I feel miserable

[Dtxstudfinder]

"He left me feeling inadequate for not meeting his needs"??? Forgive me, but, was the escort paying you??? Fault me for insensitivity toward a working stiff (not a pun), but if you are the one putting the money on the table, the one and only "need" that should be met is yours not his. . .

 

Yes you are exactly right. I couldn't go a second round and he would be looking on Grindr. He got up to shower and after I asked why and he said he was going on a run and hook up with a twink in the neighborhood. I said ok. I'm such an idiot but whatever. I'm not going to do this again.

[Dtxstudfinder]

He is no longer on RM. He contacts past clients he liked.

[+ augustus]

@Dtxstudfinder You are TOO kind. And they are immature. Cut people off like that instantly, only way people learn social norms.

[caliguy]

Sounds like both the OP and his twink partner wanted the same thing. A room full of hot twinks ready for action. Unfortunately so did the other twinks.

 

As Marylander said. The kid was bait. The kids that were giving it away for free were rightfully no into the situation.

[Skip]

I had some personal business to take care of in NY, furniture shopping etc. I thought I would do a weekend with this hot Sean Cody guy who was 26. I will be 70 next month. I like to think I'm still in shape and attractive but I am sure not 25. He was and is adorable, sex was great, but....he is everything else a 26yo is. We absolutely had nothing in common. Same thing with another guy in the spring. Now I make a date for say 5PM, great sex, then some dinner in a great restaurant, and usually I say goodbye. I am back in my hotel at 9:30-10, a little tv, sleep like a baby. I pay pretty close to an overnight but....everyone is happier. (I live with my 28yo autistic son, who although very high functioning, not independent, so I hire when I trave) As Cher says, "Sooner or later we all sleep alone"

[Atxmightyfine69]

Escorts are not your friends. The sooner you realize that, the better.

 

Without revealing too much about myself, I often get asked by escorts if I’m an escort myself. I STILL dont see their compliments as friendship.

 

It’s a business relationship. Give me the dick. Give me the ass. And get out.

 

 

I agree! I would suggest you also never ever bring them into your home and personal life. From what you described I bet there was some recreational activities going on the side knowing or not.

 

When on Grinder with 20 yo your dealing with boys that feel they are invincible and immature, heck most of them probably just got pubic hair 4 years ago.

Always separate and treat it like a business arrangement, your the one covering the bills therefore you are the boss, set the rules and enjoy the sex or companionship as you want it.

[mike carey]

So if you ever want to have an overnight again make sure you find an escort that will spend making you feel good you set rules and tell him about it.

Translation: Be in NYC and call Dom.

[mike carey]

hehe why nyc I would rather go to the land of down under, thats a new place I haven't explored ahem I mean australia

Sorry, I didn't mean to limit you, I just thought you were not for travelling that much! I sort of thought you might explore a place down under, but not necessarily the land down under. Hehe.

[jawjateck]

When I started this hobby in my early 30s, it was common to develop friendships or friendliness with some of the guys. In fact, one companion, who was my age at the time, could have become a bf, if I had been into relationships, which ain't a thing with me and never will be. Now a generation later......and the idea of that is something I find impossible and never pursue. The delta in wisdom, experience, empathy, and plain ole common sense is too vast. And I'll be damned if anyone, much less a know-very-little 20-something, is going to drag me down. When they start yapping about their life experience and expertise, I'm like enough already. I kiss him, then turn 'em over and spank their bubbly asses.

 

This hobby works best when we simply mix some fun and adventure into an already satisfying life. It cannot compensate for essential life deficits. We must deal with those issues in other ways.

[jjkrkwood]

As they say "business is business"..... We all long for an intimate connection, but must be realistic about it. Escorting is a business, perform the service, get paid, get out.... And we must also know ourselves, take a good look in the mirror and know What we are and who we are.....None of us older gents look or perform as we did in our youth.... Viagra may make your cock hard for a period, but energy and stamina is still that of a senior.... At my age, almost 68, its very hard for me to get hard or cum... It takes a special "head space" and a special connection.... I really don't care if I cum..... My pleasure is GIVING service, and that gives me a "mental" orgasm..... We are no longer who we once were, and need to be "woke" to that. And of course there will be guys that no longer find us attractive or desirable, but there are also those that will.... That is where you want to put your time, energy and MONEY.

[liubit]

heck most of them probably just got pubic hair 4 years ago.

Excellent description, @Atxmightyfine69, excellent. I can’t stop laughing.

[Dtxstudfinder]

I'll say it again, you guys are great. I'm thinking he contacted me and offered such a low rate for 3 days because he planned on doing his own thing. Had I known about that in the beginning, I could been better prepared for it but still wouldn't allow a bunch of twinks in my house. Two-night overnights are really too much time outside of sex and they just become annoying people anyway. Knowing I'm a once-a-day sex guy also lets me know my expectations. I feel better, won't let this guy talk me into coming back again, and I know more about my expectations to convey to the guy.

