Will you pay a deposit to a stranger?

[+ tassojunior]

I have escort friends visit so i 100% understand all the nuisance fake-address outcalls, numerous no-show/no-calls for set appointments as another prank, etc. and think anonymous deposits are fine. Except there are a lot of scammer fake listings and some of these guys could make a killing off of hot photos and a deposit requirement. They don't pay RentMen $100 for a listing as a joke and it takes a few bad experiences for RentMen to drop an ad. And then there's all the 2nd-tier listing sites. 

Traditionally we have the "3-finger photo" rule that helps. 

[HoleTrainer]

15 minutes ago, RJD said:

Respect is a two-way street.  By demanding a deposit you’re assuming the client is going to scam you.  That’s equally disrespectful.

Do you feel the same way when your surgeon, masseuse, gym trainer, or any other professional out there who bills on a per-session basis requires a deposit?  Or is this a special business standard that you reserve exclusively for sex workers?

Requiring a deposit has nothing to do with assuming that a client is a scammer and everything to do with assuming that things come up and people choose not to honor their commitments, as does every single other business out there who requires customers to pay a deposit or honor a cancellation policy.

You should *absolutely* learn from clients who are scammed out of deposits by learning to do your research better and sticking to well established escorts who won’t scam you, who you can verify thru their online presence on multiple websites including this forum and their social media.  Not by saying that no escort is trustworthy enough for a deposit because some people somewhere got scammed.

As mentioned earlier in this same thread, I don’t require deposits for most meetings.  But I would consider it a strike against anyone and would likely not meet them if they directly expressed that they will never pay a deposit to an escort.  It’s just plain disrespectful in a world where most independent business professionals who work on a per session basis have deposit requirements or cancellation policies.

[HoseMaster]

In my experience over the last 16 years, the ones who requested deposits were my worst hires, and I never repeated those people.  It’s almost like they knew they weren’t that great, or were hiding something, shorted time, or some other negative aspect.  

[HoleTrainer]

32 minutes ago, RJD said:

 

@big-n-tallshowed up and paid the agreed amount.  Any uncertainty the provider had should have been allayed the moment he arrived and not reflected in the effort during his time.  That’s unprofessional.  
 

Listen, if you’re hiring someone for an intimate encounter, the way you treat them leading up to the encounter is going to impact the quality of the service you get.  It has nothing to do with being unprofessional.  Escorts are human beings, not sex vending machines.  If you start off the session in circumstances the escort is not comfortable with, you will not get the highest quality of service.  You can choose to be in denial of this if you want but I’ve been in the industry for ten years and it’s a simple fact across the board, which escorts talk about amongst ourselves regularly whether anyone else feels the need to clarify it openly here to clients or not.

The top performing escorts who can always deliver flawless service under any circumstances are the least likely to have to compromise on their booking requirements and end up in this situation in the first place.

Edited June 30, 2021 by HoleTrainer

[HoseMaster]

On a related note, I hired someone several years ago that wanted his full money up front, and only told me when he arrived at my house.  I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that, as it wasn’t brought up beforehand.  I told him I’d give him half now, and half when we were done, and he was ok with that.

The session was ok, but not the greatest.

Several months go by and he reaches out again that he’s in town, and if I’d like to meet up.  I thought to myself, “Why not?”  So I did.  When he arrived, he also asked for money up front.  I asked him, “We met up only a few months ago, why would you ask me for money up front again? I paid you what you asked.”  His response was, “To make sure I can provide the best session for you.”  I didn’t reply back, as I didn’t want this session to go bad, but I was taken back that his abilities to give the best possible session were based on money-up-front.  I was reliable. I paid last time.  I chose to have him out again.

I never repeated after that.

[big-n-tall]

4 hours ago, HoleTrainer said:

So you refused to show these guys the respect of complying with their requested deposit policy because you assumed before you even met them that they were trying to scam you and then you’re surprised that you didn’t have a good experience with them??  Gee, I wonder why... talk about starting things off on a sour note!  They went thru with the appointments with you because they NEEDED the money badly enough to see someone who refused to honor their booking policy.  There is absolutely no way anyone is walking into that situation giving their best performance.  If you want an escort’s best performance, you need to comply with their booking policies and show respect during 100% of the appointment booking proceeds.  Assuming that a professional is trying to scam you is disrespectful as hell.  You may get away with it but obviously you’re not going to get the best experience out of it.

