marking time

[NYTomcat]

Well I could not let this day simply pass without looking back. Moreover ... I couldn't let it pass without thinking of all of you.

 

One year ago today ... exactly at 11pm I kissed a man for the first time in over 21 years. God its amazing how time flies by and leaves us changed in its wake. There has been a great deal of discussion about how the forum had changed for better and worse depending on your perspective. But when you mark time and look back its amazing how much we have. Changed as well. How can we not expect the forum to grow and adapt when its parts.... notably us... are changing as well.

 

So one year ago today I met romann in a hotel room in Philly. Thanks in great part to the efforts and support of the people here moving me forward.... shoving me out the door ... and giving me the courage to take that step. . Friday this week will mark the anniversary of my damn near collapse from the realization I was gay and could not hide anymore. Bittersweet all the way around but so glad am I that I have never felt like I took this journey alone.

 

As scared as I was the forum was there for me. Ok and I abused it something horribly. Wearing my heart on my sleeve I relied on all of you and of course my guide and supporter romann to get me through those first weeks. Then months. I would never have believed that one year later I would be out and starting to live the life I was always meant to. If someone had told me then where I would be now. ..... I would have laughed and called them a liar.

 

So while I may be more guarded now sharing in public. .... you have all seen my public explosions. Southern boys were always a weakness. I could not let this moment pass without thanking all of you. Those who wrote on my newbie thread and new friends and posters alike. It has been my great honor to have known you all and I hope to for years to come.

 

Special thanks to:

 

Pk. Without you none of this would be my reality. I know that

 

TB. For daily support and spousal counseling

 

Bart. For support friendship and of course double penetration tips

 

Cooper. For dragging me out in public and teaching me to be out

 

Lucky. For pushing when you knew I needed it

 

Oliver. For showing me escorts are more than sex

 

Adamsmith. Words can't say. My friend and confidente in all things

 

Justaguy. For being so much more than just a Guy

 

Brooklyn and Boston guys. For the level headed advice I needed

 

Charlie. Cause whenever my posts were tumultuous you knew and wrote me

 

Leowalker. For befriending someone confused and making travel fun

 

Glutes : for holding my hand at that first boy bar. God was I nervous

 

Newatthis. The hell you are... for keeping me sane.

 

Adam at c20 for just being you. You sexy thing

 

Raul. For being friend lover confidente guide and fucking hot exhibitionist

 

David. For taking the time and effort to teach a broken bottom

 

Juan and Dane scott for listening and supporting and understanding

 

Daddy and deej for keeping this place humming like a top.

 

Whipped. For so much I can't put to words but ill show you with nipple clamps

 

Doitb4ugo. My baby brother in so many ways and tutor in others.

 

Leebesstoad. My newest sibling and partner in crime

 

Brandon. For the nights we haven't yet shared but the texts we have.

 

But most obviously:

 

Romann. For an amazing life altering experience. ... being your friend. Oh yeah and all the fucking hot sex I could handle too. Seriously. You are an amazing escort but an incredible person. I am so much more having known you.

 

So to all of you and to anyone I forgot.... as Andrew d would say.

 

TANKS A BATTALION

 

ORDO AB CHAO AND CHEERS TO ANOTHER YEAR OF MIND ALTERING DEBAUCHERY.

 

I hope to see you all in palm springs. Some more clothed than others. Lol

 

Tomcat

[jackhammer91406]

No..... making time

 

Thanks for sharing this. I was surprised how much your experience mirrored mine...for me it was 18 years being totally celibate. And some of the people from this board who were influential for you would be on my thank you list as well.

 

I am so glad you are living the life you were meant to live. Now, make time stand still and take as long to enjoy it as you can.

[Cooper]

It all started like this...

