue to see him. If you do then the motivation will become clear eventually. There are positive motivations that may be in play here. I sense that your confusion as to why he would be interested in you has put you on guard, and that is good. But just because of the age difference don't assume that his motivation is necessarily ill -- it may not be. Good luck.

[+ bigjoey]

strange as this sounds, this is a situtation i find myself in as well; at my gym, there is a younger hot man who is there almost everytime i am there (our schedules work out that way) who is interested in me sexually as well. while we have gone out together to eat or movies, i have resisted going further because i am involved with a great guy out of town. now, i am very far from a model and he sees me in the showers all the time so he knows exactly what my not-so-great body looks like. yet, he wants me. if it wasn't for my out of town involvement, i would pursue this.

 

in my office, i see this with straight people as well where one partner is handsome/beautiful and the other much less so; money is not an issue in these pairings.

 

my conclusion is that looks are often a secondary reason to why we are attracted to another; the emotional feelings or satisfaction we get from the other person may be the primary reason for the attraction. my belief is that for a relationship to last, the main reasons for attraction need to be other ones than sexual.

[Guest Jocoluver]

I understamd completely how original poster feels. Been there, done that. Go for it and enjoy! I'm 70 and finding out there are decent young studs how find something to like/enjoy in my company. I am amazed that even paying some of these guys is adequate reason to be with me and have interactive sex. But the best reason I have heard is that age (etc.) is a state of mind and not a chronological number. Go for it!!:9

[axebahia]

To really assess this story, I would need to see a picture of you and of him. As for the ptential ancillary reasons, perhaps you can respond to these additional questions:

 

1. What kind of car do you drive?

2. What kind of house do you live in and where is it located.

3. Do you pick up the tabs for the encounters?

4. Do you take him places or do things with him that he could not afford himself?

 

Does anyone really believe that Marla Maples was ever really "in love" (whatever that means as Prince Charles famously asked in a tv interview before his marriage to Diana) with Donald Trump?

[Will]

If attraction were easy to understand, the world would be the poorer of about half its great literature. What has happened to you -- and to TY and other friends on the Message Center -- doesn't happen very often (i.e., it's never happened to me). But, never mind the naysayers, it does indeed happen. The most dramatic instance I know of is related, if I remember correctly, in THE HOMOSEXUAL MATRIX (still in my view the best book on the subject). A middle-aged man was seated on a trolley car in, I think, Munich, minding his own business and looking out of the window. He noticed a young man walking down the street in the same direction the trolley was going. As the trolley drew alongside the young man, he happened to look up; their eyes locked; the middle-aged man got off at the next stop; they spent the rest of his life together. And there's the famous story of Christopher Isherwood and Don Bacardy.

 

Fortunately, we don't have to be sexually attracted to ourselves. When somebody is attracted to somebody else, it's for his own reasons. If you like the fact that this guy finds you hot, well, who are you to tell him he's wrong? Would you like it if he said to you, "No, you can't be attracted to me because I'm ugly"?

 

Stop trying to analyze this. It's a blessing, and not in disguise. Be happy, be grateful, be carefree! GO WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bilbo]

Will, once more you have said what I was thinking just before I said it and said it probably better than I would have. Is it really any of our business why other people are attracted to us? What are we going to do, chew them out because they want us? Puh-lease!

 

The only thing that I'd disagree with you on, Will, is that I seem to remember a thread a few months back where this kind of thing did happen to you. I think it was while you were on a trip and in a bus station (though what would you be doing in a bus station?) or in an elevator? I really don't think that I dreamed that thread.

[Guest mondo]

Thanks guys for the replies. I guess when I posted that last night it was my drama queen moment. It is still very hard to understand and makes no sense to me but I feel most of you hit on one topic or another as to how it can happen and all of you said about the same thing, don't be oncerned about it and just enjoy it.

