When is a client too fat..

[Guest Teig]

I read with interest the posting on "when a client is too old", and it seemed that overall most escorts just pass the age thing off....however, what do you do as an escort when you get a call from a bottom who wants hot, sweaty sex, and when you arrive you find that the client is very obese. When is a client too fat?? And how do you handle it?? Do you tell them up front that its not going to work out, or do you just try to get thru the session?

 

I know most of us grapple with this problem from time to time, and I would like some input from both other escorts and clients too.

 

As an escort, how do you handle a situation where you are really turned off by the appearance of the client. Do you just try to "wing" it, or do you just let the client know up front that its not going to work??

 

As a client, how would you like an escort to handle the situation?? From your perspective as a client, how would you like the escort to handle the situation??

 

I really believe that honesty is always the best policy, but since everyone has a lot of "stuff" around rejection, the last thing I ever want to do is to hurt someone's feelings. I would like to hear from other people on the best way to handle this situation, so in the future, I at least have some idea of which way to go.

[Guest lipstick]

I don't have any true solutions to this, but you are right that emotions and the rejection thing does hurt a lot and can get really troublesome. I'm a bit chubby, so at least with ESCORTS that has not been a problem. Now getting it for free is a different matter entirely!!!

 

But seriously, I think a lot of fat folks already know in some fashion or another that the really heavy weight has been problematic. The situation is only made WORSE when there are attempts to hide or somehow mis-lead a person. I myself now find that I let folks know how old I am, and that I'm a bit chubby, so that if an encounter goes nowhere, I at least know that it wasn't because I was not upfront about something. Again, this is a really sensitive area, and folks just need to make a decision, both client and escort, if there will be issues such as these that need to be discussed in advance.

 

That said, I know of one escort who said that he was personally touched when one of his clients was really heavy, like 300 pounds, and the client took the time to make this clear upfront, and that there would be no hard feelings if the 'scort didn't want to go through with the session. At that point the escort was so moved by this bit of human frailty or respect or whatever it is that you call these moments that the 'scort was able to do the session based on the sole point that the client was a good, honest, down to earth person,

sensitive to others.

 

Now I'm pretty sure these type of attitudes are very rare, but they do happen. (And bless you, Big Guy, for being the way you are.)

 

So there.

 

Thanks!

[Guest Thunderbuns]

WHEN IS A CLIENT TOO FAT?

 

When you jump on hime and there are more ripples caused than by jumping on a water bed :-)

 

Thunderbuns

[buzz]

Good question. I certainly fit into this client category. (If I were height/weight proportionate, I'd be 7 feet 1.5 inches tall)

 

I usually am quite upfront with a prospective escort. I'm 60+ years old and fat. And I find that a lot of non-escort gays are turned on to this combination; I've had a reasonable amount of excellent sex without hiring, but sometimes I want someone with a specific look or specialty, so I hire. And I have been very happy with 99.9% of the escorts I have hired. They deal very well with my flab.

 

Cheers

buzz

[Rick Munroe]

>(now, hygeine

>is another story, though I've even found some creative ways

>to deal with that!)

 

Antibacterial towelettes strategically placed around the bed?? :+

http://www.rochestermidland.com/division/perscare/wet_ones/images/antibacterial.jpg

[guyinsf]

Even though it might turn away some non-fat clients, I suggest that the escort specifically state (in his profile, on his website, whatever) that he does not wish to work with obese (or perhaps even fat) clients. I've only seen a few escorts do this, and I did think they were full of themselves, but at least they are rejecting potential customers on a global, not individual, basis. I think it's worse for a client to contact an escort and then, after beginning some negotiation, have the escort refuse you either because of your height/weight or a picture you send. For guys who get rejected by many when they seek unpaid sex, being rejected when you are willing to pay them is even more difficult to take.

 

As someone else said, however, I haven't found that my weight has been a problem generally. At my heaviest (5'11" and 250 pounds) most escorts did not seem to care and were able to "perform" when with me.

 

If there is an issue due to a client's weight (not being unwilling to be with him but logistical problems due to his weight, such as an inability to fuck in some positions), a good escort will be able to handle this without being shaming.

