A really serious incident and i'd love the esteemed forums members opinion

[leigh.bess.toad]

Gentlemen: As most of you know, I'm relatively new here (2.5 months). But I have come to trust the collective opinion of the learned members of this forum. Well a little while ago I got hit with something I'd never thought about and would love your opinion -- Did I handle the situation the proper way? If no, how would you or should I have handled it

 

I was on Adam4Adam, trolling around. And lo and behold I get a smile from a user. His profile says he's 22 and is from Vegas. OK Weird. I'm 55 and in Virginia, but I've gotten them from Africa in the last week or two. He was chatting and I was being very cautious. I told him it was time for me to go to bed since it was 1:00 here. He says, I'm actually in my own home town. And he wants to get together with me. A 22 year old? Who by his measurements defined twinkie hood. My taste in men runs closer to twice that age. But how often is a 55 year old guy going to get hit on by a 22 year old. So I expressed a modicum of interest. Then the bombshell -- "I'm actually a lot younger than you think". HUGE CLAXONS ARE NOW GOING OFF IN THE BACKGROUND. "How old are you -- honestly".

 

16.

 

My fingers couldn't type no thanks I'm not interested fast enough. And I blocked him as fast as my mouse would move there. I've also reported him to Adam4Adam support because he obviously lied at least about his age to get on the site.

 

I know the struggles our gay youth have.with accepting their sexual identities. And I'm for exploring that identity. But not with a 55 year old man. I told my therapist just today that there is no single group in America who is probably more opposed to NAMBLA than gay men. And this gay man is certainly vocal in that opposition.

 

But did I do the right thing? Should I have counseled him to seek help? Was it a policeman trying to entrap me? Or whoever does those shows on TV? The odds on it happening again are so remotely slim that I couldn't begin to imagine the odds. But I'd really appreciate comments from the members of the forums.

 

We've had the thread this week that the forum was changing -- becoming less serious. Well this is about as serious as it gets I think.

 

I'd like to thank all of you very much for your input. I really appreciate this from you all.

[jgoo]

This has to be treated seriously on the chance that the person is legitimately 16 yo. Your gut reaction of immediately stopping contact, blocking and reporting him is definitely the best course of action. Anything else, even attempting to counsel him to get assistance, could possibly backfire on you if somehow it were seen by others and viewed as a way of trying to build an inappropriate and illegal relationship. I do understand your conflict in that if you can help someone you should try but the reality is that in today's world that is something in a case like this that you can't take the chance to do. Makes me sad but you have to worry about the possible implications for your life first, no matter what good intentions you may have.

 

There are way too many possibilities for who this person really is...ranging from being actually 16, to a cop, to someone out for his own jollies by putting you on, up to a dangerous sicko. Personally, based on everything you wrote, I think it is likely someone out for their jollies. In any case, I think you did the right thing under the circumstances.

 

It would be interesting to see what action, if any A4A takes on your report that he is underage.

[leigh.bess.toad]

It would be interesting to see what action, if any A4A takes on your report that he is underage.

 

Well I got an email from them a few minutes ago thanking me for reporting it. I tried to go to the profile and it says it has been suspended or deleted. So that didn't take too long. A couple of hours max, and maybe not even that long. So good for A4A.

 

Thanks jgoo. It's just my nature to try to help someone in trouble and if it were truly a 16 year pursing a 55 year old man, that is huge signs of a person in trouble, all legalities aside (which we obviously can't do). It is just so damned hard for me not to help. And I guess that's where my enormous conflict was.

 

Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

[lerbut23]

Sounds like law enforcement trying to entrap people.

 

Smart move in the way you handled it.

 

Remember if something seems too good to be true IT IS!

[wayout]

I am curious, during the time he was chatting with you, before he announced he was actually 16, what was the conversation like? Was it all sex or was he asking questions about life as a gay man, coming out or things like that? I am wondering if there was something in what he talked about gave you an indication he might be a 16 yo exploring his sexuality or more of someone just out to get laid. If the first, then maybe a brief conversation giving places he can contact for counseling would be safe to do. If the second, I doubt he would be interested in any advice. No matter what, you did the right thing to report him.

[+ glutes]

You did the absolute correct steps LBT.

Otherwise you may have been profiled on To Catch a Predator with Chris Hansen.

[Guest countryboywny]

Lee.. you did the right thing. You're a good man!

[josephga]

I think you did the right thing. He had no business on a site like that at 16 years of age. After getting lied to by someone on gay com in 04 a guy pretending to be 26 he was really 58. i tend to stay away from those types of sites. I personally wouldn't have felt comfortable talking to a 22 year old and me 42 unless it was just causal everyday type chatter.

