A FELLOW ESCORT ASKED ME A QUESTION i CANNOT ANSWER SO I COME FOR ANSWERS!

[Michael Wayne]

This escort is good- really good but new and has no idea this forum exists. He is serious and motivated and nice to his clients. He asked me if I thought it was ok or cool for an escort to place an ad on a hook up site such as Manhunt or Adam4adam etc. Now he did NOT mean an escort ad on a normal hook up site but a hook up ad on a hook up site. I know how I feel and I know the rules that I live by but a whole new generation has arisen and it would not be right at all for me to try to tell him what to do and not to do. Just because something has worked for me it doen not mean it is for everyone. For me, I NEVER would do that. My schedule stays pretty busy with clients and on that rare day off I usually use it to recharge my batteries if you know what I mean. But I am not 24 anymore . I would like to find the general wisdom of this board on this matter. I would like to hear how other escorts handle this and, from a client's perspective, would you be less likely to book an escort if you saw that he was giving it away on a hook up site (or more likely???) thanks in advance for all the HONEST answers! http://www.rentboy.com/mikey9nola and http://www.daddysreviews.com/review/mikey_neworleans

[josephga]

lol you know i'm going to give it to you straight. So here goes IMO what a escort does when not with a paying client is their time their own business. Iv never hired in my life and never will. About 5 years ago I went out with an escort really nice guy from Atlanta. We had a real date dinner went to the movies, then back to his place for the evening. Now is this fair that he would get hundreds for this from paying clients while just giving me just a evening for free? Is this fair to his paying clients? DAMN STRAIGHT its fair it was his own time his own business. Escorts arn't expected to be escorts 24/7

[jawjateck]

I have often seen escort postings on hook up sites, and it doesn't bother me at all. A hot guy trying to have some play time with another hot guy is the American way!

I understand that everyone has sexual preferences, what turns us on or off; however, I have occasionally seen escorts post nasty comments about what they are looking for in a hook-up that clearly shows their contempt for most of us in the hiring population (we're generally not young, fit, super hung, etc). Perhaps, they provide excellent service to their clients, but once I get it in my head that an escort views me with disdain, I remove that escort from my to-do list (if he was ever on it).

[JoeyBryant]

I do...and clients who see me on their know I do. BUT...I don't hookup, I go on dates....with people who are single and available on the weekends. Whats the crime in that?

 

I had a client who messaged me once on gay.com. Then, he seen me on adam and messaged my 'personals' ad. I didn't respond because I remembered him from gay.com. Eventually he BOOKED AN APPOINTMENT thru my escort and he tells me in person, "I messaged your other screename on adam and you didn't respond".

 

I have a life. I don't have a boyfriend. I refuse to let my 20s be monopolized by sexwork. The only exception is when I'm traveling, I tend to be more focused on work, but if I had a good week...best believe I have a date lined up for Saturday night because Saturday night isn't really a big escorting night anyhow.

[Michael Vincenzo]

Mikey9nola, I really like how your thought process works, as evident in your post. I find it to be very respectful of another person's choices. Very sexy!

 

I used to have ads on the popular hook up sites, but if I was on there I was looking for personal fun. I was often recognized from my porn/escort work and solicited. I made it very clear that I was not working, but some people were relentless and didn't respect my choice to have lines that were not blurred between my personal life and my career as an escort. I decided long ago to keep that line very clear as to not cloud things up in my life.

 

On the other hand, I had guys hit me up and, after seeing some of the professional photos that I had in my profile, asked if I was going to charge them. It was always very cute, but some guys even held that against me (hilarious when the judgment comes from someone with a screen name like "tweakerwantshisholepunched"). I cruised personal hook up sites to get laid and not find a date, although if the perfect mix of hot sex and compatibility came along then options were open. Unfortunately, those stars never aligned. Sigh.

 

I changed my screen name and preferences to meet my mood anytime I was on a personal hook up site. I really don't have a "type" that I look for in personal sex, or otherwise, because I have found hot sex in many different packages (and positions). My idea was that hook up sites are similar to sites where escorts advertise with the exception that the money and time agreement is not involved; sort of a menu of what's available on the free market.

 

I find it funny that any client who saw an escort on a hook up site, looking for personal fun, would be turned off or offended. That being said, I have had at least one client tell me that it was a turn off. RED FLAG! RED FLAG! It is really nobody's business what I do in my personal time, whether that be publicly online or not. For me, it's all about a healthy balance. If I did not balance my life by countering the less than moderate intimate encounters I am involved in with my career, my head would be completely screwed up. If a client has a problem with how I conduct my personal relationships, then I am on alert that they are intrusive and, quite possibly, have a notion that I am inferior or have fewer liberties than they do. Not cool! They can move on as far as I am concerned.