Clearly you didn’t read carefully what I wrote.

Let me be clear, if I wasn’t clear enough. After I talked logistics… the where, when, and their rates.. these particular providers then switched up and asked for a deposit. They didn’t mention a deposit in their ad. They didn’t mention it when we talked about their rate. It was only after things were settled, they mentioned wanting a deposit… either directly after things were seemingly settled or sometime after through another communication. That to me is an attempt to bait and switch.

So should I just accept a “surcharge” when it was only mentioned after we agreed on time and rates? You don’t change a “booking policy” mid-stream. That’s bad business. So you’re damned right I refused a to pay a deposit when it wasn’t mentioned beforehand. In all these cases I brought up no mention of a deposit with the provider, they either agreed that they should have said something beforehand (and went through with the meet up) or decided we weren’t a good fit. And the one case I decided to give something of a deposit I wish I hadn’t. In that situation not only did I pay for his travel beforehand, I agreed to bring him to my area before our planned overnight so he could work the area. After we agreed on a rate, he kept texting me asking if I could pay him early. Then he switched and told he he required a deposit and said he asked that of all his clients. I told him he never said anything about a deposit in all the times we communicated. I should have cut it off their, but I thought with my dick and not my brain and went through with the overnight. It was a meh time. Never again will I put myself in that situation.

if a provider stated up front he wanted a deposit, I doubt I would have contacted him in the first place. I agree we all should stick to whatever booking policy was discussed and not try to add fees after what was agreed upon/talked about.

Is that clear enou.gh for you?

Edited June 30, 2021 by big-n-tall

[+ RJD]

1 hour ago, HoleTrainer said:

If a client has had a bad experience with getting scammed out of a deposit in the past, he should have the maturity to understand that he did not do his research on that particular service provider well enough.  Deciding to never pay a deposit to any sex worker ever again because you got scammed by someone you did not research properly IS inherently disrespectful to me.  End of story.

So you’re blaming the person who was scammed?  Got it.  

[big-n-tall]

1 hour ago, HoleTrainer said:

When an escort establishes a booking requirement, and a client refuses to comply, typically an escort will accept the booking anyway due to immediate financial need.  Otherwise, an escort often WILL decline the booking for the reasons you mentioned.  That’s exactly the point I was making above.  If someone is only accepting your booking under circumstances that they are not comfortable with (no deposit), it is likely due to immediate financial need, and they are simply pushing thru their own discomfort to do what they need to do to make it work, so you shouldn’t be surprised if you do not have the best experience with them.  That’s not a good feeling going into intimate work.

The escort changed the booking requirements. That’s the issues I’ve had. If I was interested enough in a provider who stated upfront they required a deposit, I would have no problem complying. I won’t comply if they’re going to change the rules.

[HoleTrainer]

3 minutes ago, RJD said:

So you’re blaming the person who was scammed?  Got it.  

Yes.  It’s the client’s responsibility to research thoroughly before hiring.  If he decides to send a deposit to an unknown entity, or someone who is clearly playing games with him, that is his own mistake, not the mistake of every other escort who dares to require a deposit.

Client who got scammed could accept responsibility and learn to research an escort better before agreeing to send a deposit in the future.  Or could blame ALL escorts in existence and get offended whenever any escort requires a deposit, while continuing to pay deposits to other types of professionals in other industries.  One shows maturity and personal responsibility, the other displaces blame for their negative experience to all sex workers which in my opinion is disrespectful.

[HoleTrainer]

4 minutes ago, big-n-tall said:

The escort changed the booking requirements. That’s the issues I’ve had. If I was interested enough in a provider who stated upfront they required a deposit, I would have no problem complying. I won’t comply if they’re going to change the rules.

Your original post that I replied to did not make this distinction clearly and if it did I would have responded differently.  Thanks for clarifying.

Edited June 30, 2021 by HoleTrainer

[coriolis888]

1 hour ago, HoleTrainer said:

When an escort establishes a booking requirement, and a client refuses to comply, typically an escort will accept the booking anyway due to immediate financial need.  Otherwise, an escort often WILL decline the booking for the reasons you mentioned.  That’s exactly the point I was making above.  If someone is only accepting your booking under circumstances that they are not comfortable with (no deposit), it is likely due to immediate financial need, and they are simply pushing thru their own discomfort to do what they need to do to make it work, so you shouldn’t be surprised if you do not have the best experience with them.  That’s not a good feeling going into intimate work.