[+ Charlie]

Although no escort has ever rejected me for my appearance (I'm not fat, nor do I have any other feature that automatically turns off lots of people), like many clients I am somewhat sensitive about my own sexual desirability--after all, many of us hire escorts because we don't want to be rejected by men we are attracted to. I think my ego can handle sexual rejection, but it would not be pleasant to be told by an escort that he wouldn't do it with me even for money, and for more insecure clients it could be psychologically devastating.

 

I would hope to be treated the same way I have treated the occasional escort whom I found physically unappealing. For instance, in the days before the internet I hired a guy through a print ad, with no picture, and when I got there I realized he had no objective conception of his attraciveness, or rather lack of it--almost any reader here would have found him homely, with a dumpy body. He was also not very bright, but was basically a nice kid. Because he seemed emotionally vulnerable, I went through with the appointment, paid him, and then tried to persuade him that he would be more successful, in life as well as escorting, if he would join a gym and get into better shape, and work on his grooming. It would have been unnecessarily cruel of me to have simply said, "You're a mess!" and walked out at the start.

 

On another occasion I hired someone who had a decent body and the big cock that he advertised, but who had an oddly shaped head that somehow totally turned me off. I tried to go through with the sex but just couldn't get hard, so after 10 minutes I told him that I just wasn't feeling well, paid him half the fee, and left. The important thing was to acknowledge that the problem was in my reaction, not in him.

 

Escorts are human beings, and they have the right to decline to go through with an appointment if they feel they can't perform. However, if an escort is turned off by obesity, or any other feature of the client's appearance, he should at least treat the client with respect and consideration, and not demean him for it.

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

Only had one situation regarding this subject. The client informed me he was overweight but did not state his stats. I never ask for stats as that is just the way I run my business. The clients showed up oops I mean client and was to say the least a bit overweight, He stated 450 pounds. I didnt hesitate to continue with the session and pregressed into the bedroom. He stated he wanted to be fucked in our conversations together so I kept that in mind. We kissed and continued foreplay for about 45 minutes and then went to penetrate him and could not manage to get my little 7 incher in him. Trust me I have no issues mantaining an errection, I just could not get in. After trying several time and then realizing he did not even have the decency to bathe let alone clean out down there I let him know in a very polite way i did not feel I would be able to satisfy him as a top as my dick was too small. He said that was no problem as he has this happen to him many times and it takes a huge dick anyways to do it. Got up, dressed and exclaimed he would no be paying me my fee as he did not get what he wanted,

[+ deej]

> He said that was no problem as he

>has this happen to him many times and it takes a huge dick

>anyways to do it. Got up, dressed and exclaimed he would no

>be paying me my fee as he did not get what he wanted,

 

OK, now THAT is reprehensible client behavior.

 

He used an hour (more or less) of your time, and then decided not to pay you because he's too fat for you to reach? He's paying for the time, not the poke honey.

 

And, by the way, it's not just overweight clients where this might be a problem. Some bodybuilders have such big butts it takes at least 8" to get in there. So it's not a fat issue. It's a logistics issue. :-)

 

But this client was dead wrong and royally stiffed you.

 

While I hate to hear these stories, I'm glad you posted it. If it breaks just one client out of their delusions it's worth having it posted.

 

Thanks!

[Guest UNCDUB99]

Hey... For some reason, in Raleigh, where I do most of my work, obese guys grow on trees. I am 5'8'' 140, pretty small guy with a nice body. My clients seem to really like me, and I never let on that I am turned off by their appearance. I just try to put myself in their shoes... it would hurt them too much to be turned down when offering money. I am much more inclined to turn down a client for their attitude than appearance. When I am with a client that repulses me, I do my absolute best to please them, and during the act, "go to the little place in my head" sort of make it an out of body experience, if that makes sense... Usually though, when it is over, I do feel like I have been molested. That's just me though... I don't think i am a conventional escort... ;-)

[Guest albinorat]

I've posted this before but will do it again: I ALWAYS tell prospective escorts I look like Jabba the Hut. I am not going to pay someone to be rejected.

 

If body size is an issue I get turned down by e-mail and I can deal with that.

