How (and how often) do you need to “retire/take a break” from the biz?

[Mocha]

I ask because I’ve been toying with it for a few days, and decided today to turn my availability off on Rentmen/masseur for the next 3 days. I know that’s not real long, but I need to start somewhere.

 

I’m at my wits end, probably facing a bit of burn out. My issue is not with sex or clients, because I’m regularly horny and ready for sex on the daily...plus my sex drive seems to have gone up lately (part of why it’s hard to tune out). My issue is the TEXTS, as I discussed in another thread.

 

These past few weeks have been building up frustration. I’m tired of people texting me round the clock, yet out of every 3 to 6 messages (depending what city I’m in), only 1 turns into actual meeting. I understand if that’s “how it goes”, but it has to be considered that on average, it takes anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour before one really knows whether a client is actually going to go thru. Even some of the ones who seem as if they are ready to meet “today”, still end up taking that long by the time of exchanges, breaks and pauses, sorting logistics, etc.

 

I tell guys, I don’t get paid to bullshit on the phone, text them, and they go around play this duck duck goose game with me. I got into a heated altercation with someone today over text. He disturbed my evening meditation last night, sending me texts 1 by 1 in rapid succession (which makes my ringtone go off each time), his picture, making me think he was all for a session, only to abruptly end the exchange after he asked if I “party” (which usually indicates various street drugs, the same kind that one Black Hollywood kid died, fooling with some druggie client). I said beyond poppers and wine, I DON’T parTy.

 

I was already not in a good mood to begin with. I told him how I deal with dimwits like him, and if you aren’t contacting for a session, leave me the F alone! He got all rude and nasty, left voicemail trying to intimidate me saying he’s going to “take me down” and “send me to jail”. And this is someone who contacted me from Rentmen. Cute.

 

I made a suggestion to rentmen, that if they can’t encourage clients to contribute money for our private pics, perhaps they can encourage them to contribute for each time they click on our phone number and “contact” us. Have them pay $1 or $2 to see each escort’s phone # before they contact. Maybe that’ll set the tone for people to take us seriously from the get go. They’re doing a lot to mitigate these things to begin with, but it’s not enough to only let registered members contact us. Many clients don’t have profiles on Rentmen, so there can be more done.

 

Until then, I’m limiting my accessibility, and have turned my work phone to “do not disturb”. I have personal responsibilities that I need to finish, and I can’t get anything done in my life when my phone is constantly getting bombarded by text teases wasting my time.

 

I just wonder, does anyone take “breaks” (referring to turning off work number and/or putting ad on unavailable) once a week, once a month, once a year?

Edited May 12, 2019 by Mocha

[+ OliverSaks]

Team #nodaysoff

[marylander1940]

I ask because I’ve been toying with it for a few days, and decided today to turn my availability off on Rentmen/masseur for the next 3 days. I know that’s not real long, but I need to start somewhere.

 

I’m at my wits end, probably facing a bit of burn out. My issue is not with sex or clients, because I’m regularly horny and ready for sex on the daily...plus my sex drive seems to have gone up lately (part of why it’s hard to tune out). My issue is the TEXTS, as I discussed in another thread.

 

These past few weeks have been building up frustration. I’m tired of people texting me round the clock, yet out of every 3 to 6 messages (depending what city I’m in), only 1 turns into actual meeting. I understand if that’s “how it goes”, but it has to be considered that on average, it takes anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour before one really knows whether a client is actually going to go thru. Even some of the ones who seem as if they are ready to meet “today”, still end up taking that long by the time of exchanges, breaks and pauses, sorting logistics, etc.

 

I tell guys, I don’t get paid to bullshit on the phone, text them, and they go around play this duck duck goose game with me. I got into a heated altercation with someone today over text. He disturbed my evening meditation last night, sending me texts 1 by 1 in rapid succession (which makes my ringtone go off each time), his picture, making me think he was all for a session, only to abruptly end the exchange after he asked if I “party” (which usually indicates various street drugs, the same kind that one Black Hollywood kid died, fooling with some druggie client). I said beyond poppers and wine, I DON’T parTy.

 

I was already not in a good mood to begin with. I told him how I deal with dimwits like him, and if you aren’t contacting for a session, leave me the F alone! He got all rude and nasty, left voicemail trying to intimidate me saying he’s going to “take me down” and “send me to jail”. And this is someone who contacted me from Rentmen. Cute.