 

To the one poster who was asking for my pic and the guys pic sorry I don't feel that will be something I'm about to post. Not sure why the car and place I live is important either but I have already posted (in another thread) I live in a avaerage apartment near the beach and I drive a non-discript boring full size car, no flash there. And yes I did buy the guy 's lunch at Jack in the Box one time more because I'm a big fat man and that is what we do eat .. and the guy wanted to go with me cause he was hungry and I said here let me buy you a jumbo jack combo meal about 5.50 so again I am missing something in your post.

 

Will Marc Tampa Bilbo and James and whoever else again thanks for the encouragement.

[Guest mondo]

Thanks guys for the replies. I guess when I posted that last night it was my drama queen moment. It is still very hard to understand and makes no sense to me but I feel most of you hit on one topic or another as to how it can happen and all of you said about the same thing, don't be oncerned about it and just enjoy it.

 

To the one poster who was asking for my pic and the guys pic sorry I don't feel that will be something I'm about to post. Not sure why the car and place I live is important either but I have already posted (in another thread) I live in a avaerage apartment near the beach and I drive a non-discript boring full size car, no flash there. And yes I did buy the guy 's lunch at Jack in the Box one time more because I'm a big fat man and that is what we do eat .. and the guy wanted to go with me cause he was hungry and I said here let me buy you a jumbo jack combo meal about 5.50 so again I am missing something in your post.

 

Will Marc Tampa Bilbo and James and whoever else again thanks for the encouragement.

[axebahia]

no need to get defensive, I was just seeking additional context to evaluate your post.

[Will]

No, you didn't dream it, Bilbo, but I had forgotten it. I suppose I didn't remember because it was so fleeting, so "somewhere across a crowded room," though the crowded room was the bus station in Toledo, Spain. I don't really know whether he was attracted to me or not; but you're absolutely right that I had a little shot at it -- I just didn't pull the trigger!

[trilingual]

Oh, just ignore Auntie S. When he isn't shilling for Hamas/Hezbollah he spends all his time worrying about money and status. And name-dropping expensive hotels, restaurants, cars and brands. Bleah!

 

As for the attraction bit, I used to wonder, too, but then I decided that if some incredible hottie manages to get all hot and hard and bothered over me (even though I wouldn't look at myself twice if I saw myself on the street) I'm just going to thank G-d for miracles and enjoy it!!! If you read the "Escorts South" board, you'll see various mentions of the fact that in Brazil, at least, it's not uncommon for younger men to be attracted to older more, um, voluptuous types! Evidently it happens here in the U.S., too! Maybe not as frequently, but it seems that the old adage that there's someone for everyone is true. So just be open to it and enjoy it! Sometimes there's such a thing as being overly smart and analytical. It's taken me 57 years to learn that some things just can't be analyzed, nor should they be!

 

Have fun!!!

[Guest Merlin]

I am tempted to wonder if young guys like this had less than satisfactory relationships with their fathers, or perhaps no fathers at all. I am suggesting of course, that perhaps getting close to an older man is an attempt to find the father they didn't have. I agree you shouldn't analyse it much, just enjoy each other.

[Trixie]

I understand your hesitation, my dear. There have been two occasions in my life where someone much younger and prettier than myself (or at least just much prettier) seemed to have fallen for me. Somewhere always in the back of your mind you're wondering "Ok, what's the other shoe, and when is it gonna drop?" It can be unnerving, especially if the obvious suspicions can be ruled out (money, prestige, etc.).

The other unnerving aspect of such an affair is that while we frequently lust after hot young things, and will even gladly pay for an hour or two of their company, it doesn't mean they're going to be appropriate partners for a longer term relationship. As sweet and lovable as they might be, you sometimes come to realize that there's just not enough there to satisfy you, the BOQ, on an emotional level.

(But you keep on courting him, how could you not? I mean, LOOK at him! He's gorgeous!)

Then, you start to feel bad, because you felt suspicious that he wantd to use you somehow, and now you find that you're actually the one using him. You know the relationship can't go anywhere, but he's a lovely little piece of candy (and a great boost to the ego) that's hard to give up.

