what makes a good top?

[NYTomcat]

I hear alot about. " oh he is an excellent top" but I often find one persons tastes are very different from another. Obviously for some people (our size queens) its all about length or girth or both. But for non size queens. Like me I think its about alot more. So to you bottoms out there what was it that made your best being topped memories so memorable. And for you tops out there. What is you do that you think drives your bottoms over the brink. I'd love to know and of course dirty visualizations are always a plus.

[+ purplekow]

Getting and staying hard is the most important factor. After that, finding the rhythm and stroke which makes the bottom start to breath slightly faster and then a bit faster and then a bit irregularly and then gasping moans of pleasure and then just when his breathing tells you he is going over the edge, stop and then slowly start over again. I must say, that in Okies fiveway review the hottest part of the review is the way Arpad handled his bottoms. No nonsense, in charge. A very, "i know how to give you pleasure so shut up and enjoy the fact that someone as hot as me is fucking you" attitude that separates out the elite from the wannabes.

[JT Brooklyn]

Positions/Positions/Positions!

[joeyboy107]

Knowing how to use what he has, even if he isn't huge.

Knowing how and where to move to hit all those spots that create those high-pitched moans and screams!

And also VERY important: A demanding, controlling, dominant attitude, mixed with just the perfect balance of love and tenderness.

[Juan Vancouver]

...No nonsense, in charge. A very, "i know how to give you pleasure so shut up and enjoy the fact that someone as hot as me is fucking you" attitude that separates out the elite from the wannabes.

 

It goes to show we all like different things.

 

If someone under any circumstance whether as a top, as a bottom, as a lover, as a hairstylist, as a bus driver, or as anything -really, told me (whether with his words or with his attitude) "I know how to give you _________, so shut up and count your blessings" I would politely (or maybe not so politely) remove myself from the scene immediately.

 

My answer may be totally lame and entirely free of dirty visualizations but what I look for in a partner in any human interaction is to be listened to, to be seen, to be honoured and to have things proposed to me. For me the best lover, the best anything is someone who knows what he likes, knows how he can get it or at least he is curious to learn and communicates clearly about it while paying attention to what I have to bring.

 

While sometimes I do find quite hot when in porn a guy entirely overpowers his bottom I find that in real life, with real people this model simply doesn't work. Ass fucking makes use of very delicate organs in the human body and while some men are much more able to receive stimulation in their asses the vast majority of men need a lot of patience, a lot of care, a lot of lube and a lot of encouragement.

 

I believe that not only it is dangerous to approach an ass with the "I know my way around" attitude but it is also impossible. Asses are like women: while one may have the feeling that one knows them, truth is that they constantly change, their moods change every second and it is impossible and dangerous to try to predict what they will be feeling like. It's precisely this fluidity that makes them exciting and fun and the same can be said about asses.

 

I don't mean that a perfect top has to be constantly asking a series of questions to his bottom, but a really experienced top will be listening to every single cue that his bottom gives, whether verbal or non verbal and will obey his bottom's commands with discipline and care. It is possible that to the untrained eye it could appear as if the top is doing exactly what he wants but truth is that if the scene is working, it is much more of a two way street than that.

 

A really good top in my opinion is one who has a lot of experience, understands well how ass works, remembers what experience has taught him, has a clear idea of what he wants to do to his bottom... but only does exactly what the bottom -with his words, with his body, allows and asks for.

 

I may be a little old fashioned but I believe that ass fucking should always take us to a heightened state of blissful rapture; I don't think it should take us to the proctologist to heal a fissured anus.

 

But... aren't we all different?

 

May we all thoroughly enjoy that which we desire!

[+ Gar1eth]

It goes to show we all like different things.

 

If someone under any circumstance whether as a top, as a bottom, as a lover, as a hairstylist, as a bus driver, or as anything -really, told me (whether with his words or with his attitude) "I know how to give you _________, so shut up and count your blessings" I would politely (or maybe not so politely) remove myself from the scene immediately.

 

My answer may be totally lame and entirely free of dirty visualizations but what I look for in a partner in any human interaction is to be listened to, to be seen, to be honoured and to have things proposed to me. For me the best lover, the best anything is someone who knows what he likes, knows how he can get it or at least he is curious to learn and communicates clearly about it while paying attention to what I have to bring.