 

NYTomcat.... I've really enjoyed following your journey. Thanks for all your contributions to this message center and thanks for your friendship. I wish you continued happiness as you live out your dreams... Coop

 

http://froggypic.com/image/12/dac7350532001be30b8cf20865d56002.jpg

[+ purplekow]

Tom, There are few situations I could envision which would result in my posting on this site. After being maligned as disingenuous, I felt silent observation was the more prudent course for me here. However, topping the list of your thanks, left me realizing that despite the venom liberally dished out on here, much good can be fostered here as well. I felt a public acknowledgement of my thanks to you as well was more appropriate than a private note. So congratulations on your gay rebirthday. It envigorates this old heart to see a man coming to grips with his true self and embracing it so vigorously and courageously. You are certainly not the first to do so, but you are an excellent example of the power of introspection and self honesty bringing a man closer to a life of happiness than he would ever have had by continuing a course which was safe but not real. To those that have written me privately and those who inquired in the forum, thanks for your considerate compassion and concern.

[justaguy]

Congratulations. Tumult aside, you haven't allowed your need for growth to overshadow the feelings of others. That takes class as well as courage. Enjoy.

[+ sf westcoaster]

Tom, as some one once said "you have come a long way baby"! I admire you for taking the journey and for becoming what you really are. Some of us have taken very differeent paths, but have arrived at the same destination. Finally being comfortable in your own skin is a joy that I can not describe, I just know that it feels good and that you must feel very good. Now it is time to reflect and move ahead into the life that you were meant to live.

 

Plan on seeing you in Palm Springs.

[+ Charlie]

The journey has just begun.

[Diverdan]

Tom,

As Charlie has stated, the Journey has just begun ! But, let me add that I have been so impressed with your posts this past year and your courage through all the ups and downs that this year has taken. I am impressed with your thank you list, but have had several similar experiences over many years, and it takes a group to help one through difficult times. I wish only the best for you in this coming year and all the years to come. I happen to be reading Ricky Martin's autobiography, ME, at the moment and have been impressed by all the factors that have guided him to the point where he came out publically. I think you might enjoy reading it too. So again, my CONGRATULATIONS on your one year anniversary, and best wishes for many HOT years to come!

DD

[AdamSmith]

You know you have our support, friendship, love. And that you give fully as much as you get.

 

...Now, what about those double penetration tips?!

[leigh.bess.toad]

To my big brother, my friend, my confidante, my cohort in crime. To he who I tell everything including that which I know is embarrassing as hell. To share even embarrasing recordings of my futile attempts at karaoke.

 

Happy birthday, big brother. I love you. And this one is really going to get completely and totally sappy now. But it was the first thing that came to mind. Better to go with your first thought, I've always said:

 

 

Lee

 

OBTW -- It is just so damned good to see any message from PK. I sure hope this means he'll come back. Please??

[instudiocity]

And this one is really going to get completell and totally sappy now.

Dang! Now I've got to go take another shower to get all this sticky stuff off me!

[NYTomcat]

Thanks for sharing this. I was surprised how much your experience mirrored mine...for me it was 18 years being totally celibate. And some of the people from this board who were influential for you would be on my thank you list as well.

 

I am so glad you are living the life you were meant to live. Now, make time stand still and take as long to enjoy it as you can.[/color][/size][/font]

 

I fully intend to Jack. That's why I had to at 40. I wont look back and say I never lived what example is that for my children.

 

NYTomcat.... I've really enjoyed following your journey. Thanks for all your contributions to this message center and thanks for your friendship. I wish you continued happiness as you live out your dreams... Coop

 

]

 

Thanks coop. And no doubt you are king of NY c20 just isn't the same without you. Thank you for making me so comfortable

 

Congratulations. Tumult aside, you haven't allowed your need for growth to overshadow the feelings of others. That takes class as well as courage. Enjoy.

 

Thanks just but I think its the least I can do given how much support I got here

 

 

Tom, as some one once said "you have come a long way baby"! I admire you for taking the journey and for becoming what you really are. Some of us have taken very differeent paths, but have arrived at the same destination. Finally being comfortable in your own skin is a joy that I can not describe, I just know that it feels good and that you must feel very good. Now it is time to reflect and move ahead into the life that you were meant to live.

