Attraction of Barebacking-- Not Sure I See It

[+ Gar1eth]

I have to admit to having grown up either right before the Age of AIDs or right as it was first manifesting (ok to be more exact I am turning 50 next month. I was 18 in 1979). I didn't have sex until a long time after those years had passed. So having intercourse with a condom is natural for me. I won't say I never went 'uncovered' but it's been a very long time ago. And thank Providence I was negative for

any STD's at my September check up from my physician and I continue to be HIV negative on my quarterly testing for that.

 

(I need to interject that these are viewpoints from a top) So I will admit barebacking felt good-- how could it not? But it didn't in all honesty feel that much different than intercourse with a condom from what I remember. Plus I am not really all that fond of my tallywacker being covered in 'fecal material' if my partner didn't clean out as well as he should. So really what's the big deal so much about using a condom? If it helps prevent any disease and all to the better keeps feces off my tallywacker--well I'm all for it.

[josephga]

I was born in 68 making me 43 next month. A condom is all I know. I remember seeing all the news reports on Aids back in the 80's and it scared the crap out of me. Growing up in a small town we heard all kinds of info on how it was transmitted allot false info. Scared me so bad I didn't go out with a guy for the first time until i was 30 years old in 98 and dated and lived with him a year. It really doesn't bother me using a condom every time because I don't know life without one, Plus I dont really care much for anal sex anyway. I haven't done that since 2005 with the last real bf I had. I also a agree with Gar1eth on the hygiene thing. If they cured aids tomorrow id still wear a condom due to the hygiene aspect as well as there's other stds besides aids.

[instudiocity]

I was 14, 40 years ago in 1970 when my buddy introduced me to his butthole. It was WONDERFUL! We fucked like bunnies weekly for all four years of high school. He was VERY PROMISCUOUS with many fuck buddies. Through him, I've probably had sex with 40 different high school and college friends.

 

We didn't know anything about GRIDS or AIDS until the late 70's, so all our sex was bareback. I'm amazed that I never got any STDs from my behavior. My FB died at age 27 from 'cancer' which in polite southern society was a euphemism for the bug.

 

I enjoyed bareback sex more than protected sex, I just can't deal with the cost. To this day, I refuse to engage in unprotected sex and when an escort suggests it, is reviewed as having done it, lists any response other than ALWAYS SAFE, he's off my bucket list.

[Michael Wayne]

SAFE is the ONLY way to go, congrats guys! I will tell this forum though that among 20-somethings there is an EPIDEMIC of barebacking now. This is an extremely disturbing trend and I have actually had some clients get mad at me for not participating in their reckless behavior. They say, "Everyone is doing it." So I tell them that I am 37 and that I actually saw the aids crisis first hand. Never forget when my first lover's mom was dying of Leukemia at St. Vincents in NYC. In those days the cancer patients were right next to the aids patients and I saw them so close, so real, so hopeless. I can never get those images out of my mind.

[josephga]

Another good reason to push safety IMO is that it shows respect for those who Didn't make it, those who didn't have the info in the late 70's and early 80 that we have now.

Putting that condom on each and every time says hey I get it. You and others didn't die for nothing, you and those lost matter. IMO having bareback sex with everything we know now makes a person look uneducated an ignorant.

[rickp]

I find it kind of shocking how many guys have asked me to bareback and then seemed offended when I didn't want to. I have only ever had sex with condoms, and I hope this trend of barebacking fades away quickly.

[leigh.bess.toad]

SAFE is the ONLY way to go, congrats guys! I will tell this forum though that among 20-somethings there is an EPIDEMIC of barebacking now. This is an extremely disturbing trend and I have actually had some clients get mad at me for not participating in their reckless behavior. They say, "Everyone is doing it." So I tell them that I am 37 and that I actually saw the aids crisis first hand. Never forget when my first lover's mom was dying of Leukemia at St. Vincents in NYC. In those days the cancer patients were right next to the aids patients and I saw them so close, so real, so hopeless. I can never get those images out of my mind.

