Fin Fang Foom On The Alex/Rob Thalydomide Brouhaha

[dcdaniel]

I’ve been with Rob and Alex 10 times over the past 3 years. They are kind, wonderful, and sincere gentlemen who are masters at the art of escorting. I never felt rushed or unconfortable with them.. Every time I’ve been with them I leave their home so sexually fulfilled I want to turn my car around and go back for another hour. These two guys are the best in the business their masterful bodied and sexually energy is only eclipsed by their warmth and kindness.

 

That being said I had to post a comment concerning the review and subsequent fall-out. A reaction is based on an action. The reaction was the way the clinent belived the events transpired and the follow-up response by Rob and Alex. However, the action was the client not being truthful about his condition to Rob and Alex. Had the action not occurred a reaction would not have followed? Listen I’m more than truthful to the way I look. I would much rather have the escorts been surprise that I’m better looking than I described.

 

It’s unfortunate that this one review has tarnished the stellar reputation of Rob and Alex.

[Boston Guy]

You know, you're right. It's unfortunate, kind of all the away around.

 

In my very first post on this subject, I said that my heart goes out to the client and it does. I'm sure he deals with stuff every day that most of use never have to deal with at all. But there's always another side.

 

I'm sure the two escorts were very surprised -- shocked is probably a better word -- when they saw the client. That would be a very normal human reaction. Had he prepared them, they might have been better able to give him a good session. Or they might have rejected him out of hand, which is of course the rub.

 

In a post here or in the other thread, he said something like he didn't want to be treated like a second-class citizen anymore, including in the bedroom. My response to reading that was to think that the way to be treated like a first-class citizen in the bedroom is to treat your partner that way, which always includes at least honesty and thoughtfulness.

 

Finally, we have seen yet again a case where escorts have done themselves a disservice by responding in a way that makes them look bad. It's not surprising: most escorts are young and most do not write for a living. But they could have done themselves a big favor by responding with something like this:

 

[blockquote]He's right. We weren't our best that night. We were shocked when we saw his handicaps but tried to carry on. But we're human and we just couldn't provide the level of service that we normally do. We felt bad about it and still feel bad about it. We only wish he had let us know in advance about the severity of his handicaps. Perhaps then we could have all had a better session.[/blockquote]

 

Anything like that would have ended the whole controversy, at least regarding the reputation of the escorts. Everyone would have understood how they could have been shocked and not able to do their usual thing.

 

Perhaps the one good about all of this will be for other escorts to learn that gracious replies -- especially replies that don't seek to discredit their clients -- are virtually always far better than any other kind of response. And, of course, for clients to learn once again that the name of the game is communication and honesty.

 

BG

[Guest jeffOH]

I'm sure they were shocked. Really, since when does "unattractive" cover deformities anyway? I've had clients with spina bifida, one leg, were 5'8" 400lbs., had sores all over their bodies due to cancer and they were all upfront about their condition prior to our first meeting.

 

As BG and others have said, my heart also goes out to the client as he stated that he just wanted to touch a beautiful man/men and not be judged. Thing is, escorts aren't pony rides at the grocery store where you put your money in and you get your ride. We're human beings first and sexual performance can be a tricky thing if something so unexpected comes along. Sounds to me like the boys did their best in a situation that came about through no fault of their own and IF there had been a next time perhaps it would have gone much better for everyone involved.

[bachdon]

Here I am again.

To summerize the points on this thread .

1. I was dishonest with my review

2. I was dishonest and "pulled a stunt" by merely saying I was unattractive

3. I deserved what I got.

and 4. How dare I besmerch the steller reputation of Alex/Rob.

 

I will only answer in that I did not in the slightest exaggerate anything in the review. I wrote it precisely because the event in question lasted only 15 minutes. These are facts; believe them or not thats your choice. While I accept blame for not telling alex/rob the exact nature of my unattractiveness I do not feel that gave them the right to treat me the way they did, accept money from me andpost a rebuttle that was, in the least a tad self serving and somewhat vengeful.I have a disability no more no less. Im not quasimodo and children stare, they dont run shreaking in terror. Again believe what you will, this part of the discussion is pretty well over.

 

My main reason for writing this however is that in this thread its not about Alex/rob anymore its about me. Its not about people expressing their opinions anymore, its about gleeful character assasination.

 

Regardless of how you might feel about me or my alleged dishonesty or my merely getting what I deserved, I dont think anyone deserved the kind of hateful spiteful horrible things said in the name of cleverness. I am frankly shocked that anyone can be so intentially hurtful for no apparent reason then to crush someone

 

FFF you succeeded-incredabily well. You are very good at what you do. I was hurt.I was very hurt. But what did it gain? A good laugh? A reason to dismiss a point? Why do you do this? Why do you think its fun to tear somebody down in as cruel a way possible.