 

Great topic! Thanks for bringing it up!

[Mark Gordon]

Escorts are real people too and deserve to be able to connect online and elsewhere with guys they find attractive for sex/dating/relationships. If they do not maintain a robust personal life apart from their jobs, one which includes genuine intimacy, then they are unlikely to be able to emotionally recharge and this will be reflected in the quality of their service. As escorts, we are experienced in how to create an attracive profile and already have lots of hot pics to post, so why not take advantage of these online venues?

 

I have occassionally had clients contact me about my services after recognizing me on cruising sites and I simply refer them back to the contact info in my ads. I have also had potential partners on cruising sites recognize me from my ads and either cast judgement or ask if they would be expected to pay...Next! Most people do not get the distinction between the work and private life of escorts, something which is very clear in my mind. This is why escorts often end up dating each other.

[Michael Vincenzo]

This is why escorts often end up dating each other.

 

Wanna date?

[Decatur Guy]

From the perspective of a client: I don't see any reason to begrudge an escort looking for a sex partner outside of his escorting work. It's none of my business. I do agree with the one poster, though. If that person's ad made it clear he really holds contempt for my physical characteristics, I wouldn't hire the person again.

 

I go into the sex assuming that if I weren't paying, the escort would never be that interested in me. That's the rather inherent core to the whole situation. But I do want to think I offer up enough in personality and looks and considerate behavior and sex appeal that I'm not paying someone to do something they find truly loathsome and disgusting.

 

I've actually had escorts contact me again (for another pay session). I'm assuming they at least somewhat enjoyed their work with me and that's enough for me.

[Mark Gordon]

Wanna date?

 

I'm sure I could fit you in somewhere...

[+ deej]

I'm sure I could fit you in somewhere...

 

Can I watch?

[Juan Vancouver]

If they [escorts] do not maintain a robust personal life apart from their jobs, one which includes genuine intimacy, then they are unlikely to be able to emotionally recharge and this will be reflected in the quality of their service.

 

Bravo Mark! This sentence pretty much sums up exactly what I wanted to write about this subject.

 

In order to share one has to be full. One can only be full by engaging in a fulfilling life in every aspect.

 

I, personally, have a very strict rule of never working more than x hours a week. The rest of the time I have to spend recharging, having fun, exploring my own sexuality, creating strong relationships with the people I love, exploring other interests and nurturing myself. That way, when I come to meet a client I am totally focused, I feel strong, full, excited, curious about him and his needs because my needs have already been generously cared for in my own private time.

 

I have never, ever been approached by clients during my personal time or through the internet. I think they know me well and can understand that my time with them is wholeheartedly shared, while my own private time is important for me.

 

A happy, fulfilled, experienced and relaxed escort will be more likely to provide a satisfying service.

 

 

At least that is what works for me.

[leigh.bess.toad]

I'm sure I could fit you in somewhere...

 

Mark, you can fit me in anywhere you would like. :)

 

Damn, I have got to get to Toronto. and Vancouver

 

Anybody want to join me in a chorus of O Canada?

 

At least I have reason to believe my New Orleans problem will be coming to DC to resolve itself next year.

[leigh.bess.toad]

But a couple of questions. One that arises from something Joey said when he said Saturday nights aren't big escorting nights. I find that kind of surprising actually. For the escorts: is that your experience too and any guesses why? I woud think that would be the biggest day of the week. And if it isn't what would you say is the biggest day of the week.

 

And the other comes from the whole topic. For me as a client, I think it is great, I think it is expected that you guys need to have some way to find someone -- either to date, fall in love with or just to hook up with just like the rest of us. You are just like the rest of us except what you do for a living. You have the same needs, wants, and emotions as the rest of us. And although some of us clients do try to understand that, we know we can't fill the private needs you have that you have to meet yourself on your own terms. So for this client, I say, go for it. But a question in a more lightherted way of looking at it: have you ever met someone on a hookup site, gone to meet with them and then find out that they were a client, unbeknownst to you prior to meeting? How in the hell would you handle that?

 

But guys -- go for it!!!! You, just like the rest of us, live only once. And some of us need, and want to you to be happy because it makes us happy. And the same saying applies, in a slightly twisted fashion: If Escorts ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!!!!

[MiamiLooker]

I have often seen escort postings on hook up sites, and it doesn't bother me at all. A hot guy trying to have some play time with another hot guy is the American way!

I understand that everyone has sexual preferences, what turns us on or off; however, I have occasionally seen escorts post nasty comments about what they are looking for in a hook-up that clearly shows their contempt for most of us in the hiring population (we're generally not young, fit, super hung, etc). Perhaps, they provide excellent service to their clients, but once I get it in my head that an escort views me with disdain, I remove that escort from my to-do list (if he was ever on it).

