Overnights - do you spoon or not?

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

I am about to do three overnights in the next three weeks, the most I have ever done in that short a time. Usually, it is more like one every three months at most. One is a repeat, we met in another city and he is here in Los Angeles on business this Monday. A much taller gentlemen, nonetheless I naturally spooned him when we went to sleep which is, frankly, what I have always been used to. This is what I have done with every boyfriend I have ever regularly slept with and all my other overnights.

 

However, this particular gentlemen is about 6 inches taller than me and we discovered it was not a very comfortable position for either of us. He had also been married for some time and he had not been used to sleeping next to, much less, with his wife, for some time. On the king size bed we had last time, we did not spoon at all after the first attempt.

 

I have to admit I was actually somewhat disappointed the next day. Any thoughts from you guys who are more used to this on protocol? This gentlemen and I did the "hold/hug and roll away" routine before we both ended up on our separate edges of the mattress with about two feet between us.

[Gigiloz4me]

For me... spooning longer than a minute or two would be too intimate in those circumstances.

[Donnie]

>I have to admit I was actually somewhat disappointed the next

>day. Any thoughts from you guys

 

Yeah you need to get out more.

[Flower]

>I have to admit I was actually somewhat disappointed the next

>day. Any thoughts from you guys who are more used to this on

>protocol? This gentlemen and I did the "hold/hug and roll

>away" routine before we both ended up on our separate edges of

>the mattress with about two feet between us.

 

I think it is very important for you and your escort to communicate ahead of time as to what your expectations are versus what you are paying him for :+

[imrthr]

Oh-oh! I do not know what it means when one uses the word "spoon" as a verb. Can anyone enlighten me on this expression? Thanks --

[jackhammer91406]

Old timer's lingo

 

My Grandmother used to talk about spooning which i believe refers to the practice of placing spoons in a nestled position, one fitting into the other, so as to take less space as in stacked one on the other. In this context, I think it refers to two bodies laying one behind the other as in two Z'z fit together zz.

[jackhammer91406]

RE: Old timer's lingo

 

I should point out that the two times I have slept with an escort, I have awakened the next morning to find him either at the far end of the bed, or in another bedroom altogether. I fully expected to be "outed" on the snoring thread. Either that or the "do I stink" thread.

 

 

 

:+

[Rick Munroe]

RE: Old timer's lingo

 

>I fully expected to be "outed" on the snoring thread. Either

>that or the "do I stink" thread.

 

Just be thankful there was no bed-wetting thread.

[jackhammer91406]

RE: Old timer's lingo

 

You promised you wouldn't tell anyone, and the water sports were YOUR idea anyway!:7 :7 :7 :7

[VaHawk]

Well, I'm one who doesn't care to have anyone snuggled up when I just want to go to sleep. The extra body temperature and space invasion makes it difficult to get comfortable.

[Bob]

Do I understand you correctly? You, an escort, are disappointed because a client doesn't spoon? Come on to my house. I'll accommodate!

 

For my only overnight experiene I was seduced by the photos of a hairy, hung, young, TOP stud and hired without too much inquiry. After some passionate kissing and brief amount of oral he raised my legs into the air, penetrated and pounded for some time until we both reached a fiery climax. Fantastic! However, at that point he covered his spectacular gifts with a t-shirt and boxers, rolled over and sent a not too subtle message that fun was done. I lay there for some time feeling naughty with my nudity and longing to reach out and touch something.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Body Heat

 

>Do I understand you correctly? You, an escort, are

>disappointed because a client doesn't spoon? Come on to my

>house. I'll accommodate!

 

I grew up in a large family. Naps were always the order of the day. I have napped with my siblings and, to this day, have taken naps with the Twinks and others. Being part Italian, we were always using our hands (hugging, holding, all very innocent) and were very affectionate with one another.

 

Some people did not grow up that way and I can understand and appreciate the need for space. Others likely grew up as lonely only children or were heavily neglected, such as Donnie likely was, and being touched with any kind of intimacy and affectionate is as foreign to them as a film not in English.

 

The last serious relationship I was in, we always awoke next to one another every morning we ever slept together. Even though I largely sleep alone now and have for the last three years, one of the things I would say I miss the most when single is someone to sleep with and wake up next to on a regular basis. When I have recently dated seriously, I have never slept alone. We would not date for very long if that is what the other person needed.

 

Although before anyone else expresses a concern for me or my mental well being, as dear Donnie did, please rest assured, that I have had one constant companion to nap with for the last twelve years: http://members.aol.com/francoonduty/Images/jane.jpg

[nate_sf]

I think you need to defer to what the client is comforable with. As a "service provider" sometimes you need to put aside your own preferences when it's clear the client feels differently.

 

I agree with the others who say this is the kind of thing that should be discussed beforehand, especially if you're going to spend a lot of time with each other. Guys will sometimes contact me and make sure I like to do things like kiss and embrace, and I'm happy to do as much as that as a guy would want, but I can also tell when a client just wants to back off and get his space. Everyone has their own preferences about how intimate they like to be, and especially after sex it's not unusual for some guys to want to retreat. Don't take it personally!!

[axebahia]

>I agree with the others who say this is the kind of thing that

>should be discussed beforehand, especially if you're going to

>spend a lot of time with each other. Guys will sometimes

>contact me and make sure I like to do things like kiss and

>embrace....

 

Doesn't this ruin the spontaneity? It seems to me that the best escorts roll with the punches and try to accomodate what ever the clients desire within reason without insisting on a complex negotiated contract up front.

[nate_sf]

>Doesn't this ruin the spontaneity? It seems to me that the

>best escorts roll with the punches and try to accomodate what

>ever the clients desire within reason without insisting on a

>complex negotiated contract up front.