 

And to the ones who think being hurtful serves a purpose-I cant imagine why you would enjoy seeing someone in pain-does it make you feel better in some way to see someone emotionally pummled.

 

So have a good laugh, Im sure your response will be cutting vengeful and very clever. but Ill not read it or anything else on this websight. I dont have a stomach for it, and in the end when the lights are out and your alone with yourselves and theres no one else to impress then you have to live with who you are and what you've become and quite frankly Id much rather be me then you.

 

I dont think its fun to hurt anyone for any reason.

 

Don

[kevininsa]

>Can we move on, or are we going to beat this horse truly to

>death?

 

Oh please. This is the M4M Msg Board... you knew the answer to that before you asked it.

 

(not saying we need to keep beating... but an accurate observation none the less)

 

KevinInSA

[kevininsa]

Not taking sides here... but welcome back FFF. A little controversy isn't all bad.

 

 

KevinInSA

[Guest zipperzone]

>Here I am again.

>To summerize the points on this thread .

>1. I was dishonest with my review

>2. I was dishonest and "pulled a stunt" by merely saying I was

>unattractive

>3. I deserved what I got.

>and 4. How dare I besmerch the steller reputation of

>Alex/Rob.

 

BACHDON - you're getting to be more than a tad tiresome.

 

 

Again believe what you will, this part of the

>discussion is pretty well over.

 

Bet it ain't - you're obsessed with it.

 

>My main reason for writing this however is that in this thread

>its not about Alex/rob anymore its about me. Its not about

>people expressing their opinions anymore, its about gleeful

>character assasination.

 

No it's not - just pretend it's a roast and Don Rickles is the MC.

 

>So have a good laugh, Im sure your response will be cutting

>vengeful and very clever. but Ill not read it or anything else

>on this websight.

 

Yah right! And your mother's the Queen of England.

 

>then you have to live with who

>you are and what you've become and quite frankly Id much

>rather be me then you.

 

Now that's the biggest fib of all.

[bigguyinpasadena]

Bachdon,and I am sure you will read this,please go away.I,representing only myself here,find you not only dishonest(substitute "you are a liar"if you wish),mean spirited(mainly to yourself-but also to anyone not willing to join in on your pity party)and manipulative(using your handicaps to attempt to cover up your other character defects)and I,again representing only myself here,do not look forward to your further participation on this board.

I also find you incredibly stupid.You could have swung the opinion of this entire board(well maybe except for FFF)to your favor if you would have been honest and straight forward.Instead your clumsy attempts at garnering sympathy from those of us who would normally be posting in your favor have been for naught-in fact IMO have backfired.

You say you have had good times with certain escorts-but none have come to your defense even though some of those you named are regular posters on this board and(In the case of Rick Monroe)not afraid of controversy.I am sure they would remember you.

So why is this important?Well you have put a permanent black mark on the record of two otherwise very well reviewed escorts.Thus you have hampered their full ability to make an income.Now Granted these two boys dug thimselves in deeper than you did by their clumsy and stupid response-but they would not have done so if you had not filed the initial review-thus prompting the response.

And maybe if you had been honest and upfront from the beginning maybe none of this would have ever happened.You have seen the ways of your error on this point-but the damage to the escorts reputation has been done.

Again I feel that this review should not have been written and that it should not have been published without further fact checking.If the points that have been brought up in this post and the other had been disclosed before hand I don't belive the review would have been published.

[Guest alanm]

Big Guy,

 

For some reason, you have become just as obsessed with this as Backdon. At least Backdon has a reason to be obsessed, he was directly involved.

 

Let's all move on.

 

Alan

[+ Charlie]

Big Guy,

 

I'm with Alan on this one. I'm not sure why you are so intent on demonizing Bachdon, or why you say the review should never have been written--except for the dispute about the time, Alex and Rob don't deny the facts about what happened. Instead they focus on how shocked they were by his deformities, and what a great reputation they have. I suspect their testy tone is in part the result of their annoyance with themselves that they didn't handle the situation better. If their written response had been like the one suggested by Boston Guy, this whole brouhaha probably wouldn't have arisen.

