Documentary Dilemma

[+ TylerandAce]

A producer from HBO called last week. They want to feature us in an LGBT-focused documentary about out life in small town America. For those of you who don't know, we live in Tupelo, Mississippi. We have a wonderful little life carved out here, but we are in the hometown of the American Family Association that runs the Christian radio network called American Family Radio. They have a budget of about $75m a year and are listed by the Southern Poverty Law Center as a hate group because of their aggressive stance against homosexuality and advocation of change treatment. Honestly, I don't even know anybody that works there, but have heard that half the staff is gay. Literally, they don't impact our life, but we have engineered it that way.

 

Anyway, we got Married in Tupelo and have a nice little group of out friends who are from all walks of life...doctors, lawyers, professors, real estate developers, fast food workers, social workers, business owners...a real cross section. The reason HBO is interested, of course, is because I (Ace) am native, have children, married a recent porn star of the year, moved him to Mississippi, travel around the world for work, am a social media "influencer", and live in the shadow of this hate filled specter of an organization.

 

While I'm flattered they'd be interested, there are issues. First, some RuPaul drag queens come do a performance at the end of each segment where the subjects participate. A whole one-great-show-can-change-the-world sort of thing, I suppose. I don't think I could ever do that...ever. We actually have a drag community here, but it's averse to me. I've never even seen an episode of RuPaul's show and it makes me uncomfortable when I see clips, even. Secondly, I'm afraid while trying to portray us as some kind of community role model that the escorting thing comes to light...not necessarily in the documentary, but from the aftermath of it airing. We can be pretty mean to each other in our community and there's a huge stigma attached to hiring with some people. Maybe rightfully so, but still an issue.

 

Tyler and I are leaning towards saying no, but would love some thoughts from the thinkers on this page.

[RyanDean]

I'm not hearing anything in your summary of why you want to participate or how the experience would make your lives better. I'm also hearing legitimate concerns about it being a disruption to your contentment and it pressing uncomfortably on your limits. My strong instinct would be to encourage you to decline for now, while possibly leaving a narrow window of possibility for you to initiate further contact (or vice versa).

[+ TylerandAce]

I'm not hearing anything in your summary of why you want to participate or how the experience would make your lives better. I'm also hearing legitimate concerns about it being a disruption to your contentment and it pressing uncomfortably on your limits. My strong instinct would be to encourage you to decline for now, while possibly leaving a narrow window of possibility for you to initiate further contact (or vice versa).

Thank you. That's kinda been our position at this point. I guess the reason to do it would be from an enlightenment perspective. That not all Mississippians are hate mongers and you can have a good life in a red state. I think your position is probably the correct one, though.

[Bucky]

Depends on how much enlightenment you wish to expose.

Assuming there are zero skeletons in your closets.

You will indeed be scrutinized.

Are you up for it?

Edited January 12, 2020 by Bucky

[+ TylerandAce]

Depends on how much enlightenment you wish to expose.

Assuming there are zero skeletons in your closets.

You will indeed be scrutinized.

Are you up for it?

probably not, no.

[+ Reisr30]

Thank you. That's kinda been our position at this point. I guess the reason to do it would be from an enlightenment perspective. That not all Mississippians are hate mongers and you can have a good life in a red state. I think your position is probably the correct one, though.

 

I would agree with Ryan Dean. Maybe I watch too much TV but you see stories of people having to move away because for one reason or another the spotlight gets placed on them. I also think in this day and age of social media (although I think it was the case before too) people don't understand boundaries. Unless you are ready for the worse case scenario which would result in a complete disruption to your life, it might be better to decline. Not because you want to "hide" but more to maintain a level of privacy and normalcy most of us are used to.

[+ WilliamM]

While I'm flattered they'd be interested, there are issues. First, some RuPaul drag queens come do a performance at the end of each segment where the subjects participate. A whole one-great-show-can-change-the-world sort of thing, I suppose. I don't think I could ever do that...ever. We actually have a drag community here, but it's averse to me.

 

 

Based on this quote, do not participate.

[+ TylerandAce]

Based on this quote, do not participate.

lol...yeah, the drag is a little too much for me for some reason.

[+ TylerandAce]

I would agree with Ryan Dean. Maybe I watch too much TV but you see stories of people having to move away because for one reason or another the spotlight gets placed on them. I also think in this day and age of social media (although I think it was the case before too) people don't understand boundaries. Unless you are ready for the worse case scenario which would result in a complete disruption to your life, it might be better to decline. Not because you want to "hide" but more to maintain a level of privacy and normalcy most of us are used to.

That is our prevailing thought, yes. But the more I said no to the producer, the more he seemed to want me to do it. I guess the reluctance would probably make for better TV....???

[+ Reisr30]

That is our prevailing thought, yes. But the more I said no to the producer, the more he seemed to want me to do it. I guess the reluctance would probably make for better TV....???

Of course, more drama makes better TV;)

[AceHardware]

It sounds to me like you're tempted to do it but are also trying to talk yourself into NOT doing it. So, I'd go with your instincts to not do it. You just have too many reservations to enjoy the process, and if you don't enjoy it, I suspect that will come across on screen.