[Racketjock]

I, unfortunately, have a friend who recently did not follow the course of action you did. He was convicted of a felony just over a week ago. Other points were into play in my friend's situation, but the reality of the information you were given and not knowing the nature, sexual or otherwise, of the conversation leading up to his disclosure, your actions were well founded and protect you. I applaud your caring nature, it is admirable.

[orbital sander]

It seems to me that it is far better to meet people in person than online. What if the "person" stuck with the 22 year old story, then met you? Your action was correct. I cannot help but wonder how many 22 year olds are really going to be hitting on 55 year olds without some other agenda, or at best being a little messed up in the head?

[Diverdan]

Lee,

You did the right thing. Unfortunately one's motives to help young guys won't make any difference if this was indeed a sting, and the whole situation seems a bit fishy to me. Don't give it another thought.

DD

[+ Charlie]

Nothing about this guy sounds real. The fact that he claimed to be in your hometown as soon as he knew where you were is suspicious in itself. What is a 16 year old from Vegas doing in Virginia on his own? Someone is playing games here, and you definitely did the right thing by refusing to pick up the ball.

[instudiocity]

Maybe it's just my cynical nature, but ANONYMOUS Internet in my mind is nothing more that CyberPersons - These persons don't exist in reality - EVER! Even here at Daddy's where most of us hide behind a screen name, and avatar and our fantasies, I take everything with a grain of salt.

 

Lee, you're responsible to help a 16 year old next door who is going through adolescent angst and struggling with his parents. You would feel the need to help your friends (the 16 year old and his parents) and you would be accepted by the family as a supporter of the family.

 

Don't mistake those feelings for some Cyber16 guy and his avatar - if he's online and not out to his family and friends and the LGBT groups in his community - there's no way in hell you could be a 'supporter'. You'd be just another jock strap hanging in some kid/pervert/freak/cop's collection of trophies.

[NYTomcat]

Ok sad as it is There are 16 year holds out There trolling for daddy's but Lee you were spot on correct. You cannot save the world at risk to yourself. Im sure this person will be fine and you should be commended. I only hope That if my son ever went cyber exploring his sexuality that he meets a man like you. Online That is.

 

Cause believe me as a parent. You meet my 16 year old in person your gonna know why I still support the right To bear arms. just saying...

[Guest greatness]

well done~~

 

Good job Lee. I think you did what you ought to do.

[leigh.bess.toad]

My deepest and sincerest thanks to all of you wonderful gentlemen for giving me your input. It is hard for me to walk away from this person just in case it really was a 16 year gay youth (and the age doesn't really bother me -- if it was 18 and pursuing a 55 year old guy it'd still raise huge flags -- at least for me.) For your information, the following is the extent of the entire conversation: Reading from the bottom up.

 

**************************************************

 

leighbesstoad: Then sorry no, not interested. Good luck, but that will not happen with me.

 

jackattackify: 16

 

leighbesstoad: And how old are you -- honestly.

 

jackattackify: hey!! i live in midlothian 2 but we hav a major age difference which is fine for me because i love older lovers but u might not be ok because im younger than u think

 

leighbesstoad: thank you very much. I really appreciate it.

 

How are you doing tonight?

 

**************************************************************

And that was the extent of it. It took Adam4Adam a couple of hours to disable and terminate the profile.

 

By nature I'm a nurturer and caregiver. I'm very concerned about the youth of our LGBT community. And so my frist instinct was to try to help. But one thought came to mind: I would look horrible in an orange jumpsuit.

 

I did not sleep well last night at all worrying if I did the right thing. And thanks to all of you wonderful gentleman, I do feel much better that, as sad is it may be, I did the right thing.

 

Thanks a million times over to all of you.

[Guest Zack]

My deepest and sincerest thanks to all of you wonderful gentlemen for giving me your input. It is hard for me to walk away from this person just in case it really was a 16 year gay youth (and the age doesn't really bother me -- if it was 18 and pursuing a 55 year old guy it'd still raise huge flags -- at least for me.) For your information, the following is the extent of the entire conversation: Reading from the bottom up.

 

**************************************************

 

leighbesstoad: Then sorry no, not interested. Good luck, but that will not happen with me.

 

jackattackify: 16

 

leighbesstoad: And how old are you -- honestly.

 

jackattackify: hey!! i live in midlothian 2 but we hav a major age difference which is fine for me because i love older lovers but u might not be ok because im younger than u think

 

leighbesstoad: thank you very much. I really appreciate it.

 

How are you doing tonight?