Sadly misguided!

Experienced clients know that providers asking for an advance deposit are in the minority.  

As I previously wrote, this forum is filled with posts from experienced clients who have been ripped off by dishonest providers asking for a deposit only to disappear after the deposit is cashed.  

Providers insisting on an advance deposit have a lot of:

chutz·pah

/ˈho͝otspə,ˈKHo͝otspə/

Learn to pronounce

 

noun

INFORMAL

 

1. extreme self-confidence or audacity.

 

[Gymowner]

3 minutes ago, HoleTrainer said:

Yes.  It’s the client’s responsibility to research thoroughly before hiring.  If he decides to send a deposit to an unknown entity, or someone who is clearly playing games with him, that is his own mistake, not the mistake of every other escort who dares to require a deposit.

Client who got scammed could accept responsibility and learn to research an escort better before agreeing to send a deposit in the future.  Or could blame ALL escorts in existence and get offended whenever any escort requires a deposit, while continuing to pay deposits to other types of professionals in other industries.  One shows maturity and personal responsibility, the other displaces blame for their negative experience to all sex workers which in my opinion is disrespectful.

So if an escort is not reviewed and asks for a deposit is it your position to not go ahead with the deposit? If noone takes "the risk" to deposit beforehand then there will never be any reviews thus no amount of research beforehand will be fruitful.

Which comes first... the chicken or the egg?

[HoleTrainer]

1 minute ago, coriolis888 said:

Sadly misguided!

Experienced clients know that providers asking for an advance deposit are in the minority.  

As I previously wrote, this forum is filled with posts from experienced clients who have been ripped off by dishonest providers asking for a deposit only to disappear after the deposit is cashed.  

Providers insisting on an advance deposit have a lot of:

chutz·pah

/ˈho͝otspə,ˈKHo͝otspə/

Learn to pronounce

 

noun

INFORMAL

 

1. extreme self-confidence or audacity.

 

Again, this seems like a special standard that you hold only for sex workers and not for any other categories of professionals out there.  You think that just because someone is a sex worker, they can’t dare require a deposit or suddenly they’re “entitled”, when you don’t hold other categories of independent professionals to this standard.

You’re entitled to your opinion and your hiring practices, but they reveal your negative attitude toward sex workers.  Clients like you are not worth seeing IMO.  Those negative biases leak into and spoil the relationship in other ways as well.

[HoleTrainer]

7 minutes ago, Gymowner said:

So if an escort is not reviewed and asks for a deposit is it your position to not go ahead with the deposit? If noone takes "the risk" to deposit beforehand then there will never be any reviews thus no amount of research beforehand will be fruitful.

Which comes first... the chicken or the egg?

“I’d be more comfortable making a deposit after you have some reviews.  I’ll wait for that and circle back to you.  Best of luck in the meanwhile!”

or sure, take the risk IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT.  To some people $100 is not a lot of money to gamble on a potentially amazing encounter.  A lot of things are gambles in life.  I feel like I’m gambling every time I drop $50 on trying a new restaurant on my favorite delivery app too.

but just understand that you are gambling if you choose to make a deposit to someone who isn’t credentialed.  And if you get burned, don’t write off every other escort who requires a deposit, just be more discerning about who you agree to provide them to in the future.  Unless you’re into the thrill of the gamble and don’t mind some losses.  Then have fun.

Edited June 30, 2021 by HoleTrainer

[+ RJD]

57 minutes ago, HoleTrainer said:

Do you feel the same way when your surgeon, masseuse, gym trainer, or any other professional out there who bills on a per-session basis requires a deposit?  Or is this a special business standard that you reserve exclusively for sex workers?

 

Nope.  You’re not special.  It’s not reserved just for sex workers.  I’ve yet to hire anyone who’s asked for a deposit up front.  I’ve hired plumbers, electricians, house cleaners, trainers, auto mechanics, and countless other professionals.  None has ever required a deposit.  And if I had a surgeon who did, I’d run in the opposite direction.  

57 minutes ago, HoleTrainer said:

Requiring a deposit has nothing to do with assuming that a client is a scammer and everything to do with assuming that things come up and people choose not to honor their commitments, as does every single other business out there who requires customers to pay a deposit or honor a cancellation policy.

