AVOIDING FLAKES/FAKES/CANCELLATIONS

[Golem]

Uh.

 

How in the world do you make the flying leap from "a no-show with bad communication" to "possibly on drugs"?

 

I get being annoyed, but there are tons of possible reasons why people might do this. Reporting what happened is helpful. Wild, pejorative speculation pulled out of thin air: not so helpful.

[sexymonk]

Not trying to top your story, but... I had scheduled a guy (also from Friendboy.pro) a few months ago in Indy. He sent text messages that he was on his way... "I'm about 10 minutes away"..... "I'm turning off Interstate"...... "I'm almost there." I went to the hotel lobby to meet him. Then...... the dreaded silence.

 

He sent me a text a couple of days later and said he had to drop off a friend and then had car trouble. No apology. He wanted to reschedule.

Nope.

This type of people are stupid and unsuccessful! I can tell you that when I met Peterhung he was punctual and still is. He gives you ample multiple notices if there is some delay. That is why he is so successful here. Sticking to time is commitment and something I learnt from him!

[sexymonk]

Right, you can't review no shows. One more value of this site is that we can share the stories and names here. Did I mention that this was my no show: https://rentmen.eu/dcstud And it was the same story. Texting exchange up to 30 min before date time, then...nothing. Drugs or ADD?

These days people are suffering from ADD, BD and what not mental disorder. It is not surprising about their behavior in this place!

[adventurous old guy]

Uh.

 

How in the world do you make the flying leap from "a no-show with bad communication" to "possibly on drugs"?

 

I get being annoyed, but there are tons of possible reasons why people might do this. Reporting what happened is helpful. Wild, pejorative speculation pulled out of thin air: not so helpful.

 

In making that comment I am trying to understand behavior that is disrespectful and causes distress. When he didn't show, my first thought was "OMG, something bad must have happened to him." That worry intensified when he didn't respond to two texts asking if he was OK. He was back online the next day so whatever happened he survived and made the decision not to return the texts of someone worried about him.

 

So I respectfully disagree -- there are not "tons of reasons" that explain treating people badly, more like three or four. In wondering why people do such things, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that it might be a behavioral health or substance use issue. Because the alternative is that he's a rude jerk or, just maybe, too ashamed of an isolated episode of disrespectful behavior to have the wherewithal to text an apology. Bottom line, It's not a "flying leap" at all to think there is something else going on with people who abruptly cut off all communication. At least, that's what I think.

Edited May 2, 2019 by adventurous old guy

[+ Pensant]

I recently had a provider cancel because of a dental emergency! It was a rapid onset around 8:30 pm. I just shrugged it off since it left me more juice for my beloved regular!

[tenderloin]

Uh.

 

How in the world do you make the flying leap from "a no-show with bad communication" to "possibly on drugs"?

 

I get being annoyed, but there are tons of possible reasons why people might do this. Reporting what happened is helpful. Wild, pejorative speculation pulled out of thin air: not so helpful.

 

Let me help you understand the "leap": When there is no excuse proffered, however lame (my sister is dying, I broke my leg on the way over....) and the person is leading you on (I am just around the corner....be there in ten minutes...I am in the lobby) and then doesn't show up and ghosts you, it suggests significant animus/anger. So, the logical person says to himself, "did I do anything to cause offense? Did I insult or haggle or annoy?" So then you look through the correspondence for any spot where things could have been misinterpreted, and it all appears pretty straightforward: inquiry, agreement on services and price, agreement on location and time. Nothing to indicate that one of the parties is evidently angry enough to lie and manipulate the other. Even if the guy just changed his mind and didn't feel up to it, why the charade with the pending arrival? To me, this speaks of some form of emotional immaturity/instability, that may or may not be connected to substance abuse.

 

If you have a more plausible explanation, I am all ears. And I am happy to post the email chain from the most recent incident if it would help.