 

I hate to agree with Mikey (well I always love to agree with him) but just today I ran into it. Yea, even at my advanced age. Somehow, God don't ask me how, someone has managed to move me into the DILF category (never thought I'd be there). But when my "son" said he wanted to bareback, "Dad" had to teach "son" a lesson. Absolutely not, no way, under no circumstances. I've had friends die. I'm just a year older year older than ISC and how I'm not dead I'll never know. But as I told sonny boy today, AIDS may a chronic disease like diabetes, but I don't want diabetes either. It's expensive, an enormous pain, and it will shorten your life span. I may be wrong, but if you ask anyone with diabetes if they could have prevented their disease with some as simple as putting on a condom, the affirmative answers would be about 100%. "But I have the blood test showing I'm negative". But the guy you BB'd last month may not have been. My life is too valuable to shorten when it can so easily be prevented. And mind you, it's my life that's the most at risk as a bottom.

 

And if you can't respect me enough to think my life is worthwhile, I don't want a damn thing to do with you.

 

As I say: "No tent, no camping"

[Guest Wetnwildbear]

I never Thought of it that way ...

 

Another good reason to push safety IMO is that it shows respect for those who Didn't make it, those who didn't have the info in the late 70's and early 80 that we have now.

Putting that condom on each and every time says hey I get it. You and others didn't die for nothing, you and those lost matter. IMO having bareback sex with everything we know now makes a person look uneducated an ignorant.

 

Having lost more friends than I care to discuss here - I thank you Joseph - for putting Safe-Sex into a perspective

 

that I had not considered - That, each time I put on a condom, or put a condom on a partner, I am paying tribute

 

to all of those I loved and knew who have died, for lack of the simple knowledge, that but for a Condom, they would

 

be here today. Still loved, still loving, still alive.

 

No matter how Wild I play - I ALWAYS Play Safe - But your concise compassionate observation really connected.

 

Thank You -

[Steven_Draker]

And what about love?

 

Before others jump on the bandwagon, let me say that 'barebacking' can be hot and sexy in one and only one situation, precisely when one is a long term monogamous relationship and after both partners have tested negative. In any other scenario barebacking would be irresponsible and self-destructive.

[instudiocity]

I find it kind of shocking how many guys have asked me to bareback and then seemed offended when I didn't want to. I have only ever had sex with condoms, and I hope this trend of barebacking fades away quickly.

I corresponded with an escort here in LA who told me he was open to BBing. I asked wasn't he afraid of getting an STD. He told me he was already HIV+. He was like 23, 24 maybe. I was completely aghast.

[Guest greatness]

The problem is that a lot of people don't know they are HIV+ and scared to get tested. Get tested and inform your sex partners so they can get tested too. That is the responsible thing to do. Kisses and hugs~~~

[+ deej]

Before others jump on the bandwagon, let me say that 'barebacking' can be hot and sexy in one and only one situation, precisely when one is a long term monogamous relationship and after both partners have tested negative. In any other scenario barebacking would be irresponsible and self-destructive.

 

Um, er, yeah, romance, and all that.

 

This is the most difficult thing about a modern relationship, I think. Forget bigotry and prejudice, forget commitment issues. Nothing says "I love you" like unprotected sex. But how many relationships have YOU seen break up because one or the other is sleeping around?

 

It'll never be an easy issue to deal with.

[Mocha]

lists any response other than ALWAYS SAFE, he's off my bucket list.

 

well its hard to decipher that exactly. "Sometimes safe" could simply mean that he's okay giving oral sex without a condom, but not anal sex. I've known escorts and clients alike who prefer having a condom on for oral. I dated this one guy and it annoyed me that he would give me head with a condom on. Some think its safer to get their dick sucked bare, but either won't suck a dick or will do so only with a condom on. One isn't safer than the other unless the reciever absolutely does not precum.

 

Before others jump on the bandwagon, let me say that 'barebacking' can be hot and sexy in one and only one situation, precisely when one is a long term monogamous relationship and after both partners have tested negative. In any other scenario barebacking would be irresponsible and self-destructive.[/color]

 

The majority...if not ALL of the people I've known who contracted an STD were from guys who contracted it from their boyfriends. In some cases they were BOTH negative prior to the relationship...I'm at the point now where I would not take any chances. I get just as much fun with the condom on, why risk taking it off?