 

While sometimes I do find quite hot when in porn a guy entirely overpowers his bottom I find that in real life, with real people this model simply doesn't work. Ass fucking makes use of very delicate organs in the human body and while some men are much more able to receive stimulation in their asses the vast majority of men need a lot of patience, a lot of care, a lot of lube and a lot of encouragement.

 

I believe that not only it is dangerous to approach an ass with the "I know my way around" attitude but it is also impossible. Asses are like women: while one may have the feeling that one knows them, truth is that they constantly change, their moods change every second and it is impossible and dangerous to try to predict what they will be feeling like. It's precisely this fluidity that makes them exciting and fun and the same can be said about asses.

 

I don't mean that a perfect top has to be constantly asking a series of questions to his bottom, but a really experienced top will be listening to every single cue that his bottom gives, whether verbal or non verbal and will obey his bottom's commands with discipline and care. It is possible that to the untrained eye it could appear as if the top is doing exactly what he wants but truth is that if the scene is working, it is much more of a two way street than that.

 

A really good top in my opinion is one who has a lot of experience, understands well how ass works, remembers what experience has taught him, has a clear idea of what he wants to do to his bottom... but only does exactly what the bottom -with his words, with his body, allows and asks for.

 

I may be a little old fashioned but I believe that ass fucking should always take us to a heightened state of blissful rapture; I don't think it should take us to the proctologist to heal a fissured anus.

 

But... aren't we all different?

 

May we all thoroughly enjoy that which we desire!

 

As a sort of disinterested observer of this thread--

 

A third party asks: "Disinterested!!!--why do you say that?"

 

Well, I'll tell you why.

 

#1. I have no hopes of ever being a great top. For one reason, I'm underendowed. And yes I know size isn't everything--but it's something. Now I'm not greatly underendowed--only a bit. The problem is I tend to slip out too easily. If I were like 3/4 of an inch to an inch longer, I get the feeling things would work much better. Secondly--most likely because of age and being out of shape--I don't have the strongest erection--if the intended bottom can't relax, and I go up against a closed hole--well it hurts and I lose my erection--condoms don't help--but I play safe so there's no help for that. Finally as I admitted in a previous thread, I cum way too soon

 

#2 The other part of my disinterest is that I'm a strict top. However if I were ever to bottom--and it's never going to happen--but if I were (but I'm not) I think I would prefer someone who had Juan's attitude toward the process--although possibly someone with Juan's attitude and maybe a little bit smaller tallywacker and a little less thick than Juan's Juan's joystick although he assured me otherwise very recently--did not really look like a beginner's type of toy.

 

Gman

[Decatur Guy]

Well, besides the ability to get and maintain an erection ...

 

Size doesn't matter to me unless you're HUGE. Then you're too big and that's a no go.

 

I'm versatile, but when I bottom, I like a top that makes the overtures. A patient entry. Verbal is nice. I like a lot of enthusiasm. I like a top that checks in and asks how am I doing.

[inheat75]

I like a top that can tell, without having to ask me, if I'm feeling good or doing okay as he is drilling me.

[Lohengrin1979]

Your mileage may vary

 

For me it's a man who has confidence and strength. Someone who has the ability to play my body like a harp. They don't have to be hugely endowed or incredibly muscled. Stamina is definitely a requirement, at least for me. I'm fairly demanding as a bottom. I think tops who approach the act of sex realizing that everyone is different and really tuning into the pleasure signals of their bottoms win the prize.

 

My best top ever was a guy that I fooled around with off and on for about three years. He was fairly well endowed, Latino, really gruff persona. He was strong and hard and fabulous but the thing that sent me over the edge every time was him leaning into me as I lay on my back being plundered by him and whispering in his gruff voice how good it felt to be inside me and how he wanted to stay there forever. That, to me, is a good top.

 

Regards,

Lohengrin1979

[uwsman2]

A great top is one who understands at a gut level what his bottom is feeling and wanting. It is about empathy as much as anything else. The size of the endowment is not the most important thing. The brain is the principal sex organ, remember!

[+ Axiom2001]

Knowing how to use what he has, even if he isn't huge.

Knowing how and where to move to hit all those spots that create those high-pitched moans and screams!

And also VERY important: A demanding, controlling, dominant attitude, mixed with just the perfect balance of love and tenderness.