 

**************************************************************

And that was the extent of it. It took Adam4Adam a couple of hours to disable and terminate the profile.

 

By nature I'm a nurturer and caregiver. I'm very concerned about the youth of our LGBT community. And so my frist instinct was to try to help. But one thought came to mind: I would look horrible in an orange jumpsuit.

 

I did not sleep well last night at all worrying if I did the right thing. And thanks to all of you wonderful gentleman, I do feel much better that, as sad is it may be, I did the right thing.

 

Thanks a million times over to all of you.

 

Hello Leigh and I too believe you did the right thing for yourself.

 

But I'm confused as to how you could state that you have become so vested into this person, if what you reproduce here is the extent of your conversation.

 

What could there possibly be here to even think twice about? Or care about?

 

Just curious.

[+ peterhung85]

Gentlemen: As most of you know, I'm relatively new here (2.5 months). But I have come to trust the collective opinion of the learned members of this forum. Well a little while ago I got hit with something I'd never thought about and would love your opinion -- Did I handle the situation the proper way? If no, how would you or should I have handled it

 

I was on Adam4Adam, trolling around. And lo and behold I get a smile from a user. His profile says he's 22 and is from Vegas. OK Weird. I'm 55 and in Virginia, but I've gotten them from Africa in the last week or two. He was chatting and I was being very cautious. I told him it was time for me to go to bed since it was 1:00 here. He says, I'm actually in my own home town. And he wants to get together with me. A 22 year old? Who by his measurements defined twinkie hood. My taste in men runs closer to twice that age. But how often is a 55 year old guy going to get hit on by a 22 year old. So I expressed a modicum of interest. Then the bombshell -- "I'm actually a lot younger than you think". HUGE CLAXONS ARE NOW GOING OFF IN THE BACKGROUND. "How old are you -- honestly".

 

16.

 

My fingers couldn't type no thanks I'm not interested fast enough. And I blocked him as fast as my mouse would move there. I've also reported him to Adam4Adam support because he obviously lied at least about his age to get on the site.

 

I know the struggles our gay youth have.with accepting their sexual identities. And I'm for exploring that identity. But not with a 55 year old man. I told my therapist just today that there is no single group in America who is probably more opposed to NAMBLA than gay men. And this gay man is certainly vocal in that opposition.

 

But did I do the right thing? Should I have counseled him to seek help? Was it a policeman trying to entrap me? Or whoever does those shows on TV? The odds on it happening again are so remotely slim that I couldn't begin to imagine the odds. But I'd really appreciate comments from the members of the forums.

 

We've had the thread this week that the forum was changing -- becoming less serious. Well this is about as serious as it gets I think.

 

I'd like to thank all of you very much for your input. I really appreciate this from you all.

 

Oh those Vegas boys... Honestly, you did the best thing you could have done. You told him you are not interested in underage sex, blocked him and reported him to Adam4Adam. Entrapment? Possible. Police works on the internet as well nowadays appearing themselves as underaged people and all you have to do is to just show up at a location you agree to meet at. Of course it could have been just a horny 16 years old guy as well but there is always a chance that it was law enforcement. See, that's probably the only "sex - related " sting I can't get mad at them about!

 

I do not think that you should have "stayed" with him and give him proper counseling or showing him the "right way". If he was law enforcement you could have got into trouble just by staying in touch/meeting him or looking for other opportunities to stay in touch with him.

 

You did the right thing!

 

Have a great day/night!

[rvwnsd]

You did the right thing. There are kids who engage adults for sex or companionship and then claim abuse. There are adults posing as kids who entrap other adults and report them to the police. You just don't know who is sitting behind the computer on the other end of the conversation.

[Mark Gordon]

You took the right course of action, Lee. It's best to err on the side of caution in a state that still has laws like this on the books:

 

§ 18.2-361. Crimes against nature; penalty.

A. If any person carnally knows in any manner any brute animal, or carnally knows any male or female person by the anus or by or with the mouth, or voluntarily submits to such carnal knowledge, he or she shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony, except as provided in subsection B.

[JT Brooklyn]

His First mistake was saying I'm from VEGAS...Your mistake was "Chatting" any further! Was he 16? Better you will never know.....

[+ Ace]

You did the right thing here.....

There was just an article in the Las Vegas Review Journal about a weekend bust of 56 people for solicitation & prostitution here in Las Vegas:

 

http://www.lvrj.com/news/child-prostitution-crackdown-nets-56-arrests-in-las-vegas-106928668.html

 

Don't where my next market will be, but between the bad rep of most of the working boys here, as well as the continual stings, it may be sooner than later! Any ideas????