 

Now, nobody looks like Jabba really (or I hope not) and usually escorts go through with my 'scene' (which doesn't involve all that much body contact anyway, and I certainly don't get fucked). Some are even surprised I described myself that way (I certainly am fat).

 

But I think there are so many ways one person can strike another as unattractive that a high priced professional escort needs to understand the most of his clients won't be his type (at least) but will pay all that money in the hopes of some kind of sexual success. Even on this site I read about picky escorts and I can imagine the regular sized john who has a 'problem' he can't change (I don't mean body odor) but who has a look that turns an escort off, from an odd nose to strange feet to a tiny dick. I just think that's the escort's loss, if you're too picky you're not going to 'work' often.

 

So with escorts I don't think it's the weight that's a problem (usually) but the rigid body fascism that is so much a part of today's 'gay culture'. It's hard for a young 'hot' guy not to internalize that, and 'gay culture' is not built around empathy or even the idea that beauty is on the clock and will fade before life does.

 

Someone who has to have 'handsome' clients (whatever handsome is, for we each have our own particular idea of handsomeness)shouldn't be an escort.

 

Al

[chrismac]

>So with escorts I don't think it's the weight that's a

>problem (usually) but the rigid body fascism that is so much

>a part of today's 'gay culture'. It's hard for a young 'hot'

>guy not to internalize that, and 'gay culture' is not built

>around empathy or even the idea that beauty is on the clock

>and will fade before life does.

 

Al - very well put, although in my experience escorts are one of the few groups in the gay community who seem to go counter to the body facism in the gay culture (could be another thread entirely - it's been on my mind a LOT lately). Rather, escorts seem to have a unique ability to find something sexy about almost everyone (the overwhelming majority anyway). Partly a survival mechanism to stay employed, no doubt - but it's been written that the best escorts have huge libidos and just plain love sex.

 

Of course the escorts look great themselves, or have huge endowments, or rare and desirable talents, or great hands and a special touch - otherwise how could they stay in business? But most seem more than happy to share those features with all manner of people. Of those I have met, either professionally or casually, most had a great love of people and the excitement of interacting with new personalities.

 

sdmuscle - that's an unfortunate story, but like deej, I'm glad you shared it also. It's people like that who make the world desolate place to live in - as if there isn't enough crap going on as it is. I say again - I really don't know how some escorts are able to carry on and meet the next client with a smile and a stiffy! ;-)

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Rigid Body Facism

 

Charlie, Al and Chrismac all gave excellent responses from the client perspective, which I think are equally true of the experience of any escort who wish to be seen as and to treat his clients as professional. This would be true of any question: age, weight or any appearance issue. UNCDUB99, as has Jeff (in Ohio - in other threads), from the escort perspective, have raised the same point I have often made: the only reason I have ever had a problem with a client was due to attitude - disrespect, discourtesy, etc. As GuyinSF points out:

 

>If there is an issue due to a client's weight (not being unwilling to be with him

> but logistical problems due to his weight, such as an inability to fuck in some

>positions), a good escort will be able to handle this without being shaming.

 

A good escort should also be able to provide an enjoyable time, including pleasure, to a client. It does not always have to be insertion. It does take practice and patience but a good experience can be shared by both the client and the escort.

 

Escorts who are unable to make certain this experience is provided will not be able to last long in this business, no matter how attractive or how well hung. The clients who can treat the escorts without professionalism, respect and courtesy will avail themselves to nothing more nor less than sessions which are far less desirable than they would wish for.

 

Rigid Body Fascism is an unfortunate outcome of culturally conditioned response and has less to do with personal desire than it does with the need to fit in and belong. In my opinion, it has not place in a escort/client relationship. You either are a professional male companion or you are not one.

[eastbayguy]

>Hey... For some reason, in Raleigh, where I do most of my

>work, obese guys grow on trees. I am 5'8'' 140, pretty

>small guy with a nice body. My clients seem to really like

>me, and I never let on that I am turned off by their

>appearance. I just try to put myself in their shoes... it

>would hurt them too much to be turned down when offering

>money. I am much more inclined to turn down a client for

>their attitude than appearance. When I am with a client

>that repulses me, I do my absolute best to please them, and

>during the act, "go to the little place in my head" sort of

>make it an out of body experience, if that makes sense...

