Would you forgive an abusive parent?

[loremipsum]

Blood is thicker than water

It is said that the modern interpretation of that saying is the inverse of what the original meaning was. The full, original phrasing is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” This means that your relationship to those with whom you’ve shed blood in war or those with whom you’ve made a blood covenant is paramount, of greater importance than the simple sharing of DNA, meaning the original phrasing wouldn’t actually refer to familial bonds. So liberate yourself from the shackles of this idiom’s implication if it’s at all hampering you in creating your own family/spawns guilt in you about keeping only “fictive kin,” as it were.

Scientifically speaking though, blood is slightly thicker than water, if you were wondering.

[marylander1940]

 

It is said that the modern interpretation of that saying is the inverse of what the original meaning was. The full, original phrasing is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” This means that your relationship to those with whom you’ve shed blood in war or those with whom you’ve made a blood covenant is paramount, of greater importance than the simple sharing of DNA, meaning the original phrasing wouldn’t actually refer to familial bonds. So liberate yourself from the shackles of this idiom’s implication if it’s at all hampering you in creating your own family/spawns guilt in you about keeping only “fictive kin,” as it were.

 

Scientifically speaking though, blood is slightly thicker than water, if you were wondering.

 

That is a new interpretation for sure.

[EZEtoGRU]

I had a decent childhood. Traditional parents born in the 20's that had quite a backward value system. My brother and I weren't physically abused but dad was quite the disciplinarian. My childhood memories are mostly of being terrified of dad. I was totally in the closet with my family until I was 24-25 years old. I knew my parents were totally ill-equipped to handle the gay issue so I purposely chose to not tell them till after I was an adult. I handled the whole journey of coming to terms with my gayness on my own. Even after I told them, they were not particularly supportive or understanding. At least dad wasn't. Mom tried but still never really understood it. They always wanted to blame someone or something for me being gay. Dad died almost 3 years ago and I'm sure thought my being gay was an active choice until the day he died. I didn't hate my dad....nor did I love him I don't think. I did not cry at all when he died and I don't really miss him. Our relationship was always quite superficial.

[+ poolboy48220]

I had a decent childhood. Traditional parents born in the 20's that had quite a backward value system. My brother and I weren't physically abused but dad was quite the disciplinarian. My childhood memories are mostly of being terrified of dad. I was totally in the closet with my family until I was 24-25 years old. I knew my parents were totally ill-equipped to handle the gay issue so I purposely chose to not tell them till after I was an adult. I handled the whole journey of coming to terms with my gayness on my own. Even after I told them, they were not particularly supportive or understanding. At least dad wasn't. Mom tried but still never really understood it. They always wanted to blame someone or something for me being gay. Dad died almost 3 years ago and I'm sure thought my being gay was an active choice until the day he died. I didn't hate my dad....nor did I love him I don't think. I did not cry at all when he died and I don't really miss him. Our relationship was always quite superficial.

I wonder to this day if my Dad blames my Mom. I had two sisters, Mom was a Girl Scout troop leader, and would take me to the meetings. I still remember them calling the meetings to order..."Girls! Girls! and one boy."

 

My very-traditional grandfather was very big on carrying on the family name, and since I was the only son of his only son (and I'm pretty sure the grandfather was an only son too), he was always questioning me about my "love life" whenever he visited. Never asked about my sisters, which bugged them. He died shortly after I came out to my parents; another thing I wonder about is if Dad told him, and it killed him.

[Guest]

...Having said that, forgiveness is always the better route and positively impacts the forgiver more than it does the forgiven.

"Always" seems to be too strong a word in this case, in my opinion. Letting something go may be a good idea most of the time. But I personally don't think I could ever feel better forgiving someone who didn't ask me for forgiveness. Speaking just for myself, it would never make me feel better. Isn't there some dictum in Jewish culture that one can't forgive someone unless that person asks for forgiveness? To me, letting something go is not the same as forgiving. To me, letting something go just means accepting reality and moving on.

[MscleLovr]

To me, letting something go just means accepting reality and moving on.

context of the parent’s situation matter. Although it may not justify abuse, not all forms of “abuse” are equal.

 

What @Unicorn wrote resonates with me. I feel that ‘letting go’ is just as valid a response as forgiveness.

 

I do, however, take issue with the more nuanced approach of @BnaC as a child lacks power vis-a-vis the parent. Contextualisation may only be possible as an adult. After a vicious upbringing, letting go and getting on with life as an adult may be best; it’s certainly freeing.

[Becket]

You forgive so that you can heal. Carrying around all that anger and pain is a horror, no way to live. You forgive for your own benefit, because the forgiveness helps and heals YOU. Otherwise the abuser continues to have power over you at all times. Be selfish. Do it for your own self, health, and well being. It will help you,, perhaps change your life. Anything else that happens is lagniappe.

[MikeBiDude]

lagniappe

????

[+ WilliamM]

Interestingly, on NPR last evening, I heard Elton interviewed on this specific topic. In his words, he described the reasons and background for his father’s behavior. It seemed clear that, from his words, he completely understood why his father was the way he was and, while recognizing it for what it meant to him as the child, he didn’t harbor hate or animosity over it.

 

Again, i repeat, context of the parent’s situation matter. Although it may not justify abuse, not all forms of “abuse” are equal.

 

What a confusing response.

[loremipsum]

 

It is said that the modern interpretation of that saying is the inverse of what the original meaning was. The full, original phrasing is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” This means that your relationship to those with whom you’ve shed blood in war or those with whom you’ve made a blood covenant is paramount, of greater importance than the simple sharing of DNA, meaning the original phrasing wouldn’t actually refer to familial bonds. So liberate yourself from the shackles of this idiom’s implication if it’s at all hampering you in creating your own family/spawns guilt in you about keeping only “fictive kin,” as it were.

 

Scientifically speaking though, blood is slightly thicker than water, if you were wondering.

 

That is a new interpretation for sure.

 

It’s the original interpretation!

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And:

Edited October 17, 2019 by loremipsum

[marylander1940]

It’s the original interpretation!

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And:

 

We agree to disagree

 

The topic is too serious for me to engage in one of your petty squabbles.

Stand aside please if you have nothing constructive to offer

 

You quoted the wrong person.

[+ g56whiz]

It’s the original interpretation!

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And:https://i.pinimg.com/originals/51/64/14/5164148ef81d8f96615b4a6e213842d2.jpg' alt='5164148ef81d8f96615b4a6e213842d2.jpg'>

But Kyro is even thicker than even Maple Syrup and there’s no way it’s more important than Maple Syrup much less family.

[marylander1940]

No. I disowned my family decades ago and haven't had any contact in that time. I'm better off without them.

 

Good you stood up and told them to go to Hell!

 

I have a few mean, poor, hateful cousins I can't stand and unfortunately I see them a few times per year. Whenever they start causing trouble I point at them all the good choices I made in life and all the wrong ones on their side. They stop right away!

[loremipsum]

We agree to disagree