 

I made a suggestion to rentmen, that if they can’t encourage clients to contribute money for our private pics, perhaps they can encourage them to contribute for each time they click on our phone number and “contact” us. Have them pay $1 or $2 to see each escort’s phone # before they contact. Maybe that’ll set the tone for people to take us seriously from the get go. They’re doing a lot to mitigate these things to begin with, but it’s not enough to only let registered members contact us. Many clients don’t have profiles on Rentmen, so there can be more done.

 

Until then, I’m limiting my accessibility, and have turned my work phone to “do not disturb”. I have personal responsibilities that I need to finish, and I can’t get anything done in my life when my phone is constantly getting bombarded by text teases wasting my time.

 

I just wonder, does anyone take “breaks” (referring to turning off work number and/or putting ad on unavailable) once a week, once a month, once a year?

 

I know many escorts who retired for good.... and came back later at least twice. Andrew Justice, Sean Xavier, etc... I even joked saying I would hire Sean after his next retirement.

 

If you like the lifestyle take a break or even better let clients give you a break when you go without a call for a couple of days or more, in the meantime hit the gym and do your own thing.

 

Btw in such a competitive market escorting has become a part time job.

[Guest Grey Bear]

Here's an idea. Don't accept texts.Nitwits can inundate you over and over. Have the first contact be email ONLY. You can usually gauge from that whether you have a serious client or just an asshole. If you get a one line email "How much?" Delete it.

As a client I always make email contact,tell them EXACTLY who I am and then what I'm looking for.If clients aren't willing to do that F 'em

[+ Pensant]

Here's an idea. Don't accept texts.Nitwits can inundate you over and over. Have the first contact be email ONLY. You can usually gauge from that whether you have a serious client or just an asshole. If you get a one line email "How much?" Delete it.

As a client I always make email contact,tell them EXACTLY who I am and then what I'm looking for.If clients aren't willing to do that F 'em

Unfortunately, clients, like providers, rarely use email anymore.

[bendable2019]

Block them and they’ll leave you alone.

[cany10011]

Sometimes, the escort selection in nyc is a little underwhelming and i hate to spend money on mediocre experiences. would rather go out for a nice Kaiseki dinner. So i don’t mind “retiring” from hiring for a while until fresh meat arrives.

[Mocha]

Here's an idea. Don't accept texts.Nitwits can inundate you over and over. Have the first contact be email ONLY. You can usually gauge from that whether you have a serious client or just an asshole. If you get a one line email "How much?" Delete it.

As a client I always make email contact,tell them EXACTLY who I am and then what I'm looking for.If clients aren't willing to do that F 'em

 

That could become a possibility at some point as well, but the drawback with email is...if a client is looking to meet “today”, using rentmen email can be a bit too slow. So I try to discourage people from using it for same day appointments, but it’s okay if it’s something in advance. Especially if the client has a profile on rentmen with their pic, makes it all the more personable.

 

Thing is too, I don’t mind texts (when they’re legit and not jive). And when I’m around family...I can’t really take calls, also don’t like to be caught “off guard” with phone calls either. I could be doing something very un-escort-like (I have a side hobby as car doctor, and I don’t like answering my phone and getting sidetracked when I’m in the middle of a possibly oily and sticky task...and not like those dungeon porn videos that some people think they’re using used motor oil as ass lube), and my sexy voice may not come thru at that very moment.

[Mocha]

Team #nodaysoff

 

I’ve decided to start taking days off. I actually felt good not being available these past couple days. Let people know, I’m not available round the clock to text them back and forth.

 

The ones that have been really irking me lately, are the ones who contact me...then flake out by being all apologetic. Case in point:

 

Sorry, I'm not gonna be ready. We should have texted sooner. Sorry. Not trying to waste your time. Apologies

 

A Denver judge once said, when you say sorry/apologize, you sound guilty. That mother foe was guilty AF.

 

Yet this MOFO was trying to waste my time. I have on my ad to text me for same day visits. Being his pigheaded self, he ignored the instructions. 1st he told me he could get to my hotel in 30 minutes. Then asked if I had availability “tomorrow”. Then never bothered to follow back up the next day.

 

Ironically this was someone from A4A, which isn’t out of the ordinary for that site, but when push comes to shove...most of the nitwits are coming off the rentmen is sites versus a4a. Majority of the texts I get from A4A, lead to appointment. Majority of the texts from RentMasseur don’t, only a portion from Rentmen does.