>Usually though, when it is over, I do feel like I have been

>molested. That's just me though... I don't think i am a

>conventional escort... ;-)

 

You sound like a real sweetheart. No wonder your clients like you. A most thoughtful perspective, I'm sure your clients appreciate you very much.

 

--EBG

[Huey]

>>Hey... For some reason, in Raleigh, where I do most of my

>>work, obese guys grow on trees.

 

Do you think it might have to do with your location to Durham the "fat farm" of America? There are more residental diet programs in Durham, NC than any other city in the Country. Doesn't anyone else watch 20/20 around here?

-----------

WAR IS OVER

if you want it

GIVE PEACE A CHANCE

[Guest Blink]

I used to see this guy who moved from Budapest. He told me that there are just too much fat men here in the US of A. The guy loves to fuck and sets easily frustrated on difficulty entering a client because of flab. Hmmmmm...:7 :7 :7 :7

[Guest WolfXing]

Hey guys. I read this thread with great interest. I'm one of those big guys (about 450 lbs) you've been discussing. I have to say that I'm very happy to hear the mostly-positive, respectful and affirming responses. I have only hired an escort once (a failing I hope to correct very soon) and I chose to take the route of the fellow discussed earlier: I told him up front about my size and even sent nearly-nude pics so there would be no surprise.

 

The session was sort of luke-warm: I should have been more explicit about what I wanted, and he was obviously not getting any visual assistance for his performance. To his credit, he was polite and professional and "at-attention" from the start. But that's all another thread, I guess . . .

 

Unfortunately, I have had some not-so-good experiences, too. I recently emailed three different escorts with the same up-front approach. Only one responded positively, though he also indicated that he is married, has a child, and that his wife doesn't know about the escort work . . . (still another thread). The second one didn't bother to respond at all, and the third suggested that I also hire his lover. When I questioned the last guy's reason for that suggestion he didn't bother to respond.

 

I have been obese since childhood, and I made a decision early on that if I must be fat, that I would NOT be a "fat slob." I am clean and well-groomed, work as a professional, and make a decent living. If only more of the gay community were as open as some of you, so they could see past their body consciousness!

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks to you guys who are truly professional about your work. Rejection really sucks, and as someone said earlier, especially when you are offering money for a little acceptance and affection!

 

I really want to find some of you who are open to working with me within reasonable distance soon. It's been waaaaaaaay too long!

 

Thanks for letting me vent fellas!

 

 

"Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking."

---Scarecrow, Wizard of Oz

[Rod Hagen]

I've never encountered a client I considered too fat to fuck around with. Is it just my experience, or are the overweight guys not often the absolute sweetest? There's just so much cuddling with overweight guys that I actually get even MORE out of the experience. As some of you can attest to, I am a hardcore fucker, but I'm even more of a cuddler.

[Guest gaydj4u]

I'm 30 (look 40), 6'5" tall, 300 pounds , receeding hairline and wear size 16 shoes. My beer belly makes me look like I'm 9 months pregnant. I also have stretch marks all over my belly so i wear a shirt during sex. Plus I'm uncut.

 

Should I mention my Big&Tall size before hiring an escort?

[Guest skrubber]

Two years ago I was 217lbs. I considered myself FAT. I started hiring escorts and out of consideration for them I went on a diet and now weigh 166. I walk down the street and mentaly remark on all the fat people I see. I have no tolerance for fat. I feel if I can do it anybody can do it. I feel much more comfortable now when an escort knocks at my door. I feel if you are going to pay someone for sex you should at least have the consideration of not turning them off by being FAT. Hats off to all escorts who can do it.

[SDTop]

"I feel if you are going to pay someone for sex you should at least have the consideration of not turning them off by being FAT"

 

I HOPE you are being facetious with this statement...if not its just pathetic

[Juan Vancouver]

Hey guys!

 

I have been reading this tread with so much interest! My experiences are somehow similar to some. I love my work, and I can easily find some or several things that turn me on in my client all the time. It has to do always with the connection between two people, and the way two people can give each other attention, pleasure and reafirmation. This always makes me hard and horny and eager.

