Does it matter Where our Money Goes?

[RickyDC]

One guy I have seen off and on, he has a full time job and escorts to supplement his income -- great guy, great times.

 

Another guy, a college student -- did it to help pay for tuition, etc. -- he did in fact graduate -- sent me pic of diploma and graduation pics LOL -- still friends -- see him once in a while.

 

More recently, met a guy in June -- was kinda on thin side and a bit pale then, but much healthier looking now -- more muscle and great color. I recently discovered (he told me about it actually) he does coke -- not sure whether it's just now and then or whether it's a serious habit -- or what.

 

I've been very generous with tips, etc., but now it's beginning to bug me a bit -- that perhaps I'm supporting a cocaine habit. Or, even worse, helping to create a habit where there wasn't one before.

 

Part of me says -- business is business -- you have a great time and what the guy does with the money is completely out of your control -- don't worry about it. Another part of me doesn't feel right about it -- I've gotten to know him as a person and would hate to be doing something that would hurt him.

 

What do you think?

 

Thanks in advance.

[+ purplekow]

If you think that by not hiring him you will change his use of cocaine, you have little experience with the drug. If however, you feel that you do not want to knowingly support an unhealthy lifestyle, I understand but think it is a fruitless situation. If you move onto another escort, their is no evidence that you wont be supporting a more detrimental habit. You might opt to speak with the escort at length and then decide to be there for him if he needs support or move on to more obscure patures.

[RickyDC]

Thanks Purplekow, but I'm not sure I understand your advice. LoL. I am not trying to control his behavior or cure him -- my not hiring him won't affect his addiction if he is in fact addicted. Addicts find a way to support their habit -- one way or another.

 

I also understand that if I move onto another escort, there's no guaranty that I won't be supporting yet another habit -- or even a more detrimental one. But I don't know about any other escort's drug use -- I know about THIS ONE.

 

So let me simplify my question. If you found out that an escort was using the money you paid him to buy drugs and support an addiction, would you keep seeing him?

 

Yes, no, maybe . . . and why?

[Kevin Slater]

Did you clear it with your boss before you started spending your paychecks on escorts?

 

Kevin Slater

[Nvr2Thick]

One guy I have seen off and on, he has a full time job and escorts to supplement his income -- great guy, great times.

 

Another guy, a college student -- did it to help pay for tuition, etc. -- he did in fact graduate -- sent me pic of diploma and graduation pics LOL -- still friends -- see him once in a while.

 

More recently, met a guy in June -- was kinda on thin side and a bit pale then, but much healthier looking now -- more muscle and great color. I recently discovered (he told me about it actually) he does coke -- not sure whether it's just now and then or whether it's a serious habit -- or what.

 

I've been very generous with tips, etc., but now it's beginning to bug me a bit -- that perhaps I'm supporting a cocaine habit. Or, even worse, helping to create a habit where there wasn't one before.

 

Part of me says -- business is business -- you have a great time and what the guy does with the money is completely out of your control -- don't worry about it. Another part of me doesn't feel right about it -- I've gotten to know him as a person and would hate to be doing something that would hurt him.

 

What do you think?

 

Thanks in advance.

 

See if he pays rent. Then you can rationalize that you're supporting his rent-paying habit.

 

You're paying him for a great sexual experience. That's where the business transaction ends. You have no way of knowing what he wouldn't buy if he didn't have that money -- new shoes, rent, dinner, his mom's birthday present, a handgun...

[wisconsinguy]

Although coke was not my drug of choice, in the world of recovery, a drug is a drug is a drug. I find it interesting that he felt the need to share this info with you.

There was a time in my using career that I referred to myself as a liar, cheat, and thief. Add to that list a master people manipulator, you have quite a gift.

So the reasons he shared this with you could be many. As far as supporting a habit? Bottom line: We make hundreds of decisions everyday. His are his.

Word of advice: If his world of using feels like it's getting intertwined with what you want from your encounters, find a new friend.

[+ purplekow]

Thanks Purplekow, but I'm not sure I understand your advice. LoL. I am not trying to control his behavior or cure him -- my not hiring him won't affect his addiction if he is in fact addicted. Addicts find a way to support their habit -- one way or another.

 

I also understand that if I move onto another escort, there's no guaranty that I won't be supporting yet another habit -- or even a more detrimental one. But I don't know about any other escort's drug use -- I know about THIS ONE.

 

So let me simplify my question. If you found out that an escort was using the money you paid him to buy drugs and support an addiction, would you keep seeing him?

 

Yes, no, maybe . . . and why?

i read my response and even though i know what I meant, my response is confusing. Straightforwardly, hire him if you are comfortable with him, stop if you are not. If you think of him as a friend, talk with him and let him know you will be there for him should he need your help.

[maninsoma]

Did you clear it with your boss before you started spending your paychecks on escorts?

 

Kevin Slater

 

Now that was funny.

