Escorts wearing baseball caps

[Guest]

There have been a coule of comments on this site recently regarding escorts wearing baseball caps, and I would like to elicit perspectives from the escorts' and clients' sides. First there was the muscular escort who started a string due to feeling disrespected because, among other things, the client asked him to remove his baseball cap. Then there was Johann from Minesotta who got a mediocre review because, among other things, he came wearing a baseball cap. Well, I have my own story. I recently did a long-term hire with a sexually excellent escort, whom I'd previously hired for an hour. I told him before we got together "Bring clothes which are casual but nice. I'll be taking you to a show and some nice restaurants, so all you'll need this week-end are casual but nice clothes." Well, he came wearing long thermal underwear and a baseball cap! Although I didn't comment on it during our get-together (except, of course, that I did ask him to take it off when we were intimate), I'm somewhat upset by his dress. Should I have said "Please don't bring any shirts which don't have collars"? Would it have been appropriate to ask him to take off his baseball cap during the show and when in a restaurant?

On one hand, I didn't want to come off like a control freak, but on the other hand, wouldn't most people understand that "wear something casual but nice" means a shirt with a collar? And isn't it considered rude to wear a baseball cap in a restaurant? If I hire an escort, it's because I want to see all of them, hair (or scalp skin) and all. Although the escort was very talented sexually, he didn't make me feel respected as a client.

[trilingual]

Gee, I'd say you were disrespected! Your requests were pretty clear, especially when you said you'd be taking him to a show and some nice restaurants. Thermal underwear and a baseball cap certainly aren't suitable dress for those places. You should have told him he needed to wear something else, and asked him to go home and pick up some other clothes (or taken him there to do that).

 

The sex may have been good, but this definitely sounds like someone you can take anywhere but out!!! Certainly don't hire him in the future for company anywhere but in the bedroom!

[Guest starfucker]

from Patrick Terrance Neal (The Online Manners Guy)

 

http://www.terryneal.com/manners1.htm

 

Dear Online Manners Guy,

 

My eight year old son wants to know exactly why it is nt okay to wear hats at the table while

eating. Can you help with an explaination. - Sandy

 

Dear Sandy,

 

The old rule is that men remove their hats, and women keep theirs on. The reason for this is

that women's hat were considered a part of their clothing, like an accessory, and often

required pinning them in place, placing the veil, etc. Men's hats however were considered

merely a head covering, easily removed, and generally, not stylish. Because of this, women

kept their hats on while men removed theirs.

 

In today's world, women simply don't wear these style of hats anymore (except in some

social circles and the Queen of England.) Instead, men and women, when wearing hats, wear

the same style, I.e. baseball hats, cowboy hats, etc. Because of this, the hat rules apply to

men and women when they're wearing these unisex hats.

 

And now to why should you remove a hat at the dinner table. Basically, because it's not

needed. Would your son wear his raincoat to the table? Of course not. That's the reason

why you don't wear a hat at the table. It's considered inappropriate.

 

The one exception to this is for certain religious sects which require head coverings.

 

Hope this helps. If you need more, let me know.

 

--- Online Manners Guy

[adriano46]

Thanks for bringing this up.

 

I found the baseball cap syndrome (thank God not yet exported to Europe) to be unnerving. I also would not want to be a control freak, but in a restaurant or theatre, or many other locales, I felt I had to gently suggest "Take the hat off, please!"

 

I have no problem with a guy wanting to wear one when we are walking around, but would expect him to leave the damn thing in the hotel room if, say, we were going to the Met or to a Broadway show (and I feel the same about obnoxious Hollywood actors and actresses thinking they too can dress the same no matter where they go).

 

Perhaps... this is why I "prefer" older, more mature escorts (who have outgrown the baseball cap stage).

[BgMstr4u]

Thanks for bringing this up. I have pretty strong feelings about this, on several levels.

 

I think when an escort goes out on a date with a client, he has an obligation to scope out the client's style and conform. At best wearing a baseball cap connotes adolescence -- certainly not what most grown up men want to bring to a nice restaurant or a party or the theatre. At worst, the backwards-worn baseball cap can have gang associations. More power to the client who likes this, but I have to say that I instantly turn off when there is any hint of gang language, dress or attitude. I suspect I am not alone.