 

Plan on seeing you in Palm Springs.

 

First off. Yeah I can't wait to see you in PS

 

But also thank you SF. For so many things but mostly confirming I wasn't crazy about friendships. You know of what I speak I think.

 

The journey has just begun.

 

Damn straight. Or not so straight.

[NYTomcat]

Tom,

As Charlie has stated, the Journey has just begun ! But, let me add that I have been so impressed with your posts this past year and your courage through all the ups and downs that this year has taken. I am impressed with your thank you list, but have had several similar experiences over many years, and it takes a group to help one through difficult times. I wish only the best for you in this coming year and all the years to come. I happen to be reading Ricky Martin's autobiography, ME, at the moment and have been impressed by all the factors that have guided him to the point where he came out publically. I think you might enjoy reading it too. So again, my CONGRATULATIONS on your one year anniversary, and best wishes for many HOT years to come!

DD

 

Ok I can't believe I'm gonna read a pop star Bio

But hey I loved enter whining so why not?

 

You know you have our support, friendship, love. And that you give fully as much as you get.

 

...Now, what about those double penetration tips?!

 

Honey ... I give better and you know it. Lol. Now talk to others I'm just working on handling one.

 

 

To my big brother, my friend, my confidante, my cohort in crime. To he who I tell everything including that which I know is embarrassing as hell. To share even embarrasing recordings of my futile attempts at karaoke.

 

Happy birthday, big brother. I love you. And this one is really going to get completely and totally sappy now. But it was the first thing that came to mind. Better to go with your first thought, I've always said:

 

 

Lee

 

OBTW -- It is just so damned good to see any message from PK. I sure hope this means he'll come back. Please??

 

Dang! Now I've got to go take another shower to get all this sticky stuff off me!

 

Lee I love you man. But christ get the diabetics out of the audience first. .... I mean ... the carpenters. Could be worse say Donny and Marie

 

Honestly the Broadway buff in me says more

[Steven_Draker]

One year already ... and so much yet to learn, Mr. Tomcat. It's unfortunate that you live in a fantasy world.

The sooner the awakening - the better.

[NYTomcat]

Tom, There are few situations I could envision which would result in my posting on this site. After being maligned as disingenuous, I felt silent observation was the more prudent course for me here. However, topping the list of your thanks, left me realizing that despite the venom liberally dished out on here, much good can be fostered here as well. I felt a public acknowledgement of my thanks to you as well was more appropriate than a private note. So congratulations on your gay rebirthday. It envigorates this old heart to see a man coming to grips with his true self and embracing it so vigorously and courageously. You are certainly not the first to do so, but you are an excellent example of the power of introspection and self honesty bringing a man closer to a life of happiness than he would ever have had by continuing a course which was safe but not real. To those that have written me privately and those who inquired in the forum, thanks for your considerate compassion and concern.

 

Sir you are a gentleman and scholar. And if this forum has so changed to chase the likes of you away then it has indeed been lessened. No one will ever know how much you have done for me ... but I do. And know that I treasure that friendship and having met you as one of the greatest gifts of my life. I just had to say my list starts with you for a reason. With out you there would not have been this thread to make

 

Now that said I do want to say one thing. I didn't post this to say look you can overcome. In fact in many ways I fond my coming out a failing. Not of living honestly but there is something many forget. There are dozens of married men on this forum living life everyday. Coming out was my choice but not the right or wrong one. My choice has consequence some paid by me... but often paid by the people who love me. My family spouse and children. And while I believe for us it is right. Its a high cost to ask them to pay.

 

So the next time... as we have so often... we see a thread attacking married men as hypocrites ... please stop and think. In many instances they suffer on for the better of others. Something I did not have the strength to do. Now I'm not saying all... but many are not the narcissistic hypocrites some like to believe. My choice though right for me is in many ways also that of the easiest personal choice.

