What Personal Info To Tell An Escort

[Twinkseeker]

I would like some comments on a problem I am having. I am going to see this particular escort for a second overnight and we are going to eat and to a play. He stays at my home. I want to tell him my real full name. I havent told him my real first or last name. I plan to see him again also, as a "regular," if everything goes well. I guess I normally would tell someone my real name. I am an open type guy, friendly, and so is the escort. But....there's the secrecy thing. We enjoyed hanging out together our first time, and plan to again. I guesss its just a comfort thing, but someone whose advice I respect says "don't." I want to know what other escorts and clients say. I just like being called by my real name, especially with someone I will see again and with whom I am intimate.I call the escort by his real name, which I know.

Am I mixed up??

[DelawareGuy]

I'd say it's OK for a couple of reasons. First, if the escort has been staying at your home, it probably wouldn't be too difficult to find your real name anyway. Second, if you're going to have a continuing relationship with him, then it would probably make things easier.

[Twinkseeker]

Thanks Delewareguy

I was afraid that it was being too "palsy-walsy" and the escort would get the wrong idea....but since we are going to spend more time together, I thought it was kind of "natural"...as acquaintences...understanding that its a different kind of "acquaintancship." I like it when the escort and I hit it off and are "friends." So in this case,I wanted him to know what I know---his full name.It makes the who experience really good for me. I understand that there might be people who might get too close to an escort, but I was just unsure of what is "OK" as far as "getting to know the escort" and establish a friendship and make it more relaxing.

[OneFinger]

>...I want to know what other escorts and clients say...

 

From a client's perspective, I can honestly say that my answer is, "It depends." For escorts that I've conversed with on this site, I definitely give them my real name and enough personal info (such as "I'm tall, fat, ugly, and bald") so they are not surprised.

 

For escorts that have a "marginal" reputation on this site (or are from other sites), I usually don't disclose my real name.

 

Anyone I've seen for a second time definitely knows my real name, personal e-mail address, and cell phone number.

[joel304]

One Finger,

 

"(such as "I'm tall, fat, ugly, and bald") so they are not surprised."

 

 

 

I hope you tell them that you have an adorable personality also. I can't even come up with a sarcastic SLC comment now. I'm tearing up

[Boston Guy]

Twink:

 

You're not mixed up. These are strange relationships we deal in here, often governed by rules that are somewhat oontrary to those that govern most of the other relationships in our lives. It's hard to know, sometimes, just what the rules are or should be.

 

Escorts and clients alike often worry about something as basic as safety, while concerns about the law, police stings, etc. are not far from the surface when meeting someone new. Even when clients and escorts get to know each other, issues of trust can be hard to resolve satisfactorily. The entire escort-client relationship is built on what some would call a lie, though we do take steps to try to push that lie into the background and pretend that we're getting together with the escort for reasons that come close to friendship.

 

That having been said, I think some escort-client relationships do transcend the lie a little and aspects of fondness and even friendship, of a sort, can develop. In these cases, the lines that govern the relationship can seem more like shifting sands.

 

For me, I don't like pretense. I'm not naive in the slightest and I'm aware of the risks involved in getting together with escorts. I don't divulge personal information -- except for my real first name -- to many of the escorts I see. But once I've decided to see someone a second time, I start to raise the curtain a bit. I don't make a big deal of it and often will start by simply unblocking the display of my name when I call someone on my cell phone. So escorts I like will know my real name pretty early on. I've doing this for quite few years without any issues at all.

 

However, I'm quite out in my life. It would be hard for someone who wanted to cause trouble for me through, for example, blackmail. If I were married, had a family, was in the closet and worked for a church in a small town in Texas, I'm not sure I'd be so free with my personal information.

 

Only you can decide what you're comfortable with. But if you're comfortable having this young man share your home, including while you're asleep, you've already decided you trust him to a certain extent. It's been my experience that when you trust someone they usually live up to that. But that's not the universal experience of my friends.

 

Good luck sorting through the issues and enjoy your time with the young man.

 

BG

[Twinkseeker]

BG

I sincerely appreciate your kind thoughts. I have alot of respect for the escort and think he is a really cool person. I have planned a meeting in 2 weeks here and then a trip out of state in another 3 weeks after that. He's really fun. Thats why I was wanting to tell him, because we are going to spend some time together and I wanted to have him call me by my real name....and he , as you say, has stayed in my home. I do appreciate the insights you gave.

Thank you

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Trust But Verify

 

>The entire escort-client relationship is built on what some would call a

>lie, though we do take steps to try to push that lie into the

>background and pretend that we're getting together with the

>escort for reasons that come close to friendship.

