Losing both Parents

[+ purplekow]

I like the idea of speaking to your mother and father about being gay.  If seems important to you that they know and making a video or writing a letter to them and reading to out loud, may give you some of the closure you need.

28 is such a great age.  I known you life is heavily burdened with your mother's passing, but that was the end of her time on this earth, not yours.  Reevaluate what it is you want and do not give up on getting it.  Your thoughts of marriage and children being impossible for you is just not true.  You can try to make those things happen.  If you are not in a physical space where that can happen, you have the opportunity to change your life.  You are not beholden by tradition.  You are only beholden to yourself to make for yourself the best life you can. 

Condolences on your loss.  I hope to congratulate you soon on the gains you have made from this low place your are in now.  

[+ augustus]

@menaughty  Do you have siblings?  They should be more supportive of any decision you have to make regarding your lifestyle/sexuality.   Being gay or in the closet or bi does NOT preclude you from having children.   Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!   Best of Luck to you.   

[+ JEC]

Hello, sorry for your profound loss.   That is a lot to deal with in such a short time.  

I lost my mom when I was 9 which was very difficult, then my dad just 3 years ago...he was 85.   My step mother is still alive and I am thankful for her presence in my life....but she has health issues and I know our remaining time together is precious.  I have a husband (and his family), no kids, but I'm never lonely.

The fact that you never came out to them is, well, history.  You cannot change that now, so why focus on it?  And coming out can be such an excruciating experience (esp with parents) consider it a blessing you did not have to experience it.  Age is often a factor in beliefs, hopefully your siblings would be supportive when you do come out.

Regarding being lonely, it is common now for gays to marry, and adopt children.  My husband and I missed that window (due to our age) but if we were 28 today we would probably be parents if not working on it.   While painful, maybe your parents unfortunate passing can ultimately be freeing for you to live an otherwise full life that might have have been limited by cultural religious and other beliefs.   Even if you don't marry, having a relationship is possible!

I'm going to echo things others have said.   Seeing a counselor familiar with gay issues would likely be very helpful to you.   There is no shame in this, it takes incredible strength to seek help, then to get it.   You are strong enough, you already asked us!

Also, if you don't live in an area with a sizable gay population, consider relocating....there are social groups, sporting groups, country dancing, all sorts of ways to be with others and not be lonely.  Boston MA here, there are plenty of queer folk here!

Our life situation is the result of a series of decisions.  Different decisions can create a different situation.

Take good care, and take things one day at a time. 

Jack

[menaughty]

Love you all ❤

[menaughty]

On 2/1/2022 at 4:51 PM, Unicorn said:

 

https://www.meetup.com/cities/us/tx/dallas/lgbtq/

https://www.lgbtoutdoors.com/?fbclid=IwAR23qgEPAXnmegK8BwQlCOm3rDhtJ7VaBmzjkx1XN4f1FR5gmzNYfclGaJk

 

Thank you. I had no idea about meetup. I have joined some of them now. Dallas might not be as active as SF in gay scene but I am glad there are still things.