 

You say you asked him to "Bring clothes which are casual but nice". I think that is not specific enough. I was at a very nice cocktail party on Park Avenue a few nights ago and a 20-something guy turned up in (clean and nice) sweat pants, tennies and tee shirt. It was jarring, to say the least. I have been to weddings and funerals where teens and 20's types wore the same uniform. I can't begin to imagine what they were thinking. What these say to me is that many young people actually do not know, or do not care, what they wear, or they do not want to conform to the social situation. This being the case, by all means tell him: I would like you to wear khaki slacks, loafers, dark socks, and a preppy type shirt with collar, and if you have it, a blazer and a tie, in case that is what is needed." Or whatever it is you want.

 

Clothing is about opening doors to social situations. Good escorts like to look right, making their client proud to have them at his side. I would not want to be seen in a nice restaurant with a lad who is incorrectly dressed, and I would not want to hire one who doesn't care to look his best and blend in. I have discovered that it is a mark of pride in the best escorts to fit into social situations appropriately. After all, they are human beings who might make new friends, and not just for escorting, but possibly for other, more enduring chapters of their lives.

[+ Charlie]

The baseball cap, especially worn backward, is a standard part of the uniform for the under-25 working class male, or of those who would like to be perceived as such. Many clients are attracted to that type, and he may have misinterpreted your instruction to dress "casual". More likely, though, he doesn't have enough social experience or sensitivity to realize what is appropriate in that situation (if you go to the first day of classes at almost any state university in America, you will see most of the freshmen wearing caps, T-shirts or tanktops, and baggy shorts, and they don't take the caps off in class). If he is older and he dresses that way, he is probably trying to pretend--maybe even to himself--that he's still a fresh kid at heart. A sophisticated escort would feel patronized if you were to tell him how to dress for a dinner date, but if you don't know him well enough to know how he will dress, it's probably better to specify--you can always make it seem like a fetish on your part, which any good escort should understand.

[Will]

I couldn't agree with you more, and I, too, have some thoughts on this subject.

 

First, as Adriano pointed out, baseball caps worn backwards are the garb of adolescents, whether they're hanging out by the country club swimming pool or playing stickball on the street. Unfortunately, many fully adult men seem to think that wearing a baseball cap backwards makes them look cool, hip, whatever. On the contrary. It makes them look stupid, that's how it makes them look, stupid and so insecure with themselves as adult men that they cling to the trappings of childhood.

 

Second, the age cohort in which most escorts fall is made up of social tyrants. I think they know perfectly well that wearing a tee-shirt and sweats to a cocktail party, or the same to a wedding, is an act of defiant rudeness and I think that's exactly why they do it. It's also why they will eat a pork chop by impaling it on a fork and then nibbling away at it like a guppy after fishfood. It's why they smoke in odd places and flick ashes any old where.

 

Why do they get away with it? One reason is that other adults don't insist on respectful public behavior. We live in a time of runaway narcissism, where for many people the only dress code is what they happen to want to wear, not what is appropriate for the occasion.

 

Another reason is rapid, even instantaneous, social mobility. This is especially the case in the demi-monde, where the criteria for success have little to do with breeding, rearing, education, and so on. In our particular sector of that world, a know-nothing boy fresh out of high school can become the darling of jet-set fags before Christmas if he's pretty enough and clever enough. I suspect as well that this site has catapulted many a local boy to national attention within a matter of months, and that he has found himself in situations he'd never dreamed of before.

 

With Adriano, I prefer escorts who are old enough to know better and who are sensitive and caring enough to want to behave themselves. If I did engage a youngster, I'd tell him to dress more specifically than "casual." To just any working boy, "casual" doesn't mean "Prada-without-a-tie." Remember, some of them think that a "show" means the movies and a "nice restaurant" means Appleby's.

 

There's a lot to be said for the charming if murderous Talented Mr. Ripley!

[buckguy]

You probably should've given the escort more explicit instructions. "Shirt with a collar" would've been descriptive w/o being blunt. That would've gotten the general point across, and even if the escort was relatively concrete in his thinking, an oxford collar shirt or even a polo dresses up a blue jean-clad guy quite a bit. Most people do not grow up going to shows and such, and it's no longer that common to wear jackets and dress pants to work (mine rarely see use). So, frankly, if you have specific expectations, you should make them and not assume much.

 

As for baseball caps---in many parts of the country they're worn at all ages and not just by NASCAR fans or sports nuts. In Atlanta and much of the Southeast, they seem to be some sort of fratboy accessory that you see in many surroundings and at many ages. There are ways to get across the idea that you a cap is inappropriate---"the food here is very good, but this is a kind of stuffy place, I think you'd be more comfortable here w/o the baseball cap".