I'm not saying that this is what's happening in your situation, at all. But, I would suggest that you try to look beyond the glitter of the romance with a hot young man, and see if there's any substance there. If you find there isn't, at least make sure you're both on the same cruiseship, so as to avoid any possible hurt feelings down the line.

Trix

[Guest VanBCGuy]

But, I would suggest that you try to look

>beyond the glitter of the romance with a hot young man, and

>see if there's any substance there. If you find there isn't,

>at least make sure you're both on the same cruiseship, so as

>to avoid any possible hurt feelings down the line.

> Trix

 

Good advice. I am in the midst of the same situation with someone from Montreal (If the guys there are all like this, I must get there!). I think its very hard with a big age gap to find a lot of common interests. Just deciding on where to eat is hard. I am getting tired of McDonalds.

 

So, just enjoy it for what it is, and don't worry too much about why it is happening.

[Guest mondo]

RE: Hard to Understand (45 Days After)

 

Well guys I think I'm more confused than one I first made the original post. To bring you up to date I have been seeing my very affectionate twink pal at least once a week. The other night he asked if I would like him to spend the night. It had been so long since I had someone sleep next to me ... and he didn't just sleep. He held me tight till he drifted off when he would wake up once in a while (probably because I was crushing him) he would gently rub my back or put his arm around me again.

 

Now we have just planned our first weekend get away together. We are headed up to San Francisco. I will pay for the hotel room, though he keeps asking if I want him to pay half (I don't). He will visit some friends one night while I check out the seedier side of town so we will have our space.

 

It just all seems surreal. Again I know I am not his type. He has mentioned to me a few guys he has recently been with and had a lot of fun with, I like hearing about his adventures reminds me of when I was his age. He continues to escort and asks my advice once in a while.

 

It puzzles me why he continues to see me, sleep with me, hang around me. I know many of you suggested I should just relax and go with the flow but it is so hard to do since I am use to so much rejection.

 

There have been a few times where I told him I was busy as I didn't want him to come by but I wasn't busy, I just don't want to ruin what has already happened. I guess I feel the more he gets to know me the greater the chance he will tell me to fuck off.

 

I mentioned before I am not giving him anything I have nothing .. I am very average at best. I have bought the guys a few meals and pretty much that is it. So by now he relaizes there is no money in this for him. I don't feel right taking his money for a hotel room I would pay for anyway that is why I am not accepting any money from him for the SF trip.

 

In fact, I have thought about calling the trip off thinking so much time together will ruin it all.

 

I am just rambling at this point. I am not even sure if I am looking for a respone or if there is even a question here.

 

I am just very confused this is all so new to me and at my age I have become so isolated from stuff like this intentionally to a degree ... fuck the voices in my head won't stop(just joking). But I think I need my meds now .

 

This all probably is going to end with a huge let down for me, that is how my life seems to go.

[trilingual]

RE: Hard to Understand (45 Days After)

 

Stop analyzing and start living! He likes you, you like him, that's all you need to know. Individual attraction is one of the most mysterious things in life. If it's not your looks, it's something else about you that attracts your friend. Perhaps the fact that you treat him kindly, aren't condescending, and you respect him and don't judge him.

 

As I said earlier, here in Brazil it's not uncommon to find "hot" looking younger guys who get all hot and bothered with older, less gorgeous men, like yours truly. (I'm not a troll, but I'm certainly no matinee idol, either.) It's hard to fake a roaring hard-on and copious climax if they're not turned on by something about their partners. Evidently it's not just looks that they find attractive. I've got at least a couple of the local Rio sauna escorts who come by regularly just to visit and cuddle on the sofa while chatting! No charge. So I figure they just must like me and enjoy my company! I enjoy theirs, too. I've stopped asking how guys so handsome, well-built and well-hung could be interested in short, zaftig me. They are, and that's that. And I'm immensely grateful that such a thing is possible. But trying to analyze it doesn't get me anywhere at all, so I've basically stopped wasting time on it, and so should you. Just enjoy your relationship and live it to the fullest. Yes, it may end at some point, but you'll have had some wonderful times together and a lifetime of good memories to keep you warm, if your relationship does break up.