 

Damn! What you wrote sums up what I'd like to see in a guy who's on "the top bunk!" - - -

[dapurplebear]

I think we all wish we had that extra 3/4 of an inch -- :-)

[dane michaels]

Being that the Prostate is located so superficially in the anal cavity, Id have to agree that it really isnt about length or girth so much. What I do feel makes for a pleasurable experience for both the top and the bottom.. Is a bit of chemistry, which at times, is hard to achieve, however, if that isnt there it can prove to be a not so pleasant experience. Intrigue in another person is always erotic, but I think the top has to have a true desire to pleasure and see his mate/partner/client/f*ck friend squirm with satisfaction. Although its nice for all parties involved to get off, I'd much rather see the one whom Im over pleased and get off before I do. (In watching them get off and pleasured i'll always blow)

 

Simply put, get into the moment, want your bottom to enjoy every stroke, position yourself to take care of their needs, and put yours to the back burner. I think then you can achieve an optimal experience.

[+ sf westcoaster]

Being a good top is not about size, endurance or the ability to pound like a jackhammer. For me a good top is one who connects with me, one who has a strong sense of sensitivity, one who knows when to go slowly and when to let out all the stops, one who knows that being a good top is not all about mechanics, one who can intuitively find my pleasure spots, one who can read my reactions and one who knows that being a good top requires that they be able to engage in exciting foreplay and that they take time in preparing for entry. In many ways it still comes down to the connection and chemistry between two people.

[+ Gar1eth]

Is My Disinterest Still Obvious?

 

Being that the Prostate is located so superficially in the anal cavity, Id have to agree that it really isnt about length or girth so much. What I do feel makes for a pleasurable experience for both the top and the bottom.. Is a bit of chemistry, which at times, is hard to achieve, however, if that isnt there it can prove to be a not so pleasant experience. Intrigue in another person is always erotic, but I think the top has to have a true desire to pleasure and see his mate/partner/client/f*ck friend squirm with satisfaction. Although its nice for all parties involved to get off, I'd much rather see the one whom Im over pleased and get off before I do. (In watching them get off and pleasured i'll always blow)

 

Simply put, get into the moment, want your bottom to enjoy every stroke, position yourself to take care of their needs, and put yours to the back burner. I think then you can achieve an optimal experience.

 

Ok I amend my previous post. If I ever bottomed ( and I won't), I want a man like Juan or DANE. But don't either of you get any ideas from this-- I'm still not bottoming.

 

Gman

 

PSand yes I know the prostate isn't located that deep-- but I am so short and stubby- I'm never sure if I'm hitting it- sigh- especially if the guy has a big booty to go thru 1st. In fact that's one reason why I like the bottom being on their back-- it to some extent negates the booty size.

[Michael Wayne]

great thread and NO wrong answers here. It is in the eye of the beholder. In other words a good top for one person may suck for another person. Some of my clients are so into size that they are cumming when I take my jeans off and, honestly, I don't need to be that good. In 5 minutes they cum hard and are done. More common, however, in my business, is the inexperienced married guy who is scared and intimidated by my size. He wants it so bad he can't stand it but we have to go real slow and I have to be tender and caring (which is my nature). that is my secret I guess. i never hurry or rush a client. I instinctively feel and sense how they want it and give it to them. I find that for every one client who wants, "attitude" nine of them want a nice guy. One last thought: what makes a good top (in the escort biz) is a top who can get hard and STAY hard for a client that he may not be attracted to at all. This is the singular reason that MOST male escorts are primarily bottoms. Plain and simple it is easier. They may be tops when dating or hooking up with fellow hotties but when faced with getting and staying hard for a much older or out of shape dude their dicks betray them. A great tops likes the feel of the ass around his cock and likes the ego rush of having a rich, powerful and successful man beneath you who is worshipping you and your big cock. Just my 2 cents. http://www.rentboy.com/mikey9nola1

[+ Gar1eth]

great thread and NO wrong answers here. It is in the eye of the beholder. In other words a good top for one person may suck for another person. Some of my clients are so into size that they are cumming when I take my jeans off and, honestly, I don't need to be that good. In 5 minutes they cum hard and are done. More common, however, in my business, is the inexperienced married guy who is scared and intimidated by my size. He wants it so bad he can't stand it but we have to go real slow and I have to be tender and caring (which is my nature). that is my secret I guess. i never hurry or rush a client. I instinctively feel and sense how they want it and give it to them. I find that for every one client who wants, "attitude" nine of them want a nice guy. One last thought: what makes a good top (in the escort biz) is a top who can get hard and STAY hard for a client that he may not be attracted to at all. This is the singular reason that MOST male escorts are primarily bottoms. Plain and simple it is easier. They may be tops when dating or hooking up with fellow hotties but when faced with getting and staying hard for a much older or out of shape dude their dicks betray them. A great tops likes the feel of the ass around his cock and likes the ego rush of having a rich, powerful and successful man beneath you who is worshipping you and your big cock. Just my 2 cents. http://www.rentboy.com/mikey9nola1

 

 

MIkey--the only dispute I have with this--is if you look at the ads--at least on Rentboy--you'll probably find more guys listed as tops/or tops versatile than bottom. And the majority of guys I hire tell me that they are usually hired to top.

