If You Didn't Hire, Would You Be Extremely Depressed?

[bcohen7719]

This thought came to mind after reading the article below.

 

To summarize for those who don't want to read the whole article: a therapist who authored somewhat preachy/Pollyannish about-to-be-published manuscript about gay men growing old happily (you've seen lots of those) committed suicide before publication.

 

Reportedly, he taped a note to his manuscript: "All lies..based on bad information."

 

Sad but true.

 

BC

 

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/01/fashion/the-life-and-death-of-the-therapist-bob-bergeron.html?_r=2&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1333214718-jrC9FI%2F0%2FncrhBqp+q6HHA

[bigvalboy]

Personally speaking, I am not drawing a correlation between your question and the article, which I did read in its entirety. If I were to answer only the question you proposed, I think the answer would be no. To hire for me is a convenience not a necessity. I feel confident enough about myself and who I am as a person to find someone on my own. Of course the question then becomes, "well why don't you then"...that I just don't have an answer for. It is easier I suppose and the fear of rejection is eliminated since I am the one controlling the situation. That, and a long list of other reasons I am sure a therapist would have a field day with keeps me on the hiring treadmill...

[gcursor]

Somebody I once knew told me this bvb which I think applies to your question. You don't go to the store for milk when you already have a cow at home.

 

Personally speaking, I am not drawing a correlation between your question and the article, which I did read in its entirety. If I were to answer only the question you proposed, I think the answer would be no. To hire for me is a convenience not a necessity. I feel confident enough about myself and who I am as a person to find someone on my own. Of course the question then becomes, "well why don't you then"...that I just don't have an answer for. It is easier I suppose and the fear of rejection is eliminated since I am the one controlling the situation. That, and a long list of other reasons I am sure a therapist would have a field day with keeps me on the hiring treadmill...

[+ Charlie]

After years of hiring, I hardly ever do it anymore, and I am not at all depressed about it. I realized several years ago that a lot of my sexual activity was mainly for the purpose of competing with my sexually active best friend, to compare stories, and after his death, I no longer found sex as much fun when I couldn't tell him about it. Now I am relieved that I can spend my money on other things.

[Decatur Guy]

Extremely depressed, no. Sad, yes.

[rguer]

Somebody I once knew told me this bvb which I think applies to your question. You don't go to the store for milk when you already have a cow at home.

 

Milk from a Holstein tastes different than milk from a Jersey.

[down_to_business]

Milk from a Holstein tastes different than milk from a Jersey.

 

But which milk is better?

 

As to the question posed, I actually think I would be happier if I didn't hire.

[jjkrkwood]

For me hiring is a "take it or leave it" type of thing. I view it as a "treat" to myself if I decide to hire. It makes me Happy when I do, but its a non-issue if I dont. Its not a necessity, a need nor an obsession. It IS what it Is...

[TruthBTold]

I hire because the person that I end up having sex with the ideal physical form I always wanted to have sex with. There are other men I have sex with that are not the ideal physical shape but they have other ideal qualities I am looking for. It has nothing to do with lessening any depressive state but with satisfying a need to have this perfect body in my bed and me dominating a very muscular man.

[uwsman2]

I hire because my husband and I have a companionate rather than a sexual relationship at this point in our lives. We are a sero-discordant couple (he's HIV+) and with his medications he seems to have lost any interest in having sex. I still need it from time to time, so I hire, and the hiring in recent years has mainly been repeats with one local escort here in NYC and a handful of visiting escorts from out of town with whom I've developed friendly once a year or so relationships. I think if one of those really ended I would find a replacement. I wouldn't be depressed if I were to stop hiring, but I would miss the occasional sexual contact.

 

This story in the Times is so very sad to read. Whenever I read about a gay man committing suicide - and most of them are, even more sadly, youngsters who haven't even really had a chance to experience adult life - I wish somehow that somebody had reached out and established a friendly, supportive relationship with them. So often, it seems, people become isolated and unhappiness and fear accumulates. Just having a good supportive buddy in whom to confide and from whom to get words of support is so important.

[leigh.bess.toad]

Interesting question, as usual BC.

 

As I answered in your other thread, it is especially apropos for me at this moment because I have decided to end my hiring. PS weekend was the end for me. I have fallen in love with a wonderful man and I want to be in a committed, monogamous relationship with him.

 

Am I depressed about not hiring? Certainly not. It is, in many ways for me, a reason to celebrate. That I am confident enough in our relationship to take this next step. Am I a bit sad about that part of the relationship with my escorts, who are now my friends, is now ending? Maybe a bit. But many of these men will be my friends for many years to come, even if I am no longer a client. Even today, after the end of that part of the relationship, I was either texting or emailing with 5 of my escorts and another 1 or 2 yesterday. Talking about the day, my partner, and the fact that our relationship will continue even beyond the client-escort phase. These men are genuinely happy for me, and support my decision. Most, if not all of them, will meet my partner on our various journeys in the coming months. As will many of my forum client friends (the first one was tonight for dinner). On the way home from dinner, discussing meeting my escort friends, I asked if he wanted me to identify friend by client or escort. He said no. All that matters is that they are my friends.

 

But I was thinking about what I am "giving up". I think my escorts I consider good friends are among the best in the business: Rockin Dave, Tyger, Romann, Ace, Dane Michaels, Nate Bruno, David-sf. To give up the sexual part of our relationship tells me that I am truly in love with a wonderful man. A man who accepts me as I am. And for that, I couldn't be happier.

[+ Shoreboy]

I am one of those rare people that truly enjoy my alone time in my house with my dog and cat.

 

I travel about 27 weeks out of the year and only hire when I travel.

 

I like who I am. I like where I am at in life. I like being home. I love my job. I have a great family and great friends.

 

Hiring for me is taking some fun time for myself and nothing more...it is a simple way for me to have a no string attached, no hassle kind of fun and most of the time satisfying experience.

 

I am never into over-nights since I want to have fun with my escort....see him leave and then order room service totally satisfied and have worked up an appetite

 

I don't fall in love with my escorts nor do I count them in my circle of friends.

 

Sorry....but I think if someone is going to hire to try to ease their despression the root cause of the depression must go far deeper than a sexual encounter whereby a person pays the escort

[jawjateck]

I am one of those rare people that truly enjoy my alone time in my house.......

 

Like Shoreboy, I must have massive doses of "me" time (being alone). I'm a happy single guy. I dated women back in college and through my 20s; gave up on that "species". While sex with guys is awesome, from my perspective, relationships with 'em are an absolute no-no. I love being single. I'm too selfish and set in my ways to accommodate anyone else in my life on a relationship level. So, if/when the money runs out, I will not be distressed to give up this hobby. Many times I have abstained from hiring for extended periods, either lack of interest or just too busy with work, and it has never bothered me.