"Courted" by a straight man

[+ friendofsheila]

Have you ever been? I don't mean they want sex from me. They just do a LOT to make sure they keep my attention, stopping short of things that make me think they want sex. They do more than just be social, though, almost making me think they're fag stags or closet cases.

 

I've found it happened to me twice. It took me a bit to realize what was happening. They generally just wanted me to listen to their problems or get them a job or something.

[BewareofNick]

Have you ever been? I don't mean they want sex from me. They just do a LOT to make sure they keep my attention, stopping short of things that make me think they want sex. They do more than just be social, though, almost making me think they're fag stags or closet cases.

 

I've found it happened to me twice. It took me a bit to realize what was happening. They generally just wanted me to listen to their problems or get them a job or something.

 

I think you answered your own question.

 

A lot of times, people just need someone who will listen to them. Often times, we "listen" with the intent to reply rather than listen to understand.

[+ friendofsheila]

I think you answered your own question.

 

 

My question is whether anyone else here has been.

[MsGuy]

My question is whether anyone else here has been.

 

If by courted you mean being asked out to supper (Dutch) once or twice a week, being telephoned at least once a day, being asked to go for an extended coffee break 5 or 6 times a week, being kept current on the goings on of his whole extended family, being introduced to his friends and acquaintances, being asked for business and personal advice, all for no apparent reason other than the dubious value of my company, then, yes, I am currently being courted.

 

Thinking of it in terms of being 'courted' certainly puts an odd spin on the situation but in an weird kind of way it makes sense. I would have concepualized it more as having a straight friend who puts a higher value on my company than I do on his.

 

Behaviorally, it is kind of like someone having a crush on you isn't it? Interesting post. It got me thinking.

 

If it's a matter of getting a job or something else of material value from you, there are less kindly words to describe his behavior.

[Lankypeters]

It took me a bit to realize what was happening. They generally just wanted me to listen to their problems or get them a job or something.

 

They generally just want to fool around when the wife's not around.

 

This happened to me -- a "straight," unhappily married collleague wanted me to read his screenplay (which never existed). It went on from there and I rushed in like a fool. In my defense, I'll say I was at a vulnerable time, having ended a long term relationship. But he was a pathetic flirt, a coward, and probably still is. He was flirting with me and flirting with himself -- to see if he could really come out.

 

Life is too short, there are too many other and better people to know. If this happens to you, tactfully and politely excuse yourself and move on. Tell him to find a piece of Kleenex to blow (or cum) on.

[Guest timgetrum]

I was courted once by an LDS (Mormon) guy, who, I realized, wanted to convert me. I think there may be some LDS guys on the forum, who can give some insight into their training regarding choosing, courting and landing targets.

 

I was courted by another guy once, and when he popped the question, I learned that he wanted to recruit me for Amway.

[MsGuy]

I was courted once by an LDS (Mormon) guy, who, I realized, wanted to convert me. I think there may be some LDS guys on the forum, who can give some insight into their training regarding choosing, courting and landing targets.

 

I was courted by another guy once, and when he popped the question, I learned that he wanted to recruit me for Amway.

 

:D LOLROTF :D Amway!

 

In the deep South, LDS missionaries may be targeting Baptists. The two groups share similar moral/social/family values. Makes for an easier transition. At least that's the take of my local Baptist preachers.

[Lookin]

My question is whether anyone else here has been.

 

If by courted you mean being taken to a nice restaurant (his treat) twice a week, getting asked for drinks after work, getting playful phone calls every evening, hearing all about his family back home, being introduced to his friends and coworkers, being asked to help plan career moves and a summer vacation, all because he finds me endlessly fascinating, then, no, I am not currently being courted.

 

But I haven't given up hope entirely! http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/party/party-smiley-035.gif

[+ Charlie]

Some straight guys court a gay man as a friend because it makes them feel trendy ("Well, you know, I have this gay friend, and he says..."). Same things happen with whites who want a black friend, Christians who want a Jewish friend, etc.

[+ purplekow]

Maybe it is just a guy who wants a friend.

[MsGuy]

Maybe it is just a guy who wants a friend.

 

That would be my take on it. Why not just accept the guy at face value and go from there?

[MsGuy]

If by courted you mean being taken to a nice restaurant (his treat) twice a week, getting asked for drinks after work, getting playful phone calls every evening, hearing all about his family back home, being introduced to his friends and coworkers, being asked to help plan career moves and a summer vacation, all because he finds me endlessly fascinating, then, no, I am not currently being courted.

 

But I haven't given up hope entirely! http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/party/party-smiley-035.gif

 

It's ever so much nicer when Prince Charming is gay.