 

BTW--casual stuff bothers me not at all. A baseball cap (backwards or otherwise) would be out of place at a Ritz Carlton or Intercontinental, but not at most business hotels, esp. the ones that attract fratboy salesman types from Atlanta (of which there are many).

[marc anthony]

Don't be too hard on the young guys. They are rarely wearing what they are wearing to be offensive. Mostly, they don't know any better. At their age, most have not been to many of the social arenas that we want to take them to. And certainly it is not a somewhere that they frequent on their own.

 

I have always been very specific about how I want them to dress and act before we go out. And if they are wearing a hat, I tell them that it will not be appropriate where we are going. No one has ever been offended. In fact, they seem happy to be educated. Very few really want to stick out.

 

If you are straight-forward and non-judgemental about it, you will find that these young men are very happy to be educated.

[Guest 7Zach]

My experience is the same as yours, Marc. Just ask them to take the hat off, and when asked why, you just say one doesn't wear a hat indoors. Never had a problem there. But some of those Versacci shirts from the mid 90s - I really just didn't get it.

[Talvin DeMachio]

Unicorn,

 

First of all you were totally disrespected by the escort. I find it to be very unprofessional for any escort to come in a baseball cap UNLESS the client specifically states (or the escort suggests before the meeting) if he is to wear a cap or not. I can see how a baseball cap can look cute/sexy on anyone depending on what they look like. And there is an appropriate time for it. But if you told this kid to wear causal clothes and he showed up in a baseball cap and thermal underwear. I would have told him to leave. TOTALLY UNPROFESSIONAL IN MY BOOK.

 

You are the client. Your paying for a service. Part of that service is presentation. If you asked him to show up in appropriate clothing and he showed up in Thermals and a baseball cap. You should have told him to turn around and come back dressed for the appropriate occasion.

 

If anything the escort should have been embarrassed. Hell I am embarrassed for him.

 

Sorry you had to go through that.

 

If an escort shows up and he does not look like his picture in an AD or is not dressed appropriately for being in the public. You have the right to decline. And don't give anything for a cancellation fee. Your buying a product and have the right to refuse. But that should be one of the first things that come out of your mouth after greeting him.

 

I always ask a client before we start a session if they like what they see. If a client declines I would not charge him any type of cancellation charge or anything like that. I have not been declined yet thank god (knock on wood). But you never know. It could happen.

 

Sometimes for certain people you have to spell out for a person what EXACTLY you want. I guess in the long run it will pay off for you and the escort itself. Anyone who has dealt with me knows I am very direct and to the point when it comes to business. After we get that out of the way. IT'S PLAY TIME

 

Talvin

http://www.talvindemachio.com

[Guest JustANametoPlay]

A baseball cap doesn't really bother me, but I don't think it should be worn unless asked, or at least should be able to removed when asked. I once had an escort wear one to my home and I asked he take it off and he said he would prefer not as he hadn't washed his hair that day and had hat hair.

 

Didn't inspire confidence. Fortunately he made up for it in other ways and the encounter was good.

[Guest TruthTeller]

>I

>have not been declined yet thank god (knock on wood). But

>you never know. It could happen.

 

Take a look at those pictures of yourself. Believe me, unless the person was blind or straight, that could NEVER happen.

[Talvin DeMachio]

I once had an escort wear one to my

>home and I asked he take it off and he said he would prefer

>not as he hadn't washed his hair that day and had hat hair.

 

 

Gross!!! Sorry. But if he didn't wash his hair. More than likely he did not wash himself period.

 

But I guess if you did not mind and you had a good time then it is all good.

 

Me personally, I like a person smelling fresh.

 

Talvin

http://www.talvindemachio.com

[Rick Munroe]

Whenever I see a guy over 25 wearing a baseball cap, all I can think is "bald spot." }>

[Guest DevonSFescort]

What a great thread -- very revealing about the wide variety of social signals something as innocuous as a baseball cap can send, even among a relatively small population (i.e., men who hire male escorts).

 

I'm with the majority who feel that in this case a cap and thermals went above and beyond the call of cluelessness, if not outright disrespect. However, buckguy and marc anthony give great tips which would apply vis-a-vis educating an escort who has committed a more minor sartorial gaffe. For example, I might have shown up in a black v-necked pullover (sort of a turtleneck without the turtle-y neck), thinking I looked 'casual but nice,' thus disappointing the client by failing to wear a collared shirt. Also I emphatically agree with the posts that said most escorts want to be educated by their clients, who, after all, are by and large an accomplished and sophisticated lot. As long as I continue to let their influence rub off on me I know I'll be alright.

