A Question of Respect

[12is12]

Hi Guys,

 

I've had this impression for quite some time, but Juan's comment on another thread was "the last straw":

Since most (if not all) escorts continuously emphasize the importance of being treated with respect by the client, the impression is that apparently this all too often doesn't happen.

Is that so?

I'm surprised because even if someone is by nature "a dick" (to quote Juan), wouldn't he egoistically understand that respect would get him better performance from the escort (sexual and otherwise)? What's the point of paying someone $250-1500 and then filling him with resent?

And BTW, what do escorts do when they encounter disrespect? Do you put the client in his place? Break off the session? Bite your tongue and silently swear never to meet the guy again?

 

Thanks

[josephga]

I think it's part of doing business good and bad regardless of the field you work in. After leaving the military I worked a couple of years in retail. there were customers you remembered and look forward too see again. then theres these over the top loud mouth bitches that want to return everything they buy and whine the whole time. Then I went into massage and basically the same thing. Clients you look forward to see weekly monthly or when ever. then you have these guys that whine and complain because you want do more than agreed on. And choose not to treat you like a human being but more as a product they purchased and think they can do as they please. I'm sure escorting is not much different. I'm sure they have clients they adore as well as a few dicks that have the your a product i purchased im superior to you attitude types.

[instudiocity]

In my business (non-escort), if I encounter someone who is disrespectful towards me or my company, I respond,

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were considering doing business with me and my company. I was totally mistaken. Just let me pack my things and get out of your way. I'm sure you already have another vendor lined up with similar merchandise. I don't understand why you would want to give someone whom you do not respect your hard earned money for a product you suspect will not meet your needs."

 

I do this most frequently when someone is grinding me on price - I may give them a small break once - I always leave myself room to do that, but if they continue pursuing more concessions from me to do business with me - I'm outta there.

 

Would you care to guess how many times the customer has followed me to my car apologizing and accepting my offer? About 70% of the time. The other 30% - even if I had sold them, they'd have never been happy with the product. They'd have trashed my business. They'd have required extraordinary customer service and ultimately cost my company money.

 

Hi Guys,

 

I've had this impression for quite some time, but Juan's comment on another thread was "the last straw":

Since most (if not all) escorts continuously emphasize the importance of being treated with respect by the client, the impression is that apparently this all too often doesn't happen.

Is that so?

I'm surprised because even if someone is by nature "a dick" (to quote Juan), wouldn't he egoistically understand that respect would get him better performance from the escort (sexual and otherwise)? What's the point of paying someone $250-1500 and then filling him with resent?

And BTW, what do escorts do when they encounter disrespect? Do you put the client in his place? Break off the session? Bite your tongue and silently swear never to meet the guy again?

 

Thanks

[cany10011]

I'd find it hard to believe anyone who hires an escort would treat him with nothing more than utmost respect. After all, the escort has the ball in his court and your pleasure rests in the balance of whether the escort feels comfortable and safe. Plus, given the crowded market of potential clients, the escort will likely choose to be somewhere with someone who respects him, is clean, follows through with appointments, and pays him his asking rate.

[Steven_Draker]

There are some bad eggs on each side of the equation. If a client is treating be badly in person (which happens very rarely) I play the nice card and the card of respect.

 

Never respond to someone who is treating you badly with disrespect. Play the opposite card, be nice to him and watch what happens.

[Diverdan]

Thanks, Instudiocity... I have always taken the same in my business (non-escort). I guess I have been lucky in my hires, as I have only had one encounter where the companion was totally disrespectful, did not deliver what was advertized and I couldn't wait to get out of his place. It was such a bad experience that I never did write a review, although I should have because he continues to advertize. I haven't seen any reviews on him for a long time, which suggests he may have pulled similar behavior on others.

[Lookin]

That's a very enlightened approach, Steven. I believe it's likely to work better than half the time. Plus, the way you behave is really the only thing you have under your control.

 

Of course, if the guy's a total dickwad, sterner measures may be called for on your way out. http://www.maleescortreview.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

 

 

http://terribleanalogies.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/keyed-car.jpg

[Juan Vancouver]

First of all let me clarify that when I wrote that I was using that example for the sake of the argument. The argument being that openness and being yourself is for an escort so much more valuable than all the luxuries in the world. There may be exceptions; I am sure that there may be some escorts who would prefer diamonds to connection, but I hope that's not the rule.

