Should I feel insulted?

[Atlantagaguy]

When I go out to gay bars I am asked frequently if I have a wife and kids. I don’t why the question bothers me so, do others have this happen to them?

[rguer]

Never. Not even once.

 

You must exude straightness. Maybe the guys who ask are looking for a hot daddy.

[bigvalboy]

When I go out to gay bars I am asked frequently if I have a wife and kids. I don’t why the question bothers me so, do others have this happen to them?

 

I don't get the 'wife and kids' thing so much, but everyone thinks that I am a cop....I can't explain that one at all. It wouldn't bother me really. Most of this stuff you just have to laugh off.

[Bosguy]

I don't get the 'wife and kids' thing so much, but everyone thinks that I am a cop....I can't explain that one at all. It wouldn't bother me really. Most of this stuff you just have to laugh off.

 

BVB,

 

I'm not at all surprised that people think you're a cop. When I first met you in PS, I actually thought you were a cop, military, or FBI just by your stature, demeanor, and social skills.

 

Gentlemen, he is a very impressive MAN.

 

Boston Bill

[bigvalboy]

BVB,

 

I'm not at all surprised that people think you're a cop. When I first met you in PS, I actually thought you were a cop, military, or FBI just by your stature, demeanor, and social skills.

 

Gentlemen, he is a very impressive MAN.

 

Boston Bill

 

You really thought that?....wow, I think I will play up that angle more when I am out in public. Ya know, like "Turn around mister, I am placing you under arrest"....OH BB, THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

[JoeBlow]

AtlantaGuy, I curious and a bit perplexed as to why you would possibly be insulted by this question. Would you mind elaborating?

[Epigonos]

Hell I just wish people would ask me that question. They usually ask me how many great grand kids I have. Now that when you know you look OLD. Oh well, it isn't going to get any better so I guess I will just have to learn to live with it.

[josephga]

I use to go to this club and was asked if I was one of the straight friends of the guys I went there with. I use to have this friend his name was Robert I would sometime go to the clubs with him and this drag queen that performed there asked me if I was one of Roberts str8 friends

[orbital sander]

I don't really like the bars at all. The few times that I have gone, I never had anyone ask me that. I would not care if anyone did, but perhaps if it was all the time it would become annoying.

[josephga]

I don't care for the bars either mostly because of the smoke and allot of attitude. Last time I went was 2004

[orbital sander]

I don't care for the bars either mostly because of the smoke and allot of attitude. Last time I went was 2004

The smoke always made me feel like I was swimming in an ashtray.

[+ Travis69]

When I go out to gay bars I am asked frequently if I have a wife and kids. I don’t why the question bothers me so, do others have this happen to them?

Is this the first question they ask you or later in a conversation? Are you married with kids with a ring on your finger that they would see? Some guys like "married with kids" guys as they think they are safer (STD wise) to play with or they don't want to play with some guy who will want to move in the next morning. They like the idea it will be sex and nothing else. Do you ask them why they are asking and if so what do they say?

[JoeyBryant]

I've had a few guys ask if I was married when they see the ice on the ring finger. I'm like no, I only wear it on that one because it's the easiest to put on and off. I now wear on the index finger, but it doesn't come off without soap and water. I'm a 100% single man, no kids.

 

But with the way things are looking, there may be some changes

[rvwnsd]

When I go out to gay bars I am asked frequently if I have a wife and kids. I don’t why the question bothers me so, do others have this happen to them?

 

I've never been asked about a wife and/or kids, but I am frequently asked if I am a prosecutor, FBI/IRS/DEA agent, or attorney. I am not bothered by these questions nor would I be bothered if I was asked about wife/kids.

[+ purplekow]

I would not mind being asked if I were married. The question i get asked most often is: Aren't you a friend of my grandfather?

[Atlantagaguy]

AtlantaGuy, I curious and a bit perplexed as to why you would possibly be insulted by this question. Would you mind elaborating?

 

I enjoy my str8 friends, but there are many times I don’t feel comfortable with their conversations and I don’t feel like I always fit. So when I go to a gay clubs, where I am hoping to feel more comfortable as a gay man. I get hit up and accused of being str8 with a wife and kids. One night one guy introduced me as his new str8 friend. He thought it was funny, I found it annoying.

[Atlantagaguy]

Joseph, I agree on the smoke. It’s so nice to go to New York and California where you can’t smoke in the bars. Most of the men I have met in those states enjoy their smoke free bars. Since Im not young and cute I have been able to work through the attitude problem. The older I've gotten the less I care .

[Atlantagaguy]

Yes it is one of the first questions, I don't wear rings. When I have asked I get "you just seem very str8" .

[Samai139]

I don't go to bars, gay or otherwise, so I have never had to reply to the question. You related that you go to gay bars to feel more comfortable, as a gay man, than you can be with straight friends. After reading your posts, one phrase puzzled me. You said "I get hit up and accused of being married." If you are being "hit up" couldn't you take that as a compliment and just reply "No, I'm not married" and direct the conversation to something which interests you as a gay man? But I don't think you should feel insulted at all---work it!!

[jjkrkwood]

I really dont pay too much attention to comments made by strangers. These people dont know you, so why should you feel insulted ? If anything, THEY might be perceived as being Rude for asking personal questions from the get-go..

[jawjateck]

Well, I don't have the problem of being hit on. I'm thankful to be alive & consider it a bonus that anyone ever speaks to me.

[jjkrkwood]

Well, I don't have the problem of being hit on. I'm thankful to be alive & consider it a bonus that anyone ever speaks to me.

 

Well thats certainly one Very well-adjusted way of looking at things. However, if people wanna be rude or act like douchebags I would prefer NOT being talked to. :o

[maxwellissmart]

When I go out to gay bars I am asked frequently if I have a wife and kids. I don’t why the question bothers me so, do others have this happen to them?

 

Considering the number of guys on dating sites who use the marketing term "straight-acting," I think it's probably a compliment.

[Guest countryboywny]

I would not mind being asked if I were married. The question i get asked most often is: Aren't you a friend of my grandfather?

 

LOL You and I are in the same boat, PK!

[jjkrkwood]

LOL You and I are in the same boat, PK!

 

Country and PK, you guys just NEED to go to "darker" bars.