 

Semantics.  You’re entering into the transaction assuming you’re going to have a problem.  Again, I have yet to contact a professional in any industry who has asked me to send him/her money before the service is rendered. 

[HoleTrainer]

4 minutes ago, RJD said:

Nope.  You’re not special.  It’s not reserved just for sex workers.  I’ve yet to hire anyone who’s asked for a deposit up front.  I’ve hired plumbers, electricians, house cleaners, trainers, auto mechanics, and countless other professionals.  None has ever required a deposit.  And if I had a surgeon who did, I’d run in the opposite direction.  

Semantics.  You’re entering into the transaction assuming you’re going to have a problem.  Again, I have yet to contact a professional in any industry who has asked me to send him/her money before the service is rendered. 

Well this is mind boggling to me.  Where do you live?  Living in NYC or San Francisco, prepayment for service, deposits, and cancellation policies are a fact of life.  Everyone I know who’s had surgery with any surgeon worth their salt has had to pay a deposit.  Almost every doctor and dentist has a cancellation policy.  Almost every masseuse has either a deposit required or a cancellation policy.

Edited June 30, 2021 by HoleTrainer

[coriolis888]

35 minutes ago, HoleTrainer said:

Again, this seems like a special standard that you hold only for sex workers and not for any other categories of professionals out there.  You think that just because someone is a sex worker, they can’t dare require a deposit or suddenly they’re “entitled”, when you don’t hold other categories of independent professionals to this standard.

You’re entitled to your opinion and your hiring practices, but they reveal your negative attitude toward sex workers.  Clients like you are not worth seeing IMO.  Those negative biases leak into and spoil the relationship in other ways as well.

You are more misguided than I thought.

Where did I say I held "a special standard that you hold only for sex workers and not for any other categories of professionals out there."

That is quite some leap out of reality you possess.  

As is documented repeatedly in this forum, countless clients who paid an advance deposit, lived to regret the deposit or were cheated out of the deposit money. 

Refusing to make future advance deposits has nothing to do with a sex worker.  

If a reasonable person called a plumber or an electrician for repairs and either of those contractors asked for an advance deposit, then skipped out and kept the money, the attitude over advance deposits would be the same regardless of the occupation.  

 

Edited June 30, 2021 by coriolis888
spelling error

[+ RJD]

53 minutes ago, HoleTrainer said:

Listen, if you’re hiring someone for an intimate encounter, the way you treat them leading up to the encounter is going to impact the quality of the service you get.  It has nothing to do with being unprofessional.  Escorts are human beings, not sex vending machines.  If you start off the session in circumstances the escort is not comfortable with, you will not get the highest quality of service.  You can choose to be in denial of this if you want but I’ve been in the industry for ten years and it’s a simple fact across the board, which escorts talk about amongst ourselves regularly whether anyone else feels the need to clarify it openly here to clients or not.

The top performing escorts who can always deliver flawless service under any circumstances are the least likely to have to compromise on their booking requirements and end up in this situation in the first place.

I’ve never treated any of the men I’ve hired as sex vending machines.  If you feel that you’ve been treated as one, maybe that’s because you’re treating your clients like an ATM.  
 

The top performing escorts who always deliver flawless service are those who don’t enter into the encounter thinking it’s going to fall apart.

[+ RJD]

10 minutes ago, HoleTrainer said:

Well this is mind boggling to me.  Where do you live?  Living in NYC or San Francisco, prepayment for service, deposits, and cancellation policies are a fact of life.  Everyone I know who’s had surgery with any surgeon worth their salt has had to pay a deposit.  Almost every doctor and dentist has a cancellation policy.  Almost every masseuse has either a deposit required or a cancellation policy.

Deposits and cancellation fees are two entirely different things.  

[HoleTrainer]

3 minutes ago, coriolis888 said:

That is quite some leap out of reality you possess.  

As is documented repeatedly in this forum, countless clients who paid an advance deposit, lived to regret the deposit or were cheated out of the deposit money. 

Refusing to make future advance deposits has nothing to do with a sex worker.  

Clearly it does have something to do with them being a sex worker since you’re saying that since other sex workers have scammed their clients in the past, that means no sex worker should dare require a deposit now or you’ll be labeling them “entitled” or whatever.