 

That being said, in the many years that I have been escorting I have only encountered what at the time I read as disrespectful treatment only from two clients. When that happened I sat with both and clearly talked about what I was experiencing. It is important to stress that I don't believe that there is anything that is disrespectful per se and that everything is relative, and that is why I had to sit and listen where they were coming from. In one case that talk was a great opportunity for growth for both of us, we understood each other better and our relationship became so much easier because of that.

 

On the other instance my client simply announced that in his culture such treatment was okay and that if I didn't like it then so be it. I kindly told him that we were not suited for doing business with each other, refunded his fee in full and left. He has tried to book me again many times, but I am not interested in being in such situation again.

 

I have to say that the reason for which I have encountered this only twice in my career is because I do a very careful screening before I meet with someone. At the minor red flag whether in written form or on the phone I simply decline the meeting politely. Sometimes people insist and then I explain the reason. Most clients when faced with an explanation like that hang up which only confirms my instincts. After that their email and phone are saved with a code that lets me know that this happened if they ever call or write again.

 

As for why, I can only guess but I think I have a pretty good idea. There is so much shame and guilt surrounding sex and there is such a big stigma in some men's mind around the concept of "paying for sex" that their shame permeates everything around them and defines the way the treat their escorts. I don't assume that they are evil or mean, I just think they have many unresolved issues and they sometimes feel resentful of this guy that they perceive to be young, hot, sexy and in control and the only way they have to "regain their power" is by treating them badly and showing them who's the boss. I have come to think this theory is correct when I escort in different countries. The more uptight the culture that I escort is and the more fucked up about sexuality the more likely it is that clients will have a proclivity for being "rude."

 

Why would you ever treat anyone in any other way than being respectful, appreciative and kind? Anyone. Life is so much better whenever we take the time to remember that the other person wants the same thing we want, feels the same way we feel, dreams with very similar things that we dream with? We all want to feel alive, happy, validated, loved, seen, respected, and when we remember that and try to treat others in a way that will elicit such feelings we simply feel better.

 

It's so easy, really!

[justaguy]

IMO, the root cause is the mix of ego and power. 'Little people with a little power' is the phrase I came up with a long time ago to describe folks who simply need to make sure everyone around them knows how powerful they are. It manifests as rudeness, disrespect, and bullying. The funny thing is the people I've encountered with real power have all been sweet hearts who aren't concerned with overt displays. Everything Juan said about America's attitute towards hiring plays into that.

[leigh.bess.toad]

I'd find it hard to believe anyone who hires an escort would treat him with nothing more than utmost respect. After all, the escort has the ball in his court and your pleasure rests in the balance of whether the escort feels comfortable and safe. Plus, given the crowded market of potential clients, the escort will likely choose to be somewhere with someone who respects him, is clean, follows through with appointments, and pays him his asking rate.

 

Unfortunately cany, I can completely believe that there are some who would not show an escort the utmost respect. Yes the escort has the ball in his court and your pleasure rests in balance. But aren't you placing your life in the hands of your doctor and yet people are rude and unrespectful to their doctor everyday. How about your attorney. Your accountant. Your plumber. I think you can see where I'm going. Some people are just naturally mean and nasty by nature. Admittedly it is a very, very small percentage of the public, but there are just some dickwads who just don't get that the world does not revolve around them. Fortunately, they are such a small minority that most don't have to deal with them in their daily lives. But I can't being that miserable to have to treat people like that.

[adriano46]

I (would hope that I) show the utmost respect to each and every escort I have ever met and hired. (The phrase in the brackets is because it really is a two-way street, and he may not feel the same way).

 

First, in setting up a rendevous with an escort, I usually echange some lengthy e-mails with him, describing who I am, my likes and dislikes, expectations and limits. Sometimes I feel I may give a little too much information, but so far, I have not receive complaints there. My reasoning is that, the more he knows, the better he can adjust to the encounter.

 

I never ask for anything out of the ordinary (my tastes are, embarrassingly, very vanilla, though I have occasional kinky ideas, I never ever act on them). I usually plan for a minimum of 2 hours, and will inquire on things such as, what they would like for refreshment (drinks, alcoholic, non-alcoholic etc...) and make a point of having a sort of bar set-up rather than telling him "Help yourself from the fridge". I always make sure the bathroom is spotless, and has a more than suficient supply of towels and toiletries.

