When meeting Internet friends for the first time, is it reasonable to expect a public meeting spot?

[BSR]

8 hours ago, Unicorn said:

I'm not sure what the OP gained by lying. Personally, I don't think feeling uncomfortable meeting someone for the fist time at his house is weirder than being paranoid about the virus in April of 2022. Now there's a somewhat uncomfortable situation. Do you think the lying was productive in this instance?

Yes, I understand that if an acquaintance asks me about his $1000 Gucci fanny pack, I'd tell him how nice it is, and wait until I'm alone with "Chris" to tell him "What kind of an idiot would pay $1000 for a fanny pack?". But that's to spare the man's feelings, not because I'm trying to manipulate him into buying more Gucci products. 

Personally, if I found out someone had lied to me in order to get me to do something, I'd be pissed off with that person. I don't know how you'd feel about it. "Chris" agrees with me on this. Maybe we're not "most people." Maybe we're "on the spectrum." 

https://www.gucci.com/us/en/pr/men/bags-for-men/belt-bags-for-men/gg-embossed-belt-bag-p-6585821W3CN1000?gclsrc=aw.ds&gclid=Cj0KCQjwmPSSBhCNARIsAH3cYgZJWaBFenkQjEM3lY_U8TcfAgNKhXHE2L0X1ymIHY9qShywAgXMjKQaAgaJEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

https://www.gucci.com/us/en/pr/women/handbags/backpacks-for-women/ophidia-gg-belt-bag-p-57479697SIT8747?gclsrc=aw.ds&gclid=Cj0KCQjwmPSSBhCNARIsAH3cYgZyk33inKSAGl4iGnMERhsa8niH-qt5S7YlkCaPgiWRpqKsjMfOju4aAljCEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

https://www.gucci.com/us/en/pr/men/bags-for-men/belt-bags-for-men/jumbo-gg-belt-bag-p-696031UKMDG2570?gclsrc=aw.ds&gclid=Cj0KCQjwmPSSBhCNARIsAH3cYgaY60JjA2eIX530k4VI-5zXbHojlZhcptRZq-oF0b62GggXtfYF9sMaAqoGEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

I'm a big believer in honesty too, even when it's awkward or uncomfortable.  Better to pay now (suffer a bit of discomfort or awkwardness) than to pay later (the fallout from any dishonesty, even "little white lies").  

Specific to the Gucci bumbag, there's a difference between being honest and too much honesty.  The $1000 bumbag is indeed nice, so you are being honest about that.  But I don't think it's appropriate to tell an acquaintance that he's an idiot for spending that kind of money.  Your brother, cousin, or best friend, on the other hand, go ahead and tell him he's crazy to spend so much money on a status symbol if that's what you really feel.

Back to the OP, we often handle situations less than perfectly when put on the spot.  But @FreshFluff gained a bit of wisdom from reading this thread, as did I, and will be better prepared should the situation come up again.

PS:  when a woman asks you if X (these jeans, this dress, whatever) makes her look fat, the correct answer is an immediate and unambivalent NO.  Lie through your teeth if you have to.

[Guest]

4 hours ago, BSR said:

...But I don't think it's appropriate to tell an acquaintance that he's an idiot for spending that kind of money.... But @FreshFluff gained a bit of wisdom from reading this thread....

Well, I'm glad it's just not people who are "on the spectrum," as @mike carey put it, who see the wisdom in honesty. I would never tell an acquaintance (or even a friend) that he's an idiot for spending that kind of money. As I said, I would only express my feelings to my domestic partner when we were alone, away from the person who purchased the item. I'm not so sure @FreshFluff gained wisdom from the thread. Maybe she did, but she was one who gave the thumb's up to MC's response...

[mike carey]

6 minutes ago, Unicorn said:

Well, I'm glad it's just not people who are "on the spectrum," as @mike carey put it, who see the wisdom in honesty.

FFS, what a preposterous assertion. I did not say anything of the sort. Not for the first time you are twisting what other people say to draw a different conclusion. I did not say there was no wisdom in honesty. I did say that most people can evaluate a given situation and determine the degree of honesty that needs to be adhered to. They are also aware of potential pitfalls for lies of omission and commission, and can adjust if necessary.

You conflated a point that I made clear was a separate issue, that some people who are not neurotypical have difficulty distinguishing literal from figurative speech, with the general points I was making. I did not link the two points, that was you, and you did so with the only apparent intention of sneering. That seems to be your strong suit.

[Guest]

48 minutes ago, mike carey said:

FFS, what a preposterous assertion. I did not say anything of the sort. Not for the first time you are twisting what other people say to draw a different conclusion. I did not say there was no wisdom in honesty. I did say that most people can evaluate a given situation and determine the degree of honesty that needs to be adhered to. They are also aware of potential pitfalls for lies of omission and commission, and can adjust if necessary.

You conflated a point that I made clear was a separate issue, that some people who are not neurotypical have difficulty distinguishing literal from figurative speech, with the general points I was making. I did not link the two points, that was you, and you did so with the only apparent intention of sneering. That seems to be your strong suit.

Quite riled up for someone who criticizes others for being oblivious to nuance.... 🙄

[+ WilliamM]

7 hours ago, Unicorn said:

Well, I'm glad it's just not people who are "on the spectrum," as @mike carey put it, who see the wisdom in honesty. I would never tell an acquaintance (or even a friend) that he's an idiot for spending that kind of money. As I said, I would only express my feelings to my domestic partner when we were alone, away from the person who purchased the item. I'm not so sure @FreshFluff gained wisdom from the thread. Maybe she did, but she was one who gave the thumb's up to MC's response...

@FreshFluff does not need to gain wisdom from the thread. She has a very important job, which  she does very well.

[+ FreshFluff]

To be clear: Concern about COVID was an excuse in this situation, but it was and is the truth, particularly during this BA2 surge that is hitting previously uninfected people. That's why I asked to dine outdoors and wore an KF94 while we were in an indoor public space. (I normally wear an N95, but I prefer the look of the KF94. FWIW, I met with my internist recently, and he says he's “living life”, going to concerts and parties, but “being careful” and wearing an N95. 

Others feel differently about outdoor vs indoor dining, N95s vs surgical masks (which Unicorn has discussed), or about wearing masks at all. Andrew says he is done taking precautions except around  elderly or other immunocompromised people. I respect his right (and yours) to do what's right for him and told him I appreciated his willingness to dine outdoors. 

[Luv2play]

 Would have thought the best way to keep warm in a cold tent is to share a sleeping bag with someone, preferably someone HOT.

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