 

Whatever you and I may believe about the probability of the fifteen minutes, Bachdon genuinely believes that was how long it lasted, and it is maddening to him to be repeatedly accused of lying. He admitted early on in the first thread that he made a mistake in not describing his "unattractiveness" more precisely, so to keep attacking him as "dishonest" seems excessive. He did not claim that he had hired the escorts that he named, only that they were examples of well-known escorts he thought of as professional in dealing with people like himself. Posters like FFF may think he should be more thick-skinned and realistic about his condition, but that doesn't stop him from feeling pain at some of the things that have been said about it. He sounds angry and defiant in his posts here, but I have exchanged a number of private communications with him, and he is actually very upset and hurt. No one knows better than I do that we play rough in our little playground here, but we are dealing with the feelings of real people. I know that some posters have said vicious and unmerited things about you on here, and I know you are usually a fair-minded person, so I hope you might reconsider some of your harsher statements to Bachdon.

[Guest zipperzone]

>and I,again representing only myself here,do not look

>forward to your further participation on this board.

 

Not true BigGuy - you can consider yourself as speaking for me too.

 

(In the case of Rick Monroe)not afraid of controversy.I am sure they would remember you.

 

You think?

[+ Axiom2001]

Welcome back, FFFoom, it's been more than a year since you wrote. When you were writing rather regularly here, I enjoyed your "take" on most of the forums where you wrote. Continue to be a visible writer/correspondent! :-) Axiom-

[trilingual]

Bachdon needs to take a few deep breaths and be reasonable. Setting up an encounter with an escort is NOT like buying an airline ticket or trying to get into a building with non-accessible door knobs.

 

BOTH parties to a sexual encounter need to be comfortable with each other and with the situation for it to work. Between men, arousal or excitement is hard to fake. Either it's there or it isn't, and all of us have limits and turn-offs, as well as turn-ons. That includes escorts. In this case Bachdon needs to reverse the situation to see that his reaction isn't reasonable. What if the ESCORT turned up to be different than what Bachdon expected, in a way Bachdon finds a turn-off or repulsive? Can he seriously think it's going to be a good experience if he goes ahead even if he's turned-off or revolted?

 

After 30 years of working in the field of civil rights for the disabled, I know that being upfront about your situation and any special needs you have is always the best approach. It avoids surprises, or finding out that a service you're interested in is unavailable or inaccessible, and in the end there are far fewer disappointments and misunderstandings.

 

For a successful encounter, Bachdon and other disabled clients (or those who are extremely obese or very aged or are, in other ways, not everyone's object of desire) need to be upfront and straightforward when making their arrangements, and be sure there are no problems beforehand. If an escort backpedals or stands up a client after the client has been upfront with the escort and the escort accepts the engagement, the client is justified in being upset and considering the escort unprofessional/immature/dishonest/etc. But concealing your situation if it's out of the ordinary is an invitation for a bad experience.

 

I'm glad that Bachdon has had rewarding experiences with other escorts, and I'm sure other disabled clients have also had great times. A really good, professional escort can always find something attractive and exciting about a client. But not all escorts are true artists, as it were, so clients should avoid future unhappiness by being honest and upfront about their conditions and expectations when they set up their encounters.

 

P.S. Disabled clients should also think about how to turn their deficits into something positive and even alluring! In Bachdon's case, for example, he might want to mention that while he doesn't have hands he has the world's strongest, most dexterous feet. That could seriously excite someone who's into feet. Or that he may not have hands but he gives the world's finest blow-job. Or whatever (things will be different depending on the client's disability and particular needs). Remember that some guys are turned on by leather, or certain occupations, so that might ring another guy's chimes! Very few men are born with stunning looks, Greek god bodies, bubble butts, gigantic dicks and non-stop sex appeal. (Well, that may not be true here in Brazil! }( ) The rest of us have ALL had to learn how to accentuate the positive and distract attention from the negatives when we look for a partner. In the sexual context, virtually all of us have some kind of defect or "disability" to overcome, and to be successful we have to do the best with what we've got! If we're not handsome or built like a brick shithouse we've got to bat our beautiful eyes, or dazzle with our smiles, or appeal with our grooming and sense of style, and above all charm with our maturity, experience, wit, intelligence and savoir-faire! You'd be amazed how attractive that can be to some drop-dead stunning men you might think are inaccessible!

 

P.P.S. And welcome to Miss Caswell. It's always a thrill to run into another alumna of the Copacabana School of Dramatic Arts! :7

[VaHawk]

Only in the gay world! does this attitude exist between escort and client!

 

Ever see a female escort demand to be attracted to the client in the hetero escorting world??? Ever see a street hooker, hetero or gay, demand the same??

 

If you can not handle a physically unattractive client, whatever that unattraction is, then PLEASE don't call yourself a professional escort, because, imo you're not! And if you can't handle it, then end the session before it begins. Do not proceed with the session, deliver a crappy encounter and collect full pay. And when reviewed, honestly, DON'T be pissing and moaning and blaming the client!

 

I, for one, hope that I NEVER get to the point that I have to BEG an escort to take my money for services undelivered, while making me feel less than human and/or like a total piece of shit!