 

I’ve even handed out my business cards to random guys I’ve met out in social settings. Even those guys don’t text me to waste my time. So why in the hell does so many come from Rentmen?

 

That’s why I’m saying Rentmen need to recognize their part for some of this bullshit. Every since they took off rates, it’s caused a Pandora’s box of BULL to be contended upon us. I don’t know who some of these people contacting us are. Some probably don’t think we are for hire, some think they probably get to text to us for free because our numbers are up, some don’t know who charges what...it’s a mess.

 

They are trying to be so safe...that they’ve deviated from the whole purpose of the site. If I don’t have this issue when giving my number out on my biz card or on adam4adam, why is it so prevalent on RentMen.

 

My question is, these people who are finding rentmen for the first time...what is their initial search for, escorts or porn videos?

Edited May 14, 2019 by Mocha

[Mocha]

Sometimes, the escort selection in nyc is a little underwhelming and i hate to spend money on mediocre experiences. would rather go out for a nice Kaiseki dinner. So i don’t mind “retiring” from hiring for a while until fresh meat arrives.

 

I’m not in the position to “retire” at this point, but I think I will pay more mind to turning on “not available” and “do not disturb” during the times of day/week when I’m not in the position to take text messages.

 

I may even need to resort to posting a message that I’ll only answer texts/calls between certain times. Any other time, phone goes off, email me instead...and that’s checked once a day also. I can’t be bothered round the clock.

 

But sometimes even when I’m in the position to texts, I can’t deal with the ones who don’t bother to read (or choose to ignore) that I have a 2 hour minimum notice or that I cannot host without a full day of notice when I’m in at “home base”.

 

I also get annoyed when trying to plan something with a client via text, they seem sooooooo unavailable. One return client of mine got on my last nerve because one minute he had to end the text abruptly because his wife walked in. Then he could only meet between noon and 2, said no other time would work. I cancelled him. but then he changed it to he could meet at 6 pm the next day after all (the time that would work for me). We finally met, but all the run around beforehand made me think we’d not end up meeting.

 

That’s the thing. Some of these RentMen clients need to get out of their heads that we are here to prance around their schedule. It don’t work like that. If they are so busy that they can only meet when I have to drop everything, go without eating, scramble around like an egg, that comes off unappreciative and views me as a servant, not the adult male relaxation consultant that I am ?

Edited May 14, 2019 by Mocha

[+ HarryReems4U]

I think a lot of people would prefer to call the shots in their jobs.

 

Speaking as a Buddhist, I think you should do this according to your own rhythm. There is nothing wrong with taking some time off. And I really hope that this is not a situation where you wait by the phone hoping someone alls. But I agree that you should not have to "drop everything, go without eating, scramble around like an egg," etc. and be viewed "as a servant."

 

If they want someone who will slavishly please them at the drop of a hat, they need to go by a poodle.

 

Or a labrador retriever.

[+ HarryReems4U]

Sorry. I meant to type that they "need to go BUY a poodle."

[Mocha]

I think a lot of people would prefer to call the shots in their jobs.

 

Speaking as a Buddhist, I think you should do this according to your own rhythm. There is nothing wrong with taking some time off. And I really hope that this is not a situation where you wait by the phone hoping someone alls. But I agree that you should not have to "drop everything, go without eating, scramble around like an egg," etc. and be viewed "as a servant."

 

If they want someone who will slavishly please them at the drop of a hat, they need to go by a poodle.

 

Or a labrador retriever.

 

That is true. I just have to also learn what my rhythm is. I don’t mind being available anytime, but also some of it is due to logistics. I’m not in close proximity to the city at the moment. The other week, I was able to catch a last minute client in the city (and ended up in a hot session at midtowne spa...people were watching like we were doing a porno).

 

However, I’m not always in close proximity to the city, and when I’m at home base, it’s a logistical nightmare trying to get to the city (I’m effectively seeking to relocate to a more permanent city situation ASAP).

 

But that’s the thing too. Many of these texting clients need to understand: they don’t know what on earth a provider may be doing when they call. It should never be assumed that a provider can just jump up and see you, at a time YOU name. Some clients name a time, without much notice, and expect us to be there. Then, when trying to arrange something more convenient, they can’t do it.

 

There’s one guy in particular who did that to me twice. The first time I went out of my way, dropped what I was doing, and met him short notice. I was inconvenienced, but didn’t mind because I wanted to accommodate.