>

>That having been said, I think some escort-client

>relationships do transcend the lie a little and aspects of

>fondness and even friendship, of a sort, can develop. In

>these cases, the lines that govern the relationship can seem

>more like shifting sands.

 

There has been a lot of discussion on the site about friendships between clients and escorts (which is a far different matter than non-financial/business relationships between client and escorts of a more intimate nature than evolving into a pure, platonic friendship). So, fortunately for some of you, I will not restate many of those issues.

 

I will offer this. I think all quality escort client relationships, even short ones which only last one hour, are built on comfort and trust.

 

Even the most exciting looking partner is not going to give any one a good experience if there is some discomfort on one level or another or a lack of basic trust on any level.

 

>However, I'm quite out in my life. It would be hard for

>someone who wanted to cause trouble for me through, for

>example, blackmail. If I were married, had a family, was in

>the closet and worked for a church in a small town in Texas,

>I'm not sure I'd be so free with my personal information.

>

>Only you can decide what you're comfortable with. But if

>you're comfortable having this young man share your home,

>including while you're asleep, you've already decided you

>trust him to a certain extent.

 

Otherwise, I think One Finger, Delaware Guy and Boston Guy gave you good advise, and I particularly endorse what Boston Guy said above: anyone who has been in your home has access to a substantial amount of potentially personal information about you than simply your first and last name.

 

However, a certain amount of discretion and looking out for your own security is always sensible until you have established greater trust and comfort, in any relationship (escort, client or otherwise). The two biggest intrusion I have ever been familiar in escorting involved a theft of the jeans (including the wallet and ID) of an escort in a bathhouse by a "friend" of the client who hired the escort and a client who told me he had invaded the private space of an escort out of curiousity, while the escort was otherwise indisposed.

 

I am sure there are any number of horror stories clients can offer about escort violations, but frankly, I do not hang around with the kind of people who might commit any such escapades to hear tell of them personally or individually.

[Guest zipperzone]

RE: Trust But Verify

 

If you think it is possible to keep the escort from learning your real name, then you are deluding yourself.

 

If he stays in your home overnight or for a weekend, you would have to make sure that every bill you have is locked away. Don't let him look through any books that may have been given to you with a dedication written in. Never loan him you car as he might have to produce the ownership and insurance papers to a traffic cop. And, never take him out to dinner if you intend to pay with a credit card as the waiter might say, "Thank you Mr. Wilson" as he returns your card to you.

 

I'm sure you get my drift - it really is not possible to keep the information from him - so he might as well get it from your own lips, so to speak!

[HotdadENYC]

While it is possible that the escort in question can possibly figure out your real name, especially since he's staying in YOUR house, I would suggest that you do what you feel comfortable with. Use your real first name if that makes you happy. Many of us, on a date, whether with an escort or not, don't find many opportunities to disclose our real LAST name.

 

You're doing an overnight in YOUR house. He already knows where you live, what kind of car you drive and who your neighbors are. To inroduce any measure of secrecy, at this stage of the game, is almost like trying to repair a broken egg yolk.

 

Have fun, Archibald. That IS your real name, right? <SMILE>

 

hd NYC

[Guest skrubber]

Any escort I hire knows my full name from the minute we make first contact. This whole discretion thing is overblown IMO. You're having sex with the guy for Christ's sake. Let him know your real name just keep your credit cards in your pocket.

[adriano46]

I would agree with an ealrier poster who said, "It depends."

 

If I see an escort only for a night, I rarely get into such personal information. If I have had repeats with the guy, I have occasionally given out my name etc... but I also have been burned by it. That's why I would defer to the "it depends" answer. For instance, some months back, an escort I had not seen in four years managed to e-mail me and, after I turned him down for a favor, he threatened me with exposure to our past relationship. This was not a happy moment. I have since put a block on his name and e-mail so I have not heard from him since, and have no idea whether in fact his threat to publish my real name and some personal background information was bluster or reality.

 

Then too, there are a few others who know a lot more about me and who have never sunk to that level. They are discreet, trustworthy and real gentlemen.

