Birthday Blues

[nomad]

I was actually very close to composing a post just like this three weeks ago when I turned 40. It hasn't been an easy milestone for me... I'm having a difficult time shaking these feelings of sadness and regret. I almost feel like they're going to be with me now, permanently. I hate it so much.

Why? Our culture is too obsessed with youth and that you're done once you hit X. Do I miss being poor? No Do I miss surviving on hold out for the 10 or $10 Instant Noodle sale at the grocery store? No Do I miss sleeping in hostels? No Do I miss not drinking cheap booze? No Do I miss driving a clunker? No Do I miss eating crappy food because I couldn't afford anything better? No (though I still love Spam). Do I miss not being able to go home with whoever I want? No The only thing I miss from those days are endless days of free time when I had no obligations.

[PPP]

Why? Our culture is too obsessed with youth and that you're done once you hit X. Do I miss being poor? No Do I miss surviving on hold out for the 10 or $10 Instant Noodle sale at the grocery store? No Do I miss sleeping in hostels? No Do I miss not drinking cheap booze? No Do I miss driving a clunker? No Do I miss eating crappy food because I couldn't afford anything better? No (though I still love Spam). Do I miss not being able to go home with whoever I want? No The only thing I miss from those days are endless days of free time when I had no obligations.

 

wait a minute, you don's miss having sex for free with young men?

 

I know a lot of young men who have money, dad's money and sometimes their own. I do believe that a certain time in life you'd better have your shit together and some money but let's face it young folks now pay a lot more for housing and specially education.

[nomad]

wait a minute, you don's miss having sex for free with young men?

 

I know a lot of young men who have money, dad's money and sometimes their own. I do believe that a certain time in life you'd better have your shit together and some money but let's face it young folks now pay a lot more for housing and specially education.

It still happens just not as often because you're not running in the same circles day and night.

 

Speaking for myself, I didn't know the value of money when I was younger. When you don't have to earn it yourself, you certainly don't appreciate its value. I recall sleeping on bags of coal on a train in China. Thought nothing odd about it at all at the time. Couldn't pay me enough to do that now.

 

Life experience. Unless you've lived and experienced it, you will not know or appreciate the difference between things. Motel 6, Ramada Inn, Hilton, Hyatt, Marriott, Four Seasons.

 

Hated red wine for most of my younger days until I was given a glass of wine that I thought tasted so amazing and subtle with no lingering after taste. I gulped down that glass like I was a fish out of water. I was at small party in Korea at one of the country's elite ceramic artist's home. Her work is in the collection of the Met and other world museums. I was asked to carry a package back to the states for a collector. I thought I was just carrying back some trinket. I remember guessing it was worth maybe $500. I delivered the package and the collector thanked me. Laughed when I told him about the wine. He said he would hope I would like the wine. She only serve bottles that are $1000 or more at her intimate parties. I felt so embarrassed and told him she poured me two very full glasses. He said don't be, that package I carried over was worth over $100K. What? ? Should of had another glass before I left.