 

Gman

[Steven_Draker]

A good top is more about the technique and how you use it, alternate the cadence, the angle, position etc. than about the size.

[+ Gar1eth]

A good top is more about the technique and how you use it, alternate the cadence, the angle, position etc. than about the size.[/color]

 

Steven-- that is true obviously to some extent. But size does count-- believe me as someone who is slightly below the average of 5.5 inches. And of course my view of normal size is skewed because of meeting escorts. I would say even the majority of bottom escorts that I've met have had tallywackers much above the stated average size.

 

Gman

 

PS Mikey seems to have a caring nature-- if I were going to bottom- (all together now), but I'm not, Mikey would probably be a third person I'd feel comfortable to have doing me.

[+ Gar1eth]

Steven-- that is true obviously to some extent. But size does count-- believe me as someone who is slightly below the average of 5.5 inches. And of course my view of normal size is skewed because of meeting escorts. I would say even the majority of bottom escorts that I've met have had tallywackers much above the stated average size.

 

Gman

 

PS Mikey seems to have a caring nature-- if I were going to bottom- (all together now), but I'm not, Mikey would probably be a third person I'd feel comfortable to have doing me.

 

Ok theoretically Dane can top me too--he seems like a nice caring type of guy.

 

Gman

[NYTomcat]

Ok theoretically Dane can top me too--he seems like a nice caring type of guy.

 

Gman

 

Gman. Your beginning to sound like a pig bottom. Lining them up... you go girl!!

[+ Gar1eth]

Gman. Your beginning to sound like a pig bottom. Lining them up... you go girl!!

 

I'm quite shocked as well NY. I didn't realize I would feel so safe (hypothetically) with this many tops. However the key word. to focus on here is HYPOTHETICALLY. After all I've only been topping for 9 years--and I definitely have a lot to still to learn not really being very adept at sex. Maybe I'll learn to bottom in my next life.

 

Gman

[+ honcho]

the hottest part of the review is the way Arpad handled his bottoms. No nonsense, in charge. A very, "i know how to give you pleasure so shut up and enjoy the fact that someone as hot as me is fucking you" attitude that separates out the elite from the wannabes.

 

Of course, it's only because he actually does know how to impart a ton of pleasure to his bottoms that makes it hot;

if it were merely attitude without the ability to deliver on it, that would be a detriment for me....

[Racketjock]

As a top myself, I don't know that I can boast of being great. I can however, say that those guys I see in porn that are tops and working for me are those that aren't just slamming it in and out of their bottoms and treating it as just a hole, but are going after it, intensely, with all of themselves; often lost in the moment looking into each other's eyes, touching, stroking, kissing, nibbling, giving as much pleasure as receiving. Being focused and having just as much on the journey together as the climactic destination. That is great and hot to me.

[Michael Wayne]

Gar1eth. Thanks for the kind words! As far as what you wrote yes, it is true that the DEMAND is for tops but the question is : Can the rentboy deliver the goods and keep delivering??? Alot of clients relate their experiences to me (without naming names) and say the answer is no, so they don't repeat with the guy and keep on searching. Alot of escorts who claim to be tops turn into hot bottoms to seal the deal and get paid. Those are the cold, hard and unpublished facts of the biz coming from someone who has been at it a very long time. There are GREAT TOP ESCORTS in America but they are the minority. To Steven: I agree with you about technique. I also would add that whether u r a top or bottom good oral skills, both ways, are what makes a great escort- period. That is a fact. The vast majority of REAL WORLD clients are closeted and married and we all know that WOMEN can't suck dick worth s _ _ _! Only 25% of my clients are OUT gay men. Anyway, back to size, BEING BIG gets me in the door but it does not get me back. Technique does and being nice, slow and gentle does. No escort can make a living without repeats and regulars. These qualities are what make a good top or bottom.