Edited May 2, 2019 by tenderloin

[Golem]

Respectfully, you guys are trying to read minds. You simply don't know what's behind the flaking. Let me be very clear, I'm not defending the flaking behavior. But despite a total lack of information, you have concluded that the only options are:

 

* drugs

* a psychiatric diagnosis

* an unspecified character flaw with value judgment attached ("immaturity")

 

I'm not trying to find a potential excuse for the flaking behavior. I'm just saying there are lots of other reasons people flake. They aren't good reasons to flake, but they aren't necessarily so personally damning of someone's character.

 

"Ghosting" -- from someone you've never met -- does not suggest "significant animus/anger." You're taking that way too personally. I mean, come on, we've all used hookup apps in our time. We've all had someone vanish on us after we started making plans to meet. It's not because they hate you, it's because they don't know you, they don't really care about you, and a better opportunity came along.

 

Is it nice to just vanish? No. Is it good practice for one's reputation? Of course not. But it might just be a cold hard calculation about the best use of their time. I may not agree with the math -- it doesn't take long to send one text that says "Sorry, something came up, I have to cancel." But this really is how a lot of people think. Again: see Manhunt. The fact that the person you are talking to was talking to you in the first place to make money, rather than out of pleasure, only makes this more likely.

 

If I were going to read minds in a similar way, I might say that the only possible reason your conclusions are limited to personally damning ones are because you're needy and have poor boundaries, or you are clueless as to how human interactions work. IMPORTANT NOTE: I do not actually think these things And there isn't any real evidence to suggest them -- just a super speculative interpretation of the circumstances that ends up being more judgmental than insightful. See what I mean?

[tenderloin]

Respectfully, you guys are trying to read minds. You simply don't know what's behind the flaking. Let me be very clear, I'm not defending the flaking behavior. But despite a total lack of information, you have concluded that the only options are:

 

* drugs

* a psychiatric diagnosis

* an unspecified character flaw with value judgment attached ("immaturity")

 

I'm not trying to find a potential excuse for the flaking behavior. I'm just saying there are lots of other reasons people flake. They aren't good reasons to flake, but they aren't necessarily so personally damning of someone's character.

 

"Ghosting" -- from someone you've never met -- does not suggest "significant animus/anger." You're taking that way too personally. I mean, come on, we've all used hookup apps in our time. We've all had someone vanish on us after we started making plans to meet. It's not because they hate you, it's because they don't know you, they don't really care about you, and a better opportunity came along.

 

Is it nice to just vanish? No. Is it good practice for one's reputation? Of course not. But it might just be a cold hard calculation about the best use of their time. I may not agree with the math -- it doesn't take long to send one text that says "Sorry, something came up, I have to cancel." But this really is how a lot of people think. Again: see Manhunt. The fact that the person you are talking to was talking to you in the first place to make money, rather than out of pleasure, only makes this more likely.

 

If I were going to read minds in a similar way, I might say that the only possible reason your conclusions are limited to personally damning ones are because you're needy and have poor boundaries, or you are clueless as to how human interactions work. IMPORTANT NOTE: I do not actually think these things And there isn't any real evidence to suggest them -- just a super speculative interpretation of the circumstances that ends up being more judgmental than insightful. See what I mean?

 

Sorry, not buying it. You attempt to offer a lengthy excuse for what are simply immature, unreasonable actions. My comments are not "super-speculative" They are reasonable assumptions based on available evidence.

 

What you don't seem to understand is that it's not just ghosting. That is bad enough, but sadly part of our culture now. It is the intentional misleading of a client clearly designed to cause annoyance and inconvenience (in my case, I said "thanks but no thanks" to two other providers once I had reached agreement with the one in question. By the time the charade was exposed, it was too late to go back to the others). To what end? What is the motivation to make an extra effort just to annoy? You may like being a defense attorney for assholes, but there is no other way that the person's actions can be explained.

 

if you disagree, then give me a plausible alternative, don't just say "there are lots of them." Why would a person lead a client on, send communications leading the person to believe that he was just moments away, and then not show, not respond to further emails or texts, and never offer any explanation?

 

[adventurous old guy]

Don't think we're going to agree here. So, getting back on track...

 

Alex the OP, I'm sorry you had that experience. As you can see, many here empathize. And I think you've earned some new friends and admirers. Let's all go out today and treat others the way we'd like to be treated.