 

I used to bareback with former boyfriends...but ask me to do it today, I just couldn't. Some people think a real trusting relationship can develop within a month...and its just not the case. Why should I bareback with someone when 3 month later we may break up? At the average lifespan of 'relationships' in your 20s, thats 4 boyfriends per year...a total of 8 in 2 years, and 12 in 3 years. And you're barebacking after knowing each other for a month. Thats a bit too risky...

[MscleLovr]

I don't get it either. I became sexually active before the advent of AIDS but I've used a condom since as I find it more convenient aka less messy (as well as safer).

 

I too, like other posters, have been offered the chance to top young guys without condom (including once a beautiful 24 year old escort in LA). it seems as if for some young guys it's the last 'taboo' and thrilling for them to break.

[instudiocity]

well its hard to decipher that exactly. "Sometimes safe" could simply mean that he's okay giving oral sex without a condom, but not anal sex.

 

ALWAYS SAFE means ALWAYS and, still I only desire SAFE SEX. (wrap that nasty thing up, I don't know WHERE it's been!)

 

I have a friend who has been in a committed relationship with the same man for 15 years. They own (no mortgage) their $750k home together and get tested every 3 months. Yet they still buy condoms by the gross.

[NYTomcat]

Oh God this old saw again. Look im all for condom use but im sorry. I do believe if you feel you and your partner are in a commited relationship. Yes some men cheat. But don't try lecturing everyone they have to use condoms every time for every sexual contact. This is as irresponsible as trying to teach teenager you must abstain until marriage. Get over it. Maybe not everyone. But alot of people want to have the intimate non covered experience with the man the are committed to and who is committed to them. And yea its a risk. He could have screwed around. Well take it from the Guy in the neckbrace. Driving is a crap shoot. But im not giving up my car. Living is risky. Loving riskier still. But are we really so jaded to say you cannot ever trust the person you love.

 

Im sorry I wont be that jaded. Maybe im the babe in the woods but if so. Ill die earlier having known the joy of loving and trusting someone that much.

 

Now don't get all over your high horses im not advocating unsafe sex. Im advocating responsible sex and still enjoying life. Sorry im not moving into the bubble with Mr Howard Hughes. Hell look what good it did him

[justaguy]

TC--Yes, living is risky, but not all risk is the same. Some, like driving, is a necessary part of a productive life. Some, like not using a condom, is easily avoided. The two can't be equated. Question--in a previous thread, you described the commited relationship as nonmonogamous. Is that still the case?

[gp0560]

So I will admit barebacking felt good-- how could it not? But it didn't in all honesty feel that much different than intercourse with a condom from what I remember.

 

That's the question I thought this thread was about. Not health, honesty, fidelity, true love, and all the honorable things. I expected a discussion about physical sensations. I was hoping for those details since I've never barebacked and never will.

 

Are the physical sensations with a condom dampened down, as they are in intercourse with a woman? I suspect that's the answer, but there may be more to it than that. Could someone please address the sensations side of this issue?

[jimboivyo]

bare backing when it was safer (70s) was fun, but today is a whole different story. When AIDS happened, the world changed. Sure, it was fun while it lasted, but that's not the case anymore. It's not that tough to slip on a rubber to ensure you're around for years to come.

[leigh.bess.toad]

That's the question I thought this thread was about. Not health, honesty, fidelity, true love, and all the honorable things. I expected a discussion about physical sensations. I was hoping for those details since I've never barebacked and never will.

 

Are the physical sensations with a condom dampened down, as they are in intercourse with a woman? I suspect that's the answer, but there may be more to it than that. Could someone please address the sensations side of this issue?

 

Jerry -- I would really, and I mean REALLY love the ihput on this question from some of the tops here because it has become a big poinit for me right now. I had a 27 year old today tell me that he would be willing to top me with a condom as long as I supplied the viagra because he couldn't maintain an erection while wearing a condom without it. At 27. Really? That seems far more psychological than a physical reaction to any possible dampening of the sensations. So tops, tell me -- do you need to take performance enhancing drugs? What brand(s) of condoms do you use that reduce any negative effects. Is this kid's reaction purely psychological. I know that I am not going to risk my life because he has trouble. And I pretty sure that legally if I provide the viagra (which due to my excessively advanced years I could get without batting an eyelash -- whcih fortunately I still have somehow) and he has an adverse reaction for any reason whatsoever and, god forbid, died, I would need to start color coordinating with orange jumpsuits. Please, tops, help me out here.