 

The second time, he did it again. Saying “by chance if you’re available”. I had just got back into town the night before, having drove 3 days from Florida. I asked if he could do 1 hour later than the time he requested. He says it’d be too late, but he may could do Thursday.

 

I text him Wednesday to reconfirm. No response. Thursday, he says he can’t do it, he’s going to Chicago that weekend. I let his ass HAVE IT. And not in the way he wanted to have it. I told him, “you wanted me twice to interrupt what I was doing for you, but you can’t be bothered to go 1 inch out of your way for me. Just send me my cancellation fee then.”

 

Never heard from him again, and don’t care to either. Irritatingly thinking the world and all its sex workers revolve around him. Those type of people I can only deal with when I’m sitting in an apartment with nothing better to do. I can’t rely on them when I come to visit because they just aren’t dependable for anything beyond “right now”.

[+ HarryReems4U]

When you constantly have to live by everyone's whims, you grow old really quick. That is why people I know who have worked in the restaurant industry tell me that when you are forced to live like that, you grow old really quick. This is why in the musical, "Once Upon a Mattress," the queen admonishes her son who has just fallen for a princess that "swam across the moat" to get to the castle. The queen says, "Why, she's as vulgar as a scullery maid." (A scullery is the kitchen on a ship, and even today, ship employees work EVERY DAY. No Days Off Whatsoever. Unless they are in port.) Moreover, the word "scullion" is someone who works in a ship's kitchen. It also has the meaning of a servant who is assigned the most menial tasks, or a "low, contemptible person."

 

My point is that if you were some sort of street hustler who sucked men's dicks for $20 a pop, you would act like a scullion too.

 

But you're not. Maybe an escort's job description is similar, but an escort is generally at least "middle-class." And you are offering a more refined type of experience that requires a lot more savoir-faire. You need to be able to go into a five-star hotel and know how to dress and act professionally in order not to attract negative attention. You need to know how which fork to use, etc. so that you don't appear trashy and ill-bred. Some acting ability would certainly help if you do role play, and actors are not stupid; they need to have a literary sense and be able to read well. Good escorts also need social breadth and perceptivity and so many other things.

 

But unfortunately, you are also black, and to me, this is another example of the politics of sexuality. I may be wrong, but it seems that black escorts often have to charge less than their white counterparts for the same services, thus opening the doors to less desirable clientele, many of whom probably assume that there are no classy, elegant black escorts out there but only black thuggish types. I hope you remind your potential clientele that you are not merely a $20 whore offering a sexual service, but an escort (even though I also believe that there are many escorts out there charging much more money than they are worth).

 

But based on your ability to write actual paragraphs and string them together in a coherent manner, thus making your point, I have to assume that you have a lot of the intelligence and other qualities that a high-class escort needs.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Unfortunately, clients, like providers, rarely use email anymore.

 

I disagree. I've never posted my contact number on the web and email has served me very, very well.

 

If people really want to see you, they'll make contact with whichever way you offer. Email is far from antiquated.

Edited May 15, 2019 by Benjamin_Nicholas

[Mocha]

@HarryReems4U , several good points made. However, I won’t get too deep into the ethnic escort thing right now, as that’s gotten me in trouble before.

 

But I will say, there’s many variables at work. I don’t think anyone should “feel” like they have to charge less based on their race, and also one can easily squash stereotypes simply by the presentation on their ads. I can actually give someone thuggish or elegant if they wish. And still be paid equally the same. It’s really just a matter of asking and you shall receive.

 

With today’s no rates allowed on most sites and hookup apps dominating the way gay people meet for sex, anybody coming into the industry is going to have to strategize rates.

 

Otherwise...I’m at a point right now: I think I need a break from gay/gay men in general. Too much drama dealing with various gay men. I just had a “relationship” go south on me, not to mention the recent workflow issues I’ve been having. This has been the 3rd gay “friend” to create anxiety and negativity in my life in the past 30 DAYS. 1 happened to be a client I became friends with, who was just dramatic and switchy, he put that shit on me and had me all fucked up in the mood. I had to get away from him. I think I’m going to print what @Aaron_Bauder told me in the other thread about the 10 commandments of keeping sane in this biz lol.

 

Its just another reminder of how volatile the gay “scene” can be. Someone’s feelings always getting hurt, people always changing their hearts and minds. And it’s hard to distance away from it, because dealing with gay men is our jobs (although I have less drama sticking to clients versus miscellaneous) Unfortunately, I don’t have much social life outside of “gay dating” right now. Without having a good support system, the pressures of it all can send a person into a complete tailspin.