Just because some other sex workers (probably in more desperate circumstances) scammed some other clients, doesn’t mean that all sex workers who require deposits are scammers or otherwise entitled individuals.  You assume that of them because they are in the same category in your mind as the other “sex worker” scammers.

You can deny the connection if you want, but it’s there written in your own words that us being sex workers does have something to do with your disdain toward our requests for deposits.

And again, this is coming from someone who just to be clear, does not currently even require deposits for bookings unless they require me to travel outside of my normal service area, or set aside a large portion of my schedule such as 24-48 hours.  It’s your attitude towards sex workers who choose to require a deposit that is an issue for me.

[HoleTrainer]

3 minutes ago, RJD said:

I’ve never treated any of the men I’ve hired as sex vending machines.  If you feel that you’ve been treated as one, maybe that’s because you’re treating your clients like an ATM.  
 

The top performing escorts who always deliver flawless service are those who don’t enter into the encounter thinking it’s going to fall apart.

I don’t end up with clients who treat escorts as vending machines because I reject them during the inquiry process.  But some escorts are less experienced or don’t have the financial stability to do so unfortunately.  We were discussing situations that sounded more along those lines than the type of sessions I typically have.  My clients have no issues paying deposits in the cases when I choose to ask for them.

Exactly, we agree about the top performing escorts. They would simply reject any encounter that didn’t comply with their requirements more likely as they have lots of regular clients and don’t need new business from someone who isn’t willing to follow their requirements.  So they wouldn’t be in a situation where they weren’t into the dynamic.  This is how I personally operate.

[HoleTrainer]

6 minutes ago, RJD said:

Deposits and cancellation fees are two entirely different things.  

Not really.  A deposit is just a pre-paid cancellation fee, and necessary in situations where the business doesn’t have any means to enforce a cancellation policy.  A hotel can charge your credit card on file with your cancellation fee if you no-show.  A masseuse might be able to.  An escort cannot.  But at their essence, a cancellation policy and a deposit serve the same function- to ensure that operating costs (sometimes including labor) are covered in the event of a last minute cancellation or no show.

Edited June 30, 2021 by HoleTrainer

[DustyX]

If I pay a deposit to a plumber or surgeon and he doesn’t show up, typically I know where to find him to settle up. You can’t do that with someone who doesn’t use their real name and whose only address is a RM ad. 

[HoleTrainer]

Every time I check into a hotel they charge me a security deposit in case I damage the room.  Should I be offended that they’re “assuming” I’m going to damage the room?  Being offended by deposit requirements is just as ridiculous.  Don’t take it so personally. Nobody’s assuming anything about you.  It’s literally just about covering your liabilities for a lot of people who choose to require them.  They may have high per-session operating costs.  What if they’re raising kids or caring for an elderly parent for example and they have to shell out $60-80 for elder/childcare just to even make themselves available to see you?  That’s none of your business so obviously they’re not going to have that in their AD, but there are plenty of good reasons behind the scenes why someone might need to cover their liabilities and require a deposit.

Edited June 30, 2021 by HoleTrainer

[coriolis888]

28 minutes ago, HoleTrainer said:

Clearly it does have something to do with them being a sex worker since you’re saying that since other sex workers have scammed their clients in the past, that means no sex worker should dare require a deposit now or you’ll be labeling them “entitled” or whatever.

Just because some other sex workers (probably in more desperate circumstances) scammed some other clients, doesn’t mean that all sex workers who require deposits are scammers or otherwise entitled individuals.  You assume that of them because they are in the same category in your mind as the other “sex worker” scammers.

You can deny the connection if you want, but it’s there written in your own words that us being sex workers does have something to do with your disdain toward our requests for deposits.

And again, this is coming from someone who just to be clear, does not currently even require deposits for bookings unless they require me to travel outside of my normal service area, or set aside a large portion of my schedule such as 24-48 hours.  It’s your attitude towards sex workers who choose to require a deposit that is an issue for me.

 "It’s your attitude towards sex workers who choose to require a deposit that is an issue for me."

You do not know anything about me nor of my attitude toward sex workers. 

The above quote from your last series of posts speaks volumes about you.

It is clear from your series of posts that you have a lot of issues and problems that cannot be solved in this forum. 

I wish you the best of luck.