what is fair?

[topasian99]

I want to hear your opinions, escorts and clients. It is about etiquette and decency.and expectations.

 

A client flies an out of town escort to his home city for a weekend. Spend time during day and client retires to his private quarters in the evening. Escort left alone in hotel after midnight and is to reconvene in the morning . Would you say it is expected of the escort not to go out clubbing, not to use the internet to bring anonymous sex date to the hotel, allowing sex date to stay overnight, to be discovered by client the following morning catching them sleeping in. Is there any validity to the argument that the "sleep time" is personal and therefore client should not expect anything?

 

Any thoughts and comments will be appreciated.

[KMEM]

Of course, it isn't right for anyone invited in for the week-end or a visit to visit with others without you being involved or consulted. However, and you did not ask this, but I wonder why anyone you invited in was left alone. I would have either put him up in my home or stayed at the hotel, without extraordinary circumstances extant.

 

While the rooster is away the hens will play.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[topasian99]

"While the rooster is away, the hens will play??" Not sure this is the right analogy here, at least not the way I see it.To me,it is two consenting adults having a business transaction. There are rules, written and unwritten. My inquiry really is about if such unwritten rule, call it etiquette or understanding do exist or everything really has to be spelled out. Or may be I am asking too much period.

 

Also I never feel comfortable going to sleep with some strangers in my bed or in my room. To top it off , I snore and am self conscious about that too. My living arrangement does not permit that I have anyone staying at my place.

[+ nycman]

Fair....is whatever you agree to ahead of time.

 

Was it tacky?...yes

 

but unfair?...no

[+ David-SF]

Yikes !!!!

 

"Would you say it is expected of the escort not to go out clubbing, not to use the internet to bring anonymous sex date to the hotel, allowing sex date to stay overnight, to be discovered by client the following morning catching them sleeping in. Is there any validity to the argument that the "sleep time" is personal and therefore client should not expect anything?

Any thoughts and comments will be appreciated."

 

1st of all communication is the key here.

 

I have been told by clients that hire me in these situations to go out and have fun enjoy your free time but i usually will not over do it and will not hook up unless i am certain its ok with the client and then that would only happen while on a combo booking

such as a discounted rate where i was free to work during my free time.

not a common theme in hiring but does happen from time to time.

 

I would love rip in and say thats totally wrong but that seems unfair to me

i have to ask a couple more questions to see if there is room for error by the escort

 

 

1. was your schedule of times together discussed

for example.

did you tell him he would have evening or late nights to himself ?

 

2. did you agree to pay for a weekend rate or was the rate taken into consideration that the evening would be time apart and resumed the next day.

 

in any situation like this being clear with the escort is always helpful if you prefer he not do those things ( even though you would not have expected him to )

 

on the other hand

it can be boring if you are normally a late night person alone in a hotel room and hormones begin to take over and suddenly an escort finds himself on manhunt. or at a bar having a drink and Mr right now rubs up against him.

 

it would stand to reason that he should have been very discreet about what he did and you should have never found out about it.

 

the really bad part is that the hook up was still there in the morning he could have went out to play and returned timely.

 

a major contention for me is it was a hotel room provided by you for you and he to use,

not for him & mr right now to play in

its not a good situation but a great lesson for you to consider in your future hiring.

 

its really too bad because a weekend booking with someone can be expensive and an escort should be focused on his work and making sure he is in the best possible condition to make sure his client is completely happy and not disappointed in any way.

sorry that you were unhappy with your encounter. I hope you wont give up there are lots of really fun guys out there.

[alanalt]

It is about etiquette and decency.and expectations

 

Dealing with the expectations part, if you have expectations on how the escort should conduct himself in his 'off-time' then you should discuss that with him before you fly him out for the appointment. For my part, I tend to regard what the escort chooses to do during his 'off-time' is none of my business unless he makes it my business by 'impairing' his performance for when he's 'on-duty' (so to speak).

 

As for the decency and etiquette bit, allowing you to discover his 'date' the morning after is pretty low in my book. It's one thing to discretely mess around in one's off-time, it's another thing to rub the client's face in it the next day, even by 'accident'...

 

Alan

[Guest Wetnwildbear]

Is this the Same Guy Who Smoked

 

or are you having a serious of bad weekend experiences?