[josephga]

Jerry -- I would really, and I mean REALLY love the ihput on this question from some of the tops here because it has become a big poinit for me right now. I had a 27 year old today tell me that he would be willing to top me with a condom as long as I supplied the viagra because he couldn't maintain an erection while wearing a condom without it. At 27. Really? That seems far more psychological than a physical reaction to any possible dampening of the sensations. So tops, tell me -- do you need to take performance enhancing drugs? What brand(s) of condoms do you use that reduce any negative effects. Is this kid's reaction purely psychological. I know that I am not going to risk my life because he has trouble. And I pretty sure that legally if I provide the viagra (which due to my excessively advanced years I could get without batting an eyelash -- whcih fortunately I still have somehow) and he has an adverse reaction for any reason whatsoever and, god forbid, died, I would need to start color coordinating with orange jumpsuits. Please, tops, help me out here.

 

My first bf couldn't get an erection with a condom either. my response to that was I hope you like being a bottom cause thats how its going too be. and thats how it was. lol

[Michael Wayne]

never once have I used a viagra or any other boner pills but I would if my performance level slipped. Many of my clients swear by them. I have the opposite problem though. I need something to make the damn thing go down! It is so frustrating as an escort cause you can NEVER jack off. You always have to wait for a session. As far as condoms are concerned I use magnum xls because the slightly looser fit really helps me. i love a tight ass but a really tight condom is like a turnequit on my dick

[NYTomcat]

That's the question I thought this thread was about. Not health, honesty, fidelity, true love, and all the honorable things. I expected a discussion about physical sensations. I was hoping for those details since I've never barebacked and never will.

 

Are the physical sensations with a condom dampened down, as they are in intercourse with a woman? I suspect that's the answer, but there may be more to it than that. Could someone please address the sensations side of this issue?

 

Yes the sensation to me is slightly less but only marginally so. But that's me others may feel differently. The truth for me is its not different enough to take any risk for the physical. But like Lee intimated. So much of sex is psychological. The feeling of intimacy is what can heighten the experience for some exponentially but again only when the mental relationship is the driving force to me. So yeah there will come a time... I hope with the right person that the benefit of that bonding experience heightens the risks.

 

But like most things sexual. The physical is tied to the mental is tied to the emotional and maybe for believers even the spiritual.

 

But remember im a romantic.

[Guest FTLdude]

The problem is that a lot of people don't know they are HIV+ and scared to get tested. Get tested and inform your sex partners so they can get tested too. That is the responsible thing to do. Kisses and hugs~~~

 

THIS^^^

 

 

I believe that many people who freely bareback these days either know for sure that they are already HIV+, or strongly suspect that they might be but are too chickenshit to do the test because not knowing absolves them of responsibility. Either way, they're not too concerned about it because many no longer view HIV/AIDS as a disease of serious short-term consequences. They think they're having fun now, but they will regret it---eventually.

 

HIV is a 'smart' virus, and its just a matter of time before it mutates into a newer and deadlier version of its current self. Unfortunately, only when people start dropping like dead flies again will we see a big change in this revived attitude towards barebacking. And by the time they seriously realize that bareback isa really bad idea, for many it will already be too late. Many of the youngsters who are all gung ho about barebacking now weren't around to see the true face of AIDS when it was wiping people out back in the 80s, and that has a lot to do with why they don't take it so seriously.

 

The HIV drugs may only delay the inevitable. Sooner or later they will either not work all that well anymore or they will begin to wreck the body. Some people take them for many years and don't have any problems, but not everyone is so lucky. People are STILL dying from complications related to AIDS, its just that the media isn't badgering the public with those images the way they were 25 to 30 years ago. It also doesn't help that the porn industry has begun to glamorize barebacking again. Deja vu?

[NYTomcat]

Bravo ftldude. I think you are absolutely correct