[maninsoma]

If the guy's drug habit had an impact on my time with him, I wouldn't hire him. Otherwise I probably wouldn't become aware of it. If I did become aware of it because he talked to me about it, I wouldn't stop hiring him because of it unless, again, I felt like his drug use had an impact on the time I spent with him.

[down_to_business]

Not a simple question to answer. At first, I was right there with Kevin S. Then when I thought more in depth about the topic, I started to have doubts. What if we changed the drug habit part to terrorism. Would you continue to see an escort if you knew the money you were spending on hiring was supporting terrorist groups? What about if you knew the money was being donated towards anti-gay initiatives?

 

I guess what I am trying to say is, in answer to the question, it does matter where the money goes to me-- but I also realize that I am not going to be privy to the answer in most cases. I guess as long as I was ignorant of the facts, the decision would be easy. To the drug habit, specifically. If I knew it and I knew it was ruining his life, I would probably have to end the association. Simply not tipping generously would seem to have no impact. One thing I can say for almost certain is that your tipping is not the reason for his cocaine use. I also realize fully well that my not hiring someone is not going to end their drug habit either.

 

Good luck to you while you sort out this dilemma for yourself.

[RickyDC]

Ha ha Kevin, very funny. LOL. Fortunately, the amount I spend is I think only about 2.5 percent of my net monthly pay. I make quite a bit and I keep track of where it goes -- most of it goes into my portfolio.

[bostonman]

I suppose it's a little similar to the dilemma of whether to give money to a panhandler - are they really looking for food (if they say they are) or is the money perhaps going to go to drugs/alcohol or other habits? So often I'm tempted to want to buy them a cup of coffee or some food, etc - but i tend to wonder if I'd get a negative response (because perhaps he's *not* really looking for food, etc).

 

(When I was much younger and much more naive, I do remember once giving some money to a panhandler who said it was for his mother in the hospital. I remember seeing him out at his "spot" some months later, and I think he had a new pitch that had nothing to do with his mother. I realized how dumb I had been, lol.)

 

Or - I have a funny memory of a college friend - she was a senior vocal major, I was a freshman pianist looking to earn some extra money, and she agreed to pay me for coaching. Except that she generally paid me in *gifts* instead of cash (she'd buy me a book, or a recording, or something she thought I'd like and appreciate). And I *did* appreciate the gifts, and the thought behind them - but really, I would have preferred the cash, so that *I* could have decided what to use it for. (And no, it wouldn't have been for drugs, lol.) But I was too shy and still un-business savvy to ask for simply cash, lol.

 

Now, as a college teacher/coach, I will occasionally go out of my way to help students with extra projects outside my usual scope (get your mind out of the gutter, lol). And I *don't* ask for money, because I feel it's my decision to take these projects on "pro bono" as a teacher. Recently, a grad student who was to sing at a friend's wedding asked if i could meet for a vocal coaching, and I was happy to do it. She asked me what my fee was, and I told her I would be glad to meet with her just as I would my regular undergrad students - no charge. Well - she arrived at her coaching session with a package of homemade toll-house cookies for me. THAT was a really nice surprise, and yes, I accepted.

 

But I digress. (So what else is new?) I guess my point is, you have to decide for yourself if you think the money is going to help or hinder, and what the escort's expectations are. But it's a great question.

[instudiocity]

If the guy's drug habit had an impact on my time with him, I wouldn't hire him. Otherwise I probably wouldn't become aware of it. If I did become aware of it because he talked to me about it, I wouldn't stop hiring him because of it unless, again, I felt like his drug use had an impact on the time I spent with him.

Yup, a very popular escort among us kept showing up behaving like a different person. I asked him about drug use and he vehemently denied it. The very next time a he was totally not himself, and I said, "Bye-bye!"

[Glenn1441]

Succinct and well done. Add to your comment the fact the client can end an ongoing relationship of this nature for any reason -- and vice-versa. Moreover, one is not obligated to provide an explanation for the termination.

 

Did you clear it with your boss before you started spending your paychecks on escorts?

 

Kevin Slater

[RickyDC]

Sorry Kevin S -- your comment may be succinct, but it doesn't answer the question asked and I think it misses the issue.

 

The question is not whether the escort needs my permission to use the money I give him for drugs or whatever -- the answer is obviously "No." Just like I don't need my employer's permission to use my paycheck on escorts, or rent, or whatever. Once I give him the money -- he can do whatever he wants.

 

The question is, whether his drug habit should or will influence whether I want to give him the money in the first place. Similarly, my employer knowing that I use my paycheck to hire escorts -- could be a factor in whether my employer wants to continue giving me paychecks -- or fire me. And certainly, if my employer found out that I was using my paycheck to buy drugs . . . there would be consequences.

 

I've decided that the guy's drug habit just bothers me too much to continue hiring him. I don't like the potential risks of him bringing drugs in my home or other places where we meet. I don't really respect people who do drugs -- so this guy's habit just makes him unattractive to me. So, I've decided just to move on.

 

Thanks everyone for your input and advice. Appreciated.