[JT Brooklyn]

IMHO.. I think the Discretion 'Initially" is of some concern to guys who are in different "Situations". IF you are Single,in No Type of Relationship,living in a Big City, like NYC there really is not "that much" to be concerned in. It has been my experience, that after the First Hookup, I will know the Escorts Real Name, if he is not using it, for Future Hookups. Knowing mine has never been an issue for me. Of course I have only hooked up with the Guys on "M4M with Reviews"!!!Chat Rooms etc Probably take a little more thought.. But someone who is either Married OR in a Relationship I can see it causing, some concern. Not using at least MY own first name,for me would take away from any enjoyment for me, either IN or OUT of Bed, on the couch, or the Kitchen Floor! LOL BUT if you intend to spend "alot of time" with a guy, both should at least be using their own FIRST... names... :+ :+ :+

[ted]

For a first time hook up for an hour or two they get my real first name and of course general info pertinent to the occasion. If the hotel is super security conscious they may need my real last name to get up to the room, but again I'm normally hiring well reviewed guys here. Since I tend to do repeat business and travel with guys it really becomes impossible to not know each others names etc. I have never had a problem with anyone as far as personal information. The last "regular" it sort of just evolved, he started signing his emails with his real name, he of course knew my real name, he started using his real name in phone conversations, and I simply asked and he said since we both knew each others names it didn't seem right not to use them. The only problem that gives me is when talking or writing about him with others I need to proofread everything twice or think twice to make sure I'm using the stage name when appropriate.

[+ Charlie]

When I started hiring many years ago, the only way to find escorts was through small print ads in publications like the Advocate. I usually knew nothing about the guy beyond his telephone number, so I didn't want him to know much about me, either. I normally used a phony first name when I contacted him, and I was careful to take little or no ID to our first meeting, which I preferred to be at his place. Nowadays the business has changed dramatically, as has the technology. I can view an elaborate website with pictures, can read reviews from other clients, can read his responses to reviews or his comments on this message board. I can also exchange emails or instant messages with him online before setting up a meeting. But, of course, all that means that he already knows a lot about me, too--he can read my whole history from five years of commentary and reviews here, he has my email address (from which he can probably learn my full identity if he really wants to); if I phone him, he probably has caller ID. I'm not going to volunteer my SS# or bank account PIN, but it seems silly to use a phony name or try to hide my address and phone any more. Beyond that, what you choose to reveal depends entirely how comfortable you are about sharing details of your personal life with any particular stranger.

[danknight2005]

Should not be too hard to determine a name

[Vincent_Michael]

Being open and honest is a must! I don’t mind when clients are discrete but sometimes there is a level to which it is over kill and I try to be understanding but at times it is very hard. I also on the same note think that contacting an escort dictates that extra level of discretion given to you by the escort so trusting the escort with personal information is part of the deal and going that extra mile.

[Vincent_Michael]

I agree with you BG think about it being open and honest to me dictates so much to me the escort…for one that your out and your confident in who you are. Most of all that if I was shady in anyway that trying to out me at work or what not won’t do a damn thing to you the client.

 

Now I also ask allot of personal questions as I divulge allot about my life and hide absolutely nothing from anyone so I hope people can share at lest some fashion of there life so we might have a good conversation.

[Vincent_Michael]

Now there is to some point were discretion is very important such as your SSN and other valuable information that could compromise your very way of life! But about what your name is and do you have a family and where did you grow up…these are just the kind of questions that builds good communication between two people and with M4M here to provide reviews on escorts you should be safer getting to read what others have to say about the escort.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

It's all dependent on your personal comfort level. Nothing more~

 

The small group of guys that i see are welcome to ask me ANYTHING and in-return i will give them a straightfoward answer. I've never been much into the whole 'secrecy' situation that forces so many escorts to go to insane lengths just to protect something as simple as an address or name. With the advent of Google, it's gotten much easier to find info on just about anyone.

 

Granted, i've gotten lucky in finding guys i can trust... Hopefully you're finding escorts who you can rely on in much the same way. I wish you the best of luck with this new endeavor. Sounds like things are headed in the right direction so far

 

Warmest,

 

 

BN

[Twinkseeker]

Thanks Benjamin. I always appreciate your comments.

[lsubrianj]

If you feel comfortable with this guy and plan on seeing him more in the future..I think it would make things easier on both of you if you BOTH were honest with each other. It will help decrease the tension..I know well after 6 plus years of hiring escorts.

[stripfan]

The only thing I can add is advice regarding the fact that you want to know the escorts real first and last name. That may or may not be more than the escort wants to reveal. If the escort does not wish to reveal his name then I would respect that fact. I have found that some escorts freely divulge their real names rather quickly while others have had to do so in order for me to make airline reservations for them. However, I would not mistake the act of escorts divulging real names with friendship or real intimacy...just my opinion.

 

I hope you had a great time with your escort and that you have found a "regular"!