 

But I do respect your desire to show that Mississippi is not one big Hate State. Too many places are painted 1-dimensionally. But, let someone else harness the plow.

[+ TylerandAce]

It sounds to me like you're tempted to do it but are also trying to talk yourself into NOT doing it. So, I'd go with your instincts to not do it. You just have too many reservations to enjoy the process, and if you don't enjoy it, I suspect that will come across on screen.

 

But I do respect your desire to show that Mississippi is not one big Hate State. Too many places are painted 1-dimensionally. But, let someone else harness the plow.

I think you hit on it. There's too much under the surface with us that would probably suck out the enjoyment of doing it. And we'd always be worried about the other shoe dropping, so to speak. These productions have a way of hanging around forever.

[AshburyGuy]

Thank you. That's kinda been our position at this point. I guess the reason to do it would be from an enlightenment perspective. That not all Mississippians are hate mongers and you can have a good life in a red state. I think your position is probably the correct one, though.

 

Maybe you could recommend a few others that might be willing to do it. That way you could fulfill your, "That not all Mississippians are hate mongers and you can have a good life in a red state." goal.

[+ Charlie]

The biggest negative may be the fact that you don't have real control over what is ultimately produced and shown (the RuPaul thing is an example), yet you will be held responsible for it by the viewers. It's the same advice that is given on this site: listen to your gut, and if it makes you uncomfortable, walk away.

[Deadlift1]

The concept is interesting minus the RuPaul brigade. But I say hell no. The world is too crazy right now.

[+ WilliamM]

The biggest negative may be the fact that you don't have real control over what is ultimately produced and shown (the RuPaul thing is an example), yet you will be held responsible for it by the viewers. It's the same advice that is given on this site: listen to your gut, and if it makes you uncomfortable, walk away.

 

However, occasionally taking chances is the right choice. If they pass, it may be too late to have a second chance.

[mapsdr]

HBO’s closing of each segment with a drag bit seems in direct conflict with any desire to portray the wide range of gay lifestyles we all live.

Even if you loved doing drag, it would still be a tip-off that the producers are not out to portray rural gays in a natural light.

Sounds like reality TV being peddled to you as a “documentary”.

[+ TylerandAce]

However, occasionally taking chances is the right choice. If they pass, it may be too late to have a second chance.

Yes, that has been a consideration for sure. It's not going to come again.

 

HBO’s closing of each segment with a drag bit seems in direct conflict with any desire to portray the wide range of gay lifestyles we all live.

Even if you loved doing drag, it would still be a tip-off that the producers are not out to portray rural gays in a natural light.

Sounds like reality TV being peddled to you as a “documentary”.

IKR!?? It's like they are intentionally trying to polarize the message in order to produce some kind of artificial drama. It felt disingenuous, so I appreciate your perspective. It's not just us, then.

[+ Oliver]

I think you would benefit from listening to your initial reaction, especially in view of your family situation. I hope that that has settled. It would appear that this offer might roil the waters. I do understand the draw of a new experience (you have not lost that happy view), but, as Charlie said above, you will be held responsible for the content even though you have no control over it. And the escorting will come to light. Be comfortable with your decision. (And big hugs!)

[+ TylerandAce]

I think you would benefit from listening to your initial reaction, especially in view of your family situation. I hope that that has settled. It would appear that this offer might roil the waters. I do understand the draw of a new experience (you have not lost that happy view), but, as Charlie said above, you will be held responsible for the content even though you have no control over it. And the escorting will come to light. Be comfortable with your decision. (And big hugs!)

Thank you, my friend. Agreed with your observations, all. While things are much better legally with the ex, it’s only because the children are almost all emancipated now. She would still use any ammunition against me with them. Although it backfires on her ever time she attempts, best not to keep pushing that stone uphill. ❌⭕️

[HotWhiteThirties]

@TylerandAce, I believe your instincts and the overwhelming advice here is spot on. I would steer clear. You have managed to carve out a great life in a community, that despite its faults (which all communities have), is a community to you. Not every opportunity must be taken and the doors that get opened can’t be easily closed, if at all. Best wishes to you both.

[+ nycman]

Let me be blunt.....are you fucking nuts?

 

Fortunately, it sounds like you’ve already made the right decision.

 

Glad I could help.....grin

[+ TylerandAce]

@TylerandAce, I believe your instincts and the overwhelming advice here is spot on. I would steer clear. You have managed to carve out a great life in a community, that despite its faults (which all communities have), is a community to you. Not every opportunity must be taken and the doors that get opened can’t be easily closed, if at all. Best wishes to you both.

Very well said, yes. Thank you. Not every opportunity is not a good one

[+ TylerandAce]

Let me be blunt.....are you fucking nuts?

 

Fortunately, it sounds like you’ve already made the right decision.

 

Glad I could help.....grin

Lol. I think it’s pretty clear, yes

[BabyBoomer]

Think about the privacy and safety of your children.

 

~Boomer~