[Wanderoz]

I'll say it again, you guys are great. I'm thinking he contacted me and offered such a low rate for 3 days because he planned on doing his own thing. Had I known about that in the beginning, I could been better prepared for it but still wouldn't allow a bunch of twinks in my house. Two-night overnights are really too much time outside of sex and they just become annoying people anyway. Knowing I'm a once-a-day sex guy also lets me know my expectations. I feel better, won't let this guy talk me into coming back again, and I know more about my expectations to convey to the guy.

Glad you are feeling better. It is a tough lesson to learn & always remember: these are business transactions in a provider-client relationship, not a friendship. I know it must be tough dealing with this while still grieving. I applaud all the guys on here who have listened sensitively & encouraged you talk to others. No need to provide all the details, just talk about what you are feeling. Rejection is difficult to manage from the age at which we first become aware of it. Dealing with it & putting in perspective is therapeutic & healing experience. Best of luck.

[+ Pensant]

It’s hard to add to the already excellent comments here, except to say again that sticking with regulars has largely served me very well. The sex keeps getting better and more adventurous, and the personal time as well. But, these experiences are rare. When I decide to add a new provider to the roster, it’s usually a dice throw, but I never would’ve met my regulars had I not taken that plunge. I consider the “meh” experiences to be an unfortunate part of the hobby.

[DallasClient]

And don't be so hard on yourself. You had a twink over who wanted to play around with guys his own age. Not too uncommon but it sounds like you were too nice in allowing him to indulge it knowing you were probably not going to be able to perform even if they let you join in. When you're feeling it, get a local guy for an hour, and have fun. Most escorts know that an hourly visit is for YOU not to satisfy their needs and if they are a good one, they will. Out of about a hundred or so, I have had a handful of hourly guys that I couldn't get it up. I ask to give a bj and have them blow their load all over me. Sometimes, that does the trick and will do it for me. Our bodies have a mind of their own sometimes, don't let it bother you. Chalk it up to a lesson learned and soon, have a new guy over! Cheers.

[Dtxstudfinder]

It’s hard to add to the already excellent comments here, except to say again that sticking with regulars has largely served me very well. The sex keeps getting better and more adventurous, and the personal time as well. But, these experiences are rare. When I decide to add a new provider to the roster, it’s usually a dice throw, but I never would’ve met my regulars had I not taken that plunge. I consider the “meh” experiences to be an unfortunate part of the hobby.

 

Thank you. I haven't really had any bad experiences and I need to remember the "meh" experiences are just a part of it. I have removed this guy from my contacts. I do have 4 guys I met on Grindr (that agreed to meet a gen guy) and have been really nice. I'll stick with them and maybe an hourly Rent Men guy once in a while. I can't be with a guy that has needs again 2 hours later.

[30somethingsexybear]

I'll say it again, you guys are great. I'm thinking he contacted me and offered such a low rate for 3 days because he planned on doing his own thing. Had I known about that in the beginning, I could been better prepared for it but still wouldn't allow a bunch of twinks in my house. Two-night overnights are really too much time outside of sex and they just become annoying people anyway. Knowing I'm a once-a-day sex guy also lets me know my expectations. I feel better, won't let this guy talk me into coming back again, and I know more about my expectations to convey to the guy.

 

I'm really glad you are feeling better and I love all the responses here! The community really coming together! Being with a partner for 25 years and losing them is just a pain I cannot begin to imagine the loss, and I would ask if you feel you have mourned for them in a way you feel is sufficient? This "slutty" phase that you referred to earlier seems like an avoidance of sorts as well as a protective husk in a way. If you feel you can please a younger man in the prime of life (physically anyway) and feel they care for you then it eases the pain of loss as you have something new and shiny to look forward to.

 

I agree with the other posters that maybe doing more of a one hour - 3 hour stint of time, so you can enjoy yourself and feel some connection but not feel like a father figure making sure to take care of everything for your young charge.

This escort took advantage of your situation but in his head I can imagine him thinking that it's a win/ win for everyone! You get to spend time with him and have sex when you want at a discount, he gets a vacay and make some money on top of it and he gets to enjoy your lovely home to have even more destination sex. What someone that young may not understand however is that their beauty and prowess (sexual or otherwise) is not proportional to what they are taking from you.

 

I don't think this guy is a bad guy necessarily but he definitely did not take all of your feelings and needs into account. I'd also recommend going with an older escort next time as well. The difference between 18-23 and 28-33 emotionally is Gigantic but not much is lost in terms of looks etc. Most of the older escorts have better bodies also as they've been working on them longer and understand their career/ job at this point.

Best of luck to you and feel free to directly message me if you feel like you want to talk to someone.

[Dtxstudfinder]

Thanks @30somethingsexybear you got it exactly. We could have used more conversation in the beginning to set each others expectations. He isn't a bad guy, it's just he wanted more and I couldn't be enough and didn't realize it. Just made me feel inadequate, I wasn't for the guys coming over, I just thought it would be nice for him and yeah I wanted to join in but I knew my body was done for the day. Three days of it were just more than I expected and had never done that long. I wasn't getting any sleep which exacerbated everything for me. I'm glad to have everyone's insight and advice. Life goes on, this isn't the worst thing to ever happen to me.

