Does any one here feel that hiring guys hinder them

[sizzlingrice]

from being in a relationship if you are still single? I know that couples hire to spice up their sex lives. But to the single guys, since you're having sex with a hot guy, does it make it harder for you to focus on being in a relationship?

 

Coz I do feel that it hinders me. I would always compare the sex i have with the working boys and the sex with a potential partner. Of course, I look at the whole picture with the guy I am dating. But somehow, since I am having sex with a regular working guy, and I'm satisfied, it does affect my motivation in finding a guy to be in a serious relationship.

 

Or maybe I just ahven't met the right guy to totally dump the working guy...

 

Any thoughts on this?

[+ purplekow]

>from being in a relationship if you are still single? I know

>that couples hire to spice up their sex lives. But to the

>single guys, since you're having sex with a hot guy, does it

>make it harder for you to focus on being in a relationship?

>

>Coz I do feel that it hinders me. I would always compare the

>sex i have with the working boys and the sex with a potential

>partner. Of course, I look at the whole picture with the guy

>I am dating. But somehow, since I am having sex with a

>regular working guy, and I'm satisfied, it does affect my

>motivation in finding a guy to be in a serious relationship.

>

>Or maybe I just ahven't met the right guy to totally dump the

>working guy...

>

>Any thoughts on this?

 

 

While hiring working guys can satisfy many needs, ultimately it is a fantasy. A hot, sweaty, seething, writhing, sexy fantasy but a fantasy nevertheless. You can hire lovers and imagine them loved ones, but loved ones are there because they want to be not because you pay them to be there. So, if you need loved ones, put away the Craig's List and get out and meet some people. If you meant by "a regular working guy" that you are seeing one special working guy to the exclusion of other escorts and that you would rather that than any other relationship, then you have two choices: Get out now or

Get out when your money runs out.

[+ Charlie]

The more interesting question is why you would feel motivated to be in a "relationship." To save money? To get more satisfying emotional support? Because you are embarrassed about hiring? Because others expect you to settle down with a partner?

 

It sounds like you are actually pretty satisfied with your sex life, but have a nagging feeling that you shouldn't be.

[sizzlingrice]

I do love being in a relationship. It's not about saving money as I have already incorporated the fees paid into my monthly budget.

 

And you are absolutely right on this Charlie. I am very satisfied with my sex life and happy with what's going on in my single blessed life. I am not shy about hiring as a couple of my close friends knew about this. And they did say to stop hiring as they see that it hinders me going out on real dates and be in a relationship. People I've met and my friends ask why I don't have a boyfriend. I've gone out on dates, but no one interests me. My friends have told me to give them a chance before calling it quits, and I did.

 

I am satisfied with my regular guy that I pay for, but at a much much discounted rate (lower than market and he only charge me for an hour's rate) and the time we hang out is pretty long - 6-7 hours. I knew there's a connection and I've been seeing him for over a year now, twice a month, sometimes three. It's not the money why he hangs out with me. And this does hinder me from seeing other guys.

 

And I have asked myself why not just go out with this guy? Because he is in an open relationship. And that's something I am not sure if I want to be in. It's hard as it is being in a relationship, what more with an open one?

 

I know the choice is within me to make. Just wanted to know what others' opinions are.

[JT Brooklyn]

I think the problem would be that some Working Guys are so damn Good at what they do...No "Civilian" will ever match up, which definitely might screw up a relationship eventually?

 

Unless you find a Blank Canvas and teach'em everything a Working Guy knows? Of course that could take a long time. Also explaining where your "expertise" came from would be a little tricky also!

 

Then again I think there is a "SEX FOR DUMMYS" Book at B&N? ;-)

[Greathands]

When I first saw this post, I knew any response I would give would be long-winded … so forgive me if I bore you. I also knew that my thoughts might be controversial to some … so let me make myself clear that these are my experiences and thoughts, and certainly not meant to reflect anyone else’s perspective.

 

I started hiring escorts probably 15 years ago. At that time, I was very career-oriented and not really interested in having a relationship. But I was also not into the whole “hook up” scene. Hiring an escort was an excellent way of having some intimate companionship and to have some fun as well.

 

And I’ll be honest to say that another advantage of hiring an escort was due to the fact that I am a “bear” who tends to be attracted to younger, muscular guys. Finding that type of guy that’s into a bear for a hook up is like finding a needle in a haystack. I’ve commented on here a few times that it became a monthly event for me and my friends to choose the “hottie of the month”. I’d usually show up with a few profiles, and then we would choose the guy to contact. It was great fun … and with only two or three exceptions, I’ve always had great experiences with escorts.