 

Unless you two had pre-arranged for the time in question to be his free time

 

then sleeping in your bed or not, he should have been around and not out partying and

 

then, "screwing the mailman" in the accomodations you provided in the same hotel.

 

 

I agree there are unwritten rules. It is bad taste to "trick" on the client's dime and

 

especially in accomodations the client is paying for.

 

 

A review is definitely called for - especially if the "trickster" is also "the smoker"

 

Help others avoid a similar bad and expensive time!

[+ purplekow]

There are times that I wake up in the middle of the night and really want a quickie to get me back to sleep. I usually warn my overnight guests that I may be waking them for some quick sex during the night. While under the right circumstances, finding my guy hooked up with someone else may be a good deal of fun, I think the escort should have been available for you, but if you did not specifically indicate that you might be back or that you were coming in for "room service" at 9 AM or that you expected him to be monogamous for the length of your relationship, I say you were on a break and he gets away with a very tacky overnighter. I would have been sure that I fucked him to exhaustion, mine or his, after his guest left.

[topasian99]

8inch tool,

 

Thanks for your input. We discussed what we would be doing together. We discussed that I would not be sharing hotel room with him for sleeping, it is only for playing. No, I did not specifically mentioned that he could not be having sex with third party while i am not involved. ( I thought when i book you for a weekend, your time is to entertain me, not yourself or others) . I could be very wrong there.

 

What i was looking for by raising this question is to understand from escorts and other hiring clients what usually is understood. Do we really have to go over this prior to making the appointment?

 

David, no, i did not grant permission for him to seek work and or sleep with other guys without my involvement. We went over what i wanted to engage him for, we agreed at a predetermined price and I went with it.

 

The hurtful part is to find out that he did not even think of covering his tracks. I say disrespectful for sure.

 

Must I assume nothing from here on? no such thing as common understanding and etiquette?

[topasian99]

They are two of the same person. As for a review, I like giving myself a week's time prior to committing to write about it. I do not want to be hasty on this.

[KMEM]

All I meant with the "hen away" part was, without a clear understanding about several of the things mentioned here, why put temptation in front of the escort?

 

When you paid for the week-end + travel expenses + hotel, the time is certainly yours although he is entitled to some personal time but not personal "business" time. On the other hand, I think it unusual for you to be elsewhere during this visit. It shouldn't be necessary to explain all this to reach a mutual understanding but it might be prudent to do so, especially if you will be absent some of the time.

 

I snore and don't wish to inflict that on anyone but ear plugs from Walgreen's or moving to the other side of the room will go a long way towards curing that. It would be beyond belief that any escort of any experience at all would not have heard and dealt with snoring one way or the other.

 

I don't know how to make you comfortable about being with strangers. The military gets folks over that rather quickly but I am not recommending that. Perhaps an hourly or two with any prospective week-ender might be advisable?

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[alanalt]

Must I assume nothing from here on? no such thing is common understanding and etiquette?

 

You can assume that if you don't take the time to communicate your expectations when you're hiring, you're going to suffer some disappointments from time to time and, furthermore, 'common understanding' usually only arises from clear communication.

[+ deej]

You can assume that if you don't take the time to communicate your expectations when you're hiring, you're going to suffer some disappointments from time to time and, furthermore, 'common understanding' usually only arises from clear communication.

 

Excellent post. Bravo.

[+ David-SF]

Topasian99

obviously

These are glaring things that must have made you feel uncomfortable. they are by no means acceptable in most circumstances. It would be very helpful for the escort if you expressed your disappointment to him either by email or by phone.

if the escort learns from this behavior you have assisted him in becoming a better provider.

being a kind voice about your feelings and asking him for some attention to what you have to say, can serve you both well.

 

again I totally got your post i just tend to go on sorry about that

all my best to you

David

[Bart]

Leftovers from night before

 

Asian why take chances spell everything out and expectations with time, sex, etc. up front including whats okay after retiring for evening. Things can still be very free flowing.

 

The set up of this question is exactly how I do all my overnights. I leave early evening and agree to return 8:30 next morning, most aren't thrilled with early hour but they know it prior to the booking. That said I am very anal about details prior to the hook up. Most guys chuckle and say they appreciate the "engagement rules". It makes life so much easier. David and other can attest to my laying everything out ahead of time and my willingness to stick what was agreed to. For some the rate is adjusted accordingly others do not, but all is decided up front.