[Guest]

Personally I have learned to think of escorts/masseurs as business arrangements, not friends.

 

And they can sometimes be friendly providers, but it is just part of the hustle.

[jjkrkwood]

Thank you. I haven't really had any bad experiences and I need to remember the "meh" experiences are just a part of it. I have removed this guy from my contacts. I do have 4 guys I met on Grindr (that agreed to meet a gen guy) and have been really nice. I'll stick with them and maybe an hourly Rent Men guy once in a while. I can't be with a guy that has needs again 2 hours later.

 

Free sex is a different ballgame, But remember, when you hire and pay, its ALL about YOUR needs, and any good, honorable escort would probably agree ?

[+ Eric Hassan]

Actually, I think a major part of your problem is with the escort you hired for the overnights. Part of his job is to please YOU and make you feel like you were enough for him sexually. If you had sex with him and you finished (or not), he should not be like "hey can I have some twinks over so I can get off again?"

 

He needs to do that shit on his own time at his own house.

 

AMEN.

 

A good escort is focused on you and your experience and would have made sure you knew that. I understand you might have agreed to app cruising but when it got nasty, that was his chance to show you what you paid for. That's not on you, dude.

[Jaguar1]

I'm sorry that you encountered such rude individuals. My partner of forty years is still a very handsome man. I was never handsome. When we go to bars (rarely), he still gets hit on. People ask if we ever play separately. That question is always directed to him, not to me. He always replies that we play only with each other, and we often hear,"That's too bad."Even when we're holding hands, 20 somethings hit on him. I've learned to enjoy seeing the disappointment on their faces.

[caliguy]

when it got nasty, that was his chance to show you what you paid for. That's not on you, dude.

What is it that the kid did that was wrong since they both wanted the same thing at first? Hot twenty somethings filling his bedroom. I think it was naive on both of them to think that it was a good idea but it takes two to tango.

[Dtxstudfinder]

What is it that the kid did that was wrong since they both wanted the same thing at first? Hot twenty somethings filling his bedroom. I think it was naive on both of them to think that it was a good idea but it takes two to tango.

 

You're right, there is blame on both sides. He took care of my needs and while still in bed he was on Grindr. I wasn't asking for more, I know my limits and we both knew I was done for the day. Since he gave me a discount I felt like he could do his own thing too. When the group found out I was going to be around and I saw the hateful comments, yeah I felt bad for several reasons, my body not being able to perform again and the things they said got to me, and my escort disappointed because he wanted more guys made feel even more inadequate. So yeah, not all on him, I am definitely disappointed with myself though. I'm learning.

[Dtxstudfinder]

Here's how it went:

Day 1: arrives, he showers, we have awesome sex. 2 hours later wants to go again and I say I can't. I use a toy on him. 3 hours later he has met a twink on grinder. Asks if he can come over, I say no. He asks if I can get hard, I say unfortunately no. He asks to go on a run and possibly hook up with the guy. I say ok I want to nap. He comes back to tell me it was a group of guys and a lot of fun. Good for him. He wants to know if we can go to the baths - I explain that its during the week I'll be the spring chicken there and not in the mood to watch him get tons of attention.

 

Day 2; I'm able to go with morning wood thank god. We eat breakfast and do a few tourist things he wanted to do. A few hours later we take a nap - he gets on grindr and finds several guys who open a group chat. They are all gung ho and horny and want to come over. I say not sure about it do they even know about me? He sends my pic. comments come in "can he leave for a few hours", "he's gross", "not into old dudes" "count me out", "he can watch but can't touch", "can we chip in and get a hotel" etc.. I tell him no way can they come over. If he wants to renegotiate the rate and get a hotel, he can do whatever he wants with as many guys as he wants and he can leave for the airport from, there. He said no he needed the money. I said do that stuff when you get home - he said he doesn't "crap in his own backyard". Yeah I wish I hadn't seen the texts, wish I could perform, wish I could have been enough for him, I went from a high with him to a bad low where everything hit me at once. I'm old, undesirable, attracted to young jocks.

 

Day 3: his flight was late afternoon, I asked him to change it to a morning flight and he did.

 

How could this have been a perfect visit? I could get hard at any time and satisfy him or at lest he could have given me the impression I satisfied him. Part of what gets me off is pleasing someone else. What disapoints me is doing all i can and it not being enough. I didn't want group sex, I know my limits. I'm a top this guy is a bottom. And I didn't want to watch Claws reruns while a sexfest was going on my room with the door shut just to make him happy.

 

I had waves of emotion and came here - the only place I can talk about it. I do thank everyone for candid remarks. I am learning and need to deal with the emotional aftereffects sometimes. Hourly visits have left me feeling great for the most part. I don't want a relationship, escort friends, just a good time where someone treats me like I was an awesome top and then leave.