 

BTW: I just love how so many here, have attacked this reviewer because he posted an honest review of his encounter! Attacked him to the point, that he feels that he is not welcome here, and will probably never post another review again. Hey I hope you all wave the worship escort flag and are real proud of yourselves! You were all a real credit to the community, so celebrate!

[Epigonos]

Would somebody be so kind as to direct me to where I can locate a copy of the standard description of escort professional behavior. I would go the the American Medical Association if I wanted a description of what constitutes professional behavior on the part of a physician. I would go the the American Bar Association if I wanted a description of what consitutes professional behavior on the part of an attorney. I'm sorry but I'm afraid I'm lost when it comes to knowing where to find this information for escorts.

In the end I have the feeling that what constitutes professional behavior on the part of an escort is what the person discussing the topic/issue deems it to be. Thus what I many consider unprofessional behavior another might consider perfectly acceptable. Now if that is indeed the case then the term is, I believe, meaningless.

[trilingual]

Since there is no International Escort Certification Board Code of Ethics, definitions of professionalism in the field would be those in any ethical business, including (but not limited to):

 

1) Accurate representation of the product/service offered;

 

2) Courteous and respectful behavior towards clients/customers;

 

3) Honoring the terms of any agreements with clients/customers;

 

4) Faithfully performing the actions/services contracted;

 

5) Providing fair value for compensation received.

 

I'm sure readers can contribute some other items, but these would seem pretty fundamental in the escort context.

[Epigonos]

Trilingual thanks for giving it a try. My problem is how do we define terms like:

 

Courteous and respectful

Hornoring the terms

Faithfully performing

Providing fair value

 

These all appear to me to be highly subjective and open to virtually unlimited interpetations.

[FinFangFoom]

> My problem is how do we define terms like:

>Courteous and respectful

 

They treat you like you're a guest in their home that they're happy to see. They actually TALK to you and pretend as though they're interested in whatever banality comes out of your mouth. They ask you if you'd like something to drink and how you are. You know, NORMAL shit.

 

>Honoring the terms

 

Lemme give you an example: You request that the worker bee order you to strip naked, bend you over his medium brown faux leather Barcalounger, shove his rock hard cock up your ass with nothing more than spit as lube, mercilessly pound your ass until he leaves actual bruises on you, make you shoot you load without even touching yourself, pull out, grab you by your hair, yank you around, push you to your knees, while still holding your hair with his left hand pull your head back so that your face is looking up at him, command you to open your mouth wide, with his right hand jerk his big fat long cock, spit in your face as he goes over the edge, yell "Eat my cum you fucking faggot!", blow his thick white load into your open mouth, make you swallow it and suck the last drop from the head of his cock, let go of your hair, push you back onto the floor with his heel and then tell you to get the fuck out of his apartment - all for $200 to cover his "time".

 

And he does.

 

 

>Faithfully performing

 

(see above)

 

 

>Providing fair value

 

That's for each person to judge. Frankly, most of these guys I wouldn't fuck even if they were giving it away.

 

I hope this helped.

 

Informatively yours,

 

FFF

[trilingual]

>My problem is how do

>we define terms like:

>

> Courteous and respectful

> Hornoring the terms

> Faithfully performing

> Providing fair value

>

>These all appear to me to be highly subjective and open to

>virtually unlimited interpetations.

 

I think those terms are objective and not subjective. They're understood by any reasonable person because they apply to ANY business transaction, not just the escort/client relationship.

 

Courteous and respectful mean just that: treating clients like valuable customers, which includes being cooperative and informative on the phone or in e-mails, and when they're with a client in person. It includes being prompt in returning messages and being on time for appointments, as well as being clean and well-groomed (unless the client requests something else) and appropriately dressed for the encounter.

 

Honoring the terms means living up to whatever agreement the two parties have. That includes providing the service at the time and place, and for the amount of time, agreed to.

 

Faithfully performing is related, meaning, for example, that if you agreed to have your carpets cleaned that the vendor does that and doesn't clean your walls, instead. It also means performing the service to the best of the provider's skill and ability. In the escort context it means that if he agreed to a doctor fantasy scene with you, that he shows up with the appropriate gear and provides you the fantasy you agreed on in a convincing manner.

 

Providing fair value means charging a fair price for the service provided and not chiseling on time -- if you paid for an hour session, the escort needs to be with you for an hour, not cut and run after fifteen or twenty minutes.

 

Escorting is a business, and most of the concepts and principles that apply to other businesses (especially service businesses) apply to escorting, too. There's nothing very vague or mysterious about basic business principles.

[+ nycman]

Sorry Tri....

 

I liked FFF's explanation better...grin