[NYTomcat]

One year already ... and so much yet to learn, Mr. Tomcat. It's unfortunate that you live in a fantasy world.

The sooner the awakening - the better.[/color]

Ah Steven ... as always such a pleasure to have you back on the boards. Your positive charming repartee is always so endearing. I would have thought you would have left our fair shores and forum for the continent by now. Well our loss is Europe's gain. As one of the many many classless posters ...as you have so dubbed me... let me advise this WV country boy sees very clearly and no fantasy blinds my eyes. Which is why I guess we have never met. My best wishes on your speedy return home.

[AdamSmith]

Honey ... I give better and you know it. Lol.

 

I do indeed! Tho, again, you misunderestimate yourself.

[Guest greatness]

Aww you guys are so witty and cute... Kisses and hugs~~

 

I do indeed! Tho, again, you underestimate yourself.

[Guest greatness]

oh my Tom it has been a year already? I can't believe time really flies. I still remember your first shy post. I'm glad that you have a courage to do what you think is the best for you. Although life isn't simple and we don't have all the answers to our problems and pain but I'm glad that you are being positive, optimistic and seeking help from people around you. I wish you all the best. Please remember to invite me to your gay wedding if you are going to have one. I won't stalk you or try to destroy your wedding. I promise that. From your nagging ex-wife in my dreams.

 

-Greatness

[Guest greatness]

Oh my PK welcome back. We missed you. Kisses and hugs~~~

[AdamSmith]

One year already ... and so much yet to learn, Mr. Tomcat. It's unfortunate that you live in a fantasy world.

The sooner the awakening - the better.[/color]

 

OK, I risk a flame war, not to say a hijack. Ne'ertheless: I have spend the last 3 years scrabbling to convert my fantasy world into my real world. So many of us have. I find your post the most offensive I have seen here in a long time. Awakening from fantasy into reality is, for most of us, the central project.

 

How can you be so obtuse to the issues that most of us face?

[Guest Zack]

Aww you guys are so witty and cute... Kisses and hugs~~

 

Greatness~ Your capacity as a man to overcome moments of personal devastation, and self-sanctioned crucifixion by the hands of others, to only then offer kindness and support here to others is beyond my ability to grasp and understand.

 

Surely your life strengths and capacities are more than which you generally share here. You're are a modest man with more wisdom and capacity than I suspect most anyone here has ever known.

 

I'd personally like to know and understand what your catalyst in life is. And how you achieve it.

 

It's humbling to say the least.

[Guest Zack]

OK, I risk a flame war, not to say a hijack. Ne'ertheless: I have spend the last 3 years scrabbling to convert my fantasy world into my real world. So many of us have. I find your post the most offensive I have seen here in a long time. Awakening from fantasy into reality is, for most of us, the central project.

How can you be so obtuse to the issues that most of us face?

 

Well, so much for avoiding the flame war or hijack which you may or may not have been trying to avoid.

 

Perhaps it's a better option to allow TomCat to respond to this poster, as his words were directed toward him and not you - and then, and if, it becomes toxic to your personal passage and voyage then maybe it would be less pissy for you to be chiming in?

[NYTomcat]

Well, so much for avoiding the flame war or hijack which you may or may not have been trying to avoid.

 

Perhaps it's a better option to allow TomCat to respond to this poster, as his words were directed toward him and not you - and then, and if, it becomes toxic to your personal passage and voyage then maybe it would be less pissy for you to be chiming in?

No Zach... just as you and Steven have the right to chime in with whatever you feel like contributing ... so goes it with adamsmith. Though I must admit your reference to personal devastation and self sanctioned crucifixion allude me. But perhaps my recent absence from the forum or lack of personal knowledge get in the way of your reference.

 

Though truly I find this thread ... like many... to have served its purpose. My thanks are said what it devolves into now is purely a matter of the whim of the moment.

[NYTomcat]

Oh dear lord how could I forget to thank msguy

 

Sorry msguy your humor and support were always what I looked for. I do apologize.