 

So to answer the main question of this post, I’d have to say that hiring escorts has affected me in four ways:

 

First, I readily admit that I have become quite shallow about a guy’s appearance. Before I go any further, let me make myself clear … I completely understand that it is the personality of a man that is most important. A cute escort with no personality is certainly a dud (maybe not all the time … lol), but if the escort wasn’t good looking enough, they never would have intrigued me to read their profile and get to know more about them. And having been able to selectively choose my “hottie of the month” based on how attractive I found them, I now find myself to be rather superficial. I’ll hear my friends talk about some “hot” guy at the bar or campground and think to myself that he’d never meet my “standards”. Shallow … I know!

 

Secondly, I think hiring an escort for so many years has left me with a disconnection between “sex” and “love”. I have always clearly understood the relationship between an escort and client. Even those times that I would hire someone solely for companionship, I understood there was no “friendship” involved. As I mentioned earlier, one of the primary reasons I started hiring escorts was for companionship and fun during a time that I was career-oriented and not interested in a relationship. Over the years, my priorities have changed and four years ago I met my current partner. I haven’t hired an escort in those four years. Maybe this is true for a lot of people … maybe not … but I really don’t feel the connection between sex and love. I do love my partner, and in those times that I want to express my love for him, I’ll be more interested in cuddling or doing something special for him. The times that I’m interested in having sex is when I’m horny … and that has nothing to do with love. If he’s home, it’s time for some fun … if he’s not home, then I’m glad we have high speed internet.

 

Third, it took me a while to transition from “sex with an escort” to “sex with a partner”. While I truly believe that most of the escorts I was with were honest when they said they enjoyed our time together, I acknowledge that our time together was all about me. I did whatever I could to make the escort feel welcome. I’m not a demanding guy. I’m very friendly. I enjoy giving massages. But the bottom line was that whatever sex acts took place were the ones I enjoyed. I would always make sure the escort understood what I enjoyed doing and what I didn’t enjoy. And then I would usually let them take the lead in many ways. But with a partner, it’s not about me. I needed to learn to be as responsive to his needs and desires as I expected my escorts to be with me.

 

The fourth way I feel hiring escorts has affected me is something that I feel is very significant. As I’ve said, over the past fifteen years (with the exception of the last four), I have had the enjoyable experience of hiring some very great escorts both locally and as I’ve traveled. And let me tell you, I’ve seen some very hot guys. My friends and I still talk and joke about my “hottie of the month” club. (In fact, one of my friends recently commented that our dinners are not nearly as exciting as they used to be.) It was great to be able to choose whatever got my attention at that time. Sometimes younger, sometimes older. Sometimes smooth, sometimes hairy. Sometimes a professional (rentboy for $300 an hour), sometimes an amateur (gay.com for $50 an hour).

 

I know many guys out there wonder what is wrong with that scenario. And I would have to say nothing, because it was a great and fun experience. But for me there was a down side that I never thought about.

 

As I also mentioned earlier, four years ago I met my current partner. And unlike some other posters on here who feel a need to continually remind us how hot their partner is, this is not something I have bragged about. This post will be the exception. He is hot! We are a good match. I’m a middle-aged, overweight bear who is into younger, well built guys … and he is a younger well built hunk who is into older, overweight bears. When we first met online, I thought I had hit the jackpot. Here was a guy as hot as any escort I’ve hired and we were in a relationship. And over the past four years our relationship and friendship have grown even stronger.

 

So what’s the down side? It goes back to my “disconnect” between sex and love. Even though I still find my partner to be incredibly attractive and sexy, sex with the same person can’t live up to the excitement of the “hottie of the month”.

 

Several of my friends talk of their “open relationships” and “threesomes”. And while I don’t have any problems with those concepts and certainly don’t judge them for whatever they choose to do, they are not what I’ve wanted for myself. But it isn’t easy.

 

As part of my job, I have had the opportunity over the past couple of years to talk candidly with some college students. As we’ve talked openly about their sex lives, they have shared about their hope for a monogamous relationship in their future, but see their life now as an opportunity to “just have some fun and not be too serious”. And while I do understand what they are saying … and don’t disagree with them … I have shared my experience with them. Granted, I didn’t talk about escorts and such … but I have shared with them that having the excitement of multiple partners may make having a monogamous relationship someday a little bit harder.

 

Oh well … these are just some of my thoughts on the topic.

[+ nycman]

Wow Greathands.

 

You said everything I wanted to say...better than I could have ever said it.

 

Thanks.

[sizzlingrice]

Thanks for your input. I myself have a disconnection between sex and love. What you wrote was very educational to me and made me realize that I am not alone.