 

I like to begin the session with some small chat, and sometimes do not matter if that runs over... I have to admit, I prefer the escort, once in the room, take charge but not in any aggressive way, just surely and slowly (speeding up once the clothes come off, of course).

 

I never ever ask any escort to go beyond his own limits, and would be embarrassed to begin haggling once the lights go down. I have had experiences where the guy was a complete utter dud, but I went through with the date as it is also a contract. I'll pay him, smile as he leaves, but then never ever invite him back (on if he is really bad, I will post a review here, but generally chalk it up to simply bad chemistry).

 

Bottom line for me: the escort is doing ME a big favor and deserves all my respect.

 

On PS - if my hotel is the type that makes access to the room problematic, I always agree to meet him downstairs or even outside, and make his entry more natural, easy, as if he is a colleague or client of mine I am meeting; when we are done, no "walk of shame" -- I walk him out to the street myself.

[KMEM]

Several years ago I had a customer (he wasn't good enough to be called a client) whose "life theory" was he had enough money but not enough time to do anything other than "exactly" what he wanted to do. He never returned phone calls unless he specifically wanted something. He didn't even tell his personal secretary where he was or check in with her on a regular basis. He was completely egocentric and had zero regard for others so far as I could tell. I met no one who liked this guy but some did associate with him to see if they could get some of his money.

 

Funny thing though. He got sick, got older and eventually died just like every one else. I didn't attend his funeral so I don't know if anyone else did either. This is an example of what I call a wasted life. Too bad.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[adriano46]

KMEM, AMEN to that. I too know such people in the business world, and remarkably the only ones at the funerals are those hoping to still get something. What a waste.

 

I am the opposite -- my secretaries always know where I am, and we have a standard rule, they can call me anytime, anywhere. If IU do not pick up the phone immediately (either I am driving or in a meeting), they know I will get back to them A.S.A.P. I never miss a birthday or other family occasion in their life; am criticized by others because I never question if they are late, or call in"sick" - they do their work, do it well (90% of the time) and as far as I am concerned, that is fine.

 

Hopefully I carry this over to escorts too. My only caveat -- I become cold when an escort (after the meeting) becomes aggressive in contacts. A note or gesture here and there is fine... but after that, if I do not respond, it is a way saying, "our contract is over" (for now). Most escorts get this (and are super thoughtful with the thank-you notes, and an occasional shout out if they are in the neighborhood).

[leigh.bess.toad]

Several years ago I had a customer (he wasn't good enough to be called a client) whose "life theory" was he had enough money but not enough time to do anything other than "exactly" what he wanted to do. He never returned phone calls unless he specifically wanted something. He didn't even tell his personal secretary where he was or check in with her on a regular basis. He was completely egocentric and had zero regard for others so far as I could tell. I met no one who liked this guy but some did associate with him to see if they could get some of his money.

 

Funny thing though. He got sick, got older and eventually died just like every one else. I didn't attend his funeral so I don't know if anyone else did either. This is an example of what I call a wasted life. Too bad.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

 

KMEM -- that may about the saddest, most depressing story I've heard in a long time. Did his money and attitude get him what he wanted? Did it make him happy? Why did Ebeneezer Scrooge and Bob Cratchit pop into my head and which was truly happy? There is nothing in the world that makes me happier than to make my friends and family happy and see pleasure and joy on their faces. Kindness, decency, respect -- they are all so inexpensive to give but so invaluable and priceless and makes life worth living.

[ChiTown]

The Golden Rule

 

I don't mean to sound hokey but why does The Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" come to mind. While my experience is somewhat limited, newbie here, I have never been treated with anything other than utmost respect from an escort I've met.

 

Respect is indeed a two way street. I hope that any escort with whom I choose to meet will be able to feel the respect that I have for them by my little gestures of affection. Whether it be a meal, a ride somewhere, a gift . . . this is my small attempt to say I like you and respect you as a person.

 

Life is way too short not to treat people with the respect that they deserve.

[Steven_Draker]

Balance of Power

 

Some very interesting points were made above. I'll try to stick though with the original topic.

 

The Golden Rule sounds like a great idea, ChiTown, but I think some rare 'customers' have got the wrong idea that if they're paying the escort they can be degrading to him and treat him like an object. That's a recipe for disaster ...