 

I give the escort a time schedule with a beginning and end prior to booking what happens in-between is not scheduled but I do give a general idea of how the flow goes. I actually tell guys, if you wish to hook up with someone, business or fun, by all means do so, BUT

they must be gone when I arrive and I do not want to see evidence they were there, but I do ask how things went and most will give some general thoughts if business, more if pleasure. The two worst experiences with this are not terrible but did effect my relationship with the guy.

 

Second overnight I did the guy was actually meeting an old friend and one of the reasons he came to my area. Despite my written details agreed to the guy could not remember any of it thought I was staying night, not day. When I arrived back the next morning, the guy was not ready and the room had garbage everywhere, huge empty bottle of wine and bathroom a mess. Then the sex was worthless as well as the guy was really too tired. That said that incident was directly responsible for my becoming very good friends with another poster on board, so out of mess I am very happy it occurred.

 

The other was a three-way, only time I have ever hired two escorts who had never met before and I will never do that again. Way to uncomfortable but in this case the one guy who I had met several times before went out with the new guy but the familiar guy got drunk and was in tough shape rest of the scheduled time. He said he was fine but his energy level was zapped. Now I know some would say I should cut the guy some slack but I was perturbed big time.

 

I do think if you are going to give a guy 12+ hours to himself he should be ready to go when I get there or at least close to it. Not like my schedule is a secret. I even tell guys straight up I like to show up next morning while they are in bed, maybe half asleep, most like to brush teeth ahead of time, strip, crawl into bed and just snuggle. It is an intiment moment but I actually tell them this up front and has never distracted from the moment at all. So dont be afraid to lay your cards on the table, the guys know how to make the moments special.

 

So Asian, it was in terrible taste for the escort to have the other person there when you arrived back the following day and I think you have no issue kicking the guy out on that one. I would want the sheets changed, I mean yuck. However, totally wrong to think the guy should just sit in the room waiting on you if that was not agreed to ahead of time. Why would you want that? A more relaxed escort is to your benefit. Anyway I don't take chances I spell everything out including expectations ahead of time. There are no unwritten rules other than "The customer is always right"

[Guest Merlin]

The big question is whether the evening activities affect the escorts ability the next day. If he spends the night with someone else, he will probably be less able to perform as often or as well the next day, and may be tired for other activities. The escort should use sleep time for sleep unless his client agrees otherwise.

[rvwnsd]

communication, communication, communication

 

I'm not condoning the behavior that you described, but I'm not letting you off the hook on this one, either. I think it is crucial to discuss expectations prior to hiring an escort, particularly for a weekend appointment where you are flying him in and don't plan on being there all of the time. At that time you can confirm whether a guy smokes, drinks, fucks, gets fucked, etc. To go one step further, I wouldn't hire a guy for an entire weekend if I hadn't met him for an hour or two first. That would have served the dual purpose of getting to know him a little better and determining that he makes an ashtray taste and smell all minty fresh. Clearly, you don't live in the same city as this guy, but if you could spring for his airfare and hotel you could probably have done the same for yourself and visited him instead, especially since you didn't plan on being with him overnight.

 

Nonetheless, bringing a trick back to the hotel and sleeping in with him until you got there is bad business, unless there was some discussion of how much fun it would be to have a three-way with some hot pickup in the hotel.

[topasian99]

It was a below par experience. Lots were discussed. I did not feel the need to reiterate that he should be there to do a job, that does not include him sacrificing his sleep time to bring trick(s) back to hotel where I provided for our time together and his rest.

 

His ad clearly stated nonsmoker. I would not mind social smoking outside of the hotel building but certainly not chain-smoking inside the 180sq ft space.

 

The reckless behaviour of allowing his client to discover him and his trick in bed at 11am, where we had agreed to have breakfast together showed how little respect he has for his work and his client.

 

I have hired escorts from out of town without first meeting them for hour/2 hour sessions quite a few times. While things did not always work out very well, I at least felt the respect. My hirings are usually done based on satisfactory reviews from other clients. You can say leave no chance and discuss every single scenerio. It is certainly tedious to talk about "No fucking behind my back" and" Be truthful when you advertise you are a non-smoker."

 

Nevertheless, without risking another bad experience, i will attempt to have all grounds covered in the future when attempting to hire.