 

I agree. It makes a difference in how the hookup post is worded:

"No oldies or fatties need apply" is offensive; "Looking for someone under 30, hwp" is not.

[Guest Merlin]

I suspect the escort is a better escort if he does not hook up or date on the side. If he dates or hooks up with hot young guys, he will probably be less horney and less enthusiastic with his clients, many of whom will not be hot and young. But he has the right to make his own decision and I would not allow that to influence my hiring decision, if I knew. Some of my favorite regular escorts have been married straight guys.

[Diverdan]

What anyone wants to do with his/her time is their own business IMHO. However, I don't think that someone who escorts should be surprised if there is some reaction when their photos, etc., are found on "hook up" sites. As a client or potential client, that is just one more piece of information that goes into the decision, but it is neither a plus or a negative... just another piece of information.

[Luv2play]

I have always accepted that escorts need to have private lives and never resented the fact that I was not part of that, even though I shared as much physical intimacy with them as their partners did in the private sphere except on a paid basis. That being said, I have never encouraged any discussion with an escort about their private lives although I am pretty open about my own life with them. I just don't expect any reciprocation in that regard.

 

The comment about Saturday night being a bad night for escorts surprised me a little. When I was working, that was one of the nights I looked forward to spending time with an escort since I didn't have to get up in the morning and go to work the next day. Once I retired, then any night really was open for a date with an escort.

 

The one night of the year when I found it was difficult to get a date with an escort was New Year's Eve. I actually only had one occasion when this worked out and it was with an escort who had been in the business a long time and I had hired a dozen times or so. He agreed to spend the evening with me and was fucking me as the New Year was ushered in. I found that very satisfying and fun, a nice way to greet the next year rather than in a bar or at a party where you were with a crowd of rather inebriated people. It also reminded me of when I was younger and had a boyfriend when we did the same thing on New Year's Eve.

[Damascene]

A lot of escorts use the same picture on hookup sites and escort sites. My memory is good for recognizing a picture I've seen before. So on manhunt, for instance, if I come across a picture of escort, I check it out.

 

The good for me:

It lets me know what the escort likes to do, because generally what an escort likes to do privately, he is very good at it professionally

If the escorts advertises a kink I like, but does not list on his likes on hookup ad. I know not to request that kink, because chances he won't be good at it.

 

The bad for me:

It can destroy the suspension of belief of a session. If I know an escort personally is a big ole bottom, I have a hard time not remembering it during a session. Since I hire guys to top, I find it harder to enjoy the session, especially if he advertises as an uber-top.

 

That said escorts need an active social and sexual life outside of escorting. I have no problem with concept or the practice. I just think it is better for the escort in general to have different pictures on escort and hookup sites. Escorts do need a private life.

[Epigonos]

This is really a non issue for me. I, and I would guess many other clients in my age category, don't frequent hookup sites. If I were young and beautiful, which I'm not, I might frequent them. I agree with the poster who stated that he is well aware of the fact that he is not the "ideal" sex partner for most of the guys he hire -- I'm right there with him. What escorts do in their private life is their business and theirs alone.

[instudiocity]

I go into the sex assuming that if I weren't paying, the escort would never be that interested in me. That's the rather inherent core to the whole situation. But I do want to think I offer up enough in personality and looks and considerate behavior and sex appeal that I'm not paying someone to do something they find truly loathsome and disgusting.

 

I've actually had escorts contact me again (for another pay session). I'm assuming they at least somewhat enjoyed their work with me and that's enough for me.

 

I want to change your attitude, Decatur Guy. I tend to like to get to know the men I hire. When the first hire is good, I go back. I find the sex gets better every time. The men I've hired have told me that there is always something about the client that stirs them, that motivates them during the sexual encounter. Several of these men have said they prefer older, more wizened clients (grizzled?). They find our experiences, wisdom, intelligence sexy even if we aren't 8-pack, ripped and cut. I've come to refer to it as, 'sex between the ears' because these guy are looking for a philosophical, emotional, spiritual connection to go with the body parts connecting.

 

I look at any money exchanged as more of giving my boy an allowance than purchasing his 60 minutes of blind devotion.

 

One other thought for all you guys... when has sex with just one guy ever been enough? When you were in your 20's and 30's wouldn't you fuck anyone willing? and FREQUENTLY? Why can't escorts have the same drives?