Edited May 2, 2019 by adventurous old guy

[+ Tygerscent]

You can try ask for a "booking fee" by PayPal or Venmo. A few months ago someone mentioned an escort who would only take appointments that way and several posters on here were outraged by his "demand".

 

I know an escort who had 6 cancellations in St. Louis in one trip, put the city on hold, got back there a year later and had a great time.

 

Some escorts only travel to a city if they have an "anchor" someone who will pay for their flight and/or commit to see them for couple of hours or an overnight.

 

Thank you for sharing this with us! You're not alone! Escorts deal with flaky guys al the time, unfortunately it's a big part of the business just like it is in all activities.

Some cities are reputedly super flaky: Seattle, WA is like that~

I live in the northwest but, in reality, am rarely home to work there~ Most of the time, I do incalls there and have a regular Client base I’ve built up over time.

I've heard from other Escorts though that Clients constantly cancel there and apparently a few other cities are like that too w/ the trend seeming to indicate cities with high drug use: St Louise, SF, Seattle~

Some Clients have a notorious reputation for canceling~ Word travels fast between Escorts~

If an Escort is a no show... Word travels fast also...

For either: it’s self defeating...

Edited May 2, 2019 by Tygerscent

[+ Tygerscent]

Even very small deposits have a different drawback: most clients don't want to be linkable by a recorded financial transaction, for obvious reasons. In theory there are ways around this, but they get complicated.

 

I suppose part of the answer has to be to develop a good flakedar...

It’s interesting though how many clients actually want to pay by credit card, Square Cash, other bank transfer methods…

[tarquinius]

Just got back from St. Louis. Great trip but had 3 cancellations all in a row one day which hurt big time. I was naive in rescheduling one dude who canceled on me last time I was in St. Louis because I believe in What am I doing wrong in confirming? Has anyone asked for a small deposit to secure a spot on an escorts calendar? Open to ideas. Not sure why some guys like to waste time.

 

Sorry this happens to you. From the client standpoint, it happens to us too. Many escorts are totally flaky, many of the ads are fake, or the guy changes his mind or gets a better offer. So while I sympathize with the escorts whose clients cancel frequently, it cuts both ways as clients experience exactly the same frustrations. It's just part of the biz unfortunately.

[Golem]

if you disagree, then give me a plausible alternative, don't just say "there are lots of them." Why would a person lead a client on, send communications leading the person to believe that he was just moments away, and then not show, not respond to further emails or texts, and never offer any explanation?

 

Dude, I did. See "it's because they don't know you, they don't really care about you, and a better opportunity came along" and the two surrounding paragraphs.

[marylander1940]

Sorry this happens to you. From the client standpoint, it happens to us too. Many escorts are totally flaky, many of the ads are fake, or the guy changes his mind or gets a better offer. So while I sympathize with the escorts whose clients cancel frequently, it cuts both ways as clients experience exactly the same frustrations. It's just part of the biz unfortunately.

 

yes, but as annoying as it is when an escort flakes, we are not making a living out of this activity. We don't lose money or potential earnings but they do.

[tenderloin]

Dude, I did. See "it's because they don't know you, they don't really care about you, and a better opportunity came along" and the two surrounding paragraphs.

That you don't consider such an attitude a character flaw or immaturity speaks volumes about you

[tenderloin]

yes, but as annoying as it is when an escort flakes, we are not making a living out of this activity. We don't lose money or potential earnings but they do.

Not true. We rent hotel rooms, take time off of work, re-arrange schedules and turn down other opportunities in order to have time to pursue this hobby. When a provider flakes, you can't just sent a text and have another in his place in 20 minutes.

[marylander1940]

Not true. We rent hotel rooms, take time off of work, re-arrange schedules and turn down other opportunities in order to have time to pursue this hobby. When a provider flakes, you can't just sent a text and have another in his place in 20 minutes.

 

Wait a minute... Renting a hotel room to have an escort come over? What about a businessman visiting from out of town? Maybe his company is paying their room. Taking time from work? Maybe for a nooner.