[+ deej]

It was a below par experience. Lots were discussed. I did not feel the need to reiterate that he should be there to do a job, that does not include him sacrificing his sleep time to bring trick(s) back to hotel where I provided for our time together and his rest.

 

Careful.

 

There's a fine line between hiring someone to do a job and purchasing a slave. If the latter is what you're expecting you ABSOLUTELY need to spell it out, and expect to be turned down.

 

I'm not condoning or excusing the escort in any way, but you're not faultless and your reaction is leaning towards a sense of entitlement that may not be warranted.

[topasian99]

Now, I think i have a great deal to learn about hiring. Expecting a paid companion to rest up and ready for agreed upon activities. Not to get sexually involved with other parties for the time he is being paid, also to be respectful of his client are considered borderline "enslavement". I rest my case Deej.

 

The feeling of entitlement is based on a verbal contract with consideration. Mixed into it respect and courtesy for each other.

[Guest manrent1]

I give the escort a time schedule with a beginning and end prior to booking what happens in-between is not scheduled but I do give a general idea of how the flow goes.

This post and description of your requirements are amazing.

 

I can't imagine any escort would want to spend the weekend with a contracual arrangement like this.

 

I guess I'm just a little more laid back and give respect to the guys I hire and expect and get respect in return.

[+ deej]

Now, I think i have a great deal to learn about hiring. Expecting a paid companion to rest up and ready for agreed upon activities. Not to get sexually involved with other parties for the time he is being paid, also to be respectful of his client are considered borderline "enslavement".

 

You were actually asked this but did not answer it. (Or perhaps I missed it.)

 

Did you pay the escort's full rate or was there a discount due to the down time? If the latter is the case and you expect to control how that downtime is used you've definitely passed into enslavement. If you paid for the down time and did not spell out what it should be used for, you have only yourself to blame.

 

As I said, I am in no way excusing the escort. I think you have a beef. It just may not be as big as you think it is. Also, based on your handle and your other communications here I'm guessing that English is not your first language. Might that have exacerbated communications?

 

Rest your case anywhere you like.

[Guest Mac diPietro]

Two things:

 

If you had arranged to meet the escort in the morning at a set time and arrived at that time to find him with someone else then that is simply wrong, tacky, unprofessional, whatever you care to name it.

 

On the other hand, since so much has been made about the escort 'depleting his resources' in his off hours, the fact is that there are times when a little fun sex is actually energizing, and it gears you up for another round on the job. I doubt anyone will like hearing that, but it's true. I'd expect the chain-smoking to be more detrimental to the escort's "resources" than a fun fuck might be. Just throwing this in for the sake of perspective.

[Romann]

That is just down right disrespectful and all out unprofessional. Speaking as an escort, I'm being hired by the client and for the client during the time that I'm there. At no point should an escort make other appointments, go clubbing, drinking but more importantly, bringing another person home.

 

I'm very sorry that happened to you and in no way should you tolerate that - I know I wouldn't. Unless there is some agreement in advance between the client and the escort about having "private" time, the escort should stick with his man and be there for him and be there with him. I have heard of this happening in regards to some of my clients with past escorts and that just really upsets me because it sets a bad tone for other escorts who do take their job seriously and enjoy what they do with their client at all times.

 

When I was traveling with clients on business trips and vacations, I was also working on my Masters at the same time. Before tickets and hotels were purchased, I did ask the client if they would mind that I take one hour each day to work on my homework which is done online and to return some emails. What I found was when I asked, the client very much appreciated that and thanked me for letting them know in advance. Asking goes a long way but I warn other escorts to not push it. If you have no reason to be using the Internet then don't but if you do, clear it with your client by informing them ahead of time before you board the plane or arrive at their location. As for personal use of the Internet, that's just not acceptable in my opinion and the same goes for taking phone calls from potential clients who would like to book an appointment while with another client.

 

I want to hear your opinions, escorts and clients. It is about etiquette and decency.and expectations.

 

A client flies an out of town escort to his home city for a weekend. Spend time during day and client retires to his private quarters in the evening. Escort left alone in hotel after midnight and is to reconvene in the morning . Would you say it is expected of the escort not to go out clubbing, not to use the internet to bring anonymous sex date to the hotel, allowing sex date to stay overnight, to be discovered by client the following morning catching them sleeping in. Is there any validity to the argument that the "sleep time" is personal and therefore client should not expect anything?

 

Any thoughts and comments will be appreciated.