 

Yes, I agree. What I meant was that if a client wants to be intimate, he should make sure he gets an escort that also likes intimacy. But conversely if an escort personally likes intimacy but finds the client doesn't, the escort should be able to roll with the punches and accomodate whatever the client is comfortable with.

 

I agree a lot of negotiation beforehand can be tedious, but a few key questions beforehand can avoid a mismatch.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Just The Facts

 

>I agree a lot of negotiation beforehand can be tedious, but a

>few key questions beforehand can avoid a mismatch.

 

I also agree. No choreography, no script, but key issues (smoking, kissing, preferences, etc.), need to be discussed.

 

However, in the example I gave to start this thread, these are the facts:

 

1. I am the first (and only) man this gentlemen has slept with.

2. He and I both agreed and desired to cuddle/spoon, etc.

3. He has been in what is, unfortunately, essentially a loveless relationship with his wife as he is a gay man who remains in that relationship due to the ages of his children and the need to put them through college. His hometown also limits his contact with other men.

 

What made it difficult for us to spoon or cuddle was habituation on my part and size (i.e. his far greater height) differences between us. He was not comfortable or used to being the person outside, I was used to being the person on the outside (of a spooning arrangement) and we did try both positions and found both equally uncomfortable so gave up.

 

My question, which neither any escort nor client has yet to answer, is what have you done when you have found yourself in this situation in the past?

[axebahia]

RE: Just The Facts

 

>What made it difficult for us to spoon or cuddle was

>habituation on my part and size (i.e. his far greater height)

>differences between us. He was not comfortable or used to

>being the person outside, I was used to being the person on

>the outside (of a spooning arrangement) and we did try both

>positions and found both equally uncomfortable so gave up.

 

I don't see the relevance of your enumerated facts. The issue is just a fit/habit issue. It must arise all the time when Woody Allan tops try to have sex with escorts who Arnold S. wannabees. What happens then? It seems to me that your spooning issue is just a variation on the theme. The bottom line is that if nature does not permit then you try something else. If it was a big issue to him, why didn't he hire a bigger escort?

[Rick Munroe]

RE: Old timer's lingo

 

>You promised you wouldn't tell anyone, and the water sports

>were YOUR idea anyway!

 

Hey, don't get "pissed off." And don't joke about you and me doing water sports; someone will accuse us of being German. :+

[Rick Munroe]

RE: Just The Facts

 

>My question, which neither any escort nor client

>has yet to answer,

 

That's probably because, as axebahia said, most professional escorts just roll with the punches and don't make an issue out of (or, in my case, even think about) such things as sleeping positions.

[Guest pshaw]

For me, spooning is more a matter of what I am accustomed to at a particular point in time. When I have been in relationships, I have had no problem spooning as long as I am the "back" of the spoon position - i.e., my front is against his back, perhaps my arm and/or leg over him. (I attribute my position preference to the fact that I have strong claustrophobia.) But when I have been single for awhile, it takes a few days to adjust to the spoon position. It's nothing personal against the person I am with - it is just a matter of what I am used to when I fall asleep. I am currently involved with someone who stays over occasionally - if I really want to get a good night's sleep, I need to pop HALF an over-the-counter sleep aid (generic docylamine succinate) and that is enough to push me over the edge into sleep without waking up with a sleep hangover. I also have a steady friend in Thailand and, when I visit him, it takes about a week to adjust to having someone sharing a bed with me. Since there is also the factor of a 12-hour jet lag, I follow my sleeping aid regimen for about a week.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Relevance

 

>I don't see the relevance of your enumerated facts.

 

Nate, among others, including some of the other clients, raised the question that my query was somehow solely my issue or concern. I wanted to state for the record that this was not the case. Is this relevant? For clarity and for presentation sake, it certainly is.

 

> What happens then? . . . The bottom

>line is that if nature does not permit

>then you try something

>else.

 

Perhaps more "professional" escorts operate under this assumption, since Mr. Munroe seems to believe he is agreeing to a statement you made, a point I do not see, but in my experience as an "unprofessional" escort, the fit and habit situation can be easily remedied as far as intimate circumstances such as sexual positions are concerned. While it make take a certain bit of practice and knowledge where there is a weight, height or other variable, these have never presented me with a client I could not provide a quality experience for. Perhaps Mr. Munroe or some other more "professional" escort can provide better exemplars than I have at this juncture.

 

 

>If it was a big issue to him, why didn't he hire a

>bigger escort?

 

He did not want a taller or larger escort, if that is what you meant by "bigger." He made his choice.

 

By the sheer fact that this client has repeatedly hired me, he has both affirmed his own belief in the veracity of his selection and his comfort factor with same. I am certain that even a more "professional" escort would agree that, in all such instances, the client is always right.

[Bilbo]

RE: Body Heat

 

This subthread is named "body heat" and that's just my problem. And I've talked to people with similar problems. My body just generates too much heat for my lover to sleep well spooning together unless we keep the thermostat down to 70 or less. So we do.

[Bilbo]

RE: Just The Facts

 

Professional or not, - but aren't we all that post on this board - everyone needs a hug. I've even seen it said that - and I forget these numbers and Am Not A Psychiatrist - we need like seven hugs a day to remain sane and fourteen to grow as a person. Does anyone remember those numbers better? Therefore, if someone wishes to discuss any kind of hugging, I, for one, am quite willing to discuss it.

[tedbear]

RE: Just The Facts

 

If great cuddling/spooning didn't occur, I doubt I'd ever see that guy for another overnight! The best cuddlers always get my repeat business as often as I can manage.

[Flower]

Flower likes to spoon with the right person, but if I sense that's not his cup'0 tea, then no. We both have to be into it for it to be fun, but if he is, then I think it is delightful and very romantic and sexi