[+ deej]

>Whenever I see a guy over 25 wearing a baseball cap, all I

>can think is "bald spot." }>

 

<chuckle> Me too, but it isn't always the case.

 

I often wear a baseball cap when I'm out and about. I have long hair. The hat helps keep my hair out of my eyes in this very Windy City. ;-)

[buckguy]

I'm kindof taken with the tone of the reponses here--tending toward the very refined, effete, and snobbish. For me, real refinement often shows itself in making the best of an unfortunate situation. A side trip to pick-up a shirt could have made a difference, so would a diplomatic remark about the cap. If the escort is relatively new to alot of this, he needs help and you could have provided it and done it w/o being a prig. A simple remark to the effect that "Oh, I should've suggested something more dressy" would have gotten alot across, saved face, and allowed you to make some last minute fix-ups.

[Guest cp8036]

Doesn't sound like he was dressed for any type of meeting with a client. Younger guys may not see the need to dress professionally, but they sure seem to understand the concept of charging as a professional. Maybe he has different idea of casual.

 

However, a lot of men have a problem determining what is "casual". About 8-10 years ago I worked for a large firm in Chicago. Keeping with the times, they changed the dress code to "business casual".

 

Before shirts and ties were needed for men. Half of the employees took business casual to mean tee shirts, denim, stretch pants (on the women), shorts, and so on.

 

The company had to send out explicit details about clothes, shoes, etc.

[Rick Munroe]

>Also I emphatically agree

>with the posts that said most escorts want to be educated by

>their clients, who, after all, are by and large an

>accomplished and sophisticated lot.

 

I'll try to remember this the next time I'm out to dinner with a client who drops food onto the table & proceeds to pick it up with his fingers & eat it...loudly, and with his mouth wide open. :-)

[Rick Munroe]

When asked by a client to dinner and/or a show , I always ask "what should I wear?" I never take a chance on wearing the wrong thing and I don't care if that makes me seem unsophisticated. When I was starting out, a client told me to "dress casually", which to him meant a jacket sans tie, and to me meant A&F cargo pants. I've since learned what is appopriate & have the right clothes for any occasion...but I still always ask just to make sure. I'm the one who'd feel out of place if I were dressed wrong. (I also once, early on, showed up looking pretty hot in a suit, and the client was wearing a sweater & khakis. The waiter handed me the check. :-))

[Guest Gentle Dude]

<(I also once, early on, showed up looking pretty hot in a suit,

>and the client was wearing a sweater & khakis. The waiter

>handed me the check. :-))

 

ROTFLMAO...

[Guest JT]

>(I also once, early on, showed up looking pretty hot in a suit,

>and the client was wearing a sweater & khakis. The waiter

>handed me the check. :-))

 

 

Now I know exactly what to wear to the restaurant when I see you so that I can have a free meal. ;-)

 

JT

[Guest Joey Ciccone]

>There have been a coule of comments on this site recently regarding escorts wearing baseball caps, and I would like to elicit perspectives from the escorts' and clients' sides.<

 

I wear a baseball cap when I'm playing left field, sometimes shortstop. When it's cold out, I wear a HAT, but it normally comes off when my coat does.

 

>I recently did a long-term hire... I told him before we got together "Bring clothes which are casual but nice. I'll be taking you to a show and some nice restaurants, so all you'll need this week-end are casual but nice clothes." Well, he came wearing long thermal underwear and a baseball cap!<

 

What a dope. I thought everyone knew "casual but neat/nice" means slacks, shoes, collar shirt, and most likely a jacket. Matching socks and a shave would complete the package. (I don't find thermals objectionable if it's cold out and they're worn under the ensemble.)

 

>Would it have been appropriate to ask him to take off his baseball cap during the show and when in a restaurant?<

 

Unless he came directly from a ball field and maybe forgot to remove it, hell yes it would have been appropriate. I can't believe this escort. What was he, twelve years old? That wouldn't even excuse it. Most kids know to take off their hat indoors. Especially at the dinner table. No class. Or at best, neglected etiquette. As someone mentioned above, some people need it spelled out to them. Better luck next time.

[Guest cp8036]

deej,

 

So, this means you are over twenty-five?