 

I think what I need is to refocus on getting set up in a new city, and getting the logistics together. I’m considering deleting social media and just cutting off anything that’s not conducive to getting things done. I’ve already told myself my next trip needs to have something to do with relocation.

Edited May 15, 2019 by Mocha

[+ 5280Dane]

In many of our corporate lives we have vacation or PTO. Recognize when you need a break and take it. Don’t be afraid to turn of your phone for a set period each day. If someone berates you for not contacting them immediately consider it a dodged bullet and block their entitled ass. Just a few thoughts to consider. For some the first few times hiring can be scary so it may take some time for those guys to come around. Your patience will most likely determine if you get their business or not. Secondly, for those that ask sincere questions, and are clear in their communication style, I would focus on them. I rarely have had to have a very long conversation before I was comfortable because I ask pinpointed questions. If the person becomes short or is obtuse with their answers I thank them and move on.

 

Just remember, you are responsible for your happiness, and only you can allow someone to get under your skin.

[hypothetically]

[Mocha]

In many of our corporate lives we have vacation or PTO. Recognize when you need a break and take it. Don’t be afraid to turn of your phone for a set period each day. If someone berates you for not contacting them immediately consider it a dodged bullet and block their entitled ass. Just a few thoughts to consider. For some the first few times hiring can be scary so it may take some time for those guys to come around. Your patience will most likely determine if you get their business or not. Secondly, for those that ask sincere questions, and are clear in their communication style, I would focus on them. I rarely have had to have a very long conversation before I was comfortable because I ask pinpointed questions. If the person becomes short or is obtuse with their answers I thank them and move on.

 

Just remember, you are responsible for your happiness, and only you can allow someone to get under your skin.

 

Thanks very much for the conclusion there.

 

Ultimately, I made a pact to start last week...to start taking small “breaks” here and there throughout the week. I realized I wasn’t really putting up the “not available” sign enough. Or I’d just casually let myself be “available” even though I wasn’t really available. And I still thank @Aaron_Bauder for giving me his take on things, that’s it’s okay to turn calls down and not be available round the clock.

 

But this past week, I’ve been practicing taking a whole day or 2 to be not available, and turn my ad number line on do not disturb. It’s definitely helped smooth things out a bit more. I can’t really afford to take a long break or “retire” (or even want to, shit I’ve had 4 stellar clients this weekend alone, 1 of whom I had to turn down due to weather).

 

So yeah, don’t get me wrong by any means. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. But, I just realized I needed to practice actually being “off” for a day (or even part of a day) and not just “off duty” like a police officer. I’m a male escort, not a member of the armed forces. They get privileges to do that, I don’t lol.

 

No responding to texts on my off day, no answering calls or emails. Maybe I’ll work on my ad and change my pics and such, but nothing that’s going to possibly stress me out.

 

 

...

 

 

Edited May 22, 2019 by Mocha

[+ HarryReems4U]

Mocha,

 

I think that is a good idea. Since I wrote last, I remember reading an article that porn star Chase Hunter gave shortly after he had started escorting. He said that he only sees one client per day. He also says that he sees, on average, 2-5 clients per week. He also described that 5 appointments in a week was a very big week. So, maybe taking 2-3 days off per week is good for you.

[Milo Farnsworth]

You can't take care of your clients, or anyone else, unless you take time for YOURSELF. I'm not an escory, but I am a big believer in downtime, recharge the batteries. You will be glad you did.

[Mocha]

Mocha,

 

I think that is a good idea. Since I wrote last, I remember reading an article that porn star Chase Hunter gave shortly after he had started escorting. He said that he only sees one client per day. He also says that he sees, on average, 2-5 clients per week. He also described that 5 appointments in a week was a very big week. So, maybe taking 2-3 days off per week is good for you.

 

Interesting...I’m kinda along the same workflow, 1 client a day when I’m home but can manage 2 or 3 when I’m out of town. I can manage 2 or 3 locally too, but the town I’m in, is a one a day type of place.

 

Unless I’m doing a project or making plans with people though, I always feel like I SHOULD be seeing clients if I’m not doing those things. I feel like there’s this pressure to always have a client, always be having sex and fucking. Some of the Social media aspect of sex work can make one feel like you have to keep a constant stream of sex and money going, otherwise you’re irrelevant.

Edited May 26, 2019 by Mocha