[jackcali]

An interesting thread, with some very perceptive comments. I think, though, that guys who are jerks generally are probably disrespectful of escorts, just as they are of other service providers, co-workers, acquaintances, etc. Guys who are generally respectful of the people around them are probably respectful of escorts, too. The real question is what is the fundamental character of the client, not what is his attitude to escorts or escorting.

[nate_sf]

what do escorts do when they encounter disrespect? Do you put the client in his place? Break off the session? Bite your tongue and silently swear never to meet the guy again?

 

Like Juan I'm lucky I've only encountered rude or disrepectful clients a few times. If the red flags go up beforehand, I avoid meeting in the first place.

 

When I think of the rude and disrespectful people I've met, whether through business or socially, it seems to me that many don't have a clue how rude and disrepectful they are. They can be so self-centered or self-absorbed that it would not occur to them to consider what their behavior would be like on the receiving end. It's like a personality disorder or something. Even when you call them on it, they may "get it" for a short while and make some changes, but then seem to fall back into their patterns.

 

Where I've encountered this in escorting, however, I'll admit I'm not as direct as I could be. I fall mostly into the camp of "bite your tongue and silently swear never to meet the guy again," but then I'm not very good at explaining why I don't want to schedule again in the future and instead make excuses about travel, availability, etc. From the responses from others here it sounds like there is value to letting someone know they were offensive. For some (that 30% that instudiocity describes) it might not make any difference and would be just as well to cut them off, but for others it could be productive. Gotta work on that!

[KMEM]

You are my kind of guy Adriano46. Thanks for being you. Lee, I did not mean for this to be uber depressing, only an example of a "guy on a high horse" who wasted his life, according to me. I have no idea if he was ultimately or even periodically happy. I had as little contact as possible with him because his attitude and actions made me unhappy. I did acccept a couple of contracts for him made through a third party and I performed as advertised and he paid. That part was satisfactory. The rest was not. Money certainly isn't everything and his became "no good" as far as I was concerned after a couple of experiences with him.

 

I would have liked to have met his mama and see if she put up with his bs or reared him to be a first class jerk?

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[+ deej]

The rest was not. Money certainly isn't everything and his became "no good" as far as I was concerned after a couple of experiences with him.

 

Been there. Several years ago, during our first meeting, a new client asked how many times our company had been sued and seemed genuinely distressed when the answer was none. He interrupted that meeting three times to *make* phone calls where he demonstrated an abusive manner to whoever he was calling.

 

It was our only meeting. I declined his business.

 

At a conference later that year, I chatted with our two major competitors and both said they wished they'd done the same. They quit him after struggling with him for a few weeks. When I mentioned reading that he'd passed away, one of them asked "was it murder?"

 

Some people are genuinely hard to deal with.

[Keenan]

I agree with you. I have found many times where customers feel just because they are paying they can treat me like an object to fulfill their desires. I guess its a part of the job.

 

Keenan

 

Some very interesting points were made above. I'll try to stick though with the original topic.

 

The Golden Rule sounds like a great idea, ChiTown, but I think some rare 'customers' have got the wrong idea that if they're paying the escort they can be degrading to him and treat him like an object. That's a recipe for disaster ...[/color]

[instudiocity]

It is an interesting conundrum that people with VOTE YES with their dollars, while VOTING NO with their behavior. How can you possibly shat upon the very person you've given your hard earned dollars too? Unless you're into SCAT!!

 

When I choose to honor someone with a relationship with me whether it includes money or not, I want to be honored, too.

[corndog]

I think that I treat people respectfully by default. However, it is quite possible to lose that respect. Unfortunately, when hiring escorts, sometimes you think that you're hiring an "escort" but then realize that you've hired a "hustler." For better or worse, I have a very different level of respect for escorts and hustlers, and I'm sure that my attitude is fairly transparent when I realize I'm dealing with a hustler.

 

As another example, from time to time I'll want a massage -- a real massage -- and I'll clearly communicate that to the masseur before setting up a meeting. In this situation, I respect the professionalism of the masseur by keeping my hands to myself unless I'm explicitly invited to "mutual touching." However, far too often, I've found that even though the masseur agreed to a "real massage," they obviously don't have any idea how to do it, and proceed directly to the sexual elements of the massage. In that case, I lose respect for them as a professional masseur, and assume that I'm playing with a sex worker.