I have never asked for a picture or a description before meeting, I only ask what is it that he or she wants, fantazises, dreams of, or expects of our time together. And whenever i arrive to the meeting I find a way to connect inmediately. (Clear exceptions when the client is mean, or dirty)

 

The only ocassion in which I did have trouble because of a clients size, was with a gentleman 6'5'' weighting about 400. That normally would have never been a problem at all. But when I arrived, he threw himself into my arms for me to catch him like a feather-weight virginal damsel, he insisted that I fucked him in the most acrobatic positions, he would put all his weight on me for me to carry it, while fucking him, he wanted me to toss him around as if he was a 100 pounds princess...

After half an hour of the most strenous work out of my life, when he asked me why is it that I didnt warn my clients that I sweat like a pig, I really had to stop, and as kindly as I could I let him know that I was delighted about fucking him, and acomodating his needs... but that my strenght and size would never allow me to handle him the way he was fantazysing. If he wanted to play the young damsel fantasy, then we had to find another ways to play it, without (literally) straining my back, or putting himself in danger of being accidentally dropped.

He seemed totally shocked. "You are such a strong man!" he said. "Am I too heavy?" :o !!!!!

 

The session ended very good. My back was in pain for almost two weeks, but it was all my fault for not having adressed it on time, and he seemed to be a very fulfilled happy not-so-virginal damsel when I left.

 

As always, what makes this experiences good ones, is communication and honesty. But honesty should NEVER be an excuse for being rude. After all, we all (No matter how hot we might be) have delicate spots that need to be touched with kindness so we dont get hurt...

 

Have lots of fun!

 

[Guest RandyRon]

When I used to go to the baths (in my younger days, much younger) one of my opening lines to a real hunk was "hi stud, want to fuck a fat lady?"

 

It might surprise you to find that after they quit laughing, they often did want to do just that.

 

I am very up front with a new escort about both my age and my weight. I have a few escorts that I see on a semi-regular basis. None of them have had a problem with either my age or weight. They perform flawlessly and I thoroughly enjoy myself and from the hardness of their cocks, the volume of their loads, the length of time they stay, and the way we continue to kiss/cuddle/suck/etc. after I have paid the fee and they are free to take their leave, I think they enjoy the time as well.

 

I have been told by several escorts that I am nice to be with and I hope that is true. We sometimes sit and talk or go to eat afterwards when they are off the clock. Several have opened themselves to me which sometimes makes me feel sort of like a father (or possibly a fairy godfather). In no way have I ever indicated that I expect this but it is nice when it happens.

 

Of course, I always am freshly shaved, clean and presentable when the escort arrives. I respect them, their limits, and their preferences. I try to show them as good a time as I expect from them.

 

In summary, my experience has been very positive and of the escorts I've been with, my looks (or lack thereof) hasn't been a problem. At least if it is, I have met some of the best actors in the U.S.

[woodlawn]

RE: Body Fascism?

 

>So with escorts I don't think it's the weight that's a problem

>(usually) but the rigid body fascism that is so much a part of

>today's 'gay culture'. It's hard for a young 'hot' guy not to

>internalize that, and 'gay culture' is not built around

>empathy or even the idea that beauty is on the clock and will

>fade before life does.

 

 

What are you talking about? How many straight men do you know who fantasize about making it with fat women? If hetero guys find fat attractive, then why are so many of the books on the bestseller list about losing weight? Surely all those books are not being purchased by gay men. If gay men find fat unattractive that is hardly a problem with gay culture -- they are simply behaving in the same manner as most other men. For a change.

 

>Someone who has to have 'handsome' clients (whatever handsome

>is, for we each have our own particular idea of

>handsomeness)shouldn't be an escort.

 

I do agree that if an escort sees only men whom he finds attractive it's kind of hard to understand what he is being paid for.

[Guest DevonSFescort]

RE: Body Fascism?

 

>I do agree that if an escort sees only men whom he finds

>attractive it's kind of hard to understand what he is being

>paid for.

 

His time. Just like escorts who see men they don't find attractive. Do you agree that it's none of your business what escorts who see clients other than yourself are being paid for?