 

In any big city you can have someone at your home/ hotel or you can be in his place within 30 minutes.

[marylander1940]

That you don't consider such an attitude a character flaw or immaturity speaks volumes about you

 

“My word is my bond”

 

Please let’s don’t get personal on these subjects no need to say that about @Golem

[Golem]

I don't support that attitude. I guess I just don't feel as much of a need to judge other people when I don't know what all their circumstances are. "For even the very wise cannot see all ends," etc. Peace out.

[LaffingBear]

We have a bunch of overnight psychologists up in this here thread.

Just in this here thread?

[down_to_business]

Sorry this happens to you. From the client standpoint, it happens to us too. Many escorts are totally flaky, many of the ads are fake, or the guy changes his mind or gets a better offer. So while I sympathize with the escorts whose clients cancel frequently, it cuts both ways as clients experience exactly the same frustrations. It's just part of the biz unfortunately.

 

I strongly agree with the sentiment. I also find it very frustrating that the vocal majority here seems to advocate that clients flaking on escorts is unacceptable and escorts flaking on clients is perfectly acceptable. Flaking by either side is totally unacceptable. Until their is mutual respect of both client and escort time, both will suffer.

 

I also strongly disagree that there is no personal loss to a client for escort flaking. My time is valuable too.. but I will echo monetary "damages" have been incurred from lost prepaid airfare, non-refundable hotel booked, tours and event tickets that are non-refundable and non-transferable. It has gotten so bad that I no longer book overnights, weekends, vacations at all --only single hour bookings. My last booking (one hour), resulted in a no call, no show despite the escort confirming our appointment the night before. While I didn't lose any money on this one, I lost a precious day off and had to physically wait at our agreed upon place for 30 minutes until I finally decided I had had enough and went back home.

 

So to the OP, I am sorry you are having to deal with flakes. Both you and your time should be respected. To the others, please stop perpetuating the bullshit that its perfectly acceptable for an escort to flake on their clients. It most certainly is not!

[Golem]

I also find it very frustrating that the vocal majority here seems to advocate that [...] escorts flaking on clients is perfectly acceptable.

Where did anybody say that?

 

There's a real conflation of arguments going on here.

[ncc1701d]

Agree about escort flaking on clients is also not good. Been having quite a few, including one well reviewed one with track record for a 1/2 day appointment (so good fee to be had) where he texted a few hours before start time that he's not feeling well, and need to cancel but promised to circle back once feeling better and even offered a discount. Since we've met before I took his word at face value. Well fast forward 6 MONTHS later and still no call/texts/emails. And he's alive and well and posting on his blog ! This is someone that I thought had a good rapport with as I've seen him twice before that. While I didn't lose $ I certainly loss time as I rearranged a bunch of things to free up the day to see him, and my time is valuable to me.

[+ 5280Dane]

I have seen an uptick in deposit demands lately, and particularly from new escorts. As a client, I will never pay a deposit for someone without a solid reputation. That said, I’m a paying member of RM too and that should say something about my trustworthiness as a provider can easily seek feedback from others I’ve reviewed from the site. I would consider paying a deposit for someone solid, but wouldn’t like it much. If I cancel and try to rebook, a deposit request is fair. I have had to cancel due to events outside of my control, life does happen, and Ive had others cancel legitimately on me too. And yes, I’ve had flakes, but rarely on RM. End of day, those with integrity end up having the best time. I think there are some good ideas on here to use as a checklist to see if a deposit request is warranted or not. There are still plenty of ways to move money and limit where such information is stored. Easy way is transfer money to PayPal or cash app and pay that way. Then bank statement only shows money going to that app, not to whom. Verifying mobile numbers is a great idea, and if they are a member here or on RM, look for interactions like reviews to see if you can verify legitimacy. Probably too much effort for an hour booking, but for travel overnight it might be wise.

[+ bashful]

In any big city you can have someone at your home/ hotel or you can be in his place within 30 minutes.

 

Ha. Try getting to his place in downtown Chicago from a close in suburb on a Friday afternoon/early evening in 30 minutes. Never gonna happen.