[Racketjock]

Courted?

 

I have a couple of straight friends that are very close to me. One is younger and one is older. I have a different relationship with each of them. The older one is going through a divorce not of his making and feels more comfortable with leaning on our friendship for support rather than other straight friends. I have implied this as I believe he has issues with others judging him for being the "dumped" one. My younger friend looks up to me, asks my career advice, and models certain behaviors of mine as his own. Both relationships are to a degree flattering, require work, but I believe important because they are valuable to me. I don't fantasize about either of them for sex, but do appreciate their views, opinions, and our friendship when we get to catch up and nock back a nice scotch, or two. I haven't thought of this before as being courted, but appreciate the concept and remain thankful for good friends nonetheless.

[+ friendofsheila]

That would be my take on it. Why not just accept the guy at face value and go from there?

 

The unattractive fact I neglected to mention is that when both of these men got the attention/product/whatever they wanted from me, they would not talk to me again.

[Lookin]

The unattractive fact I neglected to mention is that when both of these men got the attention/product/whatever they wanted from me, they would not talk to me again.

They sound like takers. There are straight ones, bi ones, and gay ones. Be glad they've found another host.

[MsGuy]

The unattractive fact I neglected to mention is that when both of these men got the attention/product/whatever they wanted from me, they would not talk to me again.

 

Lookin's 'takers' is one of those less kindly words that apply and not the harshest. Consider youself fortunate they didn't hang around for more.

[+ Gar1eth]

I was courted once by an LDS (Mormon) guy, who, I realized, wanted to convert me. I think there may be some LDS guys on the forum, who can give some insight into their training regarding choosing, courting and landing targets.

 

I was courted by another guy once, and when he popped the question, I learned that he wanted to recruit me for Amway.[/QUOT

 

The majority of my friends in high school were LDS. They are very nice people--and I truly believe they actually liked me--or even still like me (haven't seen most of them in over 10 years but have been in e-mail contact with one of them intermittently throughout this time and 2 others I have recently reconnected with through Facebook). But even now I still occasionally get the feeling of them wanting to convert me. I don't think they can help it--it's indoctrinated into them at a very young age--that this is what you do with your non-LDs friends.

 

Gman

[jackhammer91406]

I have a very hot Puerto Rican guy who used to work for me before he and his wife moved back to New Jersey. He and his wife both know of my preferences and we joke about it often. He emails me fairly regularly. Whenever they are on this coast he arranges for he and I to get together (lunch..dinner) He, his wife and young son joined me for Thanksgiving dinner last year at my home.

His wife says her husband is the gay friendliest straight man she has ever known. I would have to agree.

I value his friendship and hope he will come back to work for me so I would never jeopardize our friendship by trying to have an affair with him...(unless he begged of course).

[JoshAB]

appreciate

 

ouch/COLOR][/size][/font]

Hey man

 

I appreciate your posts. Thoughtful and informed. The font hurts a bit...just saying. Ignore if you like, it's all good.

 

J

[Guest RianB]

Have you ever been? I don't mean they want sex from me. They just do a LOT to make sure they keep my attention, stopping short of things that make me think they want sex.

 

Having had both straight and gay friends throughout the years, I can say that straight guys (surprisingly) 'flirt' and show more interest to other guys and myself than the general indifferent/pretentious gay crowd does. I have a friend who is half bi, half straight (whatever that means) but for some reason likes to hit up the gay bars. He shows and recieves interest but every time we go out I have yet to see him make out or bring home any of the guys.

 

I wont even go into the high school days, I wonder about some of the straight guys myself after what went on in our groups sometimes. During the first couple years I came out, I was bent on figuring out whether guys were 'curious'. But every time, it turned out they werent. They were just being cool as hell, flirtatious and joking, but would be more interested to just hangout and have a beer or play vids than most of the gay guys would.

 

Im just not apt to spending too much time figuring a guy out to see if he is curious, and even if I did probably wouldnt want to make things awkward. I'd rather just keep it as is. Straight/bi guys can be very open and accomodating to other men and unfortunently some of us mis-interpret as a sign of their curiousity torwards men which tends to turn many of straight guys off. I've had random men show lots of attention to me and turns out they're married. (Then again it didnt always mean they WERENT interested in me) Of course if someone is curious about it, they know where my website is...

[jackhammer91406]

Thanks, I have complied with your wishes on the font. Is this better?

[JoshAB]

improvement!

 

Thanks, I have complied with your wishes on the font. Is this better?[/color][/size][/font]

 

Thanks man!