[Michael Wayne]

amazing answers guys! Some thoughts from me since I started this thread: 1. I actually agree strongly with instudiocity in that the sex I have with my clients is usually amazing actually- especially with my regulars. I choose to see them again for a reason.I no longer need the money and I guess I escort for the thrills these days and to hold on to my vanishing youth. It is nice to still be adored and wanted and worshipped and anyone who says it's not has never played the game! Now most of them don't look like Ryan Phillipe but I think the sex is better than I would have with Ryan or any other man-twink I fancy. I love sex with older guys who know what the hell they are doing! 2. On dating other escorts- yes! My first boyfriend was actually a competitor in South FLorida when I live there who called me and said that I was putting everyone out of business. We went to lunch together and it was love at first site. My second boyfriend becamed enamoured with the business and became an escort but unfortunately the easy money led to drugs and , well, you can guess what happened to him. Hanging with other pros is alot of fun and I always enjoy it when I get to meet them and work with them still to this day. 3. as far as Toronto and Vancouver, hell, let's make it a 3-way or a 4-way including Leigh (although that would piss off my current boyfriend). 4. Back to my original point. I just feel like it creates confusion- that's all. I mean the question could be asked, "Is he a pro or not?" I got a pm (and I will keep the sender anonymous cause it is a PRIVATE message after all) that said a pro athlete usually has in his contract that he will not play football, baseball or basketball in an amateur fashion because if he gets hurt it voids his contract. Clients ask me all the time, "Why aren't you on manhunt, gay.com etc?" and I tell them because in my opinion it would be BAD business, 5. Do doctors practice medicine for free? some do(but it is not common)----lawyers-- some do pro bono work, yes- but usually my lawyer BILLS me and handsomely so. That is why I go to him because he is a PRO! 6. Lastly, I do not even go to LOCAL gay bars and clubs. why? My clients like it if I lay low. when I used to walk into local bars there were always several clients there and they became nervous. I have chosen, for myself, to only go out when I travel. I think if an escort gets a reputation that he frequents the clubs alot and always hooks up then it brings questions to clients minds as to where this escort stands. Ok, I have some REALLY HOT local clients that are 10's who pay cause I offer discretion. If I were in the bars they would not hire. I love gay bars- don't get me wrong but I am more comfortable going to them when I travel. I agree with everyone that our private lives are our own and we are free to do whatever- BUT- sometimes we as escorts may want to consider how our private choices affect our careers. I guess I actually derive alot of sexual satifaction from my clients which is why I have been able to stay in the game so long. TO EACH HIS OWN AND I RESPECT EVERYONE'S CHOICE!

[GoodFella69]

It wouldn't bother me in the least to see one of my favorite escorts hooking-up on a social website. I'd be happy to see that they're getting "some"'and having fun off-the-clock. There's plenty of hot booty to go around for all of us, right?

[rocky]

I love this post! I for one agree that when you hire someone for that special time, hour, two or overnight it's understood

that's your time together but the person also has a private life to have fun too. But, what I find confusing is when I

know I've contacted someone for an evening and he is on adam4adam for example looking to hook up, I feel a bit

cheated. OK, this guy has fun and gets off, sorry to be blunt, but that's part of the fun I want to have. Is the

person able to "perform" again or not. I don't like being taken advantage of or I don't like seeing someone who

has one after another, etc. That being said, all go have fun!

[Guest Spanky]

I have occasionally seen escorts post nasty comments about what they are looking for in a hook-up that clearly shows their contempt for most of us in the hiring population (we're generally not young, fit, super hung, etc). Perhaps, they provide excellent service to their clients, but once I get it in my head that an escort views me with disdain, I remove that escort from my to-do list (if he was ever on it).

 

A couple of years ago I was having breakfast with a well-reviewed escort after an overnighter. He talked pretty much non stop about how he couldn't "wait to get home" because a couple days prior he had met this "really hot guy" on manhunt and he "couldn't wait" to have some "hot sex" with this guy. He didn't care if they guy was a top or a bottom because he was so hot that "he could be an escort" and "I'll do anything he wants..." It was nonstop chatter that prompted what became the fastest breakfast I've ever eaten. I was insulted for about a minute, but then amused because I couldn't believe what a fucking tool this guy was.

 

Escorts can date/fuck/sleep with anyone they want. I say right on (and even if I thought differently what the hell does my opinion matter anyway?) But don't tell me about how you can't wait to have hot sex with some guy right after you've spent the last 10 hours fucking me.

[BgMstr4u]

Good thoughts all. One thing occurs to me. An escort is really not a private person. He has put himself out there, picture and all, for hire, and what people are buying, at least initially, is his public presentation. So any other public presentation has potential for clouding the waters. Personally, it doesn't bother me -- unless I find the guy I want is not what I thought he was. Of course he's a sex machine -- that's why I want him! Of course he wants to have, and should have, a private life! But a private life led, at least in part (the hookup site part), on the internet, is not really private. The line I would lay down is respect -- I won't hire a guy who I find out online doesn't really like me or my type. So my advice -- keep what's private private, and make sure what you put out there about yourself doesn't contradict the image and clientele you're building.