 

One clue, however, about why your friend may be attracted to you: In Brazil they use the word "carente" a lot. In the context of relationships it means "starved for affection." Not "starved for sex;" there's another expression for that (which escapes my mind at the moment). Some of these gorgeous, built, hung guys manage to get all the sex they want, but they're still "carente," and like anyone else crave being with someone who can fill that need in them. Your young friend is probably "carente," too. Chances are that's why he likes you. He's getting emotional satisfaction from being with you that he isn't getting anywhere else. So keep on doing whatever it is you're doing for him, and your relationship may last for years! Good luck!

[theDCeBOY]

enjoy it, but be careful of your emotions--and your wallet.

[guptasa1]

RE: Hard to Understand (45 Days After)

 

Dude, chill! LOL! As many others said, I think it's time to relax and enjoy your relationship!

 

I'm like you in many respects. I'm 23, but try as I may, I can't see myself as very attractive. I had this once where somebody really loved me for who I was, and I hope I'm fortunate to experience it again. Your post actually gives me a lot of hope believe it or not. (Though I doubt you're as bad as you think - I know I'm not as bad as I often think either.)

 

Anyways, my guess is, if this guy likes you so much, it's because you treat him right as somebody else mentioned. Maybe there aren't many people who do treat him well, and the fact that you do speaks volumes to you. I don't know the details well enough to judge for sure, but my guess is, he doesn't want anything else from you besides that.

 

You may want to consider talking to him about how you feel. Don't put yourself down while doing so, but, if it were me, I think sometime when we were together and had some fun, I'd tell him you really like him and ask what drew him to you. I'd be careful about breaching the subject and make sure I wasn't implying anything (like another motive, etc.), but communication's a good thing with any relationship, and maybe talking about it would help you to feel better.

 

Above all, I certainly wouldn't try to limit your time together because of what might happen. I'm not going to say it will necessarily last forever, but if you back away from it because you're scared of the bad things that could happen, you're also limiting the GOOD things that could happen! Take that trip with him and have a BALL!

 

I wish you the best of luck and all the happiness in the world, my friend! You seem like a really thoughful guy, and I'm very happy this has happened to you!

[Guest DejaVu]

I have a very close friend who is in a very similar situation. he met this college jock more than a year ago who was escorting on the side to put himself through college. The escort spend more time with my friend- beyond the usual hour by the rate. To make the story short, the guy quit escorting and is now in a relationship with my friend. At first, my friend, who is one of the nicest person I know, was having second thought- it was like more what he asked for. Last summer, they took a trip together and the guy revealed to him how he is emotionally attached to my friend. Words like.."I am part of your life now", "I love you to death.", "I am in this for the long term.", " I miss you so much.", "Don't leave me", "I am not going anywhere.". "I won't leave you." are now mentioned- all from this gorgeous hunk to my average-looking friend.

 

I think you just have to quit analyzing. And for those who thinks that money and prestige are defining elements behind this relationship are short of knowing and experiencing true love. They are, in their lives, consumed by prostituting themselves and oblivious to the fact that love can blossom in unexpected places and with most unlikely people.

 

I am happy for you that you find somebody who truly cares for you. I am very happy too for my friend who, after many relationships,find the same too. You two are among the lucky ones.

[Rick Munroe]

>my conclusion is that looks are often a secondary reason to

>why we are attracted to another; the emotional feelings or

>satisfaction we get from the other person may be the primary

>reason for the attraction.

 

That's exactly true for me and it's why, if the other person is open and giving emotionally, I can have a really great time with almost any body type.

[DaninWA]

Here's a thought:

 

Maybe you are a really nice